Help! I need a lesson in sex in NYC!

[john1]

A bit of background - I'm bad in bed I am currently in a semi-long term relationship and our bedroom activities have dwindled to almost nothing! My partner is strictly top and I am, well, confused! A bit about me, late twenties, semi-fit, average looking guy and zero clue on what to do in bed. Hopefully this is something you can learn and improve on. I will look at this as an investment to my future - akin to taking piano lessons or swimming.

 

Things I want to learn: everything to do with bottoming, maybe topping, giving good head, handjobs - and any other tips related to sex. I will take anything!

 

Who I'm looking for: somebody patient, a good teacher with lots of experience in topping and bottoming. Average sized dick (I don't want to take on a baseball bat my first try!). Muscles would be cherry on top!

 

I'm thinking 4 sessions of 1 hr/once a week. And will add more if needed. So anybody in the NYC area - do you have a regular that you think would be a good match? Or any recommendations - PM me or reply to this thread! Any escorts on this board - if you want to volunteer or recommend somebody. Please!

 

All help will be much appreciated!

[+ azdr0710]

have you already tried lessons with/from your partner?.....does he also wish things were better in bed?.....

[+ purplekow]

First off, if there are two of you in the bed, then one partner should not be shouldering the responsiblity of a dwindling romantic life. This should be something you should be working on together. With that said, I might consider Rick and Derek for this task. By hiring two, you get two points of view. One can observe while you interact with the other and if things need to be shown, well they can show you how it is done. If you set up for four sessions, you never can tell where you will be at the end. Perhaps you will be sending your BF out for lessons. Chances are he needs them, as if he lets you feel bad about how you are doing in bed, he is really not hoiding up his end of the relationship.

[john1]

No, this time I know it's me. I don't know why - when it comes to sex I just tense up (nervousness, lack of experience) who knows?! The few times my partner tried to engage in sex, I was either unprepared and really did not know what to expect - and it just turned into one hot mess! We haven't broached the topic and I am afraid to bring it up.

 

I will look into Rick and Derek . Thanks!

[john1]

@azdr1

 

No. It's weird but we haven't really talked about "sex". It's one issue we sweep under the rug "so-to-speak".

[john1]

.....just searched - Rick and Derek are retired

[Guest countryboywny]

John,

Contact The Legendary Dave in DC. I think you will find exactly what you're looking for in him. If I'm not mistaken, he travels to NYC with some regularity. Good Luck!

[+ azdr0710]

yes, Dave in DC is an excellent teacher/advisor/all-around savvy guy.....but I still wonder why, being in a "semi-long term" relationship, you can't bring it up with your partner and go back and forth about it....

[+ Funguy]

Better yet….have a 3-some with Dave orchestrating!

[john1]

John,

Contact The Legendary Dave in DC. I think you will find exactly what you're looking for in him. If I'm not mistaken, he travels to NYC with some regularity. Good Luck!

 

Will look into him - but I would prefer somebody local if possible

[john1]

yes, Dave in DC is an excellent teacher/advisor/all-around savvy guy.....but I still wonder why, being in a "semi-long term" relationship, you can't bring it up with your partner and go back and forth about it....

 

Good question. I feel awkward bringing it up. And I think he feels the same. I do want some advice that I wish he don't have to answer (ie - how to prepare and how to clean "down" there). Lol!

[+ azdr0710]

the more I think about this particular conundrum, the more I think Dave in DC is really, really a person who can advise you about all of this concern.....be entirely honest and upfront with him....

 

but can you casually just say to your partner, "Hey, I know I'm uncertain in bed at times and I'd like to make it a lot better. What do you think? Do you wish I was more confident?"

[Loadluvr]

Rick and Derek are still around but I think their contact info has changed search Derek or Rick on rentmen.com

[adriano46]

Will look into him - but I would prefer somebody local if possible

 

John, nearby and an IDEAL mentor, tutor, and coach would be Michael Bender (http://rentmen.com/MichaelBender).

 

He is away on a mini-vacation but should be back in NYC by the weekend. If you want any info about him, feel free to private message me. I have met him often and he is terrific in every respect (don't let all the leather gear scare you [unless you and your partner want to go there], he is a really great nice teddy bear of a guy).

[john1]

the more I think about this particular conundrum, the more I think Dave in DC is really, really a person who can advise you about all of this concern.....be entirely honest and upfront with him....

 

but can you casually just say to your partner, "Hey, I know I'm uncertain in bed at times and I'd like to make it a lot better. What do you think? Do you wish I was more confident?"

 

Funny - last time he brought it up I changed the subject. I am uncomfortable talking about it with him.

[+ sam.fitzpatrick]

Rick and Derek are still around but I think their contact info has changed search Derek or Rick on rentmen.com

 

http://rentmen.com/DerekRoss

 

http://rentmen.com/RickMunroe

[leigh.bess.toad]

A few things to consider John.

 

1. Dave would be the ideal choice, but there is the distance thing. Dave is in NYC quite frequently though. It is something that he is great at doing. In fact, I believe being a sex coach is one thing he does list on his website.

 

2. Learning to bottom, top, and all the rest of the stuff you want can hardly be covered in 4 one hour sessions. It certainly could help, but it isn't some simple little thing you can learn in a few short lessons.

 

3. Of course, the key to anything after taking any lessons in anything, be it a piano lesson or a swim lesson, is practice. And just how do you propose practicing? As far as learning how to bottom, on your own, before you even see an escort or sex coach, I would suggest you get a few butt toys and start playing with them yourself. Get familiar with how your ass feels. Get comfortable with exploring it. Get them in varying sizes from small to something more medium sized (you don't have to get the fire-hydrant sized just yet). But it isn't only about being able to take a dick in your ass that makes a bottom. Learn to control your ass muscles, which you can practice with dildos and butt plugs. Do some kegel exercises, essentially. Get lubed up -- get plenty of lube and don't be afraid to use it.

 

4. But the biggest advice I would have for you would be you HAVE to talk with your partner about it. I know it is awkward. I know it is uncomfortable. But something this sized can tear apart a relationship eventually. And if you can't or won't talk about it, I would fear for the long-term viability of the relationship. You are only in your late 20's? Could you see living like this, essentially sexless for another 50 or 60 years? If you can't talk about this, what else can't you talk about? But an even better question to me would be, let's assume you do get more comfortable with sex. You get to where you enjoy bottoming, giving a blowjob, whatever. How do you propose approaching your partner and say "hey honey, let's fuck". All of a sudden, mysteriously out of no where, when you, by your own admission, haven't been very good at it, now enjoy it and are good at it? My question, if I were your partner would be "How'd that happen"? Who have you been fucking around with"? If you can't talk about your sexual issues, how are you going to talk about those questions. I'm sorry. I know that isn't what you want to hear. But it really is the honest to God's truth. You simply have to have those discussions. If you need someone to help you have them, a counselor, a therapist, whomever, if you think this relationship will have a chance for years to come, you'd better do it.

 

Take it for what it's worth. But I think you really need to have this conversation. Actually conversations, plural. Talking about sex isn't a one time thing. But if you love each other, if you want this relationship to last, you simply have to start talking. the sooner the better.

[+ g56whiz]

There's an escort well reviewed here who advertises as a sort of sex coach;

 

http://www.simplyadam.com/

 

Leigh is right. At some point you have to communicate with your partner if only to say goodbye. But from what I've read about this escort, he may help you not only by making you more confident in your sexual self but also in framing the context in which to talk to your almost "significant other". Good luck.

[uwsman2]

I think Tom Isern might also be good for this. He is mature, thoughtful, very hot, and I think would provide the kind of instruction that you are seeking. And he is NYC-based.

 

I can understand where you are at. When I was coming out in my 20s, I was very awkward about sex, and didn't really become comfortable until I met a man about ten years older than me with whom I had an affair that lasted a few months during which he took the role of teacher. He taught me to enjoy giving head and to positively glory in getting fucked, something I had been unable to do without trauma before I met him. Having a more experienced guy who is a patient teacher can be a real help.

[+ purplekow]

i guess I am getting more suspicious in my old age, but the style and substance of this question reminds me very much of a recent posting from a man who was meeting with an escort for the first time, supposedly, only to later reveal the entire post was a sham. This is an interresting question, where do young gay men who have been shy about sex learn about gay sex. If John is having this problem I am sure there will be many more good suggestions here. I for one though, am moving on.

[BigK]

I've never met him, but based on his participation on this message forum I would bet he would be a good sex coach.

[leigh.bess.toad]

I've never met him, but based on his participation on this message forum I would bet he would be a good sex coach.

 

He, who? Several names have been mentioned that participate here. Dave and Tom Isern both participate here.

[traveler1954]

I think you have to go to basic mechanics and physiology before considering an escort. How is your libido? Do you get horny when you see hot men (or women)? Do you get solid erections when you view porn or fantasize about sex?

Are you able to masturbate and have satisfactory orgasms?

If your answers are "NO", you might want to see a urologist first.

[john1]

A few things to consider John.

 

 

 

4. But the biggest advice I would have for you would be you HAVE to talk with your partner about it. I know it is awkward. I know it is uncomfortable. But something this sized can tear apart a relationship eventually. And if you can't or won't talk about it, I would fear for the long-term viability of the relationship. You are only in your late 20's? Could you see living like this, essentially sexless for another 50 or 60 years? If you can't talk about this, what else can't you talk about? But an even better question to me would be, let's assume you do get more comfortable with sex. You get to where you enjoy bottoming, giving a blowjob, whatever. How do you propose approaching your partner and say "hey honey, let's fuck". All of a sudden, mysteriously out of no where, when you, by your own admission, haven't been very good at it, now enjoy it and are good at it? My question, if I were your partner would be "How'd that happen"? Who have you been fucking around with"? If you can't talk about your sexual issues, how are you going to talk about those questions. I'm sorry. I know that isn't what you want to hear. But it really is the honest to God's truth. You simply have to have those discussions. If you need someone to help you have them, a counselor, a therapist, whomever, if you think this relationship will have a chance for years to come, you'd better do it.

 

Take it for what it's worth. But I think you really need to have this conversation. Actually conversations, plural. Talking about sex isn't a one time thing. But if you love each other, if you want this relationship to last, you simply have to start talking. the sooner the better.

 

Lee - thanks for this reply. Maybe I am trying to cover up a larger issue aside from my inability to perform - something I have to deal with sooner or later it seems. I grew up not talking about deep feelings to my parents and friends - so I have dealt with most issues internally, being gay did not help this anomaly. Don't even know why I decided to post this here - though the anonymity the internet provides is probably one large factor. In any case, I am not ready to see a therapist - it seems that escorts, as sex experts themselves, would be a good place to start. But yes, talking with my partner about our sex life without glossing over the big elephant in the room might be a more cost-effective and in the long term, a better solution. Hmmmm.... thanks though. This is definitely at the back of my mind - and probably his too.

[john1]

There's an escort well reviewed here who advertises as a sort of sex coach;

 

http://www.simplyadam.com/

 

Leigh is right. At some point you have to communicate with your partner if only to say goodbye. But from what I've read about this escort, he may help you not only by making you more confident in your sexual self but also in framing the context in which to talk to your almost "significant other". Good luck.

 

Thanks! Will check him out