AOL Profile in Miami Room

[SmallTownJohn]

Hey Guys,

 

I was reading AOL profiles online today and this is what I came across...LOL

 

 

 

READ BEFORE CONTACTING ME PLEASE:

 

Whats up. I'm a 24 year old Italian boy livin in southwest FL in the Naples/Ft Myers area. I'm lookin for a hot dude to spend some time with and have some fun with, and who knows what could develop from there.

 

I'm Italian, 5'10, 140 pounds, and attractive (Pics are on profile tab but please read first) I know I might be an hour or so out of your area, but its well worth the drive, and spending time getting to one another because I'm not entirely into one nighters either.

 

I'm lookin for thuggish guys of any race or creed, who are hot, with nice bodies, and have a good personality and head on their shoulders. I understand if you are looking for JUST a hook up, there is absolutely no point in wasting your time reading this, so I'll make it clear now, that I'm not looking for JUST a hook up on here, so all those that are, bounce on outta this now.. The rest.. well.. I'm sure after fully going over this, some of you will dismiss yourselves as well.. By the way, to clear up the confusion, when I say I like "Bad boys" and "Thuggish" dudes, I mean the appeal, NOT the lifestyle.. So if you are on some sort of probation for strong armed Robbery, are apt to jack someone's vehicle in the middle of the night in my neighborhood, deal/use heavy drugs, or beat everyone up that looks at you the wrong way, then go sling your toy guns, gang signs, colors, and identity shocked asses elsewhere. I'm not putting up with it.

 

Location I'm looking for someone between the ages of 18-30 (preferably 21-25, but who knows.. I'm open minded.. Just be close enough to my age. I'm your basic innocent good boy who's lookin for a bad boy to be bad with I wanna experience some things, and have fun while doing them. I wanna find a guy that knows what he's doing and it seems in my local area there aren't any that are worth looking at or giving a chance to. If you smoke (420) that's a plus, I've never done it, and its just a very sexual thing to me, almost like a fantasy I wanna try with the right guy. Like I said, I'm really innocent lol. But I wanna get down and dirty now... Just hit me up and I'll send my pics to you..

Marital Status Note- Extreme Closet Cases, Married Men, Boastful Prideful Gay pride rainbow wearing Fanatics, Dudes who are currently in a relationship, Players, Mind games, Seven day a week Club kids, Issues, Drama Queens, Egotistical, Pressuring rude Jackasses, non-hygienic, STD's, Dudes with extreme felony records, The Mindless, dull, Brainless and extremely uneducated, Drug dealers, drug Addicts, Alcoholics, Britney Spears fans, Shallow, Superficial and Stereotyped, Those with identity issues, or wake up to the sight of their closet door every morning, Those into Barebacking, Body Excretements, or sick fetishes, Bondage, Leather, Whips, enjoy urinating on your partner, Feet, Sadism, gore, or weekly Orgy retreats, Liars, Con Artists, Dysfunctional, Unstable, or Psychologically unbalanced, Sex Offenders, Escorts, Prostitutes, Callboys, Convicts and those under Supervised releases, Dudes who can't carry their own weight, Users, abusers, haters, Clingy, Emotional messes,kleptomaniacs, necrophilia, tree huggers, extreme conformists, bipolar, psychopathic, sociopath's, those who practice cannibalism, random sacrifices, cult-like activities, Queens, Bears, Twinks, Rednecks, Ignorance, Discrimination, Bigots, Racial Segregation, If you can't carry a conversation, possess no beliefs, conviction, compassion, If you have any of the following: Crows-feet, lockjaw, lice, dandruff, gingivitis, warts, acne, missing limbs, cross-eye, lazy eye, body odor, obesity, are over flatulant, can brush your back hair, or braid your chest hair, have fungus growing anywhere on your body, lost control of your bowel movements, anorexia, bulimia, please REFRAIN from Contacting me. Thank you.

 

Hobbies & Interests So, if you are shady about the hour or so distance it might be between us, then its cool. Chances are, you aren't the one I'm lookin for either.. I don't want a quick cheap thrill for a few hours and that's it. I need a little more substance. But, it will be worth it with the right dude. I Just know what I want, that's all... And I can't be judged or ridiculed because of that.

 

Please be somewhat intelligent, considerate, and definitely be hot. Thug appeal is a plus, 420 is a plus, ripped/toned bods are a plus, aggressive guys, and a guy who wants to spend a little time getting to know you before pressuring and pushing you into the bedroom is a definite plus.. I'm not saying I"m seeking a boyfriend either, that's something that ends up happening on its own.. but I'm not opposed to that either. I don't push things to happen, I let them happen in their own natural time course.

 

Anal isn't something I'm too into. yeh I've done it, and Its cool to do with the right person, and i'm a bottom. But i don't do that right off the bat with someone. I respect my body, and I'm not casual and reckless with others with it, I fully intend to keep living a healthy productive life. I'm sorry if that bursts your bubble. I like aggressive guys that take charge, and take their time doing things, its not a race. If you are one of those dudes who wont meet because I wont put out in the first hour of meeting you, then please don't bother wasting either of our time. I'm lookin for someone who takes their time, respectfully and is into pleasing their partner and not only themselves. That separates the boys from the men.. I'm definitely not a sl*ut, or a vending machine and I don't want to be treated as one.

 

I don't have X rated pics, I can't do that because of career/image reasons. I do have a webcam though, but please don't ask me to pull out my "personal parts" on it...... I'm not into the head-games, drama, queens, or gay scenes and stereotypes, so please don't be either. If I sense you aren't real, or serious or sincere, then I'll end the conversation. Please, don't Message me if you aren't what I'm looking for either, It's just frustrating.. I guess sometimes after going through a few bad experiences and meeting all the wrong guys, its not unappropriate or wrong to feel the need to be descriptive and thorough with your needs and expectations. Sorry if any of this offends you, I just know what i want.. and Chances are if you are that type of guy to immediately skip over all this to check the picture tab, then you probably aren't the kind of guy I'm not seeking in return either. If you are over the age of 28 or 30 and still have "Boi, boy or kid" in your screen name, I don't even want it.. time to grow the hell up.

 

Occupation So to wrap this verbose lengthy column up, I'm just going to say, be real, be honest, be a DUDE not a girly identity crisis, be hot, open minded and aggressive. You wont be disappointed, I promise.. Don't hate on something because you can't be having it, I'm pretty much nice and cordial to anyone who approaches me correctly and respectively.. but understand this is My World, My Rules, Thanks

 

 

 

**IMPORTANT MESSAGE**

 

Look, I am tired of the harrassment, the insults, and the bickering. If I'm not interested, I'll clearly state such to you, That doesn't require you to go postal on my ass and spend half your day's time turning the internet into a battle field over me, trying to stalk me, email me your stupidity, throw your rude messages in chats, go on multiple screen names until you've realized that they'll all be blocked and your messages unread..... NOT EVERY TWO PEOPLE are going to be a match, Just because you are all up on me, doesn't mean I'm going to feel the same about you, I'm sorry, that is HUMAN NATURE, its not a requirement for me to return the same feelings to you. I am still having contact from Older men offering me Money, Jackasses wanting to "Take my picture" when I've been pro for over a decade of my life, Insults, escorts, drug addicts, club kids, bitterness and hostility, I don't need those kind of elements, I did my part explaining what I'm NOT into, so please STOP CONTACTING ME!!!!!!!! I have no idea why all of you pester me, I look at you and get a disgustful look on my face over your raunchy pictures, your homely appearances, your sad acts of desparity waving money signs around because without it, you'll have a lifetime of desert d*ck, these fanatical reactions, please just GET OVER IT. It's the same script you all feed off of, You contact me with clear interest, and if I don't return that same level of interest back at you, you try and scold me with harsh words and put me down. That shows your level of maturity and pity. I'm not dealing with it. STOP CONTACTING ME IF YOU ARE FAT, UGLY, STUPID, IGNORANT, A CRIMINAL, A DRUG ADDICT, a PROSTITUTE, OVER THE AGE OF 30 or UNDER THE AGE of 18, A NUDE AMATEUR PHOTOGRAPHER, A HEAD CASE, a QUEEN, a REDNECK, or JUST PLAIN OUT DYSFUNCTIONAL. GOOD FRIGGEN LORD!

 

I HAVE BEEN ON THIS NAME FOR NOT QUITE FOUR DAYS. I HAVE 311 PEOPLE ON IGNORE. Does that say something? *slaps forehead*

 

Personal Quote ADDITIONAL NOTES:

 

1) AGES 18-30 PLEASE NO EXCEPTIONS. I'm getting a little fed up with 25 dudes over the age of 35 and 40 contacting me when I hit a chatroom. Its insulting, give it up and respect other's preferences by not violating and infringing upon them assuming you hold the lucky ticket, when there isn't one.. k.. thanks

 

2) If I am in the Miami Area Chats, DO NOT CONTACT ME SPEAKING SPANISH.. If you are not skilled in speaking in English, please don't bring me the headache......If ya wanna live here in the US, that's fine.. but don't expect an entire Country to conform to your lack of standards.. ok?

 

3) "Bears" "Twinks" and dudes that are 5'2 and 110 pounds soaking wet, What is YOUR deal? I explicitly gave a thorough description of what I'm looking for, if I wanted to hook up with midgets, Anorexia cases, Gender mix-ups or a caveman, I'd state such, so please don't waste my time....

 

4) If you contact me asking "Location" "Age" "Stats" "Are you in My Area" or "Penis size or Sexual Role" I will not even waste my time with a response. If you can't read a profile REGARDLESS of its length, then bow out now.... everything isn't time-efficient to your convenience, so ask stupid questions that could of been learned PRIOR to messaging me, don't be surprised when you are put on ignore and thrown out..... "I don't want to read a book dude" well, You won't be on the top of my list either. Unfortunately 90 percent of you on here are braindead, clueless and easy, You wont impress me with a body or an offer.

 

5) If you don't have a PIC, or only attain a pic of your neck down, or private areas, then don't expect interest on my end. There is no excuse, with all our technology to not have a pic, or be informative enough with your looks beyond sexual capacity is pathetic.

 

6) IF you are jobless, Don't own a vehicle, or your education crashed and burned before your Senior year in High school, you can offer NOTHING to me, so your muscle flexing and halfway charming smile aint sh*t.......Get a diploma and and a life..

 

7) Yeh, I like 420, I think its sexy, and it holds some sorta sexual fantasy to me, but if you are an all out pothead or use more potent drugs or party every night, please hold off contacting me. I don't date immature druggies or slurring, salivating alcholic halfwits.. okie dokie..

 

8) You aren't going to get "in the basket" the first night with me, so any player or pervert assuming he has enough charm to manipulate me into getting all the goods the first night, heed now, cause your bubble will be sorely bursted in time. I'm not into risking my life for a 30 minute all-talk below average performance by a kid lookin to get his nut off, so don't make me laugh at you.

 

9) Don't criticize me based on this profile, in most cases you fall short of most if not all standards and you are bummed out and resentful you can't get in my front door. I'm sorry, its just the way the cookie crumbles.. Don't waste your time as a lot of you do and continually pester me with different screen names, idenitites, fake altered pictures to somehow gain contact with me, I'm not your or anyone's fool..

 

10) Granted, its not ALL about looks, but please.. if you take beyond excellent pictures, or your pics are so outdated that your hiding your bellbottoms and platform beatle shoes beneath the camera's take, then jesus, why waste your time.... Don't misrepresent yourself or give misleading impressions or miconceptions on your character in any aspect, because I'm not going to be your sweetheart in person and excuse the drastic differences, I'll call you out on it and show you the door.. Come correct or don't come at all.....

 

11) Don't hide your baggage, I've had dudes hide their probation, drug addictions, Sex offender tags, Grand Theft Auto reputations, late night escorting, their other boyfriend or frivolous weekly booty-calls in their area that they think I'm too disconnected to find out about, Please don't under estimate me in any way. I will give you the shock of your life the first time you do.. Honesty is the only route I travel on, so beware.

 

12) Versitile dudes.. Understandably I'm not too much into anal, but when the time finally approaches that we take that step, and you claim TOP at the get-go and then as unfortunate as many of you have been, roll over onto your backs and ask me to pop you a few times, its an immediate shut down then. you still have a leg stuck around a shoe rack somewhere in your closet, its time to come out all the way.. and admit what you are.... And I'm not "your girlfriend" you tell your buddies you have an hour away either, quit lying. I don't play secret roles in life with anything I do, so I expect the same from you.

[JesusNYC]

You've got to be kidding me. That rules out just about everyone!

[+ Lucky]

"...then jesus, why waste your time...."

 

Hey, you were the only one singled out by name. Does that mean he really wants you?

[Guest firem66803]

i think i fell into several of his categories for elimination. oh well, i guess it just wasn't meant to be.

[Guest skrubber]

Damn John how did you read the whole thing, or did you? I lost interest after the third paragraph.

[JT Brooklyn]

After All this Guys "Babble", he definitely seems to be existing on 420! :+

[Bilbo]

Now we all know that I don't really cotton to pulling someone on here just so that we can ridicule him. So, even though he seems to have eliminated one way or another the entire human race, we perhaps should have some fellow feeling for his lonliness and spend a quiet moment wondering what could have happened to him that left him this way. So, please, a moment of silence ...... Good. That was long enough. Back to the bashing.

[Curmudgeon]

At long last! You've found Doug's profile! }(