Do TOPS feel superior to BOTTOMS

[+ Gar1eth]

Quoting from a different thread:

 

 

 

A few years ago, I read a book called Tearoom trade by Laud Humphreys, written around 1970. (I wrote about this a few years ago but messed up the terms "top" and "bottom" and confused everyone!) The author, a then-closeted man who was a gay ally, wanted to do a PhD dissertation on tearoom sex. He observed and covertly made notes on sexual encounters in tearooms and then, posing as a public health surveyor, managed to interview the same men at home.

 

One of his conclusions was precisely the opposite of what DG (and many others) have expressed: He wrote that being an non-reciprocating "insertor" was a privilege that came with youth. "In most cases, fellatio is a service performed by an older man upon a younger." Part of the aging crisis, he said, was learning to accept the "insertee" role.

 

I wonder why this has changed so dramatically since 1970? Most of the men in Humphreys' study were married and closeted, but then, so are many clients these days.

 

In this passage, he talks about one of the men he observed and interviewed:

http://www.angelfire.com/or3/tss/tearoom.html

 

 

 

That's very strange. But it seems to be only talking about fellatio. I would have thought from a stereotypical view- it would be the older- more dominant guy topping from with intercourse. Of course there is the stereotype of the supposedly 'straight' captain of industry who is in control of everything but who when he gets together with another guy just wants to give up control.

 

People are strange. From a stereotypical standpoint it still seems to me that the older more dominant person would be the 'insertor'. But part of that stems from the fantasy/stereotype of the dominant male- the one with more experience- leading the (if you will forgive me the term) 'tyro' into the esoteric mysteries of man-to-man sex.

 

Gman

[+ FreshFluff]

That's very strange. But it seems to be only talking about fellatio.

 

Good point. According to the book, most of what went on in the tearoom was fellatio.

[+ friendofsheila]

was mostly wondering about the SOCIAL aspect; whether some men who identify as TOPS feel a sense of "social superiority" to men who identify as BOTTOMS in a way not entirely unlike the str8/cool/jock kid in high school feeling socially superior to the "faggot."

 

The way people behave/talk seems to encourage tops to feel that way.

 

It's been more than once that people will label someone as a bottom as a way of bringing them down a step or two socially.

[+ Funguy]

I think that the issue of tops and bottoms begins to blur when you get into Dom and Sub relationships because, in my very limited experience (tho I am expanding), very often it is the Sub (who much of the time is a bottom) who is the power broker - it is he who is in charge by allowing the sharing of power to be given to the Dom AND it is the Sub who may control the scene by playing the "safe word" card. Tho not as common as the stereotypical Dom always being a top, the Dom could be a bottom and the Sub ordered to be the top in a scene.

 

Thus, all the labels begin to be meaningless. If I am with a top who seems to think he is superior to me, I just remind him who is giving him the pleasure of the fuck and without the bottom, "topping" is useless!

 

Funguy

[+ Gar1eth]

That's very strange. But it seems to be only talking about fellatio.

 

 

 

Gman

 

Good point. According to the book, most of what went on in the tearoom was fellatio.

 

I don't know a lot about 'tea rooms'. I only heard the term 'tea dance' a year or two ago, and I'm still not sure exactly of the social milieu at the tea room or what the physical set up was at these type of soirées. But I would think that if large numbers of people were trying to have some carnal knowledge of their fellow participants in some type of club setting then because of limited space fellatio might be more easily performed than full on sex.

 

Gman

[+ FreshFluff]

I don't know a lot about 'tea rooms'. I only heard the term 'tea dance' a year or two ago, and I'm still not sure exactly of the social milieu at the tea room or what the physical set up was at these type of soirées. But I would think that if large numbers of people were trying to have some carnal knowledge of their fellow participants in some type of club setting then because of limited space fellatio might be more easily performed than full on sex.

 

Gman

 

Tearooms are just public restrooms where men cruise and have sex.

[Guest Starbuck]

I was surprised to see this old thread revived. There's been a lot of conversation (and mixed opinion) about whether a SEXUAL PARTNER who tops does or doesn't feel superior to his bottom ... all very interesting to read. When I started the thread, what I was really wondering about was the possibility of a sense of superiority between NON-SEXUAL gay friends or acquaintances.

 

For example, there's a fellow I know, a friend--and there are also some men on this forum--who have a habit of saying (not infrequently), I don't bottom. And there are others among us who have admitted in forum posts and reviews that we do--and yet you never hear us saying in the same emphatic way, I don't top.

 

So I'm just wondering if the need of some guys to state for the record that no man is fucking them is a way--perhaps even unconsciously--of asserting their manliness or dominance or social superiority--perhaps even a need to seem (for lack of a better way of expressing it) "less gay" than someone who takes it up the ass.

[+ Gar1eth]

 

For example, there's a fellow I know, a friend--and there are also some men on this forum--who have a habit of saying (not infrequently), I don't bottom. And there are others among us who have admitted in forum posts and reviews that we do--and yet you never hear us saying in the same emphatic way, I don't top.

 

In my case I don't think it has anything to do with me feeling superior to bottoms. It's just that bottoming is not something I ever wanted to do. When I realized I was gay- or rather admitted it to myself- the thought of bottoming was one factor (out of many) that kept me from even trying to experience gay sex. And then I developed chronic pelvic pain syndrome about 9 years before I ever had my first experience with sex which confirmed my non-bottoming status even further. As for acting 'stereotypically masculine', I'm sure many of the versatile/bottoms guys I've hired have been much more masculine than I am.

 

As for tops saying emphatically that they don't bottom, I'm betting you don't hear bottoms saying it because it's probably more common for a bottom to occasionally top than a strict top to bottom.

 

Gman

[MalcomXpark]

I've seen this before but I think it's on subject because it shows some stereotype about bottoms calling themselves versatile and other things.

 

[video=youtube;s0kqobQRcUo]

[bcohen7719]

Dumb? Really? You don't think that the PHYSICAL fun is influenced by the MENTAL/PSYCHOLOGICAL attitudes that each partner brings to the bedroom?

 

And that's just the SEXUAL aspect of things ... when I wrote the original post I was mostly wondering about the SOCIAL aspect; whether some men who identify as TOPS feel a sense of "social superiority" to men who identify as BOTTOMS in a way not entirely unlike the str8/cool/jock kid in high school feeling socially superior to the "faggot."

 

Starbuck,

 

Probably yes, at least in my younger years (in the 70's and 80'). Dominant/muscular "tops"

(at least in appearance.walked around like jocks, with an imperial swagger. Some denigrated

younger, shy submission types, and actually did refer to them as "faggots" behind their

backs. So socially--yes, it appeared (then) like a replication of a high school nightmare.

 

Now, whether in fact the "tops" were just acting, and "flipped" in bed--I'll bet a lot of

them did, and were just ashamed to let this slip in public.

 

I think this is an excellent question, by the way. Some of the critics on this

website might have strong and insightful opinions about unhelpful sexual role-playing, hypocrisy, or

narcissism--but the poster was only posing the question, and bravely so.

 

BC

[+ Funguy]

As a bottom, all of my escort experiences are with tops (whether or not they may be versatile has no bearing). I have never, ever felt that an escort may think he is "superior". In fact, there is always a gleam in his eye when he looks at me and says, "Now?" or "I want to fuck you" or some variation. In my experiences there are also a lot of laughs and the entire time is fun, as it should be. Let's face it, sex is a serious subject - witness all that goes on here on the Forum - but as a practical endeavor, I make it as much fun as I possibly can! The "dynamics" of top and bottom and of who thinks what about whom is all bull to me.

 

In real life, I suppose it is quite different but at this point in my life I am past the clubs, bars, Craig's List, etc. I never liked that scene to begin with. It's been long enough since I hooked up at a non-escort level that I really cannot remember the dynamics of the top-bottom superiority/disdain/whatever. I hire now because I know what I like and I know that is what I will get (as long as I check reviews AND the Forum) when I decide I want to test ride a new guy!

 

As I said earlier in this thread, if I am with a top who seems to think he is superior to me, I just remind him who is giving him the pleasure of the fuck and without the bottom, "topping" is useless!

 

Therefore, i am always,

Funguy