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The Growing Movement to Memorialize Queerness After Death


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I thought it was simple and tasteful. The historical hypocrisy of the Catholic church on many social issues, continually finds them on the wrong side of history and hardly gives them the moral high-ground. I stand with Bourke and De Leon.


Several decades ago, I belonged to a gay ski club. Quite unexpectedly one of our members, 23 years old at the time and one of my best friends, died on the operating table during what should have been a simple and routine operation. His family, ashamed of his sexuality, barred not only his live in boyfriend from the funeral, but refused to allow any of his friends to attend. Funerals are often as much for the living as they are for the dead. Many seek closure. We were hurt and disappointed.


His father, brothers and most of his family had refused to come to LA to bury him. When his mother arrived in LA from the mid-west with only her sister, four of us called and asked to see her. She was cautious, confrontational and angry, but agreed to the meeting. She was hurt and ashamed at the life her son had chosen, and she didn't understand any of it. Over the course of two hours we just sat and talked to her. We told her who we were, how we lived our lives, how much we loved and cared for her son, and that in reality, we were no different than anyone else in her life she knew. In the end, she not only consented to the boyfriend attending the funeral, but agreed to allow him to speak, and allowed ten of us from the club to attend also. When she gave the eulogy, she acknowledged us, and thanked each of us individually before we left. I put flowers on his grave every Sunday for ten years, until the week I left LA and moved east.


Baby steps...The world is changing.

Edited by bigvalboy

the greatest beauty is

Organic wholeness, the wholeness of life and things,

the divine beauty of the universe.

Love that, not man apart from that,

or else you will share man’s pitiful confusions,

or drown in despair when his days darken."


- Robinson Jeffers


B e l i e v e

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