Old, out of shape and sexy...

[Boston Guy]

Hunklover's response to one of my 'Advice to ...' posts referred to my comment that anyone can be sexy and that guys who didn't feel that way often have a lot of untapped potential in them. I think that escorts -- the good ones at least -- can be masters at drawing this out and helping guys who aren't beautiful in any currently-accepted gay context feel very sexy.

 

As I started thinking about this, I began to wonder how other guys felt about this -- can a middle-aged or older guy be sexy? Can someone who is out of shape be sexy? Can a guy who isn't handsome be sexy? Could someone who is, for example, disabled be sexy? Or how about someone very overweight or very old?

 

What can a guy who isn't 25 and built do to be sexy in your eyes? How can a guy make best use of what he's got to increase his sex appeal?

 

For me, a smile, nice eyes, a few well-practiced moves and some self-confidence can definitely be sexy, even in guys I'm not attracted to. Especially the self-confidence. Guys who ooze self-confidence without being arrogant (what a fine line!) can make me think twice or even three times even if I'm not otherwise attracted to them. And best of all, for me, is someone whose bright and interesting without being a boor.

[Guest blankman]

I cannot control myself from repeating the French saying:

 

There are no women who are not beautiful, only women who do not know how to be beautiful

 

It's funny that no one ever says this about (gay) men!

 

I am also wondering about the wonderful French expression "belle laide" (beautiful ugly) which refers to women who are at once beautiful yet somehow also not beautiful.

 

The masculine version would be "beau laid" which is opening things up for some awful jokes!

 

I think what you're getting at is a more general question of what constitutes sexiness in the first place which we all know is very individual and complex. Part of that has to be some sort of deep "hard-wired" reaction, but a lot of it is also determined by one's culture and attitudes. It would not surprise me in the least if I found out that some escorts -- in virtue of having been physically intimate with so many types of guys -- actually become more flexible in their thinking and might be able to see attractiveness in places where guys "not in the biz" wouldn't. (Or, they might just get sick of it all.)

 

Small personal notes vaguely relevant here:

 

1. I never thought about whether guys worked out or were particularly muscular until after I finished college. It seemed irrelevant then. Now it's such a firmly established practice it seems like hitting the gym three times a week at least is some kind of prerequisite to being human in gay male society.

 

2. I don't usually go for twinks or red-heads, or guys with pale, pale skin, but damned if today I didn't see the very cutest barista who was all these things -- I couldn't stop looking at him. He wasn't even "cute" by normal standards. I'm sure many people have this experience, you feel some sort of intangible that makes another person "have it" for you. If we understood that then your question would be answered.

[Guest Fin Fang Foom]

This post reminds me of a conversation I had many years ago with a friend.

 

He was bemoaning the fact that he couldn't find a boyfriend because of his weight and I pointed out that there are many many guys who are into guys who are overweight and he replied: "I know, but I refuse to be the object of someone else's perversion."

 

It made me laugh.