i think my teen has been seraching my computer

[Guest Starbuck]

VM seems to have left the building. ... At some point he will need to deal with his shame and fear. That does not necessarily mean admitting his preferences to others, only admitting to himself that this is what he likes and that it is alright to like it. I wish him well but mostly I wish him the courage to see himself as he is without shame or fear.

 

Maybe VM has admitted to himself what he likes and is just fine with it. How do we know? Certainly not from this posting, which also doesn't tell us that he is ashamed of "what he likes."

 

Just because someone is scared out of his wits that his actions might have hurt his family, or might disrupt their lives (and his)--which is what we DO know from his posting--doesn't necessarily mean that he's ashamed of his sexuality.

 

I'd also like to suggest that seeing himself "as he is" would include seeing himself as a husband and father--two things we DEFINITELY know he is, and the two that VM seemed most concerned about in his post. There are plenty of people in this world--LGBT and otherwise--who do not see their sexual orientation as the single defining characteristic of "who they are," or as the most important one.

[+ purplekow]

Maybe VM has admitted to himself what he likes and is just fine with it. How do we know? Certainly not from this posting, which also doesn't tell us that he is ashamed of "what he likes."

 

Just because someone is scared out of his wits that his actions might have hurt his family, or might disrupt their lives (and his)--which is what we DO know from his posting--doesn't necessarily mean that he's ashamed of his sexuality.

 

I'd also like to suggest that seeing himself "as he is" would include seeing himself as a husband and father--two things we DEFINITELY know he is, and the two that VM seemed most concerned about in his post. There are plenty of people in this world--LGBT and otherwise--who do not see their sexual orientation as the single defining characteristic of "who they are," or as the most important one.

You are right about LGBT people being varied individuals. What you are wrong about is reading into my statement anything regarding relative importance or unique defining characteristic.

 

What we know about VM is that he is afraid of his daughter finding out that he reads reviews of gay escorts on line. He chose to come here and post about it and then leave the site.

 

As I sincerely offered before, I wish him well in seeing himself as he is. But you are correct, it could be that he sees himself as the kind of man who runs away rather than addressing issues. If so, his actions are consistent with that and he hardly needs my well wishes for him to find himself.

 

However, I doubt that he will succeed in perpetuating the facade he has been presenting to his family, as there are already cracks. Whether he continues his ongoing deception or chooses to address this forthrightly with his family, I hope his decision brings him to a happy place.

 

 

I do not believe it is clear that his daughter definitely knows about his computer wanderings. I still am in favor of him finding that out definitvely and then proceeding one way or the other.

[Steven_Draker]

What a great thread and what a genuine concern for a fellow poster.

 

Let's just bear in mind that this is VM's life and verymarried will proceed as he sees fit.

[Phil_musc]

This is quite a thread that I have just now read for the first time. What is amazing to me is how many of you have posted in this particular thread and no one has said anything or offered any advice that doesn't have any validity depending on what the whole story is for VM and his family. He needs to assess his own particular situation and respond as best he can. To me it seems doubtful that things can return to how they were (which is what he would prefer, I believe). But perhaps some sort of rapprochement can be reached for him and his loved ones.

 

I wish him well and hope that eventually he will feel that he can return here. We exchanged several PM's also and I found him to be a man I would have enjoyed meeting - we seemed to share some values and beliefs.

[Griffin Donavon]

He is a good guy, really breaks my heart that he is no longer a contributer. I hope his issues becomes resolved, He has a warm and kind heart, Vm if you ever read this, I am here for you and show compassio. for the struggles that your dealing with. Every time i put my running shoes on ill be thinking about you..

 

Your friend,

Griffin

[+ WilliamM]

My first post on this thread. Every single person wrote kind and helpful comments, hope verymaried reads them and soon.

 

I was particularly struck by what Chris Eisenhower wrote and just now Griffin Donavon. They are wise beyond their ages. Also FreshFluff and Charlie, who wrote from a non-escort point of view.

 

It's been decades since I have been in the closet. I do remember two friends finding porn in my room when I was away. One friend told me roght away, but no one else. I was in denial with the other friend until he told me he was aware I was gay. Very minor problems compared to vm!