The Rules of Air Travel

[BobbyThompson]

These are my personal pet peeves of air travel. Please add your own below :-)

 

1. Any food that stimulates the olfactory senses is prohibited. Sour cream and onion chips and greasy hamburgers are at the top of the list. Don't force all of us to smell you getting a coronary.

 

2. Babies and their mothers *must* sit in the back of the plane in the newly created daycare section to disturb as few people as possible. Better yet, take the bus (or Southwest...eee.)

 

3. You must use your indoor voice. No one wants to hear about your lame business meeting.

 

4. Please...please, do not watch porn on your laptop unless you have a prviacy screen (http://www.3mprivacyfilters.com) Not all of us like to watch Asian food porn. I swear, if while on an airplane I have to see any more food eaten out of a vagina, I'm gonna be the first person to actually use one of those vomit bags.

 

5. Do not do your aerobic workout on the plane. When questioned, please don't say that it's to avoid blood clotting. That only happens to 90-year-old women on cross-continental flights, not you. Besides, it's 36,000 feet, not your living room. It's obvious that you need the exercise, but wait the four hours.

 

6. Don't lean on the cabin door while you're waiting to use the bathroom. It's freaky.

 

7. Try to keep your bodily functions to yourself. This includes coughing (bring Halls if you have a sore throat,) snorting (seriously, that's gross,) and snoring. If you snore on a plane, just don't sleep.

 

8. Headphone etiquette: Headphone leak should be avoided as a courtesy to those around. Also, headphones always mean "I don't want to talk to you."

 

This post is dedicated to the dearly departed Delta Airlines, whose bankruptcy has touched us all. *tear*

[+ BenjaminNicholas]

Frequent flyer pet peeves. The list forever continues

 

While i've got a few to add to your roster, the greatest annoyance of mine comes from business people who refuse to put down the cell phone after the boarding door is closed. Not like the flight attendants have enough to do already, but now they have to deal with passengers who should already know better. I vote for the extreme usage of cattle prods in these situations...

 

Oh yea. I also vote for movie rotation twice a month. I've sat through 'Sisterhood of Traveling Pants' one too many times and have now developed some sort of twitch everytime Amber Tamblyn appears on-screen. Magic jeans my ass.

 

>This post is dedicated to the dearly departed Delta Airlines,

>whose bankruptcy has touched us all. *tear*

 

Use those miles while you still can B. Seems the only two airlines left that are still standing tall are American and Continental. Are you planning on moving your status over to CO (a SkyTeam partner) if Delta goes wishy-washy on their elite?

 

 

~bn

[Rick Munroe]

>Please add

>your own below :-)

 

If you're going to jerk off the guy sitting next to you, offer to do it under your own blanket so his doesn't get all spunked up. And make sure you have some extra towels from the bathroom to wipe him up, too. And always carry little one-use packets of Eros in case he likes it slippery. Also, if you're going to let a guy blow you in the lavatory, be a gentleman and put the toilet seat down for him to sit on. These little touches will really show your fellow travellers that you care.

[LovesYng]

Only you Rick, your one of a kind :7 Don't ever change...

 

When in doubt I whip it out :+

[Houston Bonfires]

I find it frustrating and disgusting following an adolescent to the lavatory and finding said twink has squeezed his acne sores and the resultant blood and pus is running down the mirror. I'd rather deal with the babies in the rear of the plane. Just my opinion.

[kevininsa]

>2. Babies and their mothers *must* sit in the back of the

>plane in the newly created daycare section to disturb as few

>people as possible.

 

There's a daycare section now?? Let's mandate that puppy!!!

 

>7. Try to keep your bodily functions to yourself. This

>includes coughing (bring Halls if you have a sore throat,)

 

But sometimes I don't start to cough till the 2nd hour in that dry plane.

 

>and snoring. If you snore on a plane, just don't sleep.

 

I didn't know I was going to fall asleep. Honest! Besides it's better than someone's head lolling over your shoulder while they drool on you!

 

KevinInSA

[Rick Munroe]

>Don't ever change...

 

I don't think I could if I tried. I'm stuck being a horny smartass for life.

[twinkboylover28]

I had some lady in the seat directly behind me sniffling her nose literally every 30 seconds during the entire flight. It was driving me insane; however, no one else seeemed to be annoyed at the sniffling. I guess I'm high strung.

[Guest msclonly]

What are you suppose to do after the airline serves a lunch consisting of a Chicken-Cheese sandwich with spicey chili and a side of fermented gabbage salad creating a big bag of wind?

 

Real lunches served on several flights, this year!

Only slight variations of the sandwiches.

 

 

[ted]

What airline actually serves food these days? Unless you're in first or business class or flying internationally, in flight meals are a thing of the past.

Why does the 300 Lb person with the 50" waist that needs the seat belt extender always end up in the seat next to me?

[noviceny]

>What are you suppose to do after the airline serves a lunch

>consisting of a Chicken-Cheese sandwich with spicey chili and

>a side of fermented gabbage salad creating a big bag of wind?

>

 

 

>7. Try to keep your bodily functions to yourself. This

>includes coughing (bring Halls if you have a sore throat,)

 

 

The answer to both of these problems as it applies to breaking wind, is an invention created in the late 80's by my little brother and I. It was known as the Fart Shield and has developed a bit in to its present day form. Initially my brother and I shared a room and when one of us would pass gas, the farter would yell out "FART SHIELD" and the fartee would go under their covers to avoid the smell.

 

Now as time went on, we believed that the bulk of the responsibility for covering the stench should be on the farter. Therefore, if you fart in the movies, it is your obligation to cover your legs and pelvis with your coat, thus trapping the stench until it disipates. Same thing goes for the airplane, but a blanket is suggested since it is bigger than a jacket and after all, the blanket isnt yours so who cares if ya burn a whole in it.

[jasoncarter_dfw]

Hey, for $2 on Air Canada, you can purchase a Nissin Chicken-flavored Cup O' Noodles, complete with spoon and hot water..not to mention the delicious dehydrated veggies!

 

>What airline actually serves food these days? Unless you're

>in first or business class or flying internationally, in

>flight meals are a thing of the past.

> Why does the 300 Lb person with the 50" waist that needs

>the seat belt extender always end up in the seat next to me?

[BobbyThompson]

Ben: I may switch over because I heard that if you ask nicely, they honor your status from one of their partner airlines. I'm going to look into it at the beginning of the year...I just don't feel like flying into Houston every ten minutes.

 

Houston Fires: I invite you to take a look at http://www.AllAboutBobby.com I have plenty of *actual* flaws, so there's no need for you to make them up. I would never deny anyone their right to display their schoolyard immaturity, just try and do it with some legitimacy.

 

Twinkboylover: You should have spoken up. I always ask people to stop talking/snorting/etc on planes. Most people respond to confrontation with capitulation. I've not gotten punched yet!

 

Airline food isn't really being served because it saves the airline money, which, though it does not look like it, is being passed on to the customer. I'd rather pay $250 from LA-NYC than $300 with an in-flight meal.

 

Happy flying

[Guest zipperzone]

The worst flight I EVER had was from Amsterdam to Montreal (approx 5 hours if my memory serves me correctly) where a child in the seat behind me kicked the back of my seat non-stop ALL THE WAY across the Atlantic.

 

Complaining to the mother and eventually to the flight attendent did no good what so ever.

 

I swear if I'd had a saw with me his legs would have been amputated at the knee!

[bigguyinpasadena]

If confronting the mother(nicely) did not help-then shaming her and the brat would be in order.Loudly declare "Madam if you cannot control your spawn then I have some rope in my overhead to hogtie the little hellion and a sock to gag his mouth with.As you are from a country which often treats bad little brats this way there will be no undue trauma.Now are you going to be a PARENT and MAKE your spawn behave?????Stare them down at this point"

No-you will not be well loved by the breeders on the plane-but lots of buisness travellers will give you a thumbs up-and the FA might move you.

[jawjateck]

Delta has been my preferred carrier for years, but their recent slide into ruin was foreseeable. Forget their jet fuel costs and woes; their customer service sucks in the worst way at every level. Just the mention of airline peeves and Delta, reminded me of a recent unhappy encounter with Delta and a lost suitcase. I have had to deal with delayed baggage before, but they reached a new level of incompetence. If bankruptcy meant "good riddance", I'd be happy that Delta is gone, but alas, they will emerge with the same sorry service and what's worse, will shed their pension liabilities on the rest of the taxpayers, like their other bankrupt peers have done.

 

Oh yeah....I guess you have to be a fed income taxpayer for that last statement to burn you up.

[+ glutes]

I can beat that:

 

On a flight from Frankfurt to NYC I had a guy with tourettes(sp?)syndrome seated next to me..

[+ glutes]

I can beat that:

 

On a flight from Frankfurt to NYC I had a guy with tourettes(sp?)syndrome seated next to me..

[swallows22]

Firstly to Bobby, BN and Munroe-when is the last time you PAID for an airline ticket?

If you find the service so tacky in Economy, buy a first/business class ticket.

I fly ATW once a year first class and have no complaints. Mind you-I avoid US airlines like the plague.

But for heaven's sake, if you are so uncomfortable flying, why don't you walk! And have a nice day.

[+ BenjaminNicholas]

I do buy into First. Usually either with miles or money.

 

I travel for leisure as well, so please don't imply that all of my travel is 'taken care of.' Either way, it's still our right as frequent flyers (and customers) to have an OPINION about the product we fly. We're not ripping it to shreds here, but just sharing some common views as people who fly more than the standard.

 

You want some real down & dirty chat about frequent flying? Head over to FlyerTalk.com, read through the message boards and then try to tell me that we're being picky

 

 

~bn

[Guest Merlin]

I always carry earplugs with me when I fly. Reduces engine noise, babies, sniffling, conversations and women snapping their chewing gum. Why do so many women do that? Men seldom chew gum and never snap it in my experience.

[Rick Munroe]

>Firstly to Bobby, BN and Munroe-when is the last time you

>PAID for an airline ticket?

 

Actually, Smartypants, unless someone is flying me to them, I pay for all my own transportation (actually, that's not true; Derek pays all the bills). That is usually the case for "touring" escorts who choose a city to visit. And although we receive many offers, Derek and I do not accept travel jobs as solo escorts, so almost all the travel we do is as touring escorts.

 

Besides, I wasn't kvetching about air travel so don't lump me in with everyone else. My post was meant to be humorous; I have no complaints about flying (other than the fact that it still scares me and that is why I do not do any travel jobs without Derek because he holds my hand and makes me forget my

 

http://www.ericajong.com/images/flyingcov2.jpg

[jeanclaude44]

Sorry, but I've actually had good experience with Delta thru the years. Their service to Europe is very good and domestic has been fine.

 

As a silver Medallion level frequent flyer, I have been upgraded free about 60-70% of the time.

I have had no problem redeeming FF miles....getting one economy San Diego to Florida ticket and two business class to Asia (via SkyTeam partners) tickets this year.

 

I have noticed that the interiors of the domestic planes has gotten noticeably worn this past 12-18 months.

 

If they pare down their domestic routes and increase international, as they plan, they might be Okay. But I guess I can fly parner Continental if I need to.

[Guest msclonly]

Coach vs Business class

 

There are more odors in Coarh without food being served, then in Business class with food served.

 

BUt just the seats alone make a nice difference in Business.

My tickets cost as much for Business class as it does for Coach.

Upgrades are based on Elite status or miles.

 

:+ :+ :+

[Steven_Draker]

Reading this thread, all I can say is: God bless european airlines (my favorite one being Lufthansa). Travelling in Europe is so easy and you get the service too. :-)

 

Steven Draker ~

http://www.hotsexystud.com/uk