Sexual orientation and sexual needs

[HotWhiteThirties]

I was actually basing my suggestion on my own experience of playing rugby. I found the intense contact and exhaustion seemed to quell my libido. I had much less sex when playing rugby than when I wasn't. And I wasn't getting erections on the pitch.

 

Very interesting perspective.

[Zapped]

I was actually basing my suggestion on my own experience of playing rugby. I found the intense contact and exhaustion seemed to quell my libido. I had much less sex when playing rugby than when I wasn't. And I wasn't getting erections on the pitch.

 

That's interesting.

 

For me, it's clear that the need for male bonding, including physical contact, and sex are distinct and intertwined. There's that joke that straight men go on a date to have sex, and gay men have sex to get a date. Working out with and around other guys and having straight and gay male friends that I'm open and physically affectionate with does fulfill a need that otherwise I might try to fulfill through a hookup. Took me a while to recognize that sometimes I was hooking up for needs other than hooking up.

 

When I watch wrestling, MMA, etc., it often turns me on and the physical contact is so much like sexual play that it's easy to project that it's sexual for the guys doing it. When we had a wrestling unit in middle school, I was deathly afraid I'd get an erection. But to my surprise it didn't feel sexual at all when we did it. it felt like fighting!

[rvwnsd]

There's nothing wrong with being selfish from time to time. In terms of being "dishonest," I'd say your were not being completely open and, at this point, I think you should remain being less than completely open for everyone's benefit. One of the things we tell guys in our coming out group is that the only person to whom you need to come out is you. Everyone else is optional. It is easy for others to label you as being "dishonest." I'll use the same label with them, as they do not acknowledge the consequences of being "honest."

 

I would have to disagree here. This would assume both that the other person does not suspect/know about what is going on and that what you are doing is for their benefit. ...

 

I couldn't agree with you more. When it involves another person you don't have the right to be dishonest so that you can have your cake and eat it too. You don't have the right to destroy other people's lives because you don't have the courage to be honest....

 

Are you suggesting [uSER=17596]@SimonL[/uSER], married (presumably to a woman) for 30 years with a family should tell his wife? Or were you speaking about @KyleS, to whom I stated:

 

...When it comes to dating, I feel that being honest relatively early is the best option. No, I don't think discussing your desire to be with bodybuilders is a first-date topic, but when things look like they are moving into "dating" territory that conversation should be had. ... If you think having a conversation with a potential girlfriend/wife is hard, think about how hard that conversation would be in twenty years when she is your wife and the mother of your kids...

 

...One of my nieces has just gone through the trauma of finding out that her husband was playing around with men on the side. I do have some sympathy for older guys who married young in an attempt to suppress their desire for men, but this little scumbag was only 25 years old when they married 5 years ago. There is no excuse in this day and age to go into a marriage with such an important secret.

 

Based on the context of the second part of your post (quoted directly above) I'm guessing you thought I was speaking to @KyleS when I said it is best to remain silent. I was speaking to [uSER=17596]@SimonL[/uSER] who, based on being married for 30 years, fits in the category of older guys who married young.

[BasketBaller]

I'm a straight woman, but maybe some of the men here who have been with both men and women, like @purplekow and @BasketBaller , can weigh in.

 

Like [uSER=5687]@Kyle5[/uSER], I enjoyed different things about men and women. I loved the soft feel of a woman's body against mine, I loved the sensation of insertion, and I loved to fuck, I couldn't get enough. Before my marriage that meant many partners, and after, I was fortunate that my wife and I had evenly matched libidos, we both wanted lots of sex. But while I acknowledged my attraction to men during our marriage, I didn't act on it and had no intention of doing so, so I really only looked at men surreptitiously (I hope). I had no idea what I would do with a man, but probably assumed I'd be the top if I ever did anything.

 

After her death, I began to watch porn and focused more and more on the men. When I eventually hired an escort, I'd become so curious about bottoming that that was what I did. It took some getting used to, but I love it as much as I ever loved sex with a woman, but for different reasons. I love the hardness of a man's body, the roughness of his face. I don't like the sensation of insertion so much when it's insertion into me, butonce he's in, being fucked by a man is awesome. The two physical sensations are completely different, but I have enjoyed them both at different times. But I am not so insatiable, I'm satisfied with taking a guy occasionally. That might change in a relationship, I suppose.

 

In my case, at least so far, it's been a complete switch. I haven't had the urge to have sex with a woman in years. So I don't really know if I have any advice, except I agree, labels are not always possible. I have no idea how I "should identify," and have stopped worrying about it. As for the wife and kids, I had them when younger than you, and before I let myself even hint to myself that I might like guys. I think I'd have stayed faithful to my wife if she'd lived, and continued admiring men without acting on it.

 

Oh and very muscular is not my first choice, I like them lean and ripped.

Edited February 5, 2018 by BasketBaller

[+ VictorPowers]

I'm an escort and I identify as Bi. I lost my female virginity at 15 and male virginity at 18. It took quite a few years to fully grasp my own sexual identity. Don't stress yourself out over "labels" that exist. Enjoy whatever turns you on and just be yourself. Appreciate the sexy people out there and have some fun. We live in an ever growing age of acceptance and growth. Good luck and enjoy the upcoming adventures that may unfold.

[KyleS]

Kyle, you were quite clear--you love having sex with women AND being with muscular men (and I'm deducing/projecting that you either jerk off while exploring/watching or the other guy jerks you off while you feel his muscles, both of which I've enjoyed with muscle studs). You may find a woman who is cool with that. Life is interesting.

Well you are absolutely right. What I like about men is all based on their masculinity/muscularity. Of course having a nice character and a handsome face make them even more attractive, but they are never the main reasons that makes me interested. And hiring a muscluar escort turns out to be a very effective way to reset my urge measure for men, even through an all muscle worship session without anyone being fucked. (I don't hire escorts quite often because 1. I become a little bit picky on guys when I have to pay; 2. it doesn't have huge muscular guys that often in the city; 3. Well I don't always have a big budget)

I don't know if it will be okay or "sound healthy enough" for ladies, but at least I wish someone will...

[MikeBiDude]

A friend and mentor was married. His eyes had always wandered. When a talked with his wife, she said that she could have dealt with it if it were another woman, but a man … she just couldn't compete

Many wives are diametrically opposite to your friend’s

[MikeBiDude]

Okay, I'm another guy just came out of the "no posting, just watching" closet in this forum. Have to say this forum is just great

Well, let's get to the topic. I found someone said hiring escorts is like a therapy, and I didn't really understand it. But recently, I found it ture, although it's likely to be in a different meaning.

I am in my late 20s, I have just finished hiring an escort for the second time in my life, they are both wonderful BTW. But afterwards, it kept me wondering about myself, about a fundamental issue:

 

Am I straight, or am I gay?

 

I had a thorough analysis on myself, listing all the things that REALLY turns me on, all the things that not really turns me on, and all the things that turns me down, from both men and women. (That's not a pretty list, trust me)

 

And after analyzing them, this is my conclusion:

My sexual needs can by fufilled by: f**king lady c**ts (sexual behavior) + worshiping man muscles (mostly non-sexual behavior).

 

The two needs do not appear at the same time and there is in no way do I appreciate lady muscles (just like you love vanilla ice cream and roast beef, but you will never want beef-flavored ice cream).

And when the need is fulfilled, I don't know which need will come next. And I don't think I can be sexually aroused both to a sexy lady and a muscular guy at the same time, because they belong to two separate systems, just one at a time is good. (Having beef with vanilla ice cream may not be so bad though)

 

I don't know whether I fall into the category of "bisexuals", and I don't what to be categorized as "queer", I'm just not a fan of that scale theory.

I wonder if there are people like me in this forum. I have a relatively good job now and want to have kids and a family before I become 35, but what should I do with my needs? Am I going tell my future wife "Not tonight baby, I'm not in the mood of f**king you today, cause I really need to eat some man pecs now. Damn I need a huge escort on my bed!" ?

Welcome to the forum. Posting is way more fun than lurking.

 

Well, my screen name here says a bit about me . But....I agree with most posters saying don’t label yourself. It took me the better part of 4-5 decades to be comfortable with myself, and for a long time had little support from my gay brother and gay friends in regards to my self-chosen “label”

 

I was married to a woman for ten years, have a teen child and today have full custody of the child. My orientation caused some friction in the marriage but was only one of say five major issues and a zillion minor issues that broke the marriage (she and I remain best friends to this day - better friends than we ever were spouses)

 

I would say to be 100% honest/upfront with men/women as soon as you can when headed towards relationship. This has proven a winning strategy for me since my divorce....and in fact led to one VERY interesting 3 year relationship with a VERY open minded female

 

You sound pretty grounded to me...keep reading here and keep interacting....and always be yourself.

[+ Pensant]

I'm an escort and I identify as Bi. I lost my female virginity at 15 and male virginity at 18. It took quite a few years to fully grasp my own sexual identity. Don't stress yourself out over "labels" that exist. Enjoy whatever turns you on and just be yourself. Appreciate the sexy people out there and have some fun. We live in an ever growing age of acceptance and growth. Good luck and enjoy the upcoming adventures that may unfold.

Very interesting, VP. I had my first sex with an 18 yo girl when I was 15 and with a male at 16.