Conflicted about escort's tone - what would you do?

[youngboldone]

Yeah, there was no way that was going to be a successful encounter. I briefly thought about at least messaging him back to let him know I'd decided not to engage him, but my silence will speak for itself. This guy is truly in the wrong business. I got that vibe when I read his ad yet tried to look past it and assume circumstances would be otherwise. Why don't I ever learn the lesson to follow my instincts?

[youngboldone]

A shame, too, because he really is a hot guy, and we don't get many of those in my city too often. I can't win for trying!

[former lurker]

UPDATE: After telling me not to text him back, I was trying to decide what I wanted to do, when he texted me back to give me an update on his schedule for Sunday. So I then texted him back and frankly told him that because of my lack of experience and general anxiety about hiring, his previous text made me feel chastised and uncomfortable. I explained my approach to hiring and my rationale of vetting before making an appointment versus making an appointment, vetting, and then canceling on a person. After an hour passes, he then calls me. I was running errands and driving at the time so couldn't take the call. During this whole time I was thinking maybe I'd been to quick to misinterpret, that I should give him the benefit of the doubt, and that I would book something with him if the call went okay.

 

Once I got home and could call, I did, and it went straight to VM. I asked him to text me a definitive time this evening when I could call so we didn't play phone tag back and forth. Heard nothing for the next 3 hours. Then I notice a message in my RM inbox, a message from the escort that said this:

 

"It's been a stressful week for me. I've had an obscene amount of guys message me one or two times and then I've messaged and called them back LOTS of times with absolutely no response. I had a guy make an appt with me and when I went to confirm our appt the day before he informed me that his flight got changed and he forget to tell me. Two guys were messaging me only to meet at that exact time...it makes me wonder what kind of drugs their on.

Since I called you and messaged you a bunch of times today with no response I blocked all six clients that weren't responding to my texts...it was giving me far too much stress. I couldn't deal with it. Was it unprofessional? Perhaps. But did it help me get rid of all of that stress? Absolutely.

My point is: I blocked your number. After I blocked your number your voicemail somehow still came through to my phone.

So if you still want to get together you will either have to message me here or directly through my email. If you don't want to meet anymore it's absolutely understandable.

I hope you're having a weekend that is far more relaxing that mine."

 

Now what am I supposed to do with that? This guy seems very high maintenance and not worth the trouble, and yet, part of me is still considering reaching out again. I mean, if I just want an orgasm, I can achieve that at home for free. The point (to me) of going through all this is to have some genuine human affection, a genuine interaction, even if it is only for a couple of hours. Thus...the reason I want to vet thoroughly. At this point, I'm wondering even if we did get together, whether there's too much baggage to even have a good time with this guy no matter how hot he is.

 

I know the chorus of "the client is always right" has chimed in, and what I'm about to say is going to go against the grain. From what you've written, I fully understand why the scort would be apprehensive. These guys are in a precarious situation. They face the prospect of being set up for prosecution, they get calls/messages/emails from all sorts of people who will never follow through, but think they're entitled to know intimate sexual details, often just because knowing those details get them off. I interpret what he wrote to you as sincere, thoughtful, and, dare I say, bordering on kind. He's tried to accommodate your issues. No need to trash him.

[natmas02]

I know the chorus of "the client is always right" has chimed in, and what I'm about to say is going to go against the grain. From what you've written, I fully understand why the scort would be apprehensive. These guys are in a precarious situation. They face the prospect of being set up for prosecution, they get calls/messages/emails from all sorts of people who will never follow through, but think they're entitled to know intimate sexual details, often just because knowing those details get them off. I interpret what he wrote to you as sincere, thoughtful, and, dare I say, bordering on kind. He's tried to accommodate your issues. No need to trash him.

 

I agree with you up to a point. I think that the escort could have just said "I apologize for not replying back to your texts, but I've been having trouble with a high number of strange communications the past few days and I am currently not using texting. Would you like to set up a meet? I can communicate via email" to get the point across without going into venting. Venting about other clients or issues with booking other clients is a big faux pas if the escort is actually talking to a serious client. Most clients don't want to hear about other clients.

 

But I can appreciate the honesty. And his venting was in a respectful manner. I think in this situation it's just poor communication skills on both the client and escort lol.

[jjkrkwood]

I think your problem here is your Obsession with this particular Guy. So now, you can either take him up on his new offer, OR wisely move on to someone else.

Edited January 14, 2018 by jjkrkwood

[MikeBiDude]

What strikes me about this entire thread - is the wide range of responses.

 

Seems like some of us handle and interpret communications with an escort so differently. Is it experience? Communication skills? I don’t know but it seems that some of these convos gets dragged way out - maybe some like the drama? Both sides of this process are human. We have good days and bad days. Escorts aren’t automatons. And...there are two sides to every story in these interactions...both side may perceive something about the other that gives them pause.

 

Sometimes (managing safety/security due diligence of course) you just need to take the plunge. 58 messages/posts about “tone”, from a text message no less?

[jjkrkwood]

What strikes me about this entire thread - is the wide range of responses.

 

Seems like some of us handle and interpret communications with an escort so differently. Is it experience? Communication skills? I don’t know but it seems that some of these convos gets dragged way out - maybe some like the drama? Both sides of this process are human. We have good days and bad days. Escorts aren’t automatons. And...there are two sides to every story in these interactions...both side may perceive something about the other that gives them pause.

 

Sometimes (managing safety/security due diligence of course) you just need to take the plunge.

 

 

I dont have time or patience for Bad attitude, especially when I'm the PAYER.... If I dont like a communication, I just keep a movin.

[+ ArVaGuy]

I’ve read this entire thread twice.

 

Some of you guys overthink this stuff. Jeesh!

[marylander1940]

I reached out to an escort who is visiting my city. Initially sent him an email through RM. He responded pleasantly enough and gave me his phone number, signaling to me that he wanted to continue the conversation via text. So, I texted him asking him about availability. He said he couldn't meet me on the day I suggested. He suggested an alternate day. I told him I already had some obligations that day but would look into moving some things around to make a session happen. He sent me several sexy pics of himself that really got my motor running. So far, so good, right?

 

I then send him another text (probably my 4th to him during the entire conversation) telling him what I was into and asking if he thought we'd be compatible and if he had any other questions for me. He responds by saying, "Please limit messaging me until you are 100% sure you can meet. Otherwise we'll end up chatting a lot and never meeting. I hope you understand ;-)"

 

I'm sorry, but I was under the impression that as a paying client I get to try and ascertain whether my money is going to be well spent on you. How do I know that if I'm not even permitted to ask you questions about what you're into? And why is it that escorts (at least the ones I've contacted) never seem at all interested in finding out what makes me tick and what I'm interested in? I'm the one who has to volunteer that information. I'm truly perplexed. Isn't this supposed to be their business? Yet they make it seem like you're bothering them by trying to communicate! Seems like a lot of guys are in this business who don't really want to be.

 

I'm conflicted because I'm horny, this guy ticks all my boxes in all the right ways....yet this tone is really off putting. What would you do? Book anyway? Or say "Bye, Felicia"?

 

Your schedule wasn't compatible with his schedule... I can't imagine why he sent you pics if the meeting wasn't going to happen anyways.

 

Do you realize you could have called him for 2 mins to get a better feeling and ask all you wanted to know about him and more?

 

"Please limit messaging me until you are 100% sure you can meet. Otherwise we'll end up chatting a lot and never meeting. I hope you understand ;-)"

 

I really don't see how this message is offending a lot of you guys, but ok. You guys are making it seem the text is the equivalent of "fuck you, don't waste my time with your texts". It really isn't.

 

Getting easily offended is in the eyes of the beholder.

[rvwnsd]

What strikes me about this entire thread - is the wide range of responses.

 

Seems like some of us handle and interpret communications with an escort so differently. Is it experience? Communication skills...

 

I think it is more about communication skills and one's approach to life in general than experience hiring escorts. From the first time I hired more than twenty years ago I was clear on the first communication what I was looking for and always asked the escort for his thoughts on what I described. That's how I approach work situations and life in general. Not coincidentally, the drama often described by potential clients rarely occurs in my interactions with escorts.

[caliguy]

My point is: I blocked your number. After I blocked your number your voicemail somehow still came through to my phone.

So if you still want to get together you will either have to message me here or directly through my email. If you don't want to meet anymore it's absolutely understandable."

Are you serious. I'd just feel too embarrassed to keep it going at this point. Like I was a desperate patsy.

 

All you did was attempt to confirm your compatibility. Most escorts would love someone direct. All these hoops he's putting you through are creating the very problem he says he's trying to avoid.

[MikeBiDude]

I dont have time or patience for Bad attitude, especially when I'm the PAYER.... If I dont like a communication, I just keep a movin.

Well you don’t hire that much anyway, correct? Plus your preference for sex clubs probably gives you some great experience in a more direct approach. This is all a compliment btw...

[rossthebosssf]

I tend to believe that most of the men in this forum don't actually hire. It's mostly fantasy. How on earth do so many of you survive offended by the slightest things? Not a great way to go through life. "Oh dear, I didn't like how the escort replied to me. I best run to the forum where my tears can be validated by others." Grow-up!

[jjkrkwood]

Well you don’t hire that much anyway, correct? Plus your preference for sex clubs probably gives you some great experience in a more direct approach. This is all a compliment btw...

 

YES you are correct, I dont hire much. And I appreciate that you pay attention. Makes me feel SPECIAL....

[MikeBiDude]

I tend to believe that most of the men in this forum don't actually hire. It's mostly fantasy. How on earth do so many of you survive offended by the slightest things? Not a great way to go through life. "Oh dear, I didn't like how the escort replied to me. I best run to the forum where my tears can be validated by others." Grow-up!

This...I’ve tried to make this same point elsewhere. Lotsa drama not a lot of just hire the guy!

[TennDan99]

When he sent the message that you took exception to you should have replied like this: “I understand your concerns but I need to rearrange my schedule to see you. I don’t want to do that if we aren’t compatible. I would like to call you so we can figure this out. Hope we can work something out.”

 

This isn’t rocket science. If you treat people like adults and with respect you usually have no problems.

[jjkrkwood]

I tend to believe that most of the men in this forum don't actually hire. It's mostly fantasy. How on earth do so many of you survive offended by the slightest things? Not a great way to go through life. "Oh dear, I didn't like how the escort replied to me. I best run to the forum where my tears can be validated by others." Grow-up!

 

 

That has always been my belief as well RTB.... its kinda like a competitive boys club where they compete to be the most prolific Client, because when you consider the frequency and cost, Daddy's would be the Billionaire Boys Club ..... But if fantasising and bragging makes them feel good, who am I to deprive them of that ? .... MAGA....

[coriolis888]

 

How on earth do so many of you survive offended by the slightest things? Not a great way to go through life. "Oh dear, I didn't like how the escort replied to me. I best run to the forum where my tears can be validated by others." Grow-up!

 

 

"Please limit messaging me until you are 100% sure you can meet. Otherwise we'll end up chatting a lot and never meeting. I hope you understand ;-)"

 

The client received the above communication from the escort while attempting to determine if they were compatible to meet.

 

Can you tell me how a client can be "100% sure" (as requested by the escort) that he will meet while an escort sends a message (as above) and limits communication?

 

It isn't a case of not liking how an escort replied to the client. It is what the escort said that shut down rapport.

[MikeBiDude]

"Please limit messaging me until you are 100% sure you can meet. Otherwise we'll end up chatting a lot and never meeting. I hope you understand ;-)"

 

The client received the above communication from the escort while attempting to determine if they were compatible to meet.

 

Can you tell me how a client can be "100% sure" (as requested by the escort) that he will meet while an escort sends a message (as above) and limits communication?

After the 4th text from the OP/client...who really knows about what those 4 texts contained?

 

I then send him another text (probably my 4th to him during the entire conversation) telling him what I was into and asking if he thought we'd be compatible

[Golem]

After the 4th text from the OP/client...who really knows about what those 4 texts contained?

This, this, this. Making a decisive judgment about who is at "fault" is silly given how much information we don't have available to us. The OP got some helpful advice for how to make up his own mind about this situation, which is really all that can happen here.

[marylander1940]

I tend to believe that most of the men in this forum don't actually hire. It's mostly fantasy. How on earth do so many of you survive offended by the slightest things? Not a great way to go through life. "Oh dear, I didn't like how the escort replied to me. I best run to the forum where my tears can be validated by others." Grow-up!

 

I've heard that before... there's a few members on here who simply don't hire anymore.

 

I’ve read this entire thread twice.

 

Some of you guys overthink this stuff. Jeesh!

 

Exactly!

[KennF]

@youngboldone I'm not sure if I fall on the 'client' or 'provider' side on this one. There were a lot of different expectations missed in your interaction, so far.

 

It sounds like you expect a potential hire to treat you with a high level of customer service and to win the sale. I can respect that.

From your perspective... you are a potential customer trying to close the deal.

 

It sounds like he expects his potential clients to be more direct and get to the point. He wants to move you from a 'lead', to a 'potential customer', and then a 'paying client'.

From his perspective... you are a lead who is using his valuable time.

 

Now, somewhere along the route, you started taking offense and he's gotten defensive and started explaining/excusing his behavior. I'm not sure you're going to be able to push through that. You may, but it is going to have to come from you, not him.

 

The minute one side or the other starts making excuses, the deal is in jeopardy. Even though you might have been very happy with his services, and he may have been an excellent service provider, you guys aren't communicating your expectations.

 

In the future, I'd suggest firming up an appointment time and a general type of encounter (massage, BFE, date, fetish, etc...). Once you have a date/time, you can he can discuss the finer details and any deal breakers. If anything comes up during those discussing or he stops communicating, cancel the appointment.

[Nvr2Thick]

"particularly if that means preferences and positions," To be fair, the OP never mentioned anything about "positions," just a general what he "was into."

 

I meant "position" in the Rentmen ad category sense; Top/Vers/Bottom, not Doggie/Cowgirl/Spoon.

 

"What are you into?" is potentially an open-ended question, particularly for a text session. I don't think that the OP is off-base for asking. I start with a general impression from an ad, and I pretty quickly try to get into some specifics about what the session is going to be like including the escort's role, demeanor, and interest in specific acts. This discovery starts with a question about what the escort is into. All I'm saying is that if an escort doesn't want to get into these intimate specifics with someone who intends to "look into moving some things around to make a session happen" that's perfectly fair. We know that the OP had solid intentions, but I also see the escort's side. It's reasonable to hold off on that discussion until you're actually setting up an appointment. I also think that the OP's description of the escort's rebuffal seemed diplomatic.

[Rudynate]

"four texts is a too long conversation." Really? Four texts barely qualifies as a "conversation."

 

The OP isn't buying a car or a house- he's hiring an escort for an hour or two. Let's keep things in proportion. The OP lacks experience, so understandably wants the encounter to be perfect.

I reached out to an escort who is visiting my city. Initially sent him an email through RM. He responded pleasantly enough and gave me his phone number, signaling to me that he wanted to continue the conversation via text. So, I texted him asking him about availability. He said he couldn't meet me on the day I suggested. He suggested an alternate day. I told him I already had some obligations that day but would look into moving some things around to make a session happen. He sent me several sexy pics of himself that really got my motor running. So far, so good, right?

 

I then send him another text (probably my 4th to him during the entire conversation) telling him what I was into and asking if he thought we'd be compatible and if he had any other questions for me. He responds by saying, "Please limit messaging me until you are 100% sure you can meet. Otherwise we'll end up chatting a lot and never meeting. I hope you understand ;-)"

 

I'm sorry, but I was under the impression that as a paying client I get to try and ascertain whether my money is going to be well spent on you. How do I know that if I'm not even permitted to ask you questions about what you're into? And why is it that escorts (at least the ones I've contacted) never seem at all interested in finding out what makes me tick and what I'm interested in? I'm the one who has to volunteer that information. I'm truly perplexed. Isn't this supposed to be their business? Yet they make it seem like you're bothering them by trying to communicate! Seems like a lot of guys are in this business who don't really want to be.

 

I'm conflicted because I'm horny, this guy ticks all my boxes in all the right ways....yet this tone is really off putting. What would you do? Book anyway? Or say "Bye, Felicia"?

 

 

He sounds like a professional, experienced escort who knows how to manage his time well. He is running a business after all.

[youngboldone]

Yes, he is running a business - quite poorly in my opinion. When your business is providing customer service and you're providing none, that's a problem. He lost my business for sure. On to the next...