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Safer sex


corndog
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There was another thread that Daddy shut down, but I think it was starting to bring up important issues about safer sex. I hope I'm not out of line in re-introducing this conversation, but here is what I posted, and I'm interested in y'alls ideas about this subject...

First, I assume that everyone that I have sex with is HIV+. Concerns about HIV were a huge issue to me as I went through my coming out process in the late 80s, and I think I'm pretty paranoid about it. At that time, If I could have turned straight or celibate just to avoid HIV, I probably would have. I'm proud to boast that I've always been extremely vigilant about safe sex practices, and managed to use protection even in the heat of extraordinarily hot and even [extremely] drunken moments.

 

However, even with my 100% track record of safer sex practices, I would avoid sex with an escort (or hookup) that I knew was HIV+ or had a known history of barebacking. Here's why: I think that safer sex requires a diligent commitment from BOTH parties involved. A bottom, for example, might not realize that the condom has broken, and depends on the top to recognize the problem and correct it. If the top is HIV+, and feels they're not at risk of personal harm, can they be trusted to stop the action in the heat of the moment? In my opinion, no. I want to have sex with someone who is just as terrified of HIV as I am. I want us both to have a vital interest in safety, not just a "handshake" agreement that we'll play safe.

 

So, what about the liars and the people who don't know they're positive? Well, yes, that is a risk we all take. There are no 100% guarantees. But, remember, I assume that everyone is HIV+. What I'm really trying to do is screen out is people who are
uncommitted to safer sex.

 

Before shooting holes in my attitude about this, please realize that I have some concerns about it, too. I think that my way of thinking does nothing to help HIV stigma and isn't particularly fair to those that are open about their HIV. That makes me sad. I have the upmost respect for escorts who are open about their HIV status, but I'm afraid I wouldn't hire them. Sad. Attitudes like mine discourage escorts from being open about their HIV status. Sad. (For what it's worth, I'm ok with hiring an erotic masseur who is HIV+.)

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First of all you assume everyone you have sex with is poz. ok. fine........ then you say you would not hire a poz escort.......???? but you just said u assume everyone is poz?? So according to that line of reasoning you are currently not having sex at all ? correct? Your post though well meaning and well intended is confusing at best and conflicted at its' very core. So you really truely dont assume they are all poz or you would not hook up with them or hire them......

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Guest Starbuck
I actually understand the OP's position perfectly.

 

Me too. Many, many, many guys have remarked on this forum that they assume all their partners are HIV+; it's not saying that they actually believe that, but a shorthand way of saying that they conduct themselves accordingly (i.e, taking every safe sex precaution all the time, while understanding full well that there is always SOME risk.)

 

Is it possible that pretending not to understand is a deliberate effort to sidetrack the OP's effort at a serious discussion of HIV/barebacking/safe sex? But if so, why is it mikey9nola who is first in line to accuse the OP of being conflicted and confused when, in another thread, he says he wants a serious discussion of why requests for barebacking are on the rise? There's some overlap in these two threads ... both offer a chance for people to try to get their honest feelings about important topics out on the table. We ought to be able to do that without being shut up or shut down.

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To clarify my point of view:

 

When I say that "I assume that everyone that I have sex with is HIV+," what I mean is that I take precautions based on the possibility that everyone I have sex with is HIV+.

 

My central point is I think that safer sex requires a diligent commitment from BOTH parties involved. And, therefore I hesitate to have sex with people who are "flexible" about their safer sex practices.

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To clarify my point of view:

 

When I say that "I assume that everyone that I have sex with is HIV+," what I mean is that I take precautions based on the possibility that everyone I have sex with is HIV+.

 

My central point is I think that safer sex requires a diligent commitment from BOTH parties involved. And, therefore I hesitate to have sex with people who are "flexible" about their safer sex practices.

 

Just curious where you think the discussion will go? Some will agree with you and some won’t. Are you looking for confirmation of your opinion? Do you expect to read a post that’s going to change your mind or offer some other aspect that you haven’t already considered?

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MiamiLooker, I'm not sure where this discussion will go. That's what makes discussions interesting. I'm interested in understanding other people's point of view, not judging or lecturing.

 

I think that the subject of safer sex can never be discussed too much, and there's no better place to discuss it than here, where I think we all share a sex-positive view of the world. So, I tried to get things started by articulating my personal thinking about the subject. I'm sorry if my thinking confuses some readers, or seems conflicted; this isn't a simple subject, and it isn't always black and white, or easy to explain.

 

(BTW, I'm heading out on a cruise this evening, so I probably won't be responding too much to this thread for the next 10 days.)

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... a deliberate effort to sidetrack the OP's effort at a serious discussion of HIV/barebacking/safe sex

 

... a chance for people to try to get their honest feelings about important topics out on the table. We ought to be able to do that without being shut up or shut down.

 

Each week there are at least 3 open threads on the subject of HIV/barebacking/safe sex. It's one of the hottest topics here and always has been. People react in a strong way. Many posters have stated their opinion multiple times, therefore in the end, I have a feeling we're repeating ourselves.

 

Is it just me or I sense that you're very passionate about the subject, Starbuck, or else there's something that's bothering you?

 

Bear in mind that this is a public forum and you cannot have the open and honest conversation you're looking for. It's the nature of the beast.

 

Probably you can find some of the responses in a private, face to face conversation ... or not. Either way I wish you good luck in your query.

 

Disclaimer: This is not an attempt to shut you down.

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