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Global Village?


irishjock
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I think my adopted city is a big village and I have had an unexpected experience as I dip my toes in the pool...

 

I've discovered that I either know some of the escorts advertising in my city or we have mutual friends. One guy I am a casual friend with (he is a friendly bartender with mutual friends) is a facebook friend of mine, I was pleasantly surprised when I saw him on Manhunt, and then I was gobsmacked when I saw him on a regional rent website.

 

Another shock was that a guy I have known for years out here by bumping into him at friends' parties is on rentboy *and* is a porn actor for one of the larger studios. I had no freaking idea.

 

So that's 5 people I would call acquaintances that I have discovered are escorting and 2 of those friends are also porn actors. I didn't expect that my exploration would have taken this turn. It also complicates things a little because the one guy that I was planning to meet is really good friends of mutual friends of mine judging by recent photos on Facebook.

 

Is this a function of small city life? And just because I am talking about Canada does not mean I am referring to the charming Juan Bravo in any of this!

Training for 2014 Tryouts: new country, new year, exploring my bi side while I am a free agent. Totally out of my depth here.

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It is a small world, regardless of how big the city is or how small the city might be. You obviously can't hide, and I don't think you want to, based on your other posts. I suspect that if these friends or acquaintances are comfortable with their posts and their advertising, you should be too. You might choose to compliment them on their ads, compliment them on their facebook pages, etc. If you do it quietly and discretely you may make an even closer friend. Neither you nor they can ignore what they have chosen to reveal to the wider world, so just enjoy your friends, no matter what their occupation and they will be able to enjoy you too. Whether you become friends with benefits, just friends or get involved in a business transaction is up to the both of you. So, IMHO you should just relax and enjoy your surroundings and your new discoveries in your new home town!

DD

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I think my adopted city is a big village and I have had an unexpected experience as I dip my toes in the pool...

 

I've discovered that I either know some of the escorts advertising in my city or we have mutual friends. One guy I am a casual friend with (he is a friendly bartender with mutual friends) is a facebook friend of mine, I was pleasantly surprised when I saw him on Manhunt, and then I was gobsmacked when I saw him on a regional rent website.

 

Another shock was that a guy I have known for years out here by bumping into him at friends' parties is on rentboy *and* is a porn actor for one of the larger studios. I had no freaking idea.

 

So that's 5 people I would call acquaintances that I have discovered are escorting and 2 of those friends are also porn actors. I didn't expect that my exploration would have taken this turn. It also complicates things a little because the one guy that I was planning to meet is really good friends of mutual friends of mine judging by recent photos on Facebook.

 

Is this a function of small city life? And just because I am talking about Canada does not mean I am referring to the charming Juan Bravo in any of this!

 

I've run into this in LA as well, both in the real world and in the music business. I've collaborated in recital with a once prominent erotic masseur out here before I knew he was a masseur and I've bumped into guys I've browsed on a4a or massagem4m frequently while out and about in the city. As Diver said, it's a small world no matter what. :)

 

Lohengrin

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I suspect that if these friends or acquaintances are comfortable with their posts and their advertising, you should be too.

DD

 

I don't think you understand; I have seen my friends with their 'mainstream' life and now I have seen that some have a second life on rentboy etc that they have never mentioned on Facebook, so I have no idea if our mutual friends know about this and I wouldnt want to be the reason anyone found out.

 

I am particularly concerned about the unreviewed guy I am planning to meet as he is very good friends with mutual friends of mine: I wouldnt want my friends to find out I used his services *and* I now see that he is partnered and I don't know if his partner is aware (not that this is my problem) but it does explain the very defined window of opportunities for the in-call.

Training for 2014 Tryouts: new country, new year, exploring my bi side while I am a free agent. Totally out of my depth here.

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I've bumped into guys I've browsed on a4a or massagem4m frequently while out and about in the city. As Diver said, it's a small world no matter what. :) Lohengrin

 

Lohenrgin: is a4a a dating site? I have talked to a couple of guys on a dating site and then seen them on an escort site so are they looking for dates *and* clients? and what is the trick to getting the date instead of the transaction? ;)

Training for 2014 Tryouts: new country, new year, exploring my bi side while I am a free agent. Totally out of my depth here.

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Lohenrgin: is a4a a dating site? I have talked to a couple of guys on a dating site and then seen them on an escort site so are they looking for dates *and* clients? and what is the trick to getting the date instead of the transaction? ;)

 

a4a is Adam4adam.com. It's a "dating" site but it also has a professionals section where masseurs, escorts, personal trainers, and even real estate agents advertise. They have professional profiles that are clearly marked as such so if someone you know as an escort messages you from a personal profile and not a professional one than you can reasonably assume they just want to date. There is some overlap as certain personal profiles hint at being pay for play but it's pretty easy to sort out. If there's nothing suggestive of a transaction being needed in the profiles you're encountering, I would assume that they are there for dating and fun, off the clock as it were.

 

 

Lohengrin

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I'm going to assume that many of you are on Facebook. For those that aren't, I will tell you that from time to time I get emails from Facebook with pictures and names of other Facebook members with the question of whether I know them. In several cases while I don't know them personally, the suggestions have been escorts under their real names that I have met or in other cases I've never met them at all. But I recognize them from their ads. The only way I can think that Facebook 'knows' to associate me with these guys is that I am Facebook 'friends' with a retired escort who now does massage- I'm not sure whether it's strictly legit or more, as well as one current escort and two former escorts. I'm thinking these 'friend suggestions' I receive are due to one or more of these guys having Facebook connections among themselves either as friends or friends of their friends. I occasionally post something on 3 of these guys Facebook pages. But never anything to do with escorting- usually just a comment on a picture they've posted if that. And months can go by without me posting on their page.

 

Gman

Gman

 

In brightest day, in blackest night, No evil shall escape my sight. Let those who worship evil's might, Beware my power, The Great Gazoo is always right!!!!

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I do understand the situation, irishjock, probably more than you could realize since we have never met. The real key to your situation is still communication, discrete communication depending on the situation you are in, but communication never-the-less. If you hire someone who has a partner, and you know the situation, you should ask the person you hire how they would like you to handle the situation. I have been to parties where I saw an escort. I was introduced to him in the same way that I was introduced to other guys at the party. Neither one of us acknowledged that we had met before, but when we were together by ourselves, we chatted a bit about it. Actually it made things easier, because the next time we were introduced at another party, we were both able to say, with a "straight face"... "oh yes, I remember being introduced to you at ___'s party a few weeks ago. How are you?" This will get easier over time, but stay relaxed and be cool about the situation, and you can enjoy everything !!! I have been in many similar situations and never once have either I nor the other person had a problem. Good luck and enjoy your new city !!

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I'm going to assume that many of you are on Facebook. For those that aren't, I will tell you that from time to time I get emails from Facebook with pictures and names of other Facebook members with the question of whether I know them. In several cases while I don't know them personally, the suggestions have been escorts under their real names that I have met or in other cases I've never met them at all. But I recognize them from their ads. The only way I can think that Facebook 'knows' to associate me with these guys is that I am Facebook 'friends' with a retired escort who now does massage- I'm not sure whether it's strictly legit or more, as well as one current escort and two former escorts. I'm thinking these 'friend suggestions' I receive are due to one or more of these guys having Facebook connections among themselves either as friends or friends of their friends. I occasionally post something on 3 of these guys Facebook pages. But never anything to do with escorting- usually just a comment on a picture they've posted if that. And months can go by without me posting on their page.

 

Gman

 

Gman, Facebook also has a nasty habit of accessing your contact info, especially if you have it on your smartphone as an app. I have several masseur and escort numbers stored in my phone and their Facebook profile pictures shows up as a thumbnail in my phone contacts because Facebook matches either the number or email on THEIR Facebook profile to what I have in my phone. These are individuals that are not my friends on Facebook and could not contact me through there. Technology is insidious indeed.

 

 

Lohengrin

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Gman, Facebook also has a nasty habit of accessing your contact info, especially if you have it on your smartphone as an app.

Lohengrin

 

Great. So now the NSA knows!

Training for 2014 Tryouts: new country, new year, exploring my bi side while I am a free agent. Totally out of my depth here.

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Gman, Facebook also has a nasty habit of accessing your contact info, especially if you have it on your smartphone as an app. I have several masseur and escort numbers stored in my phone and their Facebook profile pictures shows up as a thumbnail in my phone contacts because Facebook matches either the number or email on THEIR Facebook profile to what I have in my phone. These are individuals that are not my friends on Facebook and could not contact me through there. Technology is insidious indeed.

Lohengrin

 

That's right. I recently joined Facebook, I have not yet friended or posted on any facebook page nor have had anyone on mine. Still, I get emails from Facebook with lists of people I "may know" - and 90% of them are people I do know in some way or another. I used an email address to sign up for Facebook, so that is the only connection it had to match me with these people; somehow my email address was connected to these people, even if indirectly. It is very unnerving that Facebook can do that.

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I have two long-time and very well-known escorts as Facebook friends for more than three three years. I have never had the 'problems' that others have mentioned concerning escorts as suggested possible Facebook friends. That may be because the escort who posts all the time on Facebook uses his real name, not his escort name. It also may have to do with me not listing my dating preference on Facebook. Ultimately, I have many, many Facebook friends so the escorts are perhaps lost amongst so many other people.

 

I do have a famous Facebook friend relative, and we share the same last name. That has been an issue, with many woman 'friending' me, assuming it will help them get closer to my cousin. I like Facebook a lot, so I can easily live with it.

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Nicely done, SD!

I'm not on Facebook and doubt I ever will be.

T

 

In response to tyro-

 

I must have contacted Steven by e-mail at some point. It probably happens every years, but this year I am getting a lot more e-mail reminders to wish Steven Draker a happy birthday. So let me do it here: Happy Birthday, Steven!

 

And I over emphasized Facebook just to have some fun with the people who says they hate Facebook, yet are very savvy about using other aspects of social media when needed.

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So that's 5 people I would call acquaintances that I have discovered are escorting and 2 of those friends are also porn actors. I didn't expect that my exploration would have taken this turn. It also complicates things a little because the one guy that I was planning to meet is really good friends of mutual friends of mine judging by recent photos on Facebook.

 

Is this a function of small city life? And just because I am talking about Canada does not mean I am referring to the charming Juan Bravo in any of this!

 

Another factor is that the gay world is small, maybe 5% of the population. So assuming people are more likely to connect with others of their own orientation, reduces the degrees of separation between you and any any random gay guy.

I've looked at life from both sides now

From win and lose and still somehow

It's life's illusions I recall

I really don't know life at all

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Another factor is that the gay world is small, maybe 5% of the population. So assuming people are more likely to connect with others of their own orientation, reduces the degrees of separation between you and any any random gay guy.

 

I think this is even more so among escorts and guys who have been in porn - particularly porn performers. The reason is simple: the guys meet each other in the shoots, then establish friendships from there. Then when they socialize together, each will bring his own friends into the circle, some of whom have also been involved in porn. So it's a very self-referencing circle. I think there is also some mutual ego-stroking going on, that they enjoy socializing with other porn guys, and also they can talk shop without dealing with the judgement that often comes from outside that circle.

 

Within escorting I think the reduced degree of separation is there too, but would be less obvious to many since there is often an emphasis on discretion. Many escorts prefer to keep low profiles (as opposed to many porn performers, who try hard to promote themselves), and also if the escort is being professional he will not cross-reference clients with other escorts so we may not realize how few degrees of separation there are between us. Personally, I don't know very many escorts in San Francisco but I know several porn performers, including guys I worked with years ago who am still friendly with.

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I must have contacted Steven by e-mail at some point. It probably happens every years, but this year I am getting a lot more e-mail reminders to wish Steven Draker a happy birthday. So let me do it here: Happy Birthday, Steven!

 

William,

Thanks for the birthday wishes and thanks to everyone who has sent me birthday greetings.

 

As a matter of fact I've never been part of Facebook. You must have signed for BirthdayReminder.com or a similar site. Most of them have an "opt-out" function if the reminders become overwhelming :-)

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William,

Thanks for the birthday wishes and thanks to everyone who has sent me birthday greetings.

 

As a matter of fact I've never been part of Facebook. You must have signed for BirthdayReminder.com or a similar site. Most of them have an "opt-out" function if the reminders become overwhelming :-)

 

In fairness to you, Steven, you have well over a hundred 'friends' on this site. I am putting friends in quotes only because not everyone may know that Daddy's also has a friend program, although different from Facebook.

 

I was joking about your birthday greeting messages. Actually, they are really effective and are a reminder that I should hire you at some point. Have a good Christmas!

 

On the Facebook issue, I agree with nate_sf. Escorts, especially escorts who use their real names, have a wide circle of Facebook 'friends' who may include family members, real friends and people from a variety of professions. The last two groups are likely to be mostly gay men.

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Nate: perhaps you don't know you actually know escorts in SF. LOL

 

Those who hire may know a lot of escorts because they actively search for them. Escorts (which Nate is/was) tend to work independently, so they don't have as much reason to seek out other escorts.

I've looked at life from both sides now

From win and lose and still somehow

It's life's illusions I recall

I really don't know life at all

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