Escorts Or Others Who Have Barebacked

[+ Gar1eth]

I'm not quite sure where this question of mine goes. I'd put it in the Ask Section- but it's a question for us clients and not so much the escorts- although the same situation could happen to an escort.

 

Several of us have made statements currently and in the past that we wouldn't knowingly hire an escort/porn star that we knew had done barebacking even if we only planned to play safe. Are we being hypocritical if we then decided to date- but play safe- with someone who was HIV positive? If we are fine with having a relationship with someone who is HIV positive, is there any reason to say we wouldn't hire an escort who we knew had done some barebacking prior to meeting with us especially if we planned on safe play with either one?

 

Gman

[Daverwr]

I would find no problem hiring someone who has done bareback if I plan to be safe. I am confident in my safer sex skills. That being said, I don't have a huge problem doing bareback if I'm familiar with the escort and his practices. I guess the fine line seems to be getting finer. Yikes!

[rossthebosssf]

I guess the fine line seems to be getting finer. Yikes!

 

I'm in complete agreement. I'm not sure whether more people are engaging in unsafe play or we're all just being more honest about our indiscretions. Knock on wood, in my 50 some years on this earth, I have yet to catch anything. Though I can't declare being an angel, I can say the few times I let my safety standards lax, they were with individuals who I knew fairly well and didn't feel there was risk. If I engage in any activity with high-risk individuals (i.e. escorts or individuals I know are not safe) then I always use protection for anal sex. So far, so good.

[rvwnsd]

I'm in complete agreement. I'm not sure whether more people are engaging in unsafe play or we're all just being more honest about our indiscretions...

 

Honestly, I think it is a little bit of both.

 

Knock on wood, in my 50 some years on this earth, I have yet to catch anything. Though I can't declare being an angel, I can say the few times I let my safety standards lax, they were with individuals who I knew fairly well and didn't feel there was risk.

 

Like you, I have made exceptions to the "condoms only" rule and have managed to avoid contracting an STD. I would say that I felt there was risk associated with doing so, but I felt the risk was low and accepted it.

 

 

If I engage in any activity with high-risk individuals (i.e. escorts or individuals I know are not safe) then I always use protection for anal sex. So far, so good.

 

I can honestly say it would take a lot to make me decide to bareback again. All that being said, I don't vilify those who bareback nor do I assume everyone else is HIV+. I use condoms because I believe doing so is the right thing for me to do, regardless of the other guy's status.

[corndog]

I don't have a huge problem doing bareback if I'm familiar with the escort and his practices.

 

This doesn't make any sense to me at all. If an escort is willing to do bareback, then aren't they, by definition, the kind of escort that you wouldn't want to do bareback with? Or, are you saying that you're only willing to do bareback with an escort who doesn't do bareback with anyone except you? Really? Maybe you're saying that you're ok with doing bareback with an escort who only barebacks with people who LOOK healthy? Or maybe you bareback only with escorts who "strictly never bareback?"

[uwsman2]

My partner is HIV+ - we're an old married couple and haven't had sex for a long time. I get tested every year and have always tested negative. Seeing what he has gone through with meds and side effects - especially the distribution of body fat - gives me a strong incentive to say that as a bottom who loves to take it long and hard, I will always insist that my top use a condom.

[Steven_Draker]

Gman, you mentioned escorts who have barebacked (in your title), then having a relationship with someone who is HIV positive then you mention porn stars, barebacking and hiring. That's putting too many things in the same boat.

 

In reality, there are many people who would have real problem having (protected) sex with someone who they know is HIV-positive, even less having a relationship with.

[Guest countryboywny]

I have a little different take on the barebacking thing. I don't judge anyone who wants to risk it, but I'm sad for them. I just don't understand why anyone would put themselves at risk, especially escorts who have sex more often than most people. As a matter of fact, there's one escort who I have wanted to see for a long time. He really pushes my buttons.. the problem is that he barebacks. As I said, I don't judge him for it, and fully realize that I could hire him and play safely and be fine. BUT, I just can't get my head around knowing that he risks his life for his clients. I would be sad and sorry for him in a hire, and that's no fun for me.

[rossthebosssf]

Or, are you saying that you're only willing to do bareback with an escort who doesn't do bareback with anyone except you?

 

If they're having bareback sex with you, chances are they're having it with other clients as well as other people in their personal lives.

[corndog]

If they're having bareback sex with you, chances are they're having it with other clients as well as other people in their personal lives.

 

Yes, that was my point. I think that an escort who "doesn't do bareback with anyone except you" is just a liar.

[+ Gar1eth]

Gman, you mentioned escorts who have barebacked (in your title), then having a relationship with someone who is HIV positive then you mention porn stars, barebacking and hiring. That's putting too many things in the same boat.

 

In reality, there are many people who would have real problem having (protected) sex with someone who they know is HIV-positive, even less having a relationship with.[/color]

 

Maybe I wasn't as succint as I should have been. In my case I was ready to begin a relationship with someone I knew was HIV positive- it didn't end up happening- but I was ready. If it had occurred I was planning on playing safe except maybe for oral. On the other hand, I have usually said- and on this Forum too- that I wouldn't hire an escort who was known to have barebacked or was HIV positive. So it occurred to me, and the reason I brought it up here on the Forum. Does it make sense/am I being a hypocrite to say I would accept being in a relationship with someone who is HIV positive, but I wouldn't hire someone who I knew participated in bareback sex or was positive?

 

Gman

[Guest countryboywny]

Gman,

 

I don't see how you would be hypocritical at all. There's a big difference between a relationship with someone that you love and the hiring of an escort.

[shadowcatzxxx]

for once, CB, you and I agree on something.

 

Entering into a multi-dimensional (meaning sex + lots of other stuff) relationship with someone you love - with openness and trust, and mutual respect - is WAY different than hiring an escort for the sheer joy of sex. Not diminishing the latter - we all do it, or we wouldn't be here) ... AND relationships are different.

[Steven_Draker]

Does it make sense/am I being a hypocrite to say I would accept being in a relationship with someone who is HIV positive, but I wouldn't hire someone who I knew participated in bareback sex or was positive?

 

Dear Gman, thanks for clarifying, but this doesn't make you hypocritical. It makes you human.

[doitb4ugo]

Allowing men with HIV+ to have a serious relationship with an HIV- person is a major reason why PrEP was developed...

[Strafe13]

Dear Gman, thanks for clarifying, but this doesn't make you hypocritical. It makes you human.[/color]

 

Isn't being hypocritical part of the wonderful complexity of the human condition? Plus, your positions are somewhat reconcilable if it means that you'd date a positive guy because you're open to seeing him as a whole person and would be willing to navigate the risks for the benefits of the relationship, but not for a quick tryst during a hire. If that's where you're coming from, Gman, then that does, indeed, make sense.

[Edward]

We must treat each and every encounter as if the person we are seeing is positive. People have been known to lie about their sexual activities and what they have and have not done. By treating every encounter as is the person is positive we can lower the possibility of infection. Any one concerned at all about their health must (should) use protection at all times. If you do this it really does not matter if the person has barebacked. How do you know the person you are seeing has not also barebacked. Because he tells you he hasn't?

[Daverwr]

So many of the "kids" now-a-days (yikes I've become my father!) think nothing of HIV, POS or AIDS. Hence the ads touting bareback, PNP and Ask Me. It's unfortunate they didn't see the 80's as gay men did. But then, human nature being what it is, it's easy to forget what you don't want to remember. Would I bareback? Maybe. With an escort? Maybe. With someone I don't know. Never. Perhaps I'm kidding myself. Perhaps I choose to forget.

[daviddd49]

Yikes! I, too, have become my father in many ways! So many of the young men I hire these days are VERY young ... so young that, in a few cases, I actually graduated with my doctorate BEFORE they were born! Yikes! They have NO IDEA what it was like in those early years.

 

I graduated from High School in 1975 and undergraduate school in 1979. I grew up, discovered my sexuality, and was VERY sexually active before HIV/AIDS blew up in our faces. From 1975 - 1982 I lived in New York City and then in Boston; I fucked several dozen different guys during those years, didn't use a condom, and yet by some miracle I managed to dodge the AIDS bullet. I was VERY lucky. Many of the guys whom I fucked and who fucked me in the late 1970s and early 1980s later ended up HIV+, developed full blown AIDS, and subsequently died. By sometime in the early 1980s (I think it was something like 1982 or 1983) we were being told that we needed to wear condoms, and so I did. The terror of those early years, when many of the guys I knew and cared for were dropping around me like flies, drilled into me the importance of being protected. I'm not saying that I haven't gone bareback at times in recent years -- but, when I do, I'm aware of what I'm doing, and why, and with whom, and the dangers involved. Sadly, the kids these days believe they are invincible, or that AIDS is now "survivable," or that it's somehow worth the risk for the dollars or the experience of bare sex.

 

So many of the "kids" now-a-days (yikes I've become my father!) think nothing of HIV, POS or AIDS. Hence the ads touting bareback, PNP and Ask Me. It's unfortunate they didn't see the 80's as gay men did. But then, human nature being what it is, it's easy to forget what you don't want to remember. Would I bareback? Maybe. With an escort? Maybe. With someone I don't know. Never. Perhaps I'm kidding myself. Perhaps I choose to forget.

[+ Axiom2001]

My partner is HIV+ - we're an old married couple and haven't had sex for a long time. I get tested every year and have always tested negative. Seeing what he has gone through with meds and side effects - especially the distribution of body fat - gives me a strong incentive to say that as a bottom who loves to take it long and hard, I will always insist that my top use a condom.

 

Uwsman2, I am definitely with you. From my seeing friends wither away and suffer lots of pain and die as a result of having AIDS, I will NOT be fucked unless the top is wearing some type of bearer: male/female condom. I will NOT bareback!

 

I have four friends who are HIV+ and two who have 'FULL-BLOWN AIDS'; I've seen them suffer as well as being on a regimen of lots of pills. Those men who bareback perplex the super-hell out of me! It's baffling as to their justification!

[cooldemo03]

I think that escorts who bareback will bareback with anyone if asked to do so. I usually do not bareback with escorts but have done it a few times, and I can tell you the escorts were more than willing. Escorts who are well reviewed on this site have barebacked with me, when they say they don't in their add. My point is I think anyone who thinks an escort will not bareback except with them is fooling themselves.