Jump to content

Gay Men At Their Best


Will
 Share

This topic is 7455 days old and is no longer open for new replies.  Replies are automatically disabled after two years of inactivity.  Please create a new topic instead of posting here.  

Recommended Posts

Rod Hagen's characteristically amusing and intelligent thread has stimulated more than my nipples. I think his example of not liking "gay" music was a signal for us to think about what makes us feel alienated, outside, marginal, from what we continue to insist is the "gay community." On my list would be the whole menu of fetishes del giorno, which act on me as anti-aphrodisiacs. Among those turn-offs are: over-muscled, body-builder physiques; shaving below the neckline; cookie-cutter coiffeurs above the neckline that have nothing to do with the particular head or face they're supposed to adorn, but everything to do with whatever the most recent issue of OUT tells us is hot; Prince Alberts; and most (but not all) tattoos.

 

In other words, practically the whole arsenal of acquired drop-dead accoutrements seems to bounce right off of me. I didn't intend it; I just seem to have been born that way.

 

So, you see, I wouldn't have gone to Bluboy's party in New York even if I were 35, 6'2", and weighed 185 pounds. I would have worried that I might find all those supposedly irresistible hunks all too resistible. Talk about feeling left out!

 

A matter of taste? You bet. And I say, "Vive la difference!" But I say "Phooey" to Gay Culture Nazis who think they can tell me what is and is not "gay" and thus admit or not admit me to the empyrean realms of Divine Clonedome.

 

So by way of (I think) furthering the gist of Rod's thread, what I'd like to ask is this: What do you think gay men do better than straight men (or women) do?

 

I don't mean give head, although I quickly confess that it was the first answer that came to mind, and for good reason. I mean other things, such as: an uncanny sensitivity to the nuances of body language, facial expression, and intonation – communication; an almost instinctive sensitivity to other people's feelings, even if that sensitivity gets used to hurt rather than to help; a profoundly rich imagination and fantasy life; great courage in the expression of feelings, ideas, concepts; a "natural" sense of spirituality that, I think, may be the fruit of standing above (not "apart from") circular -- and therefore aimless -- straight notions of gender that are other-dependent. (That is, a man is a male human who desires women; a woman is a female human who desires men. Duh.) Finally, just to get the ball rolling, I think that gay men are geniuses when it comes to friendship. In that one important area of human affection, in fact, it's my experience that gay men are better at friendship than straight men, straight women, or lesbians.

 

These are also, for me, the signs of a great escort. What are your thoughts?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

In my experience,the best escorts are those who have good friendship skills in their private lives. I am not talking about friendships between escorts and clients. I also agree that gay

men are better at friendships than straight men. Good topic,

although it probably has a limited appeal on this forum where

naturally people are more interested in friendships with escorts.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Will, although I think you are a sensitive, empathetic, intelligent, well integrated personality yourself (so far as I can judge from your comments on this board), I think your stereotype of gay men is sentimental nonsense. It's always a sobering corrective to remember that gay men include John Wayne Gacy, Dean Corll and the infamous murderer of Gianni Versace whose name has mercifully escaped me. Gay men as a category are no more sensitive, loving or creative than any other demographic group; I think that's one of the positive myths we tell ourselves--and others--to boost our self-esteem, like any other insecure minority. But we do suck cock better than women.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

>What do

>you think gay men do

>better than straight men (or

>women) do?

 

Oh that's easy. Give head. :-)

 

>In that one important area

>of human affection, in fact,

>it's my experience that gay

>men are better at friendship

>than straight men, straight women,

>or lesbians.

 

Not sure I can agree on this one. Some of my closest, most loyal, and most trusting friends have been straight women.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest LG320126

>It's always a sobering corrective

>to remember that gay men

>include John Wayne Gacy, Dean

>Corll and the infamous murderer

>of Gianni Versace whose name

>has mercifully escaped me. Gay

>men as a category are

>no more sensitive, loving or

>creative than any other demographic

>group; I think that's one

>of the positive myths we

>tell ourselves--and others--to boost our

>self-esteem, like any other insecure

>minority.

 

Charlie I have to disagree with you on part of this. There are terrible people whether gay, straight, white, black or whatever in the world, but Will's generality that describes the gay communicty (at least IMHO) pretty well holds true in my experiences. It has only been about 3 years since I decided to say the hell with it and enter a gay club here in the great conservative midwest. Being very closeted as I was and am still, I was immediately made very welcome by the locals and to make a long story short, have made some very very good and close gay friends here. I have shared my life with them whereas I surely could not with my straight friends and business acquaintances. To date, not one of them has ever offended me, put me down, tried to out me or done anything that would make me sorry that I explored the other side of my life.

 

Since this time, I have cried, laughed, empathized, sympathized, danced, kissed, had sex and lived like I have never done in my straight world. So you see, I think what Will says in general about the gay populace being better at friendship is true, at least for me. :)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest curtenz

>the infamous murderer

>of Gianni Versace whose name

>has mercifully escaped me.

 

Andrew Cunanan. Did I spell that right?

 

>Gay

>men as a category are

>no more sensitive, loving or

>creative than any other demographic

>group; I think that's one

>of the positive myths we

>tell ourselves--and others--to boost our

>self-esteem, like any other insecure

>minority.

 

I can really go along with what you said. This is starting to sound like those Black History guys who are saying that Beethoven and Columbus were black. The whole point of those who support racial equality is that the differences between the races are really trivial, unimportant things. The same is true in this case if you ask me.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest jizzdepapi

...has stimulated more than my nipples...

 

what exactly does this mean, will?

 

 

...among those turn-offs are: over-muscled, bodybuilder physiques; shaving... cookie cutter coiffures... everything to do with whatever the most recent issue of OUT tells us is hot... and most (but not all) tattoos...

 

natch; love athletic guys but not steroid freaks; we may differ here but love bedhed and really bad haircuts on hot guys who can get away with it or long hair when it is incredibly rich and glossy--very sexy!

 

 

...In other words, practically the whole arsenal of acquired drop-dead accoutrements seems to bounce right off of me. I didn't intend it; I just seem to have been born that way... So, you see, I wouldn't have gone to Bluboy's party...

 

all i can say is you are really, really, really refreshing. well-groomed silverbacks have turned my head from time to time and though working-class papis float my boat--i know a far cry from most clients' ideals--my tastes are as far from the models you cite as i imagine your own would be. i totally understood your post in blu's thread; why wouldn't you feel left out and offended?

 

 

... what do you think gay men do better than straight men (or women) do?...

 

we have more fun in the restrooms at bloomingdales, REALLY.

 

 

..a profoundly rich imagination and fantasy life; great courage in the expression of feelings, ideas, concepts; a "natural" sense of spirituality that, I think, may be the fruit of standing above (not "apart from") circular -- and therefore aimless -- straight notions of gender that are other-dependent. (That is, a man is a male human who desires women; a woman is a female human who desires men. Duh.)...

 

understand most, but maybe not all of this. agree with some but not all. i think we are brave in expressing feelings and have a heightened sense of spirituality. i don't think gender notions are that advanced generally, though we have much we could learn (and some of us have) from our lesbian comrades.

 

 

...geniuses when it comes to friendship... better at friendship than straight men, straight women, or lesbians...

 

this, i think, is very subjective. obviously, you have very strong bonds to gay friends. that may not be the case with all of us, especially since so many men on this board are closeted and to varying degrees, may have no or only a few gay friends.

 

in my case, being very political in lefty causes, i have been a part of an incredibly accepting and warm activist community--mostly hetero. these are my closest friends. i don't go to gay bars and have found with the demise of ACT UP in CT a dearth of lefty gay men and so don't even bother with the local GLBT community center. i am close friends with one lesbian couple and we have helped each other through many rough times over the years and had a lot of fun, too.

 

i also think that lesbians are more advanced in social skills and the ability to have and maintain friendships than any other group you mentioned, as well as being far more politically advanced than gay men. of course this is not universally true.

 

anyway, thanks for an interesting thread. i look forward to reading your posts on a regular basis.

 

jizz

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest jizzdepapi

>...those Black History guys who are saying that Beethoven and Columbus were black...

 

are there serious scholars saying this? news to me.

 

 

>...the differences between the races are really trivial, unimportant things. are there scholars saying this too?

 

don't get this one either. thousands of years--maybe tens of thousands of years of totally different culture--produce some significant differences, right?

 

and "unimportant things" result in a Holocaust and thousands of years of slavery?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest jeffOH

Being a "sissy" and growing up in small southern Ohio city,

I was subjected to name-calling, taunting and the occasional

punches. I didn't have any guy friends, but I was friends with

most of the girls. I had two male friends in middle school and

one in high school(the other one dumped me). I never felt a very

strong bond with my father; I was an incredibly sensitive and

precocious child...empathic. My mother and I had an odd relation-

ship. I was extremely possessive of her and even after they had

four more children, I would still(when talking to a brother or

sister) refer to her as MY mother.

 

I wanted to be friends with the guys, but I didn't try to fit in

with them.I didn't understand why they wouldn't like me as I was.

After I told my mother I was gay, I began to understand what

"conditional love" was. And to a lesser degree, I guess I also learned that from the guys at school.

 

During college and up until my late twenties, I did have several

friendships with gay men, but they were quite shallow. My "best"

friend from college wants nothing to do with me since I told him

I'm a hooker. I was friends with him because he was a cheerleader

and he was gorgeous. Other than that, he was dumb as a box of rocks; Vanna White was his role model. I can't remember having

one meaningful conversation with him.

 

It was after I quit drinking that I started to develop real

friendships with men and over the past thirteen years I've been

blessed to have some wonderful guys enter my life. I've also

found "unconditional" love with my friends...something I'd NEVER

before felt . I have a few very open-minded straight men as

friends, but it's mostly gay men. My best friend is gay and an

escort. There are sensitive straight men...I've found a few.

I find the labels "gay", "bi" and "straight" to be quite limiting. Why must we slap a label on everyone along with all the

accompanying and limiting stereotypical characteristics. I do

believe that many gay men are more sensitive than most straight

men, but maybe it's because many of us know first-hand the pain

of not being accepted or understood...and we can put ourselves in

someone else's shoes and understand/feel their pain. To me this

is what makes a great friend...when you're pouring your heart out

over something and you see that look of understanding in their

eyes . I think more gay men

allow themselves to be vulnerable with their friends than

straight men do. They just don't go that deep.

 

[email protected]

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Charlie, I stand by my notions, even when you include the monsters. First, I am talking about skills, mental/psychological characteristics. I am not talking about issues of character, about virtues. Second, I was trying to signal the vast repertoire of perceptions that devolve from the fact that same-sex-oriented people are, obviously, in the minority. Their minority status has encouraged them to develop coping skills that people in the majority don't have to develop in order to live in a coherent universe. By the way, I do not think that all minority groups develop the same coping skills. Third, I would go further, and say that the kinds of cognitive signature I associate with "gayness" is probably not simply a reaction to a hostile environment. On the contrary, I think that humankind needs gay people in order to maintain the right balances, especially to broaden the notion of sexuality to include things beyond the simple -- and solipsistic -- continuation of the race.

 

Insofar as friendship is concerned, I imagine that the Jeffrey Dahmers of this world are probably not very good at one of the more refined and delicate of human relationships when they can't manage even the most elemental ones. On your view, one might claim that because some straight men are child-molesters, no straight man is a responsible father.

 

I am not saying that gay men are better in some innate moral sense. But I am saying that being a gay man prepares one for the mastery of skills that other people may of course master themselves, but more exceptionally. I stick to my guns here, but would be happy to continue the discussion as long as we were talking about the same thing. I am NOT talking about "good" and "bad" in the moral sense. I am talking about "good" and "bad" as regards the panache one brings to playing well the cards that life has dealt.

 

As regards the appropriateness of this thread, I can only say that it is about men and homosex. Whether it's hot or not is another question altogether.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think that there are a lot of things we are better at. I never want total assimilation as one of our goals. I think that many (probably not all) of our strengths do come from the fact that we are outsiders. So we look at things from a different perspective. Those gays who are hung up in the Best Little Boy in the Whole World syndrome and spend a lot of their time trying to assimilate (I will be kind and not mention the few of them on these boards who I see that way, unless they attack me first.), I think that those kinds of gays give away part of their birthright and are not any different/better/more special than the common populace. Ironically, to fully develope these particular traits, we may have to look like we could fit in if we had to, that we do belong to the tribe. People who don't fit in and don't look like they fit in have a different array of special traits. And the two groups can enjoy each other more than people who fit in and look like they do.

 

What are the outsiders traits, historically? Well, shamanism is one. American Indian history shows that quite clearly, as I'm sure some other histories do, too. So, the psychic, the pop-pych would be a place we would be especially good. Ditto the arts. Perhaps especially comedy writing. I think the majority of great current comedy writers just may be gay. At least the currently best known one is. Long live Bruce Vilanche!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Wise, wise words! I don't want to be "assimilated." I think it is wonderful to be able to move from one context to another, which I do easily and without even thinking about it. But I never want to be mistaken for a straight man. I do not try to act "gay," but I certainly don't try to act "straight" either. The assimilationist argument that gay men are just like other men except for who they sleep with reduces, in my understanding, the whole of human sexuality to reproduction. And I think that's deeply impoverished. In any case, underneath the "We're all alike" argument is usually an agenda: by being "just like" straight men, one shouldn't be able to "tell" that another man isn't straight. "Straight," in other words, is the model. But why should that be? I don't see anything so great about being taken for straight. I've never heard of anybody being "mistaken" as bisexual, bi the way. Thanks, Bilbo.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest WetDream

What about our sense of humor (often lacking from the message board)? I think this is a real value that an outsider position in society has given us. So much straight humor seems so heavy handed to me. It usually lacks that extra little twist that most gays bring.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest BenDover

I have experienced every good and bad quality in the gay people I encounter, call my friends and acquaintances and read about in the papers as I do in the non-gay community. We are 10% (or whatever the percentage is these days) of everything that exists. My two best friends are straight men who would do anything for me if I needed help or support. They have always been affectionate, caring and sincere, as I have with them. I hate the idea of assimilating into non-gay society, but I feel that way about society in general. I dearly love my family of fact that is so incredibly diverse: elderly men and women, kids, married couples, single friends, biological family members, work-mates, black, Asian, physically challenged. They all bring incredible richness into my life.

I have 5 brothers who are all non-gay. Each one of them, at one time or another, has commented to me about how much they enjoy visiting me in my home, because there is always a parade of strange, exotic, ordinary, bizarre, commonplace people in and out of my house through the course of their visits. It will be breakfast with the priest from my parish, lunch with my leftist writer friend, and dinner with my mixed race gay couple friends. I say, the richness of being gay comes from having had to examine life and what sets me apart. I made a conscious effort to use that to my advantage. I'm not a professional queer by any stretch of the imagination, but I make no effort to disguise it and invite people into my life on a daily basis. If they don't care for what they see, on they go. Life is too short to try to convince people to like me. Wow. How did I get on this tangent?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest LG320126

>I have experienced every good and

>bad quality in the gay

>people I encounter, call my

>friends and acquaintances and read

>about in the papers as

>I do in the non-gay

>community. We are 10%

>(or whatever the percentage is

>these days) of everything that

>exists. My two best

>friends are straight men who

>would do anything for me

>if I needed help or

>support. They have always

>been affectionate, caring and sincere,

>as I have with them.

> I hate the idea

>of assimilating into non-gay society,

>but I feel that way

>about society in general.

>I dearly love my family

>of fact that is so

>incredibly diverse: elderly men and

>women, kids, married couples, single

>friends, biological family members, work-mates,

>black, Asian, physically challenged.

>They all bring incredible richness

>into my life.

>I have 5 brothers who are

>all non-gay. Each one

>of them, at one time

>or another, has commented to

>me about how much they

>enjoy visiting me in my

>home, because there is always

>a parade of strange, exotic,

>ordinary, bizarre, commonplace people in

>and out of my house

>through the course of their

>visits. It will be

>breakfast with the priest from

>my parish, lunch with my

>leftist writer friend, and dinner

>with my mixed race gay

>couple friends. I say,

>the richness of being gay

>comes from having had to

>examine life and what sets

>me apart. I made

>a conscious effort to use

>that to my advantage.

>I'm not a professional queer

>by any stretch of the

>imagination, but I make no

>effort to disguise it and

>invite people into my life

>on a daily basis.

>If they don't care for

>what they see, on they

>go. Life is too

>short to try to convince

>people to like me.

>Wow. How did I

>get on this tangent?

 

Don't know how you got on the tangent, Ben, but it was certainly worth getting on - well put! :)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest curtenz

>>...those Black History guys who are saying that Beethoven and Columbus were black...

>

>are there serious scholars saying this?

>news to me.

 

 

I don't know if you would call them serious but some of them seem to have conned their way into teaching jobs at major universities according to what I read.

 

>>...the differences between the races are really trivial, unimportant things. are there scholars saying this too?

>

>don't get this one either. thousands

>of years--maybe tens of thousands

>of years of totally different

>culture--produce some significant differences, right?

 

 

I said differences between races not between cultures. Let me know if I'm getting this wrong but I always thought the whole basis of the civil rights movement is that except for a few minor differences in the way they look blacks and whites are no different. And the whole basis of the segregation movement is that there are differences in mental ability and personality that come along with the color of your skin. Which do you think is right?

 

If there is going to be an equality movement for gays I would think it has to be based on the same idea, which is that being attracted to the same sex does not make you any different from anybody else in any other area. It does not make you any more likely to be a child molester or any less able to handle yourself in combat or any less able to change a tire. If people are unhappy about gay stereotypes it's because they contradict this assumption, is that right or not?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest jizzdepapi

curtenz:

 

i wonder if reports about Columbus's and Mozart's ethnicities might be the university teaching equivalents of urban legends. this really is news to me and i would have thought these ideas would generate some headlines.

 

 

>...blacks and whites are no different...being attracted to the same sex does not make you any different from anybody else

 

i should have been more clear in my response to your post that i was addresing both race and ethnicity, thus culture as well.

 

blacks and whites certainly are different from one another as are Italian-Americans, Polish-Americans, and so on. and certainly GLBTs are different than straight people (although use of these terms certainly does not convey the myriad camps within). 'equal' does not imply 'same,' though groups in the U.S. which have had to struggle to gain equality (including Aisan-Americans, Irish-Americans, Italian-Americans, latinos, blacks, GLBTs and many others) would tell you that it has been a struggle to hang onto their unique cultural identities while struggling for equality which should have been theirs from the beginning.

 

in this thread, Bilbo wrote what is, in my mind, a lucid and insightful statement about assimiliation and it's dangers. i think it answers our mutual concerns here.

 

best,

jizz

Link to comment
Share on other sites

>We are 10%

>(or whatever the percentage is

>these days) of everything that

>exists.

 

It's definitely higher than 10%. I can't believe how many closeted "straight" guys I've met in just 2 years; guys you'd never think were gay (bad hair, pleated pants). Of course, as I've said, it's a huge turn-on to be with these guys, and man do they know how to eat ass like it's a pussy (gay guys are the only cocksuckers, tho...real pros)...OK, what was my point? Oh yeah, it's higher than 10%. More like 50.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest JustANametoPlay

I am always amused at the term the "gay community" and it's counter part the "gay leadership" When was there a vote? I sure didn't get my proxy in the mail!

 

In some ways I am so anti-typically gay, in other ways I am the stereotype. I even recently had an escort tell me that I didn't appear gay that I must be straight or at least Bi. I don't know what he based that on, and it kind of surprised me. In the same vein, some folks when tehy found out from me have said "Oh of course" and others have said "I would have never guessed" So, you figure it out.

 

For the records, I LOVE LOVE LOVE the theatre and show tunes. On the other hand, I too dislike house and techno. I have no sense of style for myself. I'm not into many things deemed part of the gay culture, and am conisdered by friends to be fairly conservative in some of my views, but thank god not so conservative as to be considered a republican!

 

While I love being part of the gay community, and am so often made proud of it, often times I cringe at some of what those supposedly in the community do.

 

In sum, while I am proud to be gay, I am more proud of something else I am (or like to think I am) an individual.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Will, you have misinterpreted my comment about the Jeffrey Dahmers of the gay community: my point was that you cannot generalize from the extreme members of any group, whether they be the monsters or the saints. The fact that both Walt Whitman and J. Edgar Hoover were famous American homosexuals tells you nothing about American homosexuals as a group.

 

A large part of the problem in this discussion is the lack of a clear definition of gay. If we are referring simply to men who are sexually attracted to other men, then there is almost nothing verifiable that you can say about the skills or psychological dispositions of the whole group. If we are referring instead to a cultural group--men who self-identify as "gay" in their values and tastes--then there may be more unifying characteristics; the problem there is that one can get locked into circular definitions in which one doesn't qualify as gay unless one is already sensitive, supportive of friends, etc. By the way, I think your distinction between psychological dispositions and character/morality is somewhat tendentious, since your terminology (sensitive, caring, etc.) carries a heavy load of moral value.

 

I still think the desire to claim that gay men have some special qualities that are highly regarded by our society is basically a reaction to the old accusations that gay men are immoral in their sexual values and behavior, an accusation that we defensively want to offset. Some gay men do possess these virtues (and that's what they amount to, regardless of your rejection of the notion) of sensitivity to others, loyalty, etc., but they are not the norm, any more than their opposites are the norm among straight men. If most of your gay friends and acquaintances are like that, then you are blessed; I, too, have had many such gay friends, but I don't assume that my experience can automatically be universalized.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

BenDover, you're brilliant. Actually my two closest friends are straight, too. I wasn't really taking examples from my own life, although I have lots of gay friends, just not where I live. It's that openness to richness and variety and to the unknown and unexpected that -- in my experience -- gay men are so much more likely to have than other people. Your brief description of yourself -- your activism, your family, your breakfast, your house -- says what I was trying to say far, far better. Thanks!

 

P.S. Rick Munroe is right about 10% (as he is about many things). It was Dr. Kinsey who said 10%, and he was talking only about his own research sample. Sure, there are probably plenty of places where we are fewer than even 5%, and many more where we're higher than 20%. We may not be free to select what our sexual orientation is, but we are, within limits, free to select where we live it out. For instance, I live in a college town, in which the student body responded to a student-run (but professor-designed) survey in which both male and female students identified themselves in more or less the following way (I forget the actual statistics but could get them tomorrow): exclusively gay: 13%; bisexual: 7%; questioning: 15%. To do the math for you, that left only 65% of the student body self-identifying as exclusively straight. As I said, those figures may not be totally accurate, but they're close. In other words, when people don't feel threatened or under scrutiny, and when they're questioned by someone they trust for a reason they believe in, they're more likely to tell the truth.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I am glad for your sake that you has such a great experience from a gay group, but try to put it in context. Most minority groups within a somewhat hostile environment are eager to welcome their own to the group, whether they are Jews in West Virginia, blacks in Kansas or liberal Democrats in Utah. It doesn't say anything about the innate capacity for friendship among gays or straights, just that you found the right group of individuals under the right circumstances.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest jeffOH

>I am glad for your sake

>that you had such a

>great experience from a gay

>group, but try to put

>it in context. Most minority

>groups within a somewhat hostile

>environment are eager to welcome

>their own to the group,

>whether they are Jews in

>West Virginia, blacks in Kansas

>or liberal Democrats in Utah.

>It doesn't say anything about

>the innate capacity for friendship

>among gays or straights, just

>that you found the right

>group of individuals under the

>right circumstances.

 

CHARLIE, I wasn't saying anything about an "innate" capacity for

friendship among gays or straights. My comments were based upon

my experiences and perceptions. The qualities of which I spoke

are, I believe, the result of environmental influences. I don't

think that my ability to empathize is necessarily due to the fact

that I'm gay. I know quite a few gay men who are insensitive

pricks. While one of my straight best friends is incredibly

intuitive and can read me like a book.

 

I've found that as I share more of myself with others in an

open and truthful fashion; I have begun to attract people(gay,bi,

straight, male and female)to me that love me for me. Not because

I live in Podunkville where I'm thrown together with the

only other two fags in town, but because of what was truly shared

and how vulnerable we've allowed ourselves to be. My point was

that because so many gay men have experienced the pain of not

having someone to talk to about what they were feeling while

growing up gay...the isolation, the self-hatred, etc.. as a result of having made it through all of that... they MAY be more

sensitive than the average straight man. If straight men had to

endure what some of us gay men have had to live through, perhaps

we'd see more sensitive, emotionally-connected straight men.

 

Of course there are sensitive and caring straight men and women,

but you may find that they have their own stories of feeling

isolated, misunderstood and neglected. I think it's more

environmental than "innate". I did know during the first day of

kindergarten that I was different from most of the other boys, but at the time I didn't know what it was. I realize now that I

had a higher level of sensitivity to other's feelings and that I was gay. The often hostile environment in a sense really helped

me to grow as a spiritual being.

 

Your comparisons of gay men to Jews in West Virginia, Blacks in

Kansas are simply wrong. If you're growing up Jewish in West

Virginia you have your Jewish family and the other Jewish

families around. They understand what you're dealing with in

a hostile environment. There's a big difference. You at least have some sort of support system...they're Jewish also. Same for

the Blacks in Kansas. They have their Jewishness and Blackness

in common with their families. GAY men don't have that. I felt

separate from my family because of how different I was feeling on

the inside. They couldn't relate to my Gayness. The circumstances

for gay men can be much more isolating and unique. I clearly

remember how much it hurt to keep it all bottled up. I'm so

grateful to have friends who allow Me to be Me, whomever that may be, as I continue to evolve.

 

[email protected]

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest BenDover

Thanks, Will. You're compliments made my spirit sing.

I did think of one specific thing about gay men that, over the years of the AIDS epidemic, has moved me deeply and made me so proud. We really knew how to throw a memorial service or a funeral. As sad as it all has been, I have never been to so many CELEBRATIONS of honest living in my life. Completely different from my experience in the non-gay community, whatever that is.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

 Share

×
×
  • Create New...