Would I Tell Mom and Dad?

[Guest Zack Evans]

No I wouldn't. It is not that I am shamed of that I do or that they would necessarily look down upon me for doing it. It's just that it's NONE of their business. What I do in my private life either socially or for compensation should be of no relevence to anyone unless I see a good reason for certain individuals to know.

 

The point about being gay and not telling your parents parallels to my point in that you don't necessarily want to keep it a secret that you're gay because you're ashamed of it. I am not ashamed to be gay in the least. However, I draw the line in what I feel people need to know about me and what they DON'T need to know about me. I don't scream down the that I'm gay...and I was never one to make it known in the office either. Some things are just private and personal to people and just because they don't make certain things known to the world doesn't make them ashamed.

[Guest curtenz]

Most people don't think of what they do to earn a living as being private and personal or none of their parents' business. It's not that unusual for people to make their occupation seem a little better than it is when talking to parents, but to conceal it altogether is very unusual.

[Guest Joey Ciccone]

>It's not that unusual for people to make their occupation seem a little better than it is when talking to parents, but to conceal it altogether is very unusual.<

 

Not when that profession carries enormous social, health, and legal consequences. The possible torment and sense of failure that a parent might feel when confronted with the double barrelled truth of "Mom, I'm a gay whore", should be more than enough to persuade anyone with a sense of compassion to keep that truth to themselves. What I find unusual (and perhaps even cruel) is the compulsion by some to impose the truth of their existence onto those it would hurt the most. I think some things are better left unsaid, especially if telling the ones you love would compromise their mental wellbeing or sense of contentment. "My son is a criminal faggot," is not the most pleasant thought to go to bed with every night, much less take to the grave. I can't imagine my mom praying, "Lord, protect my Joey while he works. Let all of his 'johns' be kind, and don't let him blow a cop and get arrested. Oh, and please don't smite him with your gay disease."

She'd never sleep again.

 

I realize that sometimes the unveiling of the truth is unavoidable. So be it and let the chips fall where they may. Chaos in action, to borrow from another thread. But it's not just sexuality and careers that require discretion. For example, I was mugged at gunpoint on friday night. A totally fucked experience, with chaos at the helm once again. I'm still a bit funky inside because of it and would love for mom to hold me close and thank her lord I'm alive. But in order to get that reassurance and comfort from her, she'd have to know what happened. Knowing would cause her stress and grief and anger. So I'll forego hugs and the safety of a mothers' breast and let her live in oblivious peace, happy with the thought that her boy is fine.

A parent may have the right to know what their child does in life, but the love I feel for my parents gives me the right to protect them from fear and anxiety. So it's not shame or guilt that keep some people quiet, rather, it's love and compassion.

[+ Charlie]

Although it is healthy to tell oneself the truth at all times, in popular culture it has been perverted into a compulsion to tell everyone else all about oneself. I cringe every time I actually surf past Sallie Jessie, Jenny, Montel, etc., where people are discussing the most intimate details of their personal lives for the sick entertainment of an audience, often causing considerable discomfort for family members who are being exposed to these things in front of the same audience. It seems to me these people have no self-respect, much less consideration for their "loved ones". It may give an escort momentary relief to tell his parents, "I paid for your anniversary gift with the money I made getting fucked in the ass by six guys," but it certainly doesn't show much love for parents to burden them with that knowledge.

[Bilbo]

Although keeping exactly what you do for a living a secret isn't common, neither is it all that rare. I have a brother in law who can't always tell me exactly what it is he is doing for the Air Force. It's called a "need to know" security clearance. And it's a rather highly prized, sought after thing. In fact, people at one time, perhaps even at the moment didn't think that gays were capable of it. Surprise! We can not only do it, we can, as we do with most things, do it for the betterment of ourselves and those we love. And you thought we weren't butch and pride filled?

[CT Dick]

There are things about the gay life style that don't fit into the str8 crowd's world order.

 

These generalizations don't fit all of us but I think that we tend to be more promiscuous, have a higher recreational drug use rate, get campier, converse in closer-to-the-gutter terms than others in our socio-economic level, and hire escorts at a higher rate than equivalent str8s.

 

I'm not ashamed of any of these but discuss them with only a very few of my str8 friends.

 

Dick

[Guest Zack Evans]

It goes along the lines of..."What they don't know won't hurt them..."

 

Zack Evans

[CT Dick]

> For

>example, I was mugged at

>gunpoint on friday night. A

>totally fucked experience, with chaos

>at the helm once again.

 

My precious Joey. I wish I could hold you head and tell you it's okay.

Are you alright?

 

 

Dick

[Guest Zack Evans]

If your agree to that then you are more close minded than Jerry Fallwell.

 

Straight people can be just as promiscuous, drug addicted etc.

 

I am not sure where you were getting at with that statement.

 

Zack Evans

[CT Dick]

First, I said recreational use, not addiction.

 

I'm in my 50s and regularly attend parties where joints are passed around. I am nearly sure that none of the straights I work with can say that.

[Guest Zack Evans]

Did you leave your brain at home?

[Guest AIM]

I don't believe for a second that gay men do drugs more often than straight. And I know of some older straight people who were never able to get past the sixties and still smoke the stuff.

 

And as far as gay men being more promiscuous, that's a tough one. I think since men (both gay and straight) tend to be more sexual or at least more able to look at sex as just a fun physical activity than women, men tend to pursue sex (for sex) more vigorously than women. But it's easier for gay men to just get sex if that's what they want. Straight men's partners are conditioned by our culture to "play hard to get," not kiss on the first date, bla bla bla. But with gay culture (men with men), a gay man's partner is the same as he -- more open to just a physical encounter.

 

It's not that gay men are more obsessed with sex than straight men, it's just easier for gay men to get sex if that's all he is wanting. (And I've been horny all frickin' day.)

[Guest regulation]

>These generalizations don't fit all of

>us but I think that

>we tend to be more

>promiscuous, have a higher recreational

>drug use rate, get campier,

>converse in closer-to-the-gutter terms than

>others in our socio-economic level,

>and hire escorts at a

>higher rate than equivalent str8s.

>

>

>I'm not ashamed of any of

>these but discuss them with

>only a very few of

>my str8 friends.

>

 

 

Can you name the film in which one of Woody Allen's girlfriends told him, "I just love being reduced to a cultural stereotype"?

 

I think your generalizations fit people who are part of the "gay scene," as it is called, but not many other gay men. A lot of us don't live in or near one of the nation's major gay ghettos precisely because we don't want to be part of that scene. Whenever I glance at the personal ads in any of the gay publications I read, I always see plenty of ads in which people either describe themselves as being apart from that scene or ask people who are part of it not to respond. Many of us don't see this behavior as positive and don't want people to think of us that way.

[Guest Tampa Yankee]

Joey,

 

Sorry for your misfortune last Friday and thankful it wasn't worse.

 

"What I find unusual (and perhaps even cruel) is the compulsion by some to impose the truth of their existence onto those it would hurt the most. I think some things are better left unsaid, especially if telling the ones you love would compromise their mental well being or sense of contentment. "

 

I couldn't agree more... I have an example of a not too distant relative with a mother in her last few weeks of life that brought this point home.

 

"I realize that sometimes the unveiling of the truth is unavoidable. So be it and let the chips fall where they may. "

 

Very true also...

[Guest Konga]

>Can you name the film in

>which one of Woody Allen's

>girlfriends told him, "I just

>love being reduced to a

>cultural stereotype"?

 

Was it Bananas? It sounds like something Louise Lasser would have said. Or possibly one of the gals from What's Up Tigerlily. Do tell.