One question too far?

[adriano46]

Found myself in a pretty awkward situation today.

 

Had checked a guy out on the usual sites: Rentmen, Rentboy, Masseur Finder and Massage M4M. Thought I would have had some free time (that's another story; things came up, free time is gone).

 

As happens with Rentmen, the guy you check out knows you are checking him out if you are logged in. He wrote to me some time back (as it was an ad for him traveling to my city), and we exchanged notes. I was interested from the contact but did feel already that he was a bit pushy for my personal tastes, wanting to send me videos and photos I did not seek (you could see more than enough on Rentmen), and I finally asked him to slow down on the texts and e-mails and if I was still interested and available, I would contact him.

 

Meantime a guy I have met came in for the same weekend (and then one other I usually see when around... a sort of "when it rains, it pours") but previous commitments and an emergency meant clearing the calendar and being available for the family of a close friend. I had not promised any of these guys a hire - was still wondering "if" I could and "when".

 

Earlier today first guy texts me while I am with a family at a wake... pretty dumb on my part I had not turned off the phone. I quickly texted back that it was not a good time, and he texts "But where do you live?" WHAT? In what city? Is he asking for my address? is he tracing my phone number? I was a bit distracted and he repeated it and I finally blocked his calls. I never hire IN - always meet the guy (this was primarily for massage) at HIS place.

 

I was burned a little over a decade ago by one guy who threatened me for money up front to "out" me in a tell-all he was threatening to publish (I was one of a number of clients). I refused, changed my e-mail, phone number, and fortunately was transferred so even my address changed as he knew a lot of personal info. Never heard from him again. Six years ago the same scenario played out but with more disastrous consequences. Had to resign a good-paying job and re-locate. Since then, I never hire a guy to come to my place and only hire guys who can receive the client at their place; pay only in cash, never use credit cards, and literally clean out my wallet before visiting (taking out any and all ID's). Paranoid perhaps, but ... So after I had a chance to find a computer, wrote to the guy an e-mail explaining that his pushy questions about "where I live" crossed a line for me and became a deal-breaker, but did this (hopefully) diplomatically as I told him I have a reticence of giving out any details about ME before I have actually met a guy.

 

Not really needing advice here as the decisions have been made but it was sad to have to move so quickly to block a guy who does come highly recommended. Perhaps for me a lesson in communication, or better, "MIS-communication" gone very awry.

[Frankly Rich]

Interesting title for a thread, Adriano. You aren.t looking for responses, but I'd be interested in hearing more about how you had to quit a job and re-locate. It sounds like an interesting, albeit horrific event. There are such a variety of experiences posted here, but yours is one that's new at least to me. Naturally, it is your story to tell, or not.

[Newly]

My God that sounds like a true horror story! So far I've been lucky and maybe because I've only seen well reviewed guys I've never met anyone but really nice people, but I tend to not get the clock and dagger stuff and give these guys my real number, name, email and address. Again, I'm not worried about the guys I've seen so far, I consider them friends and would trust them with anything, but I'm not the sharpest tool in the shed and I never would have thought about something like this being a possibility.

[adriano46]

Frankly Rich and newtothis, I would prefer not to rehash what happened in the past especially in an open forum. It happened outside the US and involved a multinational company in a risky area. I was "set up" and threatened with exposure which would have damaged serious negotiations that were on-going. The best (and probably only) way out was for me to resign, pack up and leave quickly and quietly. They gave me a good recommendation and I found a new employer within 2 months so it was not bad, except from the trauma of being threatened and blackmailed, and there was, newtothis, quite a bit of cloak and dagger involved although I am definitely not some sort of secret agent ;-).