Stupid Newbie Questions/Thinking Out Aloud.

[irishjock]

Hey guys: if you had told me 2 days ago that I would be on a forum like this I would have said GTF out of here.

 

Im a str8-ish/bi-curious semi-pro athlete from Ireland, never tried to "explore" male bonding back home because the country is like a big village. Now, I am in Canada. I have been trying to meet a guy via Plenty of Fish, etc. but unlike any other city back home or other places I have been in the US, it's like being 36 and not having a six pack means that I am like Persona Non Grata here in my new city.

 

So, I messaged a guy on a dating site and indicated that I was running out of free messages so he sent me his email... which long story short turned out to be his work email for his escorting. At first, I was like "WTF... you are trying to sell me a date? Im not interested in prostitution." And he said it was an accident that he sent that email... ok but here's the weird part (for me): I googled his email addy and I saw his ads on backpage and rentboy... but then I scrolled through the other escorts and I see a guy who looks like I looked when I was 24 and who looks like the kind of guy I probably wouldn't be able to get here right now, a light goes off in my head. Boom.

 

I've come up with this so far: that instead of going through all the bullshit and drama of POF, I could just cut through all the timewasting and hire a guy for a part-time friendship/bromance... kind of like becoming friendly with my golf instructor or my personal trainer?

 

(1) This is a huge step for me so I would appreciate it if you guys would give me a list of points/questions I need to think about before contracting with someone.

(2) Also, Im a libertarian/entrepreneur type, so I am kind of blown away by the free market/business side of this world... it seems like guys can build what are essentially successful freelancer careers which includes travel? Or is this only the very top percent that are running this like a business?

 

Thanks in advance of your thoughts and apologies if I posted this in the wrong place.

[Guest]

It's not quite clear to me what you're asking. One usually hires an escort for a sexual experience. You're not hiring a "part-time friendship or bromance." If you think you're attracted to guys and want to know what it's like, then hiring an escort is a reasonable way to go. Just let him know where you're coming from, so he can help you. Paying someone for sex is by no means an admission that you're unattractive or otherwise undesirable. Only a few escorts are successful enough to get flown around the world or country by clients.

[irishjock]

Maybe I wasnt clear so my plan is to pay the guy to hang as a mate before any sex... that part isn't the issue as the escort I select will have to get what I mean by "part-time (paid) bromance"... think Best Friend Experience instead of Boyfriend Experience.

 

My question is clear however: "(1) This is a huge step for me so I would appreciate it if you guys would give me a list of points/questions I need to think about before contracting with someone."

 

I am sure like every other industry, there are newbie mistakes? Pitfalls to avoid, Issues that I should be aware of, etc?

[+ Charlie]

Some quick suggestions:

1) Hire an experienced, well-reviewed escort who has had a large variety of clients--he is more likely to understand your request than a young hunk who has just thrown up an ad in order to make some extra spending money for the holidays.

 

2) Think about what it is you are really looking for, and then explain it to him clearly. Be prepared for the possibility that once you get into the scene, you may discover that it isn't exactly what you want after all, but try to just go with the flow; if it turns out that it definitely is not satisfying you, don't be afraid to tell him that.

 

3) Don't commit to a really long time frame, like an overnight or a weekend, unless you don't care how much it costs--if you enjoy it, you will probably want to do it again, with him or someone else, very soon afterwards.

 

4) Accept that there is always some fantasy quality involved in hiring someone, no matter how much you may feel the two of you hit it off--good escorts are actors, after all, and they are being paid to provide a service. A good one may make you forget that reality. Stay grounded. Don't take the romance in bro'mance too seriously.

 

There are all sorts of practical business matters that you can learn by searching the archives here, because the questions come up again and again; e.g., should I go to him or have him come to me? (I'd recommend going to him for your first experience); do I tip him? (it's not expected, and probably not recommended); how do I pay? (see purplekow's current thread: be prepared with cash; be cautious of someone who wants to be paid upfront; exchange money gracefully at the end of the get-together; make sure you have agreed on the length of the appt before you start; if he tries to up the price after you have already agreed on what is supposed to happen during the appt, stand firm); if I'm unhappy, can I stop? (if there is anything that makes you uneasy at the beginning of the appt--he seems stoned or drunk, doesn't look like his description or photo, doesn't want you to see him undressed, etc.--listen to your instincts; don't wait until you are in a vulnerable position before trying to end it). Then there are the usual cautions about not using drugs or alcohol with a stranger, not letting him talk you into doing unsafe sex or even something that you don't want to do, just because you find him attractive, i.e., think with you head, not with your cock .

 

I'm sure there are lots of other things I could think of, if I stayed up for another couple of hours.

[irishjock]

THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I WAS LOOKING FOR. Buy that man a miller!

[+ purplekow]

Well if you are looking for a less sexual more friends with benefits situation, you might hire for a weekday afternoon. Escorts are less busy in the afternoon and you may find that they are willing to discount the visit especially if sex is not a given. You might also find an escort that works as a trainer and hire him in that capacity so as to get to know him and from there step up to something for intimate.

I became quite friendly and had just the kind of relationship you are discussing with the first two escorts i hired. They both identified as more straight than gay, both were fit and worked as trainers and i did not have insertional sex with either though I hired them both numerous times. Once i had the training wells mastered, (kissing, oral sex, being naked with another man, jerking a man off and getting jerked off by another man) I hired a new escort and with juices flowing, i hired for an over night and had sex till dawn. The genie was out of the bottle and for a bit there, i could not get enough cock and fuck enough ass to keep my dick soft. Then, as I grew used to it, I was able to regain control of my body and brain and then hire on a regular but not at the insatiable level at which i started. Good luck. You are a young man and since you have been an athlete, it is likely you are in reasonable shape. You will do fine once you realize that the 20 somethings are probably not for you socially and move onto finding guys with a similar story to yours.

[bcohen7719]

THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I WAS LOOKING FOR. Buy that man a miller!

 

Buy Charlie several beers.

 

Charlie also helped me when I first entered this "special lifestyle" several years ago. He is one of the

wisest yet most practical and thoughtful members of this forum.

 

i think I know what you are going through: it's one type of midlife crisis, where you yearn for

a relationship with someone you are not likely to meet socially. My two cents is to avoid

the temptation to fall into a mental trap that "Boy, money can really buy love!" There are

other guys on this forum with a lot more varied experiences than I have who might want

to weigh in on that notion.

 

BC

[Steven_Draker]

Buy Charlie several beers.

 

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_MgrivN408fU/TUdKODB7pmI/AAAAAAAAACQ/zRhLLB0ATNc/s1600/guiness.jpg

[Scorpio]

deja-JB85?

[irishjock]

Thanks for sharing your experience, PK. Glad to find out that the path I am treading on might lead somewhere. The unfortunate thing is that my present location seems to be a nexus of sociopaths, so I may have to wait until I relocate to Houston in the next 6 months. Will keep you posted.

 

I am reluctantly agreeing with you about 20somethings. :/ (Why didn't I do this when I was in college?! haha)

[irishjock]

deja-JB85?

 

How so? I did a search on here and it seems like he is/was a guy who made an appointment with someone and then half-way through it, admitted he had no money.

[Becket]

My problem is that I expect too much from my escorts. Be more sexual. Be more emotional. Be more.....whatever....That's my mistake. Most of these guys work hard and have little long term stability. I wish I were more patient with them.

 

Whatever your expectations are, just lower them a tad. Then, like shopping or seeing movies, you might just be pleasantly surprised at what you experience.

[+ Funguy]

Welcome to our forum, Irishjock. Your questions are all great and will also help out those who afraid to post.

 

BCohen's warning to avoid the temptation to fall into a mental trap that "Boy, money can really buy love!" is very important and I will throw in my 2 cents American to warn you also to avoid the feeling that, after a wonderful experience with an escort, that the escort now is your best friend. You may have a great encounter and wonder why the escort isn't contacting you to say, "Terrific time, let's get together again" or why is he not returning your emails, texts, etc. to go do things, right away or ever. Don't forget he is a very discrete business and working into friendships without seeming to be a stalker can be dicey, tho certainly very possible.

My suggestion to get started might be to simply ask, after a repeat get together, if he wants to get a bite to eat or go for a drink.

 

Most important, I would go back to Charlie's post and commit it to memory; it's the best advice I've seen.

 

Good luck and let us know how it all goes….you KNOW that ALL of us are waiting to hear!

 

And, by the way, none of these are "stupid newbie questions."

 

Funguy

[irishjock]

Welcome to our forum, Irishjock. Your questions are all great and will also help out those who afraid to post.

 

BCohen's warning to avoid the temptation to fall into a mental trap that "Boy, money can really buy love!" is very important and I will throw in my 2 cents American to warn you also to avoid the feeling that, after a wonderful experience with an escort, that the escort now is your best friend.

Funguy

 

I do see that this is an area I am going to have to work on before I meet someone. I know myself.

 

"or why is he not returning your emails, texts, etc. to go do things, right away or ever." = I was half-jokingly wondering if I could be a subscription fee for buddy texts in between meet-ups.. haha

[foxy]

And if you really click with someone and have a great time together and he tells you about his financial troubles and asks for a "loan" back away quickly. You will never see that money again.

[corndog]

On the flip side, if you meet someone in their professional capacity and you "click" as friends, it can be very difficult to really trust that the friendship is real. You'll always be wondering whether the friendship is authentic or motivated by future income. It's an emotional minefield.

[irishjock]

On the flip side, if you meet someone in their professional capacity and you "click" as friends, it can be very difficult to really trust that the friendship is real. You'll always be wondering whether the friendship is authentic or motivated by future income. It's an emotional minefield.

 

I already have that problem with some real life friends to be honest.

 

"There is some self-interest behind every friendship. There is no friendship without self-interests. This is a bitter truth."

Chanakya

[irishjock]

And if you really click with someone and have a great time together and he tells you about his financial troubles and asks for a "loan" back away quickly. You will never see that money again.

 

WTF! I have friends of friends on Facebook doing this already! I'd be too embarrassed to ask someone for a loan!