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Dating While an Escort


zachary.brown
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I'm wondering if anyone out there could share their experiences dating while escorting, successful or unsuccessful. For me, the hardest part about being an escort is the need to be discrete about my line of work and how this can be a real obstacle in getting close to people, friends or romantic interests alike. I hate dating a guy and feeling like I have to lie to him for the sake of discretion.

 

This summer I was dating a great guy who had real relationship potential. After about 2 months, I told him that I'm escorting to pay my way through grad school. Although he liked to think of himself as an open-minded person, he just wasn't okay dating an escort. I guess I feel like as long as I'm an escort I have slim chances of ever being in a relationship.

 

What are your experiences with dating?

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Guest countryboywny

Hey Zachery,

Welcome to the forum. I'm not an escort (not even close), but two things came to mind. The first is that the potential romantic interest of a working escort must be completely confident in himself and in the escort's feelings for him. The second thing is that you should lay your cards out on the table earlier than 2 months into a relationship. How early? I don't know, but I think that if the guy knows early, it gives him the time to evaluate the situation, see how it goes before he invests to much into the relationship. Seems only fair. Hope this helps.

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Hey Zachary,

What I can tell you from my personal experience dating men and women while escorting. Is my personal preference is telling them right off the bat.. This goes for friends and intimate relationships, I feel I shouldn't have a double life.. Doing so I had a great relationship with a guy who supported my decisions and I have a great group of friends.

 

I feel if you can't accept who I am and what I do, I have no reason investing time into them. Time is valuable.

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Hey Zachary,

What I can tell you from my personal experience dating men and women while escorting. Is my personal preference is telling them right off the bat.. This goes for friends and intimate relationships, I feel I shouldn't have a double life.. Doing so I had a great relationship with a guy who supported my decisions and I have a great group of friends.

 

I feel if you can't accept who I am and what I do, I have no reason investing time into them. Time is valuable.

 

Absolutely right Griffin. The longer you delay, the worse the outcome will be. In relationships and all aspects of life. A working guy I was very close to had a marvelous relationship for well over a year and then decided to tell his partner The result was an end to a great relationship because the partner wanted to know "What else have you not told me?" Trust gone--relationship ended very shortly after

 

Boston Bill

Live Your Dreams With Passion And Purpose

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As the others have said, exactly right. But the same rationale also applies to the client side. Which is why I told my partner I hire escorts on our second date. If he disapproved of that (and let's be honest, some men do), why bother pursuing a relationship? Not only did he not have a problem with it, but he has now met every one of my escorts multiple times in social settings. He has no interest in hiring himself, but it is no issue if I do. And he is helping me organize and host the DC luncheon for next year.. I certainly think it is something clients need to consider as well. Not as much as escorts, certainly but think about it anyway.

 

I have seen both sides of the question I guess. I know of escorts who have some wonderful partners who know everything and are fine with it. I also know of escorts whose partner knew of it and used it like a bludgeon to belittle and batter emotionally the escort. I have had to disappear into the background quickly when the partner would appear knowing what he thought of clients. I believe you always need to be honest with who you are dating. But never let them use that to control or abuse you, to berate you because of what you do.

Lee

 

=======

 

A friend is someone who reaches for your hand but touches your heart.

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I think it's interesting to consider this from the boyfriend's point of view also. I strive to be open minded, and I certainly don't think that I look down on escorting as a profession. So, rationally, I feel like I could cope with a boyfriend who is an escort. Emotionally, however, in spite of my good intentions, I don't think I could really deal with it. I'm sure that there are some people who can, but, honestly, I don't think I'm one of them.

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I think it's interesting to consider this from the boyfriend's point of view also. I strive to be open minded, and I certainly don't think that I look down on escorting as a profession. So, rationally, I feel like I could cope with a boyfriend who is an escort. Emotionally, however, in spite of my good intentions, I don't think I could really deal with it. I'm sure that there are some people who can, but, honestly, I don't think I'm one of them.

I feel the same way - I hope I could handle it, I'd feel like a hypocrite if I couldn't because of how long I've been hiring.

 

I had a friend who worked for a cam site. He told a guy on the first date what he did, and there wasn't a second. But knowing both of them, I had a feeling the date wouldn't have been able to handle it.

 

Another friend who escorted got into a long-term relationship, and quit escorting because his partner really wasn't comfortable with it.

 

Wish I had happier stories.

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Zach,

 

I am on the Griffin bandwagon. When I was single as soon as I met someone with whom I feel connection or interest, when asked what I do I would say that I am an ____ and an escort. The immediate reaction always tells me whether we are compatible or not. I live a very alternative lifestyle and I am a proud, outspoken supporter of owning and celebrating our sexuality. If the person I am meeting is in any way skittish, I know we are not going to have any future together.

 

If the response is "Oh, really?… that's interesting… so tell me…______" then I know that I am talking with an intelligent and curious person who will be able to discuss and understand people's choices in a rational way. I need such a person by my side, while I have absolutely no use of the other kind. Neither is better than the other; but one type is more compatible with me and my life.

 

In case you are wondering "Yeah, but have you found such a person?" I have to happily say yes. I have been single four times while being an escort and I was never single longer than six months. (I know, might have not been super clever jumping so quick into new relationships but that's another story.) I met intelligent, fee thinking, fun, sexually adventurous people. All of them had straight jobs and were not escorts when I met them. And no, I have never dated a client.

 

Escorting is not a dark secret you have to keep, especially not from men with whom you think you might have a special connection. Escorting is just another beautiful and interesting element that at this moment conforms your personality. Be proud of it, because you are doing something worthwhile and making really interesting choices in your life.

 

And… that special man, the one that is waiting to love you and accept you and celebrate who you are deserves the whole of you, warts and all, because one can only love what one knows.

 

Let them know you. You are beautiful.

Always hard and warm,

 

Juan

 

+1 778 319 0470

To e-mail me, click here

Reviews - Rentmen

 

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As the others have said, exactly right. But the same rationale also applies to the client side.

 

Does it really though? Does it really?

 

I mean, how many client's partners/wives know that they hire escorts and yet remain happily married/together despite? I don't know any. There's very few times I can recall that the client 'told their partners right away' that they decided hire escorts.

 

I understand your situation is unique, but trust that it is few and far in between. So, when I hear people suggesting to 'get it out right away', well guess what? Clients aren't sacrificing their marriages for us by telling their significant other about what they do. So why should we have to sacrifice and withhold the possibility of love for ourselves?

 

My take on it is, if you think it may be issue....holdout on the sex part. That's what I've been doing, but he's also been holding out as well. You can date without having sex. 2nd, it's certainly not important, in fact I would go on to say 'un-wise' to tell everyone you meet about what you do. Use discretion. Some people may not even last past 1 or 2 dates. 99% won't even go beyond 4 dates. If you tell them something too soon without knowing what kind of person they are, they can turn out to be a deranged, revengeful nut who goes and finds your profile and posts your photos all over your apartment building. People are evil like that. (although very few and far in between, but I knew a couple of people over the years who have tried to blackmail me on some bullshit)

 

I've experienced telling people right away and holding it back from them for months. Neither has been worse than the other. People who feel you're lying about other stuff, well they are insecure. Or insecure about the business. However, in my experience I've found it's better to wait than to put it out there right away. Let them know you as a person first, not as whatever else you do.

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The difference Joey is that the question is talking about starting to date someone. Not being in a marriage or commmitted relationship that already exists and then starting to hire escorts. There is a world of difference between the two.

 

Why invest all the time and emotions to someone without knowing that they will be unable to ever accept what you do? Why waste your time and money doing that?

 

So for clients who are unattached and starting to date, if they plan on continuing to hire, I still think my advice is good. I will admit, when I told my escorts I was going to tell my now partner I hired on my second date, the response was not unanimous. Some were in favor, some were against. But if he couldn't have handled it, he wasn't the man for me. It showed me what kind of person he was. It showed if he could accept my friends, because my escorts were my friends, and I knew if we were to continue he would eventually meet them.

Lee

 

=======

 

A friend is someone who reaches for your hand but touches your heart.

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...But if he couldn't have handled it, he wasn't the man for me. It showed me what kind of person he was. It showed if he could accept my friends, because my escorts were my friends, and I knew if we were to continue he would eventually meet them.

 

Beautifully said.

 

Why wasting one's precious life sharing it with someone who might not fully embrace who we are?

Always hard and warm,

 

Juan

 

+1 778 319 0470

To e-mail me, click here

Reviews - Rentmen

 

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I'm wondering if anyone out there could share their experiences dating while escorting, successful or unsuccessful. For me, the hardest part about being an escort is the need to be discrete about my line of work and how this can be a real obstacle in getting close to people, friends or romantic interests alike. I hate dating a guy and feeling like I have to lie to him for the sake of discretion.

 

This summer I was dating a great guy who had real relationship potential. After about 2 months, I told him that I'm escorting to pay my way through grad school. Although he liked to think of himself as an open-minded person, he just wasn't okay dating an escort. I guess I feel like as long as I'm an escort I have slim chances of ever being in a relationship.

 

What are your experiences with dating?

 

My experience with dating to say the least hasn't been that great. I tell most guys from the get go that I escort so that they are aware. Though the most common reasons guys have given me for not wanting to continue dating are that they want an exclusive relationship and don't want to share me with other guys and they are worried about any STDs that I could pick up while escorting that could then be passed on to them. I understand the concern that potential partners have in both cases though I do get checked and only practice safe sex. As for an exclusive relationship I to want an exclusive relationship with a partner and don't feel escorting should jeopardize that. Just like any professional meets with their customers I too meet with my customers, maybe in a non-traditional way but nonetheless those I meet with are customers. I want a different level of intimacy with my partner. Anyway that's my experience with dating.

 

Keenan

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At the end of our first date, I told the man I'm currently dating that I hired guys. Like Lee said, if a potential partner can't accept part of my history, he can't accept me. I've wasted enough time not accepting all of who I am and what I've done; I certainly don't need someone else to do it too.

T

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At the end of our first date, I told the man I'm currently dating that I hired guys. Like Lee said, if a potential partner can't accept part of my history, he can't accept me. I've wasted enough time not accepting all of who I am and what I've done; I certainly don't need someone else to do it too.

T

 

We may all have differing opinions, both as escorts and clients on this topic, but obviously for some non-escorts being upfront about hiring escorts will smooth the way for a much more honest relationship. You go, girl!!!

 

TruHart1 :cool:

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Why invest all the time and emotions to someone without knowing that they will be unable to ever accept what you do? Why waste your time and money doing that?

 

But if he couldn't have handled it, he wasn't the man for me. It showed me what kind of person he was. It showed if he could accept my friends, because my escorts were my friends, and I knew if we were to continue he would eventually meet them.

 

I get it. But then again, one could throw all their cards on the table about a million things...in hopes that someone will 'accept' them. Hell, I've had lots of guys drop bombs on me later into the 'relationship' or whatever people call it nowadays. One lived with his parents and hide it from me, the other was suicidal, the rest had mountains of debt, some have HIV/HEP B/ETC.

 

My thing is not so much about 'hiding' or deceiving anyone or not being honest. But the OP said 'dating as an escort'. Not, 'having a boyfriend in a LTR and moving together tomorrow and he doesn't know I'm an escort'. In dating, you're going to meet alot of people, over a rather short amount of time. Some will come and go and reject you for reasons not even having to do with being an escort. So, if they vanish before even telling them, well you've given them less information to gossip about later.

 

I met a guy couple months ago who I was pretty sure was going to end up as my fiance sooner than later. I thought the Lord truly was going to give him to me. I wanted to tell him about my hobby ASAP. But, before I could even get to it...he just HAD to introduce me to his mom and sister and they had an issue with my race. I knew they did. He was so dominated my those females, that whatever the fuck they brainwashed the kid with, he never got around to meeting me again. It went from infactuation to indifference at the drop of a dime. Imagine how much of an idiot I would have felt like had I told him I'm an escort. I would have been regretting that, thinking that was the problem, when in reality it was my race. I say, let's get the superficial bullshit out the way first, before revealing something more serious.

 

Because if someone is going to drop me because I didn't wear the right shoes, or not the race they normally date, or expect some sucker to take care of their ass, then ta hell with them, they don't need to know shit about how I pay my bills. They need to 1st pass the basic tests.

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OK, I really don't want to insult anyone or start a war, but I'm just asking for a reality check. I'm sure there is an exception to anything in this world, but how many of the clients and or escorts here would want to have their children take up escorting for a living? For those who are married, how would most of you react if you found out that your significant other was escorting? I'm sure there are some exceptions, but in a world where 99.9% of the population has issues with escorting I have a feeling that most people aren't going to be too interested in a relationship under these circumstances. Heck, most of the people on this board want absolute discretion among other things because of the fear they have if their friends, employers or significant others found out. Being truthful is not popular on this board, and before the flames start I know there are a few exceptions, but telling a date that you escort and expecting them to accept it can't be too realistic.

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OK, I really don't want to insult anyone or start a war, but I'm just asking for a reality check. I'm sure there is an exception to anything in this world, but how many of the clients and or escorts here would want to have their children take up escorting for a living? For those who are married, how would most of you react if you found out that your significant other was escorting? I'm sure there are some exceptions, but in a world where 99.9% of the population has issues with escorting I have a feeling that most people aren't going to be too interested in a relationship under these circumstances. Heck, most of the people on this board want absolute discretion among other things because of the fear they have if their friends, employers or significant others found out. Being truthful is not popular on this board, and before the flames start I know there are a few exceptions, but telling a date that you escort and expecting them to accept it can't be too realistic.

 

Honestly I have to say I wouldn't want my children if I ever have any to take up escorting. This isn't due to the way society views escorting but more about the way that escorts can be treated. In this I mean escorts can be and are objectified. Not every customer does this but I've had it happen enough. There are still many people who hire escorts that think they are paying for the use of the escorts "body" rather than time spent with the escort. Honestly, even though this my sound hypocritical, I don't want a son or daughter of mine using their body to make money in the same way I do. I hope that they can find other sources of income to support themselves.

 

Keenan

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There is not a one answer fits all situations solution to this issue. The right time to tell someone is going to be anytime up until it is too late. I personally don't think I would tell someone I was dating every reason they might not want to date me on the very first date. What a difficult situation to deal with for all parties involved.

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OK, I really don't want to insult anyone or start a war, but I'm just asking for a reality check. I'm sure there is an exception to anything in this world, but how many of the clients and or escorts here would want to have their children take up escorting for a living? For those who are married, how would most of you react if you found out that your significant other was escorting? I'm sure there are some exceptions, but in a world where 99.9% of the population has issues with escorting I have a feeling that most people aren't going to be too interested in a relationship under these circumstances. Heck, most of the people on this board want absolute discretion among other things because of the fear they have if their friends, employers or significant others found out. Being truthful is not popular on this board, and before the flames start I know there are a few exceptions, but telling a date that you escort and expecting them to accept it can't be too realistic.

 

If one could try to find the difference between being spiritual and organized religion is that when one is spiritual one gets connected with who one really is and through that guidance, one decides what is good for one, at this specific moment. Organized religion claims that it knows what is good for EVERYONE at EVERY TIME... FOR ETERNITY.

 

One approach is useful and organic. The other approach is just propaganda to justify the institution's trespasses and acquisition of power.

 

This has been an intelligent conversation where many people are honestly sharing their points of view and you are wanting to "chime in" by categorically stating what 99.9% of the population feels like about this issue. This is not only not adding anything to the discourse, it is actually making it very confusing. This is not chiming in, this is bulldozing your way and discounting everyone's opinion.

 

Unless you are backed up by scientific research divided in clear graphs about how different segments of the population feel, I would like to discount this argument. Especially when you are calling for a "reality check".

 

We all have our opinions and live different realities, and we all have the right to have one opinion. We however, do not have the right to have 99.9% of the population's opinion.

Always hard and warm,

 

Juan

 

+1 778 319 0470

To e-mail me, click here

Reviews - Rentmen

 

?scalingScheme=2&size=400

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how many of the clients and or escorts here would want to have their children take up escorting for a living?

 

Me, because it means he would have overcome his Asperger's Syndrome enough to be able to cope with social situations that are far beyond anything he could handle now.

 

For those who are married, how would most of you react if you found out that your significant other was escorting?

 

Married? No (because the stubborn mule keeps saying no). But partnered. And if he was, I'd think great, my partner is HOT. Oh wait, I already do. :)

Lee

 

=======

 

A friend is someone who reaches for your hand but touches your heart.

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OK, I really don't want to insult anyone or start a war, but I'm just asking for a reality check. I'm sure there is an exception to anything in this world, but how many of the clients and or escorts here would want to have their children take up escorting for a living? .... telling a date that you escort and expecting them to accept it can't be too realistic.

 

This may seem insincere or pollyanna, but if I had a son and he was able to have the same kind of experience I've had escorting, I'd be OK with it. I've been treated well, learned a lot, met incredible people, been able to go to great places, and not run into any kind of serious danger. Maybe I've been lucky or fortunate, but it's been a fine way to make a supplemental living. I've had a range of other types of jobs over the years, and can say I've been treated worse or been less happy with a number of them. I can't speak for a daughter since I don't know enough about female escorting.

 

Escorting is not for everyone though. I have friends from time to time who will ask for ideas for gigs to make some extra money or change careers, but there's only very few I'd suggest considering escorting. It takes a certain temperament and outlook, and it's one of those things you either have or don't have.

 

But newtothis, you are definitely correct that there is a major taboo with escorting. Whether it is 99.9% or another figure, the point is it is not a commonly socially-acceptable profession. Talking to my friends looking for gigs, they know I've done escort work but the look on their faces if I suggest they consider it for themselves definitely reflects that taboo. While those of us on the inside know the positive aspects of it, many/most in society don't so it's a hard topic to approach.

 

But back to the OP... damn it's hard enough to make a relationship work while in grad school, let alone throw the escorting issue into the mix. My advice would be to be content with being single for now, and focus on your studies and your clients. That's enough to keep your hands full, and there will be plenty of opportunities to find a boyfriend later.

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