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Initial contact with an escort


youngboldone
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I'm looking for some honest, constructive feedback to help me in this area. In a past thread I was outspoken in my belief that it's better to correspond back and forth first with an escort to get a feel for whether we are compatible before actually setting up an appointment. Many people told me that was the wrong approach and that it was better to set up an appointment and then work out the particulars. Maybe escorts prefer this approach because the reasoning is that clients are less likely to cancel if an appointment is already on the books?

 

Here's the thing. I'm not looking to hire purely for a physical bang and then out the door. Don't get me wrong. The sex is important to me, but what I am primarily looking for is a boyfriend experience that leads to the sex. I want an honest, genuine connection, deep kissing, affection. It's virtually impossible to determine from an ad alone if the escort can deliver this. To know for certain requires a willingness to correspond and even talk briefly on the phone.

 

I need some help with this, though, because lately I have had rotten luck both ways. I have gotten blocked twice by escorts now in the past three weeks. In the first scenario, I tried it my way. I contacted the escort, told him I was interested in his profile and wanted to talk about what I was looking for to see if we'd be compatible. Things were going along okay (I thought) for about 5-6 brief text messages back and forth. I was ready to take it to the next step, so I asked if he'd be willing to talk to me on the phone for a couple minutes so I could elaborate on the type of meeting I was looking for. Silence. After a day or two went by with no response, I found I'd been blocked.

 

So I decided to try it the other way. I contacted an escort to let him know I liked his profile and offered a date and time to meet along with desired length of session (which was a guess on my part because I had no idea if there was any chemistry between us). He agreed to the time. He didn't ask me about what I wanted out of the session, what my interests or desires were...nothing. So I brought it up. We texted back and forth three times, and then he blocked me.

 

To say I am frustrated is an understatement. Neither approach seems to be working. Many guys on here seem to handle booking with ease and effortlessness. So how detailed are you when you initially contact an escort? Is it not expected that the escort will take the lead in determining what you want to do during a session? It just seems like most escorts don't want to take even the littlest amount of time to find out anything about you, which seems wrong considering the amount of money they are being paid for their time.

 

Truly puzzled, so any help is welcome. I am open to new ideas of how to do this. Thanks.

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Here is my typical text:

 

“Hi, I saw your ad on rentmen/rentboy and I really like you. I’d like to visit you for an hour at your place in Midtown. I am into kissing and I am always top.

I am free on Tuesday afternoon, anytime between 1 pm and 5 pm, or Wednesday afternoon, same times. Could that work for you?”

 

As you can see there is no need for 5 back and forth texts. He can just say “ok for Tuesday 2 pm” and we are all set.

Edited by Tarte Gogo
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Here is my typical text:

 

“Hi, I saw your ad on rentmen/rentboy and I really like you. I’d like to visit you for an hour at your place in Midtown. I am into kissing and I am always top.

I am free on Tuesday afternoon, anytime between 1 pm and 5 pm, or Wednesday afternoon, same times. Could that work for you?”

 

As you can see there is no need for 5 back and forth texts. He can just say “ok for Tuesday 2 pm” and we are all set.

Mine is similar except it includes “There is a good bit of information about me in my profile - please let me know if you think we’re a good match.”

 

And in my profile is *allot* of stuff relevant to the OP’s question.

(What’s interesting is how few guys read it.)

it's coming.

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Here is my typical text:

 

“Hi, I saw your ad on rentmen/rentboy and I really like you. I’d like to visit you for an hour at your place in Midtown. I am into kissing and I am always top.

I am free on Tuesday afternoon, anytime between 1 pm and 5 pm, or Wednesday afternoon, same times. Could that work for you?”

 

As you can see there is no need for 5 back and forth texts. He can just say “ok for Tuesday 2 pm” and we are all set.

I take this same approach. Succinct and informative and appreciated by escorts, who are inundated with sooo many emails. On several occasions I’ve followed up with a request for a quick phone call and that was acceptable to the escort and helpful to me. Expecting more than that is asking too much of the escort. One has to take some risks and hope for the best. I’ve been with about 15 escorts. A few have been disappointing, but I came, so at least I left physically satisfied. I can’t expect to leave emotionally satisfied with everyone.

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@Tarte Gogo has hit the nail on the head.

 

I used a similar message when I hired, except for 3 additional items. I used to ask if his pics were recent and say that I was so interested because he was in such great shape. I then stated what was important to me (deep kissing), that I was only a top and older, mentioning what I found hot (a guy swallowing my load) but stressed this was not a deal-breaker, and asked if we were compatible. Last, I offered to answer any questions he might have for me.

 

I was always polite and succinct. As @Tarte Gogo said, there's simply no need for numerous messages.

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I used to feel frustrated too like the OP until I came to the realization that I’m not the center of their universe and that my $300 fee really isn’t all that important to many of the more popular escorts. Put yourself in their shoes and imagine getting 300-400 emails a day, each expecting a detailed response. Responding to that many emails can balloon exponentially into thousands of emails.

 

Couple that with the fact that the escort has to actually plan and meet with clients as well as take care of routine and mundane daily activities and you can see why many escorts get a little frustrated at times. There are only 24 hours in a day.

 

I had an overnight with an extremely popular escort (now retired) from Peoria and we discussed the problems he had with emails. He indicated to me that it was frustrating but he had developed a good sense for real potential clients and the flakes. However, he also indicated that it was physically impossible to give a detailed response to each email. And, yes! He actually got that many emails in one day. He showed me the little red counter number on his email icon on his phone.

 

I value the relationships I have developed with many escorts but I don’t rely on them to fulfill my emotional needs. While I consider many of them friends I realize that they are also being pulled in a 100 different ways and what time they decide to share with me is greatly appreciated.

 

The end.

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I suggest prioritizing your concerns and include any dealbreakers in your first communication. For example, I only want an appointment at my home, so I always ask if they do outcalls to my area in my first communication. Are you texting because this is the escort's preference? If not his preference, I'd suggest using email if you're not yet ready to commit to an appointment.

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Yes, most escorts have asked me to text, and on those occasions where I initially reach out via email on RM, they have unanimously asked me to switch to text. I abhor texting, but I do it because it seems like the only way most are willing to correspond. Texting takes far more time than emailing or simply picking up the phone to call them, so I don't get it, but I guess that's the way of the world these days.

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And in my profile is *allot* of stuff relevant to the OP’s question.

(What’s interesting is how few guys read it.)

 

This. Whether it's RM, Grindr, Scruff, or any online platform, it's soooo frustrating when people don't read before inquiring.

 

Or they read and still ask the same questions looking for a different answer.

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Yes, most escorts have asked me to text, and on those occasions where I initially reach out via email on RM, they have unanimously asked me to switch to text. I abhor texting, but I do it because it seems like the only way most are willing to correspond. Texting takes far more time than emailing or simply picking up the phone to call them, so I don't get it, but I guess that's the way of the world these days.

I daresay it's a generational thing. I can type at about 75wmp on my iPhone, so composing a text doesn't take me much longer than composing an email on my computer. Texts also grab my attention more than an email, so are more likely to get a fast or immediate response.

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I used to feel frustrated too like the OP until I came to the realization that I’m not the center of their universe and that my $300 fee really isn’t all that important to many of the more popular escorts. Put yourself in their shoes and imagine getting 300-400 emails a day, each expecting a detailed response. Responding to that many emails can balloon exponentially into thousands of emails.

 

I had an overnight with an extremely popular escort (now retired) from Peoria and we discussed the problems he had with emails. He indicated to me that it was frustrating but he had developed a good sense for real potential clients and the flakes. However, he also indicated that it was physically impossible to give a detailed response to each email. And, yes! He actually got that many emails in one day. He showed me the little red counter number on his email icon on his phone.

 

I value the relationships I have developed with many escorts but I don’t rely on them to fulfill my emotional needs. While I consider many of them friends I realize that they are also being pulled in a 100 different ways and what time they decide to share with me is greatly appreciated.

 

Wow...Spot on

 

I used to feel frustrated too like the OP until I came to the realization that I’m not the center of their universe and that my $300 fee really isn’t all that important to many of the more popular escorts. Put yourself in their shoes and imagine getting 300-400 emails a day, each expecting a detailed response. Responding to that many emails can balloon exponentially into thousands of emails.

 

I value the relationships I have developed with many escorts but I don’t rely on them to fulfill my emotional needs.

 

Spot on 2...

the greatest beauty is

Organic wholeness, the wholeness of life and things,

the divine beauty of the universe.

Love that, not man apart from that,

or else you will share man’s pitiful confusions,

or drown in despair when his days darken."

 

- Robinson Jeffers

 

B e l i e v e

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To say I am frustrated is an understatement. Neither approach seems to be working.

Do you recognize that there really wasn't much difference between either approach? On the second one you committed to a time first but then you proceeded with multiple texts. It still screams "high maintenance" and potentially unrealistic expectations. If you had a very specific kink, I can see needing to provide more detail, but it sounds like you're just looking for a good BFE. That's really all you need to ask the escort or tell him what you're looking for. After that, you need to relax and let things play out. You can't force intimacy -- especially on the first meeting -- and sometimes you've got to kiss a couple toads to find someone you would really like to build some level of escort/client intimacy with.

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I don’t usually include a lot of details in my first text just in case I got a wrong number.

 

If the provider’s name is a regular name, I usually text, “Hey Jude, are you in NYC?”

 

If the name is something like “HotAssFucker”, I skip the name and just say, “Hey bud, ...”

 

I ask my questions on the succeeding texts.

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I don’t usually include a lot of details in my first text just in case I got a wrong number.

 

If the provider’s name is a regular name, I usually text, “Hey Jude, are you in NYC?”

 

If the name is something like “HotAssFucker”, I skip the name and just say, “Hey bud, ...”

 

I ask my questions on the succeeding texts.

 

This is a great example of why more than one text or email is necessary. I, too, worry about sending personal details to a wrong number. So the first text is just to establish that I've reached the correct person.

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I used to feel frustrated too like the OP until I came to the realization that I’m not the center of their universe and that my $300 fee really isn’t all that important to many of the more popular escorts. Put yourself in their shoes and imagine getting 300-400 emails a day, each expecting a detailed response. Responding to that many emails can balloon exponentially into thousands of emails.

 

Couple that with the fact that the escort has to actually plan and meet with clients as well as take care of routine and mundane daily activities and you can see why many escorts get a little frustrated at times. There are only 24 hours in a day.

 

I had an overnight with an extremely popular escort (now retired) from Peoria and we discussed the problems he had with emails. He indicated to me that it was frustrating but he had developed a good sense for real potential clients and the flakes. However, he also indicated that it was physically impossible to give a detailed response to each email. And, yes! He actually got that many emails in one day. He showed me the little red counter number on his email icon on his phone.

 

I value the relationships I have developed with many escorts but I don’t rely on them to fulfill my emotional needs. While I consider many of them friends I realize that they are also being pulled in a 100 different ways and what time they decide to share with me is greatly appreciated.

 

The end.

 

I do see your point about not inundating them with messages. I guess I just don't view 5 or 6 brief back-and-forth messages that much of an intrusion. Where I disagree is about you not being the center of their universe. I think the truly great escorts would understand that, considering the steep rates they are asking you to pay, you should very much be the center of their universe for the duration of the time that they are with you, and they should be willing to put forth a minimum amount of effort to establish that your money will be well spent on them. Maybe I just don't have the amount of disposable income to spend on this hobby that most of you do. This is something I can only afford to splurge on a few times per year, and it's pretty much my only outlet for sex, so I have to do the vetting to ensure the match is going to be successful.

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Do you recognize that there really wasn't much difference between either approach? On the second one you committed to a time first but then you proceeded with multiple texts. It still screams "high maintenance" and potentially unrealistic expectations. If you had a very specific kink, I can see needing to provide more detail, but it sounds like you're just looking for a good BFE. That's really all you need to ask the escort or tell him what you're looking for. After that, you need to relax and let things play out. You can't force intimacy -- especially on the first meeting -- and sometimes you've got to kiss a couple toads to find someone you would really like to build some level of escort/client intimacy with.

 

Unfortunately, MikeyGMin, I don't have the kind of funds to be able to afford toads. I have to make sure they are princes before I commit.

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Im going to take a different approach and say maybe your choosing the super popular guys who have no time to respond to a couple texts and like someone said above don't value your 300 bc they can easily get another. So choose a hot escort who isn't as popular yet, I'm not saying choose an escort with any reviews but try reaching out to a variety of guys. These super popular guys are going to give you no effort plus why make them richer when they are already rich thats why they don't take the smallest amount of time to communicate bc they are too busy, choose someone who will be appreciative of you, like i said in another thread I think 5 texts back and forth doesn't warrant a block, I would say 10 texts and then after that I would take a quick phone call if you want to finalize.

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One question. If an escort doesn't list a fee, is the client's responsibility to ask and if so at what point do you ask?

 

Always ask them to confirm their fee in advance, even if it is published.

 

If they don't publish a fee I would ask in the first communication. If they publish a fee, I would ask them to confirm when we've agreed to meet.

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Unfortunately, MikeyGMin, I don't have the kind of funds to be able to afford toads. I have to make sure they are princes before I commit.

I hope you didn't take my comments as criticism. I was just trying to point out that you are most likely getting blocked because the escort perceives all these communications as a sign of flakiness or being high maintenance. Multiple escorts have mentioned in the past that experience has taught them that the likelihood of a client flaking out is in direct proportion to the number of communications. You wanted honest feedback and multiple people have told you how they limit the number of contacts required prior to meeting. There is no secret sauce that will guarantee you're a good match, but perhaps someone will speak up who knows how to increase those odds without scaring the escort away. I certainly don't know how, but good luck in finding the perfect equilibrium.

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I'm looking for some honest, constructive feedback to help me in this area. In a past thread I was outspoken in my belief that it's better to correspond back and forth first with an escort to get a feel for whether we are compatible before actually setting up an appointment. Many people told me that was the wrong approach and that it was better to set up an appointment and then work out the particulars. Maybe escorts prefer this approach because the reasoning is that clients are less likely to cancel if an appointment is already on the books?

 

Here's the thing. I'm not looking to hire purely for a physical bang and then out the door. Don't get me wrong. The sex is important to me, but what I am primarily looking for is a boyfriend experience that leads to the sex. I want an honest, genuine connection, deep kissing, affection. It's virtually impossible to determine from an ad alone if the escort can deliver this. To know for certain requires a willingness to correspond and even talk briefly on the phone.

 

I need some help with this, though, because lately I have had rotten luck both ways. I have gotten blocked twice by escorts now in the past three weeks. In the first scenario, I tried it my way. I contacted the escort, told him I was interested in his profile and wanted to talk about what I was looking for to see if we'd be compatible. Things were going along okay (I thought) for about 5-6 brief text messages back and forth. I was ready to take it to the next step, so I asked if he'd be willing to talk to me on the phone for a couple minutes so I could elaborate on the type of meeting I was looking for. Silence. After a day or two went by with no response, I found I'd been blocked.

 

So I decided to try it the other way. I contacted an escort to let him know I liked his profile and offered a date and time to meet along with desired length of session (which was a guess on my part because I had no idea if there was any chemistry between us). He agreed to the time. He didn't ask me about what I wanted out of the session, what my interests or desires were...nothing. So I brought it up. We texted back and forth three times, and then he blocked me.

 

To say I am frustrated is an understatement. Neither approach seems to be working. Many guys on here seem to handle booking with ease and effortlessness. So how detailed are you when you initially contact an escort? Is it not expected that the escort will take the lead in determining what you want to do during a session? It just seems like most escorts don't want to take even the littlest amount of time to find out anything about you, which seems wrong considering the amount of money they are being paid for their time.

 

Truly puzzled, so any help is welcome. I am open to new ideas of how to do this. Thanks.

In contacting new providers, I have learned to use the intial contact as a means to see if I fit in their client profile and in the second email to make plans if they say yes.

Edited by freecahill1965
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