DEFINING VANILLA

[Guest RO]

I've often wondered the same thing. There are probably as many definitions for vanilla sex as there are queers in SF. Personally, I perceive it as being sort of similar to the type of sex we imagine our parents having. Isn't that a hoot? Of course, you first have to be able to imagine your parents having sex ...! Obviously, I admit mine is a RIDICULOUS interpretation and not to be taken seriously.

 

Our experience level contributes importantly to what we consider vanilla. What was kinky to me 20 years ago is old hat today. Also, I'm less likely to enjoy kinky sex with someone I have emotional feelings for than I am with a "trick". Is that also wierd? However, I have a "straight" friend who LOVES straight & gay kink & thinks it's the ULTIMATE act of intimacy - he's changing my attitude. But how would you keep the spark in a relationship like that until death did you part?

 

I think many psychological barriers exist, especially by those of us with religious backgrounds, because we've been brainwashed to believe that anything beyond vanilla is unacceptably deviant. But that's another topic.

[Guest Jake]

Great thread! I've always thought vanilla refers to the old standard fucking and sucking and felt pretty sure that's the category I would fall into. But being relatively new to gay sex after having spent far too many years making a wife and child miserable, I find my horizons expanding almost daily. I've discovered I have the most sensitive nipples and absolutely LOVE when they are played with, twisted and bitten. Sex without a lot of noise (growls and grunts and groans and even a few distinguishable words) doesn't do it for me anymore. The louder the better. And what about role playing? Hmm. I don't mind being a hot dude's "bitch" for the night, but also very much enjoy making him "my bitch." Am I moving out of the realm of vanilla?? These labels are interesting and in many cases help us define ourselves, but I suspect in the long run don't mean very much. I, for one, constantly find my likes expanding and including much more than I ever expected. There was a time when I thought I would gag if someone put his cock in my mouth (sad, isn't it?) but just last night I had a good 9 inches down my throat and couldn't get enough. And judging from my partner's response, I was doing a damn good job. So, guys, I suspect I'm moving past vanilla, chocolate and strawberry and am settling down in the banana split territory about now.

[Guest Ken]

E: DEFINING VANILLA"

Great thread! I've always thought vanilla refers to the old standard fucking and sucking (THAT'S VANILLA)

I've discovered I have the most sensitive nipples and

absolutely LOVE when they are played with,sucked,(THAT'S VANILLA) twisted and bitten.(THAT'S POSSIBLY VANILLA PLUS...)

role playing? Hmm(PROBABLY NOT VANILLA). I don't mind being a hot dude's "bitch" for the night, but also very much enjoy making him "my

bitch."(NOT VANILLA) Am I moving out of the realm of vanilla??(YES) last night I had a good 9 inches down my throat and couldn't get enough. And

judging from my partner's response, I was doing a damn good job. (STILL CONSIDERED VANILLA)

 

I think VANILLA is sucking and fucking but without any of the "kinky" attributes that could be added to it.

[Guest RO]

Well ... isn't "fucking and sucking without any of the kinky attributes" pretty much like the type of sex we imagined our parents having? (Except, of course, for the same gender part.)

 

 

Also, could someone please verify for me what an oral top is? Isn't he the dude GETTING sucked, even though the guy doing the sucking is usually on "top"? I've heard various confusing references to this term, especially in escort ads. Maybe there's not a consistent definition. Maybe I'm the only one confused. Maybe it's just been too damn long.

 

You know ... 'ya learn somethin' new everyday!

[HooBoy]

In my mind I've always thought of an oral top as a Top (the person who does the insertion) who also likes oral, which I would think would mean sucking as well as getting sucked.

[Guest torjon]

Since I originated this thread, maybe I should state what my interpretation of "vanilla" was, or is. I see it as almost anything that does not involve pain, w.s., bondage, s&m, fetish,or humiliation. I make no judgements here...those are just not sexual turn-ons for me. So I kiss,(man, do I kiss!) I

touch, I lick, I suck, I fuck (sometimes) and mutual jerk-off can be just fine. A perfect male ass will also get a LOT of attention from me, providing it's attached to a man I like. So that, guys, is what I'm into, and I consider myself vanilla. Just thought maybe I should give my

definition of what I think it means. Still would like to see some other observations.

[Guest Raffy]

To me the oral top has always been the one doing the sucking (usually me).

But I can see how both interpretations apply:

If the guy getting sucked is laying back doing nothing, then he would be the bottom.

But if he's actively fucking someone in the mouth (who's laying back doing nothing), then he's the top!

Does this make any sense? Now I'm all horny, dammit.

[Guest Ken]

Very interesting to read how different people define "oral top" and "oral bottom". That is why many responses to this forum are encouraged. We all know what "top" and "bottom" mean in anal activities but oral activities obviously remain nebulous.

[HooBoy]

I've been trying to think of code words or analogies that we could use. Especially when on the phone talking with a stranger.

 

Like I like to hit home runs.

I work a lot on keeping my baseball bat polished

I have someone else polish my baseball bat

I like exhanginging bats

 

I like a lot of gatorade in the dugout because I suck it down

 

I prefer having others suck my gatorade

 

I'm a pitcher.

 

I'm a catcher.

 

I can play any position.

 

I want the game to go the full 9 innings and I expect at least home runs!

[Guest rggf]

Now I'm totally confused...

 

I thought I knew what vanilla, top, bottom, were. Now I don't have a clue!!!

 

Well, variety is the spice...as they say, so I guess I can keep trying to find out what all these activities really are!!!

 

But I refuse to use my crystal chandelier for any of it. }> }> }> }> }>

[Guest Tomcal_]

RE: Now I'm totally confused...

 

Like Jake, I was married with kids, and when I finally started having gay sex(6 years ago) considered myself "Vanilla". To me Vanilla is someone who will Kiss, Suck, Rim, Fuck Anything other then that starts moving into the various "flavors". Example, a couple of weeks ago I met a guy in a bar(pick up, not escort) and we went back to his place and after rolling around on the floor for awhile he says "You want to do something dirty?" I go What do you mean? He goes "will you pee on me?" to me W/S is not vanilla. I am not interested in that, told him it really isn't anything I am into, and then said "I am pretty vanilla" (see above..lol) It really didn't faze me at all, just doesn't turn me on, but obviously he has some issues with a sexual activity he prefers. I thought the useage of the term "something dirty" was interesting. This guy was 28, from Greece, but lived here since he was 5.

[+ Lucky]

RE: Now I'm totally confused...

 

Now I'm totally confused. This thread is three years old. What prompted you to post on it after such a long time?

[Guest torjon]

Despite my mature age, I'm still in a learning process where guy sex is concerned, having come

(no pun)to this arena a bit later in life.

I realize that the word "vanilla" is used to describe a certain type of sex, and I thought I knew what that was (me!). But something in one of the reviews or perhaps it was the message center,

made me doubt my interpretation. Could some of you

wise and witty correspondents take a minute and define the word as it relates to sex?It's probably what I am, but in that case, I'd like to know what it is (exactly) that I AM!

[Chuck50]

RE: Now I'm totally confused...

 

Old things get "resurrected." I always thought of Vanilla as anything outside of Intercourse you know Bill CLinton sex but not sex. Hugging, kissing, Licking, sucking maybe some fucking but not neccessarily so. Other than that I guess we would call it SEX. HUGS Chuck

[Guest Tomcal_]

RE: Now I'm totally confused...

 

>Now I'm totally confused. This thread is three years old.

>What prompted you to post on it after such a long time?

Lucky, somhow, my screen started showing post in oldest first mode, I didn't look at the date saw what I thought was a new topic and posted and then later realized, sorry, but what the hell, not really that big a deal!

[+ Lucky]

RE: Now I'm totally confused...

 

No, it is not a big deal. I was just curious.

[Guest fukamarine]

Could someone please explain to me why so many posts in this thread are attributed to "guests". I've never seen this before - I thought one had to be a registered member to post. What gives? Just curious.

 

fukamarine

[Guest Hijnx]

For me, vanilla is an intimate experience that doesn't involve expanding my limits or any edginess at all. It is completely safe, pain-free, anxiety-free, fear-free and predictable. You're a bottom, I'm a top, I initiate, you respond, no mess, no foul, no surprises. It can be incredibly comforting and pleasurable, relaxing and stress-reducing.

It can also be boring as hell if you have too much of it. But, that's just me. I like someone fucking with my brain as well as my body.

[Guest feisty1]

>Could someone please explain to me why so many posts in this

>thread are attributed to "guests".

 

My guess about "guests" is that those registrations have expired. All the "guest" posts are from years ago. They were once registered members here; now they aren't. Perhaps they should be called "ghosts" instead of "guests".

 

--Michael

N.P. "Lost Not Found" - Dirty Vegas

[+ nycman]

I'm vanilla

You know I'll never be

As kinky as you want me to be

If that's not enough variety

Tie someone else to your bedpost

 

-Pansy Division "Vanilla"

[+ Charlie]

"Vanilla" sex is what other gays do, and what you pretend you do, too, when you are discussing your sex life with straight people.

[VaHawk]

RE: Now I'm totally confused...

 

"Those oldies but goodies remind me of you". But imo, my definition of vanilla has always been kissing, hugging, sucking, rimming and fucking straight up and straight ahead. Anything involving s/m, b/d, w/s, fantasy role play, etc. would be outside "vanilla" and more into "flavors". Do you think we could put some kind of color scheme in messages ala the hankies to get the point across. You know something like robin's egg blue that read right to left meant you like to suck cock and left to right meant you like to get sucked?

[Guest Love Bubble Butt]

I never thought of rimming as vanilla. Apparently, I'm the minority on that. But I was having dinner with a straight/married male co-worker one night and he talked about how he liked rimming his wife but that she won't do it back to him. I about fell off of my fucking bar stool!! Obviously ignorant and naive me had no idea that straight people rimmed! I thought it was just a gay thing.

[VaHawk]

Now that was funny!! Thanks for the laugh! :7

But then again, I don't like to think about straight sex of any kind.