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Top Ten Hidden Escort Dangers (humor)


Guest ChicagoCorey
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Guest ChicagoCorey

Here's my little attempt at keeping things light-hearted on the board. Some of these are true; some of them aren't. And the last one isn't really funny. But there's ten nonetheless -- and somewhere along the line, society decided that "top" lists should come in ten. So if you don't find every one of these amusing, blame society; I was stretching. But if you don't find any amusing, I guess you can blame me. Or whomever raised you with no sense of humor. Or a really bad one. Okay, I'm ending this with an emoticon or three so no one can be offended or take this personally :) ;) :O

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I read a lot of stuff online about escorting (thanks Aaron Lawrence) before I started doing it again. There are benefits and there are drawbacks. But over the last few months, I've come up with some hidden dangers of which you may or may not be aware.

 

 

10) Microsoft's dictionary suggesting "crosskicking" for "cocksucking" -- ouch.

 

9) At some parking garages, the hourly rate is such that cars park for the same amount for an hour or for an hour and fifty-eight minutes. Some guys will try to treat you like a parking garage.

 

8) Rushing to get your hair cut after an appointment, you wonder the whole time you are in the chair -- "Do my hands still smell like lube? Or is it the stylist?"

 

7) So excited to go back to see a favorite client that you forget to tape the season finale of Buffy the Vampire Slayer (anyone? anyone?)

 

6) Finding yourself taking message board posts very seriously

 

5) The client who told you he really likes to have his pits eaten has apparently very recently applied deodorant. Mmmmm tasty...

 

4) Having an in-call when your hottie-daddy plumber rings the doorbell to see if he left behind his tools.

 

3) The hottie-daddy plumber still has your keys -- and uses them.

 

2) The in-call client being his hottie son. (3 and 2 -- fortunately and unfortunately respectively, have not happened -- but the thoughts crossed my mind)

 

1) Some guys think "Yes, I'm an escort that bottoms" means free reign for barebacking. And penetration is the first time they'll bring this up.

 

 

Okay this last one isn't really very funny. I'm not going to judge people's sex lives or their choices, but I'd think in this day and age, you'd have respect enough for your partner to think of "safe" as the default position on the "safe/bareback" switch. If you want a bottom who will take it raw, make sure to ask first if that's what you expect.

 

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>10) Microsoft's dictionary suggesting "crosskicking" for

>"cocksucking" -- ouch.

 

LOL! :D

 

>9) At some parking garages,

>the hourly rate is such

>that cars park for the

>same amount for an hour

>or for an hour and

>fifty-eight minutes. Some guys

>will try to treat you

>like a parking garage.

 

Well ... if you're having a good time. }> (Seriously, I think that it's up to both the client and the escort to keep an eye on the clock. All good things must come to an end and its really not fair to the escort -- even if the client is a regular!)

 

 

>5) The client who told

>you he really likes to

>have his pits eaten has

>apparently very recently applied deodorant.

> Mmmmm tasty...

 

Yuck!

 

>1) Some guys think "Yes,

>I'm an escort that bottoms"

>means free reign for barebacking.

> And penetration is the

>first time they'll bring this

>up.

>

>

>Okay this last one isn't really

>very funny. I'm not

>going to judge people's sex

>lives or their choices, but

>I'd think in this day

>and age, you'd have respect

>enough for your partner to

>think of "safe" as the

>default position on the "safe/bareback"

>switch. If you want

>a bottom who will take

>it raw, make sure to

>ask first if that's what

>you expect.

 

A couple of weeks ago, there was an entire thread that was devoted to escorts who bareback. A very scary thought in this day and age, IMHO. (There's actually a web site that's devoted to the subject! :o Another very scary thought!) I agree, this is something that should be discussed before the first piece of clothing is removed!

 

Thanks for a great post, Corey! ;-) :D

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Guest ChicagoCorey

>>9) At some parking garages,

>>the hourly rate is such

>>that cars park for the

>>same amount for an hour

>>or for an hour and

>>fifty-eight minutes. Some guys

>>will try to treat you

>>like a parking garage.

>

>Well ... if you're having a good time. }> (Seriously, I think that it's up to both the client and the escort to keep an eye on the clock. All good things must come to an end and its really not fair to the escort -- even if the client is a regular!)

 

I agree that if you're having a good time, clock-watching is a nasty habit. I don't usually do it. However, I'm not a mind-reader, so if a client doesn't directly answer when I ask "how long do you want to play for?", I usually (and incorrectly) make the assumption he's going to have enough to pay for what he's playing for. This isn't really a huge issue -- just an annoyance. It's less about the money and more about how cheap and ripped off it makes me feel.

 

 

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The issue of time, would be a perfect topic for the private escort forum. (Unfortunately, I saw at least one post that mentions that the private forum has been shutdown thanks to a certain former escort's recent actions. That's a shame. Hopefully the shut down only temporary.) One of my favorite escorts is very straightforward about the issue. Although he's not really a clock watcher, he always politely lets me know when our time together is coming to an end. I've never been offended by this. He's taken the time to get to know me and he makes sure that I have a good time whenever we get together. It would be interesting to hear what other people think.

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>bareback. A very scary thought

>in this day and age,

>IMHO. (There's actually a web

>site that's devoted to the

>subject! :o Another very scary

>thought!) I agree, this is

>something that should be discussed

>before the first piece of

>clothing is removed!

 

Just a few days ago, it was pointed out to me that one of my favorite escorts had ads on a bareback site. I was quite stunned and dismayed, until I noticed inconsistencies in the ad. (It said "no tattoos" and he's got a couple, for example.)

 

I wrote to him and got a VERY thankful response. He knew nothing about the ad. It seems someone else used his pics and stats (and NAME!). After writing to the webmaster (and proving the pics were indeed his), he got the ads removed.

 

It's scary enough that guys are advertising for barebacking. It's even more scary when they have to ruin the reputation of a squeaky-clean 21yo who would NEVER consider it. Think twice when you see those ads. It may not be who or what you think it is.

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I usually (sometimes I forget) ask a guy I haven't seen before to watch the clock for me. I tend to be altogether too gabby and have been dumb enough in the past to let the clock run out without ever getting to the main event. I'm also sexually shy and am not very good at getting things started. Not that just talking wasn't fun but a bit expensive.

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