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The optional happy ending


corndog
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First, let me say that I enjoy a wide range of massage experiences; I enjoy a really good therapeutic massage, and I also enjoy a fun erotic massage. And, everything in between.

 

The other day, I went to a new (to me) therapeutic masseur, who gave one of the very best massages I've had. He clearly enjoyed his work, studied hard to perfect his technique, and took pride in providing a genuinely therapeutic service. His energy was very warm and friendly, and although he didn't avoid sensitive areas, he remained clothed and didn't make any moves that were overtly sexual. 30 minutes into this massage I knew that I had found a winner, and that I would be back.

 

As the massage was nearly over, he somewhat suddenly asked "would you like a happy ending?"

 

I hesitated for quite a while before responding. The truth was that I found him really hot, and would have loved a little playtime, but I said "Um, no, not this time." After it was over, and I was getting dressed, I tried to explain to him that I really had trouble saying "no" to that question, but I had too much respect for him as a skilled masseur to request that kind of service. This conversation felt a little awkward, and I don't really know if he understood what I was trying to say.

 

I feel like talented professionals like this guy shouldn't have to stoop to sexual favors in order to build a satisfied customer base, but I suspect that they feel pressure to appease customers who expect them to be sex workers. If a guy advertises massage as a cover for light escort work, or if a therapist enjoys the sexual exchange with their customers, then I think it's great. However, if a talented professional masseur feels like he needs to get me off in order to be competitive in the market, it feels a little gross.

 

So, now I'm looking forward to another massage from him. He's good enough that I'd go back to him for a purely therapeutic session, but I can't help hoping it goes a little further. Any ideas about how I can show him the respect he deserves, but still let him know that I'd like more, within his comfort zone? I think that it is pretty clear that if I ask directly he'll provide the happy ending, but I hate the idea that he'd go along with something that he doesn't really want to do because he feels he has to.

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I suspect that he read your vibes and was enjoying you as a client, or he would never have asked. I have had a few similar experiences, and handled it the same way you did.... I simply said, "thank you but not this time, maybe on our next appointment"...As it turned out I became a somewhat regular client of his, and as time wore on, he wore less and less for the therapeutic massage part of the session, and we had some mutual play at the end. Unfortunately he move away and I only get to see him on occasion when I am traveling. I don't think your masseur would have offered if he did not feel you were receptive, and I would not read too much into what happened. You have no way of knowing what was going on in his mind, and I don't think he has to "stoop to sexual favors" in order to build a satisfied customer base. I also love strictly therapeutic massage and have seen many really hot guys, and there has never been any hint of anything beyond the therapeutic massage, even though many of them take off their shirts and often are only in skimpy shorts because they get somewhat sweaty giving the massage. So, IMHO, don't over generalize about this guy's attitude or why he might have offered to go further than you expected. Just become a regular client, and time will take care of the rest.

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First, let me say that I enjoy a wide range of massage experiences; I enjoy a really good therapeutic massage, and I also enjoy a fun erotic massage. And, everything in between.

 

The other day, I went to a new (to me) therapeutic masseur, who gave one of the very best massages I've had. He clearly enjoyed his work, studied hard to perfect his technique, and took pride in providing a genuinely therapeutic service. His energy was very warm and friendly, and although he didn't avoid sensitive areas, he remained clothed and didn't make any moves that were overtly sexual. 30 minutes into this massage I knew that I had found a winner, and that I would be back.

 

As the massage was nearly over, he somewhat suddenly asked "would you like a happy ending?"

 

I hesitated for quite a while before responding. The truth was that I found him really hot, and would have loved a little playtime, but I said "Um, no, not this time." After it was over, and I was getting dressed, I tried to explain to him that I really had trouble saying "no" to that question, but I had too much respect for him as a skilled masseur to request that kind of service. This conversation felt a little awkward, and I don't really know if he understood what I was trying to say.

 

I feel like talented professionals like this guy shouldn't have to stoop to sexual favors in order to build a satisfied customer base, but I suspect that they feel pressure to appease customers who expect them to be sex workers. If a guy advertises massage as a cover for light escort work, or if a therapist enjoys the sexual exchange with their customers, then I think it's great. However, if a talented professional masseur feels like he needs to get me off in order to be competitive in the market, it feels a little gross.

 

So, now I'm looking forward to another massage from him. He's good enough that I'd go back to him for a purely therapeutic session, but I can't help hoping it goes a little further. Any ideas about how I can show him the respect he deserves, but still let him know that I'd like more, within his comfort zone? I think that it is pretty clear that if I ask directly he'll provide the happy ending, but I hate the idea that he'd go along with something that he doesn't really want to do because he feels he has to.

 

I totally understand your sentiment

 

On a different note, am I the only one who finds happy ending awkward and thus unappealin?

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I'm of two minds on this:

 

If I hired someone from a source other than a gay focused website and nothing in his ad indicated sensual/erotic, I certainly wouldn't expect a release at the end.

 

If I hire a guy who lists himself as a sensual or erotic masseur on a gay focused website, though, I do expect a release to be part of the session. Massagem4m has a therapeutic category and masseurs can choose to limit their ads to that category if that's the service they offer.

 

The bottom line is that I don't think providing a manual release at the end of a massage in any way denigrates the masseur or cheapens the experience, so I wouldn't consider saying "no" to a release if offered unless I really didn't want one for whatever reason.

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The bottom line is that I don't think providing a manual release at the end of a massage in any way denigrates the masseur or cheapens the experience, so I wouldn't consider saying "no" to a release if offered unless I really didn't want one for whatever reason.

 

I agree. For me it depends on what I'm in the mood for. There are times when I simply want a therapeutic massage and nothing else. If a masseur offered one, it would depend on how 'into' the happy ending I felt he was. If we had clicked during the massage either by conversation or by a mutual interest, and he showed a genuine desire to provide one, then perhaps I would allow it, but if he offered and I felt that he was going to provide nothing more than a 'clinical' experience, and felt obligated on some level, then I would probably pass.

 

I agree with maninsoma. I don't feel that a 'happy ending' in anyway cheapens the masseur or the experience, as my preference more often than not is to simply enjoy a nice quality hour of massage.

the greatest beauty is

Organic wholeness, the wholeness of life and things,

the divine beauty of the universe.

Love that, not man apart from that,

or else you will share man’s pitiful confusions,

or drown in despair when his days darken."

 

- Robinson Jeffers

 

B e l i e v e

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I just had a terrific therapeutic massage from a masseur who - from his ads on MassageM4M - I assumed would be very interactive.

 

He was good at asking me what I was seeking in terms of the massage, but I think that was more because he covers such an enormously large area of types of massage and so I went down his extensive list checking off what I expected in the 90-minutes.

 

He did - in his defense - ask me about erotic but I stepped back a bit saying, I like more the therapeutic aspect (which I do) and would enjoy "sensual elements" as I put it.

 

Appointment came; his studio was immaculate - one of the nicest in terms of atmosphere I have ever been in. Mood was great; massage was superior.

 

BUT he never took off a stitch of clothes the whole 90 minutes (full t-shirt and running pants the whole time). I was, to say the least, disappointed but then again, two weeks ago I had another great massage by a handsome, very muscular Thai masseur who was ONLY therapeutic, but did it entirely nude and sensually, and at the end he rolled me over, grabbed my cock and started the tug part. I was the one here who quietly said "Not necessary" and it seems it was a definite plus for him as he has been trying to get me to cme back for more ever since (and I will).

 

One of my favorite go-to masseurs in NYC advertises ONLY as therapeutic with slight sensual elements but over the last two years, from session to session, he has taken me to levels of sensuality and eroticism that I never expected and in our last session asked me if I'd like to go even further. He did confide to me that he never does this normally but with a very select group of clients he trusts, there are evidently no limits and this is a guy who I like A LOT so the future bodes well.

 

Back to corndog and tighty - I usually hire a guy for his massage techniques and professionalism but want a guy who is both attractive and sensual (hell I am paying for this!!!), even if not interactive. I do try to be explicit in our contact before the meeting and appreciate a guy who really does understand my (admittedly) mixed signals. I mean if I say "no erotic" and he turns me over and I have a raging hard on... I think the game plan has obviously switched up a bit. Generally Mr. Woody stays very calm and collected in massages, so if I am suddenly "awakened" -- damn that masseur gets a great tip.

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One of my favorite go-to masseurs in NYC advertises ONLY as therapeutic with slight sensual elements but over the last two years, from session to session, he has taken me to levels of sensuality and eroticism that I never expected and in our last session asked me if I'd like to go even further. He did confide to me that he never does this normally but with a very select group of clients he trusts, there are evidently no limits and this is a guy who I like A LOT so the future bodes well.

 

Yeah, that's one of the reasons why it becomes such a game of "will he / won't he" if one wants a more erotic massage and spies a hot guy in the therapeutic only section. I've had my share of those that started one way and surprised me with another, which makes me believe that a lot would go there anyhow, but just might not advertise it for their own protection.

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Ah the strains of our puritan past that still run deep in our society. It's this ambivalence about sex in our culture which makes communication so difficult in all interpersonal interactions. Would that we could all state our desires openly and without consequence as long as no one is harmed psychologically or physically. Would that there were no guilt or possible punishment in asking for pleasure. It's the dance around what one is really looking for with a massage that makes this exchange so fraught with tension but so rewarding when your uniquely individual needs or desires are met. I think this topic always merits and is rewarded with interesting views and ideas. Thanks.

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... am I the only one who finds happy ending awkward and thus unappealing?

You're not the only one. For me, when there is a slow build of sensuality throughout the session, and a happy ending seems like a natural progression, it's great. But when it is just kind of tacked onto the end, not so much. It's especially unappealing to me when the masseur stops and asks. If it is meant to happen, a good masseur should sense that energy and just go for it.

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I agree completely with corndog's last post... a simple +1.

 

To take it a bit further, however, there are a few (or a lot?) of masseurs offering erotic massage but who do not advertise in the escort arena. If they are with someone they are attracted to while doing the massage (and here, body types, HWP, etc. simply do not matter) that side of their service might just pop out. I asked one masseur after that took place and he said that, while he enjoys sex with his clients, he doesn't want to be put in the position of always providing that service if he doesn't already know the client and feel the attraction to do so. Thus, he does not advertise the "escort" part. As far as the happy ending part of his erotic massage service, he said that if someone is coming to him for erotic bodywork, a happy ending is part and parcel of that experience, not just an add on and no client of his has ever refused.

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I think that it is safe to take it for granted that if a massage is advertised as "erotic" it will include a happy ending.

 

A "sensual" massage is a little more vague. I've had a sensual massage, from a very talented masseur, that didn't include a happy ending, or even nudity on his part. At first, I felt a little disappointed, but then upon further reflection, I realized that in this particular case, the massage was indeed very sensual -- and excellent. Sometimes words mean exactly what they say, and are not meant as the code-words we've come to expect.

 

When asked, I've turned down a happy ending 2 or 3 times, and it always seems to come as quite a surprise to the masseur. In these cases, I think it is really important to explain why. Time has taught me that even the hottest guys have doubts about their self image, and I can think of nothing worse than letting these guys believe that I turned down a happy ending because they weren't hot enough! I think we've got to entertain the possibility that the happy ending is maybe enjoyable for the masseur as well, and not just a necessary chore that they need to complete.

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  • 4 years later...
I'm of two minds on this:

 

If I hired someone from a source other than a gay focused website and nothing in his ad indicated sensual/erotic, I certainly wouldn't expect a release at the end.

 

If I hire a guy who lists himself as a sensual or erotic masseur on a gay focused website, though, I do expect a release to be part of the session. Massagem4m has a therapeutic category and masseurs can choose to limit their ads to that category if that's the service they offer.

 

The bottom line is that I don't think providing a manual release at the end of a massage in any way denigrates the masseur or cheapens the experience, so I wouldn't consider saying "no" to a release if offered unless I really didn't want one for whatever reason.

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