"Thrown aside for someone who flunked out of nun school..."

[+ Chris Eisenhower]

"I REGRET TO INFORM YOU THAT MY WEDDING TO CAPTAIN VON TRAPP HAS BEEN CANCELED."

Dear friends, family, and Austrian nobility,

 

Captain Von Trapp and I are very sorry to inform you that we no longer plan to wed. We offer our deepest apologies to those of you who have already made plans to travel to Salzburg this summer.

 

Those of you on the Captain’s side of the guest list are probably aware of the reason for the change of plans. I’m sure by now you have received that charming “Save the date!” card in the shape of a mountain goat from the Captain and his new fiancée, Maria.

 

I must confess to being rather blindsided by the end of our relationship. It seems Captain Von Trapp and I misunderstood each other. I assumed he was looking for a wife of taste and sophistication, who was a dead ringer for Tippi Hedren; instead he wanted to marry a curtain-wearing religious fanatic who shouts every word she says.

 

But I don’t want you to be angry at him. We are all adults here. “But Baroness,” so many of my friends have said, “you must be devastated. You yourself are fabulously wealthy, so you cannot have wanted the Captain for his money—you must have truly loved him.” It’s true. But so, I am sure, does his new fiancée, his children’s nanny. Her wardrobe is made of curtains. She’s definitely not a gold digger or anything.

 

I’m sorry. That was crude of me. She seems like a lovely person, and she and the children have a great deal in common.

 

A great, great, great deal.

 

Since I will no longer be a part of their lives, I do hope you will all keep an eye on the Captain’s children. I am not terribly maternal but I was very fond of them in my own way and I must admit I am worried what will become of them now that I have gone. I had planned to send them to boarding school, since their education at the moment seems to consist mostly of marching around Salzburg singing scales. I think it would have been particularly helpful for the eldest daughter, who seems intent on losing her virginity to the mailman.

 

Please, friends, don’t worry about me. While I was a bit startled to be thrown aside for someone who flunked out of nun school, I assure you that I will be fine, and my main pursuits in life shall continue to be martinis, bon mots, and looking fabulous. You’ll also be glad to know I have retained custody of the Captain’s hard-drinking gay friend, Max. Anyone who gets tired of sing-a-longs should feel free to look us up.

 

Again, my deepest apologies for this disruption to your plans. I am currently sorting through the wedding gifts we’ve already received and I will send them back as soon as possible. The Captain would help, but he is busy learning to play a song about cuckoo clocks on his guitar.

 

Sincerely,

Baroness Elsa Schraeder

 

(BY MELINDA TAUB)

http://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/i-regret-to-inform-you-that-my-wedding-to-captain-von-trapp-has-been-canceled#.UqEq2Pvw2h4.twitter

[Guest countryboywny]

LOL.. funny stuff. I caught a bit of "The Sound of Music" last night on NBC. I should say very little, Carrie Underwood is no Julie Andrews.

[+ Chris Eisenhower]

LOL.. funny stuff. I caught a bit of "The Sound of Music" last night on NBC. I should say very little, Carrie Underwood is no Julie Andrews.

 

My friends on Facebook would seem to agree... they are in the process of eviscerating her and dividing up the corpse.

[adriano46]

My friends on Facebook would seem to agree... they are in the process of eviscerating her and dividing up the corpse.

 

And with good reason! As one person here on another forum commented, most high school productions have a more believable "Maria" (and one who sings and acts better).

[rvwnsd]

My friends on Facebook would seem to agree... they are in the process of eviscerating her and dividing up the corpse.

 

I saw one of the advertisements and decided that I would stick with my usual Thursday routine of clipping the cat's nails. I want my screeching cat sounds to come from a screeching cat.

[+ azdr0710]

an old "review of a review" I read somewhere: "I'm sitting in the smallest room of my house. Your review is in front of me. Soon, it will be behind me."

[geoffk]

i liked the show a lot. Carrie Underwood is not Julie Andrews nor did she seek or try to be. It was a live TV production, more like a Broadway play. No it wasnt the same as the movie. A live "play" is never the same as a movie, nor is a movie the same as a "play". It was Carrie Underwood's first real acting role. May she have many more if she wants to.

[unsub2O17]

Still. The "letter" is very very clever.

[+ FreshFluff]

LOL.. funny stuff. I caught a bit of "The Sound of Music" last night on NBC. I should say very little, Carrie Underwood is no Julie Andrews.

 

Some of her earlier work makes her less than convincing in this role. A screenshot from YT

 

http://s7.postimg.org/wnygzmrt7/Carrie_Underwood.png

[+ FreshFluff]

Yes, as a former baroness myself (now viscountess), I'm definitely a fan. Can't believe she got dumped for that fake sunny nun.

 

http://images2.fanpop.com/images/photos/6400000/The-the-sound-of-music-6466475-325-214.jpg

[Bosguy]

Yes, as a former baroness myself (now viscountess), I'm definitely a fan. Can't believe she got dumped for that fake sunny nun.

 

http://images2.fanpop.com/images/photos/6400000/The-the-sound-of-music-6466475-325-214.jpg

 

I hope you know that you are so fitting as a distinguished member of the FORUM Royalty. No nuns here.

 

Boston Bill

[+ g56whiz]

an old "review of a review" I read somewhere: "I'm sitting in the smallest room of my house. Your review is in front of me. Soon, it will be behind me."

 

I think that was written by the German composer Max Reger (19 March 1873 – 11 May 1916).

[Diverdan]

I watched only part of the show on NBC... I thought it was a disaster. Neither lead was any good IMHO and who ever was responsible for the casting had their head and ears in the sand.....

[Daverwr]

... Since their education at the moment seems to consist mostly of marching around salzburg singing scales. I think it would have been particularly helpful for the eldest daughter, who seems intent on losing her virginity to the mailman.

 

LMAO! Too funny.