Conflicted about escort's tone - what would you do?

[youngboldone]

So I'm an egomaniac for wanting someone I'm paying hundreds of dollars an hour to take an interest in me? Okay, sure.

[escortrod]

So I'm an egomaniac for wanting someone I'm paying hundreds of dollars an hour to take an interest in me? Okay, sure.

Next thing you'll be expecting your barista to serve you the coffee you order and not what (s)he feels like, or nothing at all. It's just you, you, you. Baristas have feelings too!

[natmas02]

So I'm an egomaniac for wanting someone I'm paying hundreds of dollars an hour to take an interest in me? Okay, sure.

 

glad we can agree on something.

 

but seriously, back to my main point - if you figured out your schedule first and THEN asked "Hey, I have free time on Tuesday at 8PM and I'd like to see you for an hour. Can I ask you a few questions about what to expect during our appointment?" you would have gotten what you wanted.

[natmas02]

Next thing you'll be expecting your barista to serve you the coffee you order and not what (s)he feels like, or nothing at all. It's just you, you, you. Baristas have feelings too!

 

let's not divert into strawman arguments here. The details in hiring an escort =/= going to a bar/restaurant. Or buying a car.

 

Customer Service is essential in this business, yes, but let's not act like there isn't any weird stuff that happens during the hiring process that baristas and waiters have to deal with.

[escortrod]

let's not divert into strawman arguments here. The details in hiring an escort =/= going to a bar/restaurant. Or buying a car.

 

Customer Service is essential in this business, yes, but let's not act like there isn't any weird stuff that happens during the hiring process that both client and escort has to protect themselves.

I was just being sarcastic in response to your unnecessary judgement of a fellow forum member, based on the scantest evidence. It wasn't a serious argument.

[natmas02]

I was just being sarcastic in response to your unnecessary judgement of a fellow forum member, based on the scantest evidence. It wasn't a serious argument.

 

This whole forum is based on judgements on opinion and escorts/clients. And believe it or not, you can tell a lot about a person on how they treat other people and how they handle situations that they don't like.

[escortrod]

This whole forum is based on judgements on opinion and escorts/clients. And believe it or not, you can tell a lot about a person on how they treat other people and how they handle situations that they don't like.

I would nonetheless be reticent to infer anything about somebody’s personality from a couple of anonymous forum posts. More importantly I disagree with your assertion that egocentricity is demonstrated by @youngboldone because he wanted some information about the escort’s preferences. But maybe you have some expertise in psychologically profiling people online, in which case I will defer to your judgement.

[natmas02]

I would nonetheless be reticent to infer anything about somebody’s personality from a couple of anonymous forum posts. More importantly I disagree with your assertion that egocentricity is demonstrated by @boldyoungone because he wanted some information about the escort’s preferences. But maybe you have some expertise in psychologically profiling people online, in which case I will defer to your judgement.

 

So notice how in my posts I didn't knock on @boldyoungone's needs to have his questions answered. I'm disagreeing on his views on why he didn't get what he wanted in the first place. I suggested that if he confirmed a time, he would have gotten his answers. Reading is fundamental.

 

And yes, people can ascertain views on someone's personality by how they post their personal situations and how they handled it and also post how they felt about the situation, even it's online. It doesn't require expertise. Just a little comprehension.

[Bmorefriend]

I reached out to an escort who is visiting my city. Initially sent him an email through RM. He responded pleasantly enough and gave me his phone number, signaling to me that he wanted to continue the conversation via text. So, I texted him asking him about availability. He said he couldn't meet me on the day I suggested. He suggested an alternate day. I told him I already had some obligations that day but would look into moving some things around to make a session happen. He sent me several sexy pics of himself that really got my motor running. So far, so good, right?

 

I then send him another text (probably my 4th to him during the entire conversation) telling him what I was into and asking if he thought we'd be compatible and if he had any other questions for me. He responds by saying, "Please limit messaging me until you are 100% sure you can meet. Otherwise we'll end up chatting a lot and never meeting. I hope you understand ;-)"

 

I'm sorry, but I was under the impression that as a paying client I get to try and ascertain whether my money is going to be well spent on you. How do I know that if I'm not even permitted to ask you questions about what you're into? And why is it that escorts (at least the ones I've contacted) never seem at all interested in finding out what makes me tick and what I'm interested in? I'm the one who has to volunteer that information. I'm truly perplexed. Isn't this supposed to be their business? Yet they make it seem like you're bothering them by trying to communicate! Seems like a lot of guys are in this business who don't really want to be.

 

I'm conflicted because I'm horny, this guy ticks all my boxes in all the right ways....yet this tone is really off putting. What would you do? Book anyway? Or say "Bye, Felicia"?

[Bmorefriend]

My experience with escorts has always been to confirm a time an day, once that’s establish I move on by telling them what I’m into. I can sorta tell what their into by reading their ad, but I also asked them if they have other interests not mentioned in their ad.

 

Every escort I’ve had has always responded to my texts, in their own special timely way. If I were to not get a response after confirming an appointment, well I just don’t go, and if they text me later asking why I’m not their, I tell them, because I never heard back from you.

 

Basically, even if you confirm an appointment, doesn’t mean you have to show up for an appointment, if their not willing to communicate with you. If they communicate, an you feel your gonna get your monies worth, then it’s time to go for it. Sometimes even then it could be a disappointment, I found some escorts will say what you want to hear, then change the rules when you show up.

[rvwnsd]

I use a very different method than the "confirm the time/date and then figure out compatibility." On my first email, I state what I am into and availability and ask the escort what he thinks. 99% of the time the escort replies with the information I am looking for and 80% of the time the escort also mentions that he appreciates my approach. That's not to say the other 20% don't appreciate it, they just don't comment one way or another. Typically, my first communication is not by text. It is too hard to converse via text and oftentimes the text gets lost when the escort receives several inquiries within a short period of time.

 

As for the 1% that I email and don't reply with the information I am looking for - we don't connect. No harm, no foul.

[MiamiLooker]

On my first email, I state what I am into...

+1

I would never hire a contractor without first discussing what the job entails.

[+ José Soplanucas]

Over. Dramatic.

 

You're entitled to hire how you want to hire, but keeping your ego in check will help you have a better time in hiring escorts. The escort said something you didn't want to hear, but he did it in a very respectful manner. There's really not an issue with his tone. There really isn't. And in your original post you stated that you are a paying client. You're not. So let's keep the perspective in check.

 

The escort's time is just as valuable as yours. Why entertain a potential client who just said he doesn't even know if he has the time to set up an appointment? How about you see if you even have the time first and then ask him your questions?

 

I guarantee if you figured out your schedule first and THEN asked "Hey, I have free time on Tuesday at 8PM and I'd like to see you for an hour. Can I ask you a few questions about what to expect during our appointment?" you would have gotten what you wanted.

 

This.

.http://38.media.tumblr.com/4dcb32e3d919705576bcf2c4263a5f8c/tumblr_n9uqy2UcXD1rrx588o1_400.gif

[+ José Soplanucas]

So I'm an egomaniac for wanting someone I'm paying hundreds of dollars an hour to take an interest in me? Okay, sure.

 

You did not pay. He does not know whether or not you are going to pay because it took you four messages to get to the point.

[+ José Soplanucas]

What is the point of not going straight to the point. To take @escortrod analogy, when you go to Starbucks, do you discuss the weather with the barista or you tell her what you want?

Of course we all have different styles and preferences. But never forget that you are not working on a hook up, you are contacting a professional. In case he is a successful provider, he is probably sorting hundred of messages and has all the right to set priorities. He was perfectly polite and friendly when communicating his priorities.

If you do not like his style, cool, just move on to the next. He is also communicating in between lines that he does not need your business, so it is not a big deal for any of you two.

 

@youngboldone , if you are actually asking for advice, I would say honor your screen name and be more bold.

If you are texting, tell what you want when you make first contact. If you have a profile in the outlet you are using, let's say Rentmen or Adam, you can write a thoughtful description of your preferences and refer to it when you make first contact. I have a profile in RM and in A4A, so my first message is something like: "Hey! I like your profile. Please, check mine and if you think we are compatible hit me back". If he hits me back, I ask whether he is willing to have a videoconference to verify pics. No waste of time.

When I did not have a profile or when I use rentboy.pro, where you cannot have one, my first message would be something like: "Hey! Hot pics. I am looking for a passionate French kisser who enjoys being submissive, bottoming, and oral. If you think we can click, please hit me back letting me know whether you are willing to have a videoconference to verify pictures."

[+ Keith30309]

texting sometimes makes thing seems harsher than they seem.

+1

 

I've had more minor problems caused by misinterpretation of the tone of a text message comprised of a handful of letters than anything else in hiring. I think that text messages are best reserved for confirming facts - not feelings. I find myself reading meaning into text messages based on my preconceived perception that has no basis in anything factual. If I feel butthurt about a text message I have to pause, step back and look at the letters on the screen to remove any emotions I added to their context.

[jjkrkwood]

I reached out to an escort who is visiting my city. Initially sent him an email through RM. He responded pleasantly enough and gave me his phone number, signaling to me that he wanted to continue the conversation via text. So, I texted him asking him about availability. He said he couldn't meet me on the day I suggested. He suggested an alternate day. I told him I already had some obligations that day but would look into moving some things around to make a session happen. He sent me several sexy pics of himself that really got my motor running. So far, so good, right?

 

I then send him another text (probably my 4th to him during the entire conversation) telling him what I was into and asking if he thought we'd be compatible and if he had any other questions for me. He responds by saying, "Please limit messaging me until you are 100% sure you can meet. Otherwise we'll end up chatting a lot and never meeting. I hope you understand ;-)"

 

I'm sorry, but I was under the impression that as a paying client I get to try and ascertain whether my money is going to be well spent on you. How do I know that if I'm not even permitted to ask you questions about what you're into? And why is it that escorts (at least the ones I've contacted) never seem at all interested in finding out what makes me tick and what I'm interested in? I'm the one who has to volunteer that information. I'm truly perplexed. Isn't this supposed to be their business? Yet they make it seem like you're bothering them by trying to communicate! Seems like a lot of guys are in this business who don't really want to be.

 

I'm conflicted because I'm horny, this guy ticks all my boxes in all the right ways....yet this tone is really off putting. What would you do? Book anyway? Or say "Bye, Felicia"?

 

 

I'm sure in his business he gets alot of guys that flake on him, so he is very atuned and sensitive the communication style and frequency. I think his comment was fair and polite. There are just some guys that can NEVER make a decision. If you are uncomfortable with his demeanor, or feel some kinda way, seek out another guy... you are only limiting yourself by fixating on HIM.

[+ Pensant]

Over the years, I’ve found that terser communications are now the norm and I deal with that fact. Also, if you’re interested in engaging a hot 20-something, you also may need to sell yourself as a client, as annoying as that may be to some forum contributors. Some of the hotties whom I’ve met have stated that my approach and attitude persuaded them to meet with me rather than others. We’re dealing with young men who perhaps aren’t always sure they want to jump into this line of work; however, among that cohort I’ve found many hotties with whom I’ve developed longer-term and very satisfactory relationships. I’ve learned to leave my ego behind when engaging some very desirable candidates and have been well rewarded.

[+ José Soplanucas]

Over the years, I’ve found that terser communications are now the norm and I deal with that fact. Also, if you’re interested in engaging a hot 20-something, you also may need to sell yourself as a client, as annoying as that may be to some forum contributors. Some of the hotties whom I’ve met have stated that my approach and attitude persuaded them to meet with me rather than others. We’re dealing with young men who perhaps aren’t always sure they want to jump into this line of work; however, among that cohort I’ve found many hotties with whom I’ve developed longer-term and very satisfactory relationships. I’ve learned to leave my ego behind when engaging some very desirable candidates and have been well rewarded.

 

+1

Welcome to the forums!

[+ Pensant]

Well thank you, sir!

[youngboldone]

UPDATE: After telling me not to text him back, I was trying to decide what I wanted to do, when he texted me back to give me an update on his schedule for Sunday. So I then texted him back and frankly told him that because of my lack of experience and general anxiety about hiring, his previous text made me feel chastised and uncomfortable. I explained my approach to hiring and my rationale of vetting before making an appointment versus making an appointment, vetting, and then canceling on a person. After an hour passes, he then calls me. I was running errands and driving at the time so couldn't take the call. During this whole time I was thinking maybe I'd been to quick to misinterpret, that I should give him the benefit of the doubt, and that I would book something with him if the call went okay.

 

Once I got home and could call, I did, and it went straight to VM. I asked him to text me a definitive time this evening when I could call so we didn't play phone tag back and forth. Heard nothing for the next 3 hours. Then I notice a message in my RM inbox, a message from the escort that said this:

 

"It's been a stressful week for me. I've had an obscene amount of guys message me one or two times and then I've messaged and called them back LOTS of times with absolutely no response. I had a guy make an appt with me and when I went to confirm our appt the day before he informed me that his flight got changed and he forget to tell me. Two guys were messaging me only to meet at that exact time...it makes me wonder what kind of drugs their on.

Since I called you and messaged you a bunch of times today with no response I blocked all six clients that weren't responding to my texts...it was giving me far too much stress. I couldn't deal with it. Was it unprofessional? Perhaps. But did it help me get rid of all of that stress? Absolutely.

My point is: I blocked your number. After I blocked your number your voicemail somehow still came through to my phone.

So if you still want to get together you will either have to message me here or directly through my email. If you don't want to meet anymore it's absolutely understandable.

I hope you're having a weekend that is far more relaxing that mine."

 

Now what am I supposed to do with that? This guy seems very high maintenance and not worth the trouble, and yet, part of me is still considering reaching out again. I mean, if I just want an orgasm, I can achieve that at home for free. The point (to me) of going through all this is to have some genuine human affection, a genuine interaction, even if it is only for a couple of hours. Thus...the reason I want to vet thoroughly. At this point, I'm wondering even if we did get together, whether there's too much baggage to even have a good time with this guy no matter how hot he is.

[OccassionalHire]

Sounds like way too much drama. If anything is rubbing you the wrong way, trust your instincts and move on.

[Gymowner]

One problem that many escorts that chat with me have is inconsistency from the client at best and at worst a flake. When I say I will meet up... I do. The time I say I can...I will. If the phone rings I pick it up. Escort then sees a responsible guy that is even moreso that guy they meet. They appreciate it. I'm not saying things come up and so firth yet it appears there are so many reasons people can't make the time, the date, the call etc it would get very tiresome over time if I were the escort. I also give the escort the chance to be that...if they have issues and reasons "why not" I move on. This isn't a love afair it's for most a one hour meeting.

[natmas02]

UPDATE: After telling me not to text him back, I was trying to decide what I wanted to do, when he texted me back to give me an update on his schedule for Sunday. So I then texted him back and frankly told him that because of my lack of experience and general anxiety about hiring, his previous text made me feel chastised and uncomfortable. I explained my approach to hiring and my rationale of vetting before making an appointment versus making an appointment, vetting, and then canceling on a person. After an hour passes, he then calls me. I was running errands and driving at the time so couldn't take the call. During this whole time I was thinking maybe I'd been to quick to misinterpret, that I should give him the benefit of the doubt, and that I would book something with him if the call went okay.

 

Once I got home and could call, I did, and it went straight to VM. I asked him to text me a definitive time this evening when I could call so we didn't play phone tag back and forth. Heard nothing for the next 3 hours. Then I notice a message in my RM inbox, a message from the escort that said this:

 

"It's been a stressful week for me. I've had an obscene amount of guys message me one or two times and then I've messaged and called them back LOTS of times with absolutely no response. I had a guy make an appt with me and when I went to confirm our appt the day before he informed me that his flight got changed and he forget to tell me. Two guys were messaging me only to meet at that exact time...it makes me wonder what kind of drugs their on.

Since I called you and messaged you a bunch of times today with no response I blocked all six clients that weren't responding to my texts...it was giving me far too much stress. I couldn't deal with it. Was it unprofessional? Perhaps. But did it help me get rid of all of that stress? Absolutely.

My point is: I blocked your number. After I blocked your number your voicemail somehow still came through to my phone.

So if you still want to get together you will either have to message me here or directly through my email. If you don't want to meet anymore it's absolutely understandable.

I hope you're having a weekend that is far more relaxing that mine."

 

Now what am I supposed to do with that? This guy seems very high maintenance and not worth the trouble, and yet, part of me is still considering reaching out again. I mean, if I just want an orgasm, I can achieve that at home for free. The point (to me) of going through all this is to have some genuine human affection, a genuine interaction, even if it is only for a couple of hours. Thus...the reason I want to vet thoroughly. At this point, I'm wondering even if we did get together, whether there's too much baggage to even have a good time with this guy no matter how hot he is.

 

So at this point, I say you are 100% justified in not hiring him and that he's not for you. The only times an escort should vent to clients about other clients or business outside of your agreement is if you specifically ask him. I can appreciate that he gave you a true explanation of his behavior in the follow-up, but that's about it.

[coriolis888]

One problem that many escorts that chat with me have is inconsistency from the client at best and at worst a flake. When I say I will meet up... I do. The time I say I can...I will. If the phone rings I pick it up. Escort then sees a responsible guy that is even moreso that guy they meet. They appreciate it. I'm not saying things come up and so firth yet it appears there are so many reasons people can't make the time, the date, the call etc it would get very tiresome over time if I were the escort. I also give the escort the chance to be that...if they have issues and reasons "why not" I move on. This isn't a love afair it's for most a one hour meeting.

 

He seems like a one way street!

 

He wants you to keep your communication short and to a minimum. However, he made his communication with you to be unlimited. Worse though is that he said he blocked your phone number because you did not answer when he called you.

 

Does his behavior belong to someone you are considering paying several hundred dollars for an intimate encounter? I hope not.

 

If we were at a casino and I were betting on the odds that your meeting would work out well, I would bet to the negative.