Help! I need a lesson in sex in NYC!

[john1]

i guess I am getting more suspicious in my old age, but the style and substance of this question reminds me very much of a recent posting from a man who was meeting with an escort for the first time, supposedly, only to later reveal the entire post was a sham. This is an interresting question, where do young gay men who have been shy about sex learn about gay sex. If John is having this problem I am sure there will be many more good suggestions here. I for one though, am moving on.

 

I can assure you we are not the same person. thanks for the tip your provided! I am seriously considering your recommendation/s.

[john1]

I think you have to go to basic mechanics and physiology before considering an escort. How is your libido? Do you get horny when you see hot men (or women)? Do you get solid erections when you view porn or fantasize about sex?

Are you able to masturbate and have satisfactory orgasms?

If your answers are "NO", you might want to see a urologist first.

 

Porn has been a big party of my sex life even before I came out - so yes, I get my release through porn probably >95% of the time. I can achieve orgasm no problem - sometimes 2-3 times a day. The fact that I am not being judged and evaluated and I am not pleasing another person makes porn a low-pressure environment for me (which I prefer). I do cum fairly quick though....... I can do it in less than 5 min if need to - don't know if that falls under premature ejaculation range. And yes, I do get aroused when I see a hot guy - heck, I get a hard-on in the subway. LOL!

[john1]

I've never met him, but based on his participation on this message forum I would bet he would be a good sex coach.

 

LOL! Who?!

[john1]

The list so far:

 

Derek

Rick

Michael Bender

Legendary Dave

Tom Isern

Simply Adam

 

Did I miss anyone? I am right now seriously considering Michael - maybe start with the massage session (which I have done with other masseurs) and go from there based on our initial chemistry.

 

Thanks again everyone!

[Steven_Draker]

I'd strongly recommend Dave in DC as sex coach and personal coach.

 

Here's a link for his reviews http://www.daddysreviews.com/review/legendary_dave_dc

[john1]

I'd strongly recommend Dave in DC as sex coach and personal coach.

 

Here's a link for his reviews http://www.daddysreviews.com/review/legendary_dave_dc[/color]

 

I don't see Dave making a trip to NY anytime soon (till Feb).

[Steven_Draker]

I don't see Dave making a trip to NY anytime soon (till Feb).

 

He's worth the trip down to DC. Get in touch with him for specifics.

[+ azdr0710]

I agree he's worth the quick little train trip down to DC.....great teacher, smart guy, utterly uninhibited, masculine.....bring your partner, too!!

[BigK]

He, who? Several names have been mentioned that participate here. Dave and Tom Isern both participate here.

 

Kevin Slater...I guess a name would have helped.

[JT Brooklyn]

A bit of background - I'm bad in bed I am currently in a semi-long term relationship and our bedroom activities have dwindled to almost nothing! My partner is strictly top and I am, well, confused! A bit about me, late twenties, semi-fit, average looking guy and zero clue on what to do in bed. Hopefully this is something you can learn and improve on. I will look at this as an investment to my future - akin to taking piano lessons or swimming.

 

Things I want to learn: everything to do with bottoming, maybe topping, giving good head, handjobs - and any other tips related to sex. I will take anything!

 

Who I'm looking for: somebody patient, a good teacher with lots of experience in topping and bottoming. Average sized dick (I don't want to take on a baseball bat my first try!). Muscles would be cherry on top!

 

I'm thinking 4 sessions of 1 hr/once a week. And will add more if needed. So anybody in the NYC area - do you have a regular that you think would be a good match? Or any recommendations - PM me or reply to this thread! Any escorts on this board - if you want to volunteer or recommend somebody. Please!

 

All help will be much appreciated!

 

Rent some DVD'S..Good Ones..You will learn alot before your "Lessons" become very exspensive dealing Face to Face!

[chelseanyc]

I second Michael Bender. He's kind (very important to me), patient and very sexy. Because he's not a clock watcher, you never feel rushed which helps with anxiety. And as a bottom, I have to say that he's a really skilled top, especially with the initial entry. He'll stay hard as long as it takes for your sphincter to relax so he can enter you at a speed that suits you. I've described one of many encounters with Michael in a review on the site. A few months ago, he gave me some nice tips on giving head. If you have any doubts, consider calling him before hiring to discuss with him what you're looking for. He has a very sexy voice and will be honest about what he can do for you.

 

Some thoughts on your situation, mostly about bottoming. I think it took a decade of semi-infrequent bottoming to start really feeling comfortable doing it, but in hindsight it should have taken much less time if I had a more open minded (I think your desire to learn is a great, and bodes well for your success).

 

Get used to touching your anus and deriving pleasure from it. Start doing this while in the shower or after you've showered. Unless you can start deriving pleasure from anal stimulation, bottoming is going to be an ordeal.

 

Try playing with your asshole. Insert a finger (put a condom on it for hygiene if that's a concern and if you have long fingernails) and as others have suggested, try butt plugs of varying sizes. Start with small ones and work your way up. Dildos too. To this day, if I know I'm going to have sex, I will stretch myself with a buttplug while I'm taking a shower before getting together with my sex partner. I also found a prostate massager, namely an Aneros, really activated my prostate and suddenly I enjoyed anal sex more than I had before.

 

Try to get over fear of feces during sex. I used to get anxious about having a bowel movement during sex but I learned over time ways to lessen the chance of this happening and over time, my anxiety has abated. The two things that work for me is 1) not eating less than 90 minutes before sex and 2) douching. This may not work for everyone but since I bottom at most once a week, I figure douching with water that frequently (infrequently) is okay.

 

Anyway, I'm not an expert and am only speaking from personal experience.

 

Good luck with your studies!

[leigh.bess.toad]

Lee - thanks for this reply. Maybe I am trying to cover up a larger issue aside from my inability to perform - something I have to deal with sooner or later it seems. I grew up not talking about deep feelings to my parents and friends - so I have dealt with most issues internally, being gay did not help this anomaly. Don't even know why I decided to post this here - though the anonymity the internet provides is probably one large factor. In any case, I am not ready to see a therapist - it seems that escorts, as sex experts themselves, would be a good place to start. But yes, talking with my partner about our sex life without glossing over the big elephant in the room might be a more cost-effective and in the long term, a better solution. Hmmmm.... thanks though. This is definitely at the back of my mind - and probably his too.

 

John -- trust me. I know how hard that conversation can be. God, do I ever. As someone who has virtually carried out his entire relationship with his partner on this forum, I know. I love my partner more than anything in the world. He is accepting of everything. Even of my escorts. Whom he has met. ALL of them. But sexually we had issues. And it was the hardest conversation(s) to start. But in the end it wasn't awful. And in a lot of ways, it has brought us closer together. Because our sexual proclivities are different, we have agreed to a more open relationship sexually. Because we both are able to separate the sex with others from our relationship. Our relationship is more solid than ever. Because we talked. We have set ground rules and have an understanding. You may not believe it. And it might not hold true in all cases. But I know for us, having that conversation, no matter how difficult it was, has helped us more than we could have imagined. Even sexually.

 

But you sound like you are describing me. Keeping things bottled up inside. Not talking about deep feelings with parents and friends. Knowing you're gay but not being able to express it making it worse. The not talking about your sexual issues with your partner. Trust me, I've been down that road that you are on. A lot longer than you have. Every step of the way. And I know you don't want to have that conversation. I didn't. But you have to. And you know it. Now an escort as a sex coach is a great idea, either by yourself or with your partner. But that doesn't change the fact that you need to have those discussions with your partner. They aren't going to get any easier tomorrow, next week, next month, next year. Take it from someone who has been in your shoes. For so long I've had them resoled and re-heeled a lot of times. It isn't easy. but you have to do it.

[john1]

 

......

 

Try to get over fear of feces during sex. I used to get anxious about having a bowel movement during sex but I learned over time ways to lessen the chance of this happening and over time, my anxiety has abated. The two things that work for me is 1) not eating less than 90 minutes before sex and 2) douching. This may not work for everyone but since I bottom at most once a week, I figure douching with water that frequently (infrequently) is okay.

 

Anyway, I'm not an expert and am only speaking from personal experience.

 

Good luck with your studies!

 

Thanks for the tip!!! I do have fear of feces - I think that is something I have to get over. I haven't douched before - I know it cleans the anal canal but does it also diminish the need to have a bowel movement? IN any case, I do need to be more comfortable touching myself "back" there.

[john1]

........ Take it from someone who has been in your shoes. For so long I've had them resoled and re-heeled a lot of times. It isn't easy. but you have to do it.

 

Lee - thanks again. I know that everything you said is correct. There are days (most days actually) when I feel that you can have a long term relationship with a person without having sex - but once in a while it does sneak up on me - that sexual intercourse should be part of a normal healthy relationship. In any case - talking about this with my partner might be the harder route than just dealing with it on my own and initiating sex once I mastered it - but you are right, it has to be done. Now I have to find the right opportunity to bring it up - although I sometimes wish that he would bring it up instead of me. Uy!

[+ purplekow]

talking about this with my partner might be the harder route than just dealing with it on my own and initiating sex once I mastered it - !

 

You know most of the fun of "mastering" sex is mastering it with one for whom you care, but failing that, just practice practice practice with someone who makes if fun AND in most cases, educational. I know I learn something just about every time i have sex, even with a partner with whom i have had plenty of encounters. As Bob Seegar sings:

 

I was a little too tall Could've used a few pounds

Tight pants points hardly reknown

She was a black haired beauty with big dark eyes

And points all her own sitting way up high

Way up firm and high

 

Out past the cornfields where the woods got heavy

Out in the back seat of my '60 Chevy

Workin' on mysteries without any clues

Workin' on our night moves

Trying' to make some front page drive-in news

Workin' on our night moves in the summertime

In the sweet summertime

 

We weren't in love oh no far from it

We weren't searching for some pie in the sky summit

We were just young and restless and bored

Living by the sword

And we'd steal away every chance we could

To the backroom, the alley, the trusty woods

I used her she used me

But neither one cared

We were getting our share

 

Workin' on our night moves

Trying to lose the awkward teenage blues

Workin' on out night moves

In the summertime

And oh the wonder

Felt the lightning

And we waited on the thunder

Waited on the thunder

 

I woke last night to the sound of thunder

How far off I sat and wondered

Started humming a song from 1962

Ain't it funny how the night moves

When you just don't seem to have as much to lose

Strange how the night moves

With autumn closing in

http://ad.doubleclick.net/ad/N5364.MTV.com/B7904341.18;sz=1x1;pc=%5BTPAS_ID%5D;ord=8879

[bigvalboy]

You know most of the fun of "mastering" sex is mastering it with one for whom you care, but failing that, just practice practice practice with someone who makes if fun AND in most cases, educational. I know I learn something just about every time i have sex, even with a partner with whom i have had plenty of encounters. As Bob Seegar sings:

 

I was a little too tall Could've used a few pounds

Tight pants points hardly reknown

She was a black haired beauty with big dark eyes

And points all her own sitting way up high

Way up firm and high

 

Out past the cornfields where the woods got heavy

Out in the back seat of my '60 Chevy

Workin' on mysteries without any clues

Workin' on our night moves

Trying' to make some front page drive-in news

Workin' on our night moves in the summertime

In the sweet summertime

 

We weren't in love oh no far from it

We weren't searching for some pie in the sky summit

We were just young and restless and bored

Living by the sword

And we'd steal away every chance we could

To the backroom, the alley, the trusty woods

I used her she used me

But neither one cared

We were getting our share

 

Workin' on our night moves

Trying to lose the awkward teenage blues

Workin' on out night moves

In the summertime

And oh the wonder

Felt the lightning

And we waited on the thunder

Waited on the thunder

 

I woke last night to the sound of thunder

How far off I sat and wondered

Started humming a song from 1962

Ain't it funny how the night moves

When you just don't seem to have as much to lose

Strange how the night moves

With autumn closing in

http://ad.doubleclick.net/ad/N5364.MTV.com/B7904341.18;sz=1x1;pc=%5BTPAS_ID%5D;ord=8879

 

One of my favorite songs of all time, and sung in a way that only the great Mr. Seger could do it. A haunting truth.