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TLC's My Husband's Not Gay


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so, they seem to admit they are gay, though they say they aren't acting on it. they get together as a group to talk about temptation, and to scope out guys and comment on how attractive they are. but they go home to their wives and their sex lives are fulfilling and fully functional. hmm....

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so, they seem to admit they are gay, though they say they aren't acting on it. they get together as a group to talk about temptation, and to scope out guys and comment on how attractive they are. but they go home to their wives and their sex lives are fulfilling and fully functional. hmm....

 

http://33.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m48whdh6E31rux0u3o1_500.gif

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Who wants to watch a TV show about this? Then again, TLC is the network behind the incest loving Duggar family so I guess we shouldn't be surprised that they would air something this ridiculous.

 

I believe it exists, but its just so inplausible... WHY ?????

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I was able to watch 60 seconds before I got pissed off. The first guy is clearly just homophobic ("it felt like there was something more for me") and I'd be willing to be that the others are dealing with similar issues. Sigh.

I'm conflicted by the whole thing. There is clearly a degree of supressed homophobia, seeing an opposite sex relationship as being somehow better, but in Utah that is hardly surprising. Leaving aside the reason why they entered into a heterosexual marriage, in a way dismissing other desires is, in a sense, no different to supressing other opposite sex desires when a man is married to a woman. On the face of it, acknowledging that they are gay* is better than denying it and living a lie with their wives, but I can't dismiss ulterior motives.

 

Whether the men in this video wished to do this or not, their story provides fodder for homophobes to say that it is possible to avoid a 'gay lifestyle' and seek to demean or criminalise those who chose to live according to their orientation. They enable LGBTI kids to be pressured into ignoring their very nature. Is that what they wanted to do by appearing in this program?

 

*I know, I know. Identifying as gay, bi or straight is a personal decision that others should not be allowed to gainsay. Despite his admitted attraction, he claims not to be gay, and while he can claim that, I'm entitled to roll my eyes.

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I was able to watch 60 seconds before I got pissed off. The first guy is clearly just homophobic ("it felt like there was something more for me") and I'd be willing to be that the others are dealing with similar issues. Sigh.

 

I didn't like that line either. It would have made more sense if he just said "I love my wife more than I have loved any man I have met", but he makes it seem like other men who happen to love men in the same way that he does his wife are inferior. Then he brings up religion, which is always determined by how individuals interpret ancient texts according to their own standards. When somebody says they are not judgmental of others, usually they are. (Believe it or not, some religious people are or were against all forms of sex, gay and heterosexual even though they generally fail to last as a group due to no kiddies being born a.k.a. the Harmony Society of the 19th century.)

 

These guys look like they are in their 20s and 30s. Usually when you are around 30, you are at your most disciplined. Later in life you tend to get more restless and eager to broaden your horizons. Will they remain as disciplined by their 50s and the kiddies are all out of the nest? I guess the donuts analogy can be adapted two decades from now with the logic of "well, I can occasionally have one and not become diabetic. Maybe my wife won't mind if we both exercise on our attractions by having a third partner to share..."

 

This is only an hour special. At first I thought it was a multi-episode series. This show would have been a big hit back in, say, 1980s post-AIDS and Jerry Falwell.

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These men still have to get up every day and live in their Truth: THEY ARE GAY..... Their choice to suppress the outward appearance of that by actions more associated with a str8 male is a decision THEY have to live with. If they are OK with living in their Lie, then who am I to condemn them.? I am Happy with MY life !

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  • 2 weeks later...

“Ex-Gay” Mormon Activist Josh Weed Announces Divorce, Apologizes To LGBT Community

"I am no different than you."

 

by Brandon Voss

 

They made headlines when they revealed a big family secret: Josh was a gay man.

 

“I am gay, I am Mormon, I am married to a woman,” Josh announced on his blog. “I am happy every single day. My life is filled with joy. I have wonderful sex life. All of these things are true whether your mind allows you to believe them or not.”

 

 

Believe it or not, earlier this week the Weeds announced their plans to divorce in another lengthy blog post.

 

 

 

“Today, we need to let you know that Lolly and I are divorcing,” Josh writes. “Surely, there will be those who are amused or overjoyed.”

 

Josh, a licensed marriage and family therapist, says they have both come to understand that platonic love is not a substitute for mutual romantic love and sexual attraction.

 

“Why am I, as a straight person, entitled to reciprocal, requited romantic love while an LGBTQ individual is not?” Lolly adds.

 

Josh says he ultimately saw divorce as their only option because of his love for the LGBT community, his love for himself as a “beautiful” gay person, and the recent death of his mother, which effectively ended the couple’s sexual intimacy.

 

He explains that they were “suddenly very, very interested in making sure that other LGBT people felt the beauty of their sexual orientation just like we had come to know the beauty of mine. And we were suddenly able to see more clearly the pain that my sexual orientation brought to our marriage.”

 

 

Josh also uses the divorce announcement as an opportunity to apologize to the LGBT community:

 

We’re sorry for some of the things we said in our original coming out post in 2012. There are several ideas in that post that, though well-meaning, we now realize stemmed from internalized homophobia. We’re sorry, so incredibly sorry, for the ways our post has been used to bully others.

 

We’re sorry to any gay Mormon who even had a moment’s pause as they tried to make the breathtakingly difficult decision that I am now making—to love myself fully for exactly what God made me—because of our post. We’re sorry for any degree that our existence, and the publicity of our supposedly successful marriage made you feel “less than” as you made your own terribly difficult choices. And we’re sorry if our story made it easier for people in your life to reject you and your difficult path as being wrong. If this is you, we want you to know: you were right. You did the correct, brave thing. You are ahead of me in the sense that you have progressed through things I have yet to progress through. You listened to your gut and to God and did a brave, brave thing. Now I’m following your example.

 

We’re sorry to any gay Mormon who received criticism, backlash, or hatred as a result of our story. It wasn’t long after our post that we began to get messages from the LGBTQIA community, letting us know that their loved ones were using our blog post to pressure them to get married to a person of the opposite gender—sometimes even disowning them, saying things like, “if these two can do it, so can you.” Our hearts broke as we learned of the ways our story was used a battering ram by fearful, uninformed parents and loved ones, desperate to get their children to act in the ways they thought were best. One person wrote—and I’ll never get the horror of this out of my head for the rest of my life—saying that he went to see his family for Thanksgiving during his second year of college, where he was an out gay man who openly had a boyfriend. When he got home, his father pulled up our story on the computer and then physically assaulted him, beating him as he had often done during his childhood, saying “if this guy could avoid being a faggot, so could you!”

 

Think of that. If we heard about our story being used in that way, I cannot even imagine the stories, all along the spectrum of manipulative horror, that we have never heard.

 

We’re sorry to anybody who felt a measure of false peace because of our story. There are many people who have good hearts, who were grappling with the issue of homosexuality before we came out, and who were having difficulty reconciling the church they loved with the things they knew about their gay loved ones. Our coming out post gave a false hope: “See? I just knew there had to be a way for gay people to stay true to their faith by denying themselves and live a happy, healthy life!” We’re sorry to perhaps send you back to the state of confusion you were in before you saw our story—but at the same time, that state of confusion is necessary. Something is wrong. It really doesn’t add up. As I have said in thousands of prayers over the last half-decade as I have come to know more and more LGBTQIA individuals and the ways they have been hurt, as well as have realized the impossibility of a God that would set up a “plan” that is totally impossible for a huge segment of His children to participate in, all within a church whose policies and positions assert that that is exactly what God has done: something is wrong. Something is very, very wrong with how things are currently set up. I don’t know yet what is right. But, Father, something is so incredibly wrong.

 

We’re sorry to any LGBTQIA person who was given false hope by our story, or who used our story as part of the basis for their life-decisions. We honor your decisions, whatever they are, and we’re sorry for any way in which our current trajectory might be unsettling or alarming.

 

I, Josh, am sorry to the many LGBTQIA people over the years that I subconsciously saw myself as different than. I am no different than you, and any degree to which I held on to the idea that I could be gay without being gay was, I see now, a manifestation of lingering internalized homophobia born of decades of being told this part of me was evil. It was an effort to belong to the “in-group” (heterosexual members of the Mormon Church) that I was actually not a part of.

 

 

 

Josh also writes that his views have evolved regarding his church’s stance on homosexuality, which he believes fills LGBT people “with self-loathing and internalized homophobia.”

 

“I have spent my entire life conforming to every standard of the LDS faith because I believed it was what God wanted me to do,” he continues. “I believed this because every mentor, every exemplar, every religious teacher, every therapist, every leader I ever grew up listening to and trusting told me that that was the only way I could return to live with God. There was an emphasis on ’perfect obedience’ and yet, over the course of my lifetime, the list of things said by these trusted leaders about my sexual orientation was profoundly inconsistent and confusing.”

 

Josh, who works in private practice helping those “with sexual identity issues and unwanted sexual attractions and/or behaviors,” has been accused in the past of practicing “ex-gay” conversion therapy, which he has denied.

 

“I do not practice, nor do I believe in, reparative therapy or change therapy,” he said. “Quite the opposite, my therapeutic stance is one that favors (but does not depend on) the idea that sexual orientation is immutable.”

 

Josh says on his blog that he and Lolly will continue co-parenting their daughters on a large homestead, adding, “We can continue to be the family we have always been, and we can add to that family.”

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My question is who are the women who marry these "ex-gays." First of all, I would think that most 21st century women have enough of a clue to be able to spot a gay man and therefore dismiss any notions of a romantic/sexual relationship. Then, if a woman did find out that a man she was interested in was indeed sexually attracted to men but was trying to pray the gay away, you'd think she'd just roll her eyes and walk away. Maybe you're lonely, maybe you're even a bit desperate, but come on. What self-respecting woman would go ahead and get involved with a guy like that??

My ignore list:  marylander1940, MiamiLooker, stevenkesslar

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  • 2 weeks later...
Maybe you're lonely, maybe you're even a bit desperate, but come on. What self-respecting woman would go ahead and get involved with a guy like that??

A lot of them would. They do it all the time—otherwise perceptive, intelligent people blinding themselves because they want something so badly.

"I mean at this point you have about as much sex as an escort so you might as well start acting like one."

- <<redacted>> to me, 14 July 2017

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Some devout women are apt to do all kinds of things concerning men, even marry men stuck behind bars. Maybe it's an Ecclesiastes Chapter 3 kind of thing, mixed with a lack of self respect. Or perhaps they're just a little bit nuts.

Isn't there a show right now on E or Bravo- love behind bars I think?

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No, Oprah, this is nothing new. It is called a "lavender marriage". Only these two aren't working in Hollywood. I also don't think everybody "knows" at an early age. You may not even know what sex is or where your desires lie depending on where you are raised and how many authority figures and "friends" are manipulating your brain.

Edited by longtime lurker
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My question is who are the women who marry these "ex-gays." First of all, I would think that most 21st century women have enough of a clue to be able to spot a gay man and therefore dismiss any notions of a romantic/sexual relationship. Then, if a woman did find out that a man she was interested in was indeed sexually attracted to men but was trying to pray the gay away, you'd think she'd just roll her eyes and walk away. Maybe you're lonely, maybe you're even a bit desperate, but come on. What self-respecting woman would go ahead and get involved with a guy like that??

 

There seem to be a decent number of straight women who, once they've had kids or even before, simply don't care for sex, but still want the other aspects of marriage. It would seem like a guy who doesn't want to fuck her is the perfect husband for this kind of woman. I gave serious consideration to seeking out such a woman and having a couple of kids with her but I wasn't really bold enough to do it.

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