Is there some cultural norm I'm missing? *zips up flameproof jumpsuit*

[LivingnLA]

I'm not going to name names because I've seen multiple forum members do what I'm about to discuss. As with my "bright light" thread, this is a complex and probably touchy topic. So if I offend someone, I apologize in advance.

 

What we discuss in many of our sub-forums tends to be quite intimate and when someone shares something--frequently personal--I'm surprised how frequently "catty," "sarcastic," or "snide" comments slip into the conversation.

 

I know I'm naive and overly optimistic, but I would think the primary goal of this forum should be creating a communal space where like-minded people come together to discuss topics of common interest. I'm all for people developing "thicker skins" but why should we--a supposedly supportive community--push people to become jaded? There's such a thing as "piling on" that seems to take it too far.

 

Let the Kum ba yah commence.

[+ Funguy]

I'm not going to name names because I've seen multiple forum members do what I'm about to discuss. As with my "bright light" thread, this is a complex and probably touchy topic. So if I offend someone, I apologize in advance.

 

What we discuss in many of our sub-forums tend to be quite intimate and when someone shares something--frequently personal--I'm surprised how frequently "catty," "sarcastic," or "snide" comments slip into the conversation.

 

I know I'm naive and overly optimistic, but I would think the primary goal of this forum should be creating a communal space where like-minded people come together to discuss topics of common interest. I'm all for people developing "thicker skins" but why should we--a supposedly supportive community--push people to become jaded? There's such a thing as "piling on" that seems to take it too far.

 

Let the Kum ba yah commence.

 

LOVE IT!!!!

[LivingnLA]

Thanks [uSER=9945]@funguy[/uSER]. I love big meaty portobellos for the grill.

[+ azdr0710]

[+ quoththeraven]

I think the cultural norm you're missing is making light, or entertainment of, most things. Perhaps it is a carryover from the days when gay men were expected to be camp, swishy and bitchy. Try looking at sites like Datalounge.

 

The opinion has sometimes been expressed here that drama and bitchiness goes with the territory. As society becomes more egalitarian and the self-loathing and confusion caused by prejudice ebbs, I hope that changes.

[LivingnLA]

Haha! Thanks @azdr0710. I do enjoy all the likes so far. I suspect this topic may be too touchy for some to comment.

 

Is it personality? Is it disposition? Is it cultural as I mention above?

 

I know for me personally, there are times when I'm sarcastic or snide but I tend to only do so in person and with close friends, family, or coworkers because the possibility of misunderstanding or offense is so high.

 

@quoththeraven, yes! That makes sense. Thank you. "Camp" seems to be a positive thing though, right? At least, that's been my understanding. I can't say I've experienced alot of it.

 

"Drama" and "bitchiness" definitely seem to be something we should be working on because such negativity seems corrosive to communal cohesion.

[+ Funguy]

Thanks [uSER=9945]@funguy[/uSER]. I love big meaty portobellos for the grill.

 

You have big meaty balls to post this thread as you did - so many people get shot down with needless and thoughtless comments!

[LivingnLA]

You have big meaty balls to post this thread as you did - so many people get shot down with needless and thoughtless comments!

 

Haha. My balls are above average, or so I've been told.

[+ WmClarke]

The opinion has sometimes been expressed here that drama and bitchiness goes with the territory. As society becomes more egalitarian and the self-loathing and confusion caused by prejudice ebbs, I hope that changes.

I think drama and bitchiness goes with Internet forums in general, not just the here.

[oscarkin]

I'm not going to name names because I've seen multiple forum members do what I'm about to discuss. As with my "bright light" thread, this is a complex and probably touchy topic. So if I offend someone, I apologize in advance.

 

What we discuss in many of our sub-forums tends to be quite intimate and when someone shares something--frequently personal--I'm surprised how frequently "catty," "sarcastic," or "snide" comments slip into the conversation.

 

I know I'm naive and overly optimistic, but I would think the primary goal of this forum should be creating a communal space where like-minded people come together to discuss topics of common interest. I'm all for people developing "thicker skins" but why should we--a supposedly supportive community--push people to become jaded? There's such a thing as "piling on" that seems to take it too far.

 

Let the Kum ba yah commence.

 

[MikeBiDude]

Haha! Thanks @azdr0710. I do enjoy all the likes so far. I suspect this topic may be too touchy for some to comment.

 

Is it personality? Is it disposition? Is it cultural as I mention above?

 

I know for me personally, there are times when I'm sarcastic or snide but I tend to only do so in person and with close friends, family, or coworkers because the possibility of misunderstanding or offense is so high.

 

@quoththeraven, yes! That makes sense. Thank you. "Camp" seems to be a positive thing though, right? At least, that's been my understanding. I can't say I've experienced alot of it.

 

"Drama" and "bitchiness" definitely seem to be something we should be working on because such negativity seems corrosive to communal cohesion.

I think the "in person" you mention has an effect. Many things posters (on the Internet in general) say/post they wouldn't say in a first person face-to-face conversation. So posters become braver, perhaps insensitive, perhaps evening experience catharsis-like feelings to posting "blind"

[LivingnLA]

I think drama and bitchiness goes with Internet forums in general, not just the here.

 

No doubt. The sense of anonymity makes it easy plus being limited to text means miscommunication is easy since text is only capable of carrying around a third of the intended meaning for social primates like us. We're designed to communicate in person, which is why body language, voice, etc. contain so much context and can completely change the meaning of "mere words."

[LivingnLA]

Lol @MikeBiDude! You ninja'd me while I was writing much of what you said in reply to @WmClarke's post.

[jjkrkwood]

Since I am certain that I am one of those people that Livingnla was alluding to, I will jump in here as I assume everyone was expecting.

 

I think its pretty clear that alot of people here take things posted on this site way too seriously. I think what 1 person may interpret as snide and catty, another is considering it humorous.

 

There are lines that shouldnt be crossed, and I was guilty of crossing that line recently which resulted in disappointment for alot of people. Perhaps there may be a handful of people here whose comments are usually intended to be hurtful, but mine are not. While many may not share my brand of humor, or what 1 member referred to as my ''serial posting", my honest intention has always been to try and keep things light, and perhaps entertain. YES, there is a time and place for everything, and I may not always be the best judge of that, but I do feel the majority here needs to "lighten up".... The trick is to take what you need from the site, and leave the rest behind. Often the people that have unkind things to say are those that lurk in the background and then occassionally throw in a nasty post or complaint about something. And also keep in mind that thoughts and words here dont always translate the way they are intended. I am certain that if you could see the faces of those people making the perceived catty or or snide comments, you would see a mischievious little smile indicating they are simply "fucking" with you and having a little fun. Dont jump to conclusions and immediately feel the intention is negative.... Noone, or nothing here should really CONSUME that much of your time, energy or emotion. The important thing is to try and support those here in need, such as Seaboy now, who needs our prayers and well wishes.... Most Everything Else is simply bullshit.... there always has to be 1 person that SAYS what eveyone else is thinking, but will never say. I guess that's ME ?

[+ Funguy]

The important thing is to try and support those here in need, such as Seaboy now, who needs our prayers and well wishes....

 

As well as LADoug1 and Unsub

[bigvalboy]

I think its pretty clear that alot of people here take things posted on this site way too seriously. I think what 1 person may interpret as snide and catty, another is considering it humorous.

The important thing is to try and support those here in need, such as Seaboy now, who needs our prayers and well wishes.... Most Everything Else is simply bullshit.... there always has to be 1 person that SAYS what everyone else is thinking, but will never say. I guess that's ME ?

 

+1

[mattr]

The vast majority of people on here are nice and try to be supportive. Sometimes some those people will attempt to make a joke that falls a bit short and/or is misconstrued as catty or snide. These should be dismissed for what they are, the occasional misstep we all make from time to time. Then there are those people who must always be right and have the last word and resort to insulting and degrading remarks to shut down any opinion that they don't agree with. It is best not to engage too often with these people. It can be exhausting. Then there are those people who are just plain nasty and use this forum to vent their innate venom on anyone unfortunate enough to get in there sites. It is best to ignore those people. For me, the benefit I get from interacting with the nice folks far outweighs the occasional unpleasantness that creeps into the forum. I also want to thank the administrators for there diligence in monitoring what happens here and shutting threads down when they are hijacked and degraded.

[+ glennnn]

I would like to add that it takes time to learn and adapt to a culture. I am not a timid or overly sensitive person in real life, but it was terrifying to come out on this forum and be gay! I made some posting and failure-to-research-archives-before- asking- questions mistakes and got my hand slapped, and feelings hurt, at the beginning. I now understand that the huge majority here are well-meaning, interesting people. Unfortunately, just as in life, there are a few arrogant, cynical assholes who i have blocked. What kept me coming back was the support and, yes, protection of many of you when one of the assholes went off on me. Now I try to do the same for current newbies, usually thru a PM.

 

One more thing. The whole idea here is fresh discussion between the current posters. Reading what was said in the past just isn't the same. Soooooo, those who snark and snarl when a newbie brings up a topic for the 50th time, just ignore it. This isn't your fucking forum to control, no matter how long you've been here; it belongs to all of us!

[+ Funguy]

Do unto others . . .

[jjkrkwood]

Do unto others . . .

 

 

Then RUN ! :eek:

[+ Funguy]

:Dright into their arms!!!

[Rudynate]

Haha! Thanks @azdr0710. I do enjoy all the likes so far. I suspect this topic may be too touchy for some to comment.

 

Is it personality? Is it disposition? Is it cultural as I mention above?

 

I know for me personally, there are times when I'm sarcastic or snide but I tend to only do so in person and with close friends, family, or coworkers because the possibility of misunderstanding or offense is so high.

 

@quoththeraven, yes! That makes sense. Thank you. "Camp" seems to be a positive thing though, right? At least, that's been my understanding. I can't say I've experienced alot of it.

 

"Drama" and "bitchiness" definitely seem to be something we should be working on because such negativity seems corrosive to communal cohesion.

 

I use the 'ignore' feature generously. If I don't like someone's style of communicating, I just snap my fingers, and voila, they're on my 'ignore' list. As they say, "ignorance is bliss."

[+ José Soplanucas]

I've never used the "ignore" feature, I feel like I may lost the train of the conversation. It is easy to ignore the few ones I dislike. It just takes that, ignoring them.

[Rudynate]

I've never used the "ignore" feature, I feel like I may lost the train of the conversation. It is easy to ignore the few ones I dislike. It just takes that, ignoring them.

 

I know - I lose a little bit of dimension, but I can live with that.

[+ quoththeraven]

I think drama and bitchiness goes with Internet forums in general, not just the here.

 

Not necessarily. My end of the Twitter pool and LJ/DW are free of interpersonal drama and bitchiness, but it's heavily female and progressive. Way more progressive than here, actually, and gets into levels of nuance and discourse that don't usually surface here.