Argument with an escort

[+ goosh69]

Whatever. A DUI AND 3-4 assaults BEFORE age 25 = RUN FAR AWAY!!!!

[mike carey]

I am amazed at all the comments about cutting this guy off.

I was thinking the same thing. I emphasise that I am not talking from experience but it seems to me that you have a solid relationship with him and that the time he said he would thump you if you didn't have the money (just like any other client), he really answered before he thought it through (he is 25 and impulsive).

 

I suggest that it's time to have a serious conversation with him about what the relationship means to him, not with a view to ending it (although that may be the result of the discussion), but rather to talk about the good and bad points to it. Find out what he values in it, is it just the money or does he value the companionship, the sex, any advice you can offer him? You can point out that amongst the flakey encounters he has with other clients that you are stable, reliable and low maintenance. You've already worked out that political discussions can become 'overwraught', so as others have said you need to tell him that you don't want to talk about politics. This relationship is transactional, you don't need to share everything or agree on issues. Both of you have things you want to get from the relationship so don't let unrelated issues get in the way of that. Only you can know whether the level of danger that may arise from how he reacts is above your risk threshhold. In any case I think you may need to define some boundaries, not because you are afraid of him, but because there are some things that you simply will not accept. (He may want to set some groundrules as well.)

[Griffin Donavon]

I learned this long ago from someone who was my mentor a long time ago. Two things you don't ever get into in a conversation, politics and religion. If you do get into it as a escort, Id highly suggest not to put your own opinion in it if it defers to the other parties beliefs. Just a healthy suggestion, He is young and it does seem to me you have a hybrid of a relationship. Perhaps give him some advice and let him know how you feel. Best of luck, Griffin

[jawjateck]

Physical altercations are predictable after 70-80 meets without one? I should just dump him after all this time? Family and friends have it out all the time I'm afraid but can still care about each other.

 

70-80 meetings? Not many folks can comment from the experience of hiring one man that many times, but let us know when someone suggests something compatible with your desires. It may be helpful to a lurker who is wrestling with a similar situation. He/she/they can weigh the conversation and side with you or take the other side of the trade.

[+ sync]

Regrettably, when business becomes too personal, it almost always breeds complications of one kind or another.

[MikeyGMin]

Physical altercations are predictable after 70-80 meets without one? I should just dump him after all this time? Family and friends have it out all the time I'm afraid but can still care about each other.

 

You've added a lot of additional information in previous posts, but it seems pretty clear that you already know what you're going to do. You haven't countered anyone who has suggested that you give him another chance with boundaries.

 

It sounds like you have already given him all the control since he calls you when he needs money and you don't initiate your get-togethers. That suggests that you either have limited options or actually like the arrangement. And that's OK. If you like them a little controlling and a little rough… That's your thing.

 

I would just watch him for signs of spiraling out of control. You seem to be okay with his 3-4 assaults being limited to his peer group, but even if it seems chivalrous to you, that's a lot of violence.

[Mikegaite]

You don't punch people. Period. I was 25 once and didn't punch people. My friends didn't punch people. I know plenty of people, myself included, who can be rude, snarky, argumentative, and dislike what we do. None of us punches people. I know plenty of straight guys in porn, and they don't punch people. I know ex-convicts, and they don't punch people.

 

Your relationship with the escort aside, physical violence just isn't acceptable. It's not about trying to protect yourself from it happening to you. It's about your trying to prevent it from happening to anyone. I have a lot of sympathy for you trying to fix the relationship, but you have to help this kid deal with his physical aggression. Violence is never the answer.

[+ goosh69]

Yeah^that.

[gallahadesquire]

I learned this long ago from someone who was my mentor a long time ago. Two things you don't ever get into in a conversation, politics and religion. If you do get into it as a escort, Id highly suggest not to put your own opinion in it if it defers to the other parties beliefs. Just a healthy suggestion, He is young and it does seem to me you have a hybrid of a relationship. Perhaps give him some advice and let him know how you feel. Best of luck, Griffin

 

I was always taught that the three topics not to be breached at the dinner table were: Sex; Politics; and Religion.

 

So I had a lady, having her lady-parts rearranged, as a patient for surgery. She did not want to go to sleep. I put in an epidural catheter, and we were well into the procedure. A senior [lesbian] resident came in to give me relief.

"This is Mrs. {so-and-so}. She has an epidural. This is Dr. {so-and-so}. She's going to relieve me for a bit."

"That's right!" the patient says, "I've had nothing since midnight, and YOU get to have coffee!"

"Well, it's so I can take better care of you." [i knew she was kidding at this point.]

"She doesn't want to be sedated," says I to the resident, "and we've already discussed Politics and Religion."

"Yeah," the patient said, "And SEX is next!"

 

She really was a lovely patient.

[gallahadesquire]

But getting back to the subject: To the OP: You need to speak to this lad and get ground rules laid. he sounds WONDERFUL, but the punching and threats are a bit too much.

[Tonyko]

PLS if you haven't, watch "Looking For Mister Goodbar" cause THATS how it oft winds up with dudes like the one you're describing:eek:

[thickornotatall]

Yes, I am emotionally invested in him. But he also got out of line about a year ago when he got frustrated over clients that shortchanged him and wanted to hit the next one who does so. I jokingly said what if I forget to go to the ATM? He said don't. Then I said what if I did would you punch me out? He said yes. I got upset and he became very apologetic. The thing is this kid is brutally honest and I actually respect that, but he hates what he does and it shows. I always am accommodative to him. When he's late I don't say anything. I basically let him call the meets to make it easier for him. He asks my advice about other things. But the nature of this business, like the back and forth with endless emails with fussy clients who don't end up booking, is wearing on him. N13 has a valid point and so do you. Thanks for your reply.

Brutally honest?....likes the $...more than he likes you...bad tempers never go away

[John Krups]

The young man is selling his body and we expect him to act like a gentleman?

[Brian Kevin]

Whatever. A DUI AND 3-4 assaults BEFORE age 25 = RUN FAR AWAY!!!!

 

sounds like my ex fiance.

 

I could share police/courthouse record links for a couple days

[Nvr2Thick]

There are some good reasons to terminate such a relationship regardless of its highlights and longevity. We've advised a few clients over the years who have been too emotionally attached to an escort. It can be very painful and destructive to misinterpret or develop a dependence on a relationship with an escort. The OP should ask himself how well he'd recover if the escort cut him off suddenly - under good terms, bad terms, or even if the escort just suddenly disappeared.

 

Regarding the violence, are you really OK with it or are you making accommodations because you value the relationship? One of the basic principles my parents raised us by is to not associate with people who are doing the wrong things. No judgment; just keep it out of your life. For example, I've distanced myself from friends who were on drugs, from a buddy whose partner was doing drugs, and from a friend who became known as a wife-beater. There have been times when I have not adhered to this principle and I've regret it. If I were in this situation where a regular escort had a reputation for violence and had told me that he would hit guys if there were money issues I'd have to walk away. It's not necessarily about whether he might hit me someday; I just don't need that kind of person in my life.

[caliguy]

Two things you don't ever get into in a conversation, politics and religion. If you do get into it as a escort, Id highly suggest not to put your own opinion in it if it defers to the other parties beliefs. [/quote

I'm not going to agree with someone just because I don't want to ruffle their feathers. I agree with the religion part though. Unless you're both on the same page nothing constructive will ever come of that.

[+ Gar1eth]

Physical altercations are predictable after 70-80 meets without one? I should just dump him after all this time? Family and friends have it out all the time I'm afraid but can still care about each other.

 

Your family must be different than mine. Sure we have had arguments and fights. But as far as I know, no one has ever gotten physical. I do have a cousin (female) who I was told had a boyfriend in her younger years that hit her. Well she finally came to her senses and dropped him.

 

The problem is this kid is a time bomb. The fact he has hit others shows that he has a low threshold for violence. He may not have hit you yet. But you are always going to be at risk. You seem to imply that your 70-80 meetings have created a special relationship with this guy. However he's warned you that he doesn't feel anything special for you when he implied he would hurt you if you forgot to go to an ATM before a meeting.

 

I realize this is going to be a 'gay' reference. I might have thought of it anyway, but I saw the musical at a community theater about a month ago. You remind of the character Nancy from the musical Oliver (or really any person in an abusive relationship-doesn't matter that he hasn't hurt you yet-he's shown he's capable of it). So Nancy is sure her significant other Bill needs her-and she's going to love him right or wrong. She loves him no matter how much he's beaten her in the past-classic battered 'wife' syndrome. And in the end, Bill,the love of her life, strangles her to death.

 

Usually when one of us poses these kind of questions, we know what the right answer is. But we want someone else to give us permission to do what we want to do (the wrong thing) anyway. So even if the suggestions to drop this guy were 99 to 1 for, I can tell from your responses that you are going to go with the 1 that says keep seeing him because that is what you want to do.

 

Some of the responses on here say you should help the guy learn to control his temper and his drinking. I say sure in a perfect world. Or maybe even in this one. But it needs to be done in a way that puts you at no risk. You need to steer him into some kind of anger management/alcohol abuse program.

 

This guy is a time bomb who could go off on you at any time. I'm not exaggerating when I say that I am extremely worried for you as I'm almost positive you are going to choose to keep seeing him in spite of what many of us say. Please choose safety over sex!!

 

Gman

[big-n-tall]

The young man is selling his body and we expect him to act like a gentleman?

 

I strongly disagree with that statement.

 

There are plenty of fine men who do the same job he does... who are upstanding well adjusted gentlemen. I know a few personally who have gone on to retire and become doctors and other types of jobs to help people.

 

Not saying that was your intent, but what you said makes it seem like he has the right (or any escort has the right) to act like a violent ass because he does escorting. I think if that were true a lot of the popular working men wouldn't be as popular.

 

The op says he gets into physical fights... none of which seem to involve his escort activities. The guy has violent tendencies that need to be addressed. If he's drinking to dull the pain of whatever, that solves nothing. The causes of his pain will still be there when he comes down from his drunken state. If he's frustrated working as an escort, than maybe he shouldn't be one.

 

To the op, clearly you care for the guy. He just may be too far broken to help. However, if you're able, if he means that much to you, draw back from him. Try to get him the help he needs. If he improves start seeing him again on a companion basis. That is just my opinion on the matter, but from reading all your previous responses, it seems you've already made up your mind.

[robberbaron4u]

When all is said and done, escorting is "money on the table", a business, not a romantic relationship.

[bigvalboy]

Well I'm a little late to this party. Lots of advice here, but from what you've posted thus far, it would appear to me anyway, that you have already made up your mind about this young man. Often times we come to the forum not really seeking advice, but looking for a reaffirmation of what in our hearts we have already decided. I rather suspect that is the case here. That being said, judging by what I have read, I definitely would not cut the guy off. I would accept another appointment, lightly talk about what happened last time, and casually mention, with just a hint of humor and a smile, that perhaps the discussion of politics should be off the table. Make sure he knows you are serious, and see how it goes.

 

I think how you handled the discussion of politics previous to this altercation was perfect. For me, politics and religion are strictly off limits, but if someone insists on talking about it, and we are at odds, I'm more inclined to simply and quietly disagree, and sweep the conversation aside with a smile, and a change of the subject matter. Good luck.

[MiamiLooker]

When all is said and done, escorting is "money on the table", a business, not a romantic relationship.

 

If the relationship was always that simple, we probably wouldn’t have this forum.

[+ Gar1eth]

Well I'm a little late to this party. Lots of advice here, but from what you've posted thus far, it would appear to me anyway that you have already made up your mind about this young man. Often times we come to the forum not really seeking advice, but looking for a reaffirmation of what in our hearts we have already decided. I rather suspect that is the case here. That being said, judging by what I have read, I definitely would not cut the guy off. I would accept another appointment, lightly talk about what happened last time, and in a casually manner, with just a hint of humor and a smile, mention that perhaps the discussion of politics should be off the table. Make sure he knows you are serious, and see how it goes.

 

I think how you handled the discussion of politics previous to this altercation was perfect. For me, politics and religion are strictly off limits, but if someone insists on talking about it, and we are at odds, I'm more inclined to simply and quietly disagree, and sweep the conversation aside with a smile, and a change of the subject matter. Good luck.

 

BVB-I always like to hear your side. But in this case I don't think I can agree. The guy has multiple DUI's, he broke a guy's jaw, he has at the very least threatened other clients and possibly physically harmed them, and Augustus has reported a promise of threats to him if he ever comes up short for the fee. This escort sounds like a loose cannon. I would be afraid of him exploding with me. I just can't understand continuing to see him-well I understand Augustus' reasoning-he's attracted to him and is most likely letting the little head lead the big. But the rest of us don't have that handicap since we don't know him.

 

Anyone who thinks this escort is safe to see has in my opinion much less of a self-preservation instinct than I do and much bigger cajones.

 

Gman

[bigvalboy]

BVB-I always like to hear your side. But in this case I don't think I can

Anyone who thinks this escort is safe to see has in my opinion much less of a self-preservation instinct than I do and much bigger cajones.

Gman

 

Guilty as charged...

[LouieD]

I've been seeing this guy for nearly 2 and a half years. Straight, good looking muscular jock in his early 20's. I see him 2-3 times a month and we often go out to the Diner afterwards. Our last meet a week ago ended in a serious argument over politics. We have debated before over this and I don't take it seriously. It was usually a good natured argument. He would always bring this stuff up. I would just disagree with him, smile or say whatever. This last meet a week ago he got furious (to the point of being menacing), snatched the money out of my hand, stormed out and slammed the door behind him. WTF?? I'm going from angry to laughing about it. Now he's texting me about when our next meet is as if nothing happened. I actually cared about this kid and would have meets when he needed the money, but he is a tough guy and gets into brawls when he goes clubbing. Right now I'm inclined to just cut him off but my heart still cares about him. Any advice guys?

 

Your "kid" is an arrogant, little piece of shit or "lpofs"). But, he's hot, great in bed, usually fun to be around, and you have feelings for him. What to do? I've been there. I sympathize. You have got to retrain him. You have let him get the upper hand when it should be the other way around. You are PAYING him.

 

I have to assume that he is the top and you are the bottom in this relationship.

 

The next time the lpofs calls, tell him you've been to the proctologist. He won't know what that is. Just tell him it's the pussy doctor. The doctor has told you that you are having way too much sex and it's irritating your hole. Maybe it's from the college kid in the next town who comes over to help rake your leaves, or the long-distance truck driver who rolls through once a week. Further, the doc says that the lubricant your lpofs has been using is an irritant and he'll have to start using a new brand. Or, oops, maybe it's that technique the lpofs uses that's all wrong.

Anyway, just cool it with him for a little while. Don't worry, he'll be calling you again. He misses your money.

 

Change the relationship around so that it's HE who wants you. YOU are the desirable one.

 

Learn to cry on cue when the lpofs says or does something that upsets you. That will get him every time.

 

Also, tell him you've bought a gun. Break-in's in the neighborhood, etc, and you want to feel safer. You have been taking target practice lessons from another hot, very butch college guy that you have been spending quite a lot of time with (requiring more visits to the proctologist) and he has taught you to become a very good shot. You can now blow a guy's cock and balls off at ten feet.

 

Pretty soon the lpofs will be eating out of your hand. Once you've got him sufficiently retrained, compliment him often, praise his lovemaking skills and buy him a super-nice Christmas present.

[jawjateck]

The young man is selling his body and we expect him to act like a gentleman?

 

Considering the ### companions I have met, gentleman-ly behavior is commonplace, and not an unreasonable expectation.