Questions that one shouldn't ask an escort

[Guest blankman]

A while ago I read something on the net about escort etiquette and included in that was suggestions on questions that one shouldn't ask an escort. I can't find it now (Aaron Lawrence site? Not sure).

 

Anyway, I thought I'd open this up for discussion (I apologize if a thread like this has already come up).

 

Some of the questions that you are not supposed to ask included:

 

1. What kind of guy do you usually go for?

2. Do you have a boyfriend?

3. What's your real name? (or other questions that get at the escort's "real" identity)

 

Here's some other questions which I wonder about (polite, impolite, varies??)

 

-- Which days are you most busy?

-- How long have you been an escort?

-- Do you have other clients today?

-- Do you escort full-time?

-- What do you think of your job? / How's business? / Do you like the agency you work for?

 

Are these out of line? Does it matter if you've seen the escort before, i.e. are a "regular" vs. first-time?

 

I'd be curious to hear from both sides on this...

[Guest Merlin]

I think the only real no-nos are the ones which seek his real identity or location (residency, employer, etc.) Escorts have to be wary of stalkers and the like and will be suspicious of anyone who seeks identity info. In my experience most are willing to answer the other questions, but I doubt if they feel compelled to give the truth.

[guyinsf]

I believe that you should feel free to ask whatever you want but you should be aware that (a) the escort might choose not to answer some of your questions and (b) if you seem overly intrusive that could impact your relationship with that escort. I've talked about everything you mention with my favorite escort, whom I have hired many times; I even know his real name and address. I didn't come to learn all of this by peppering him with questions, however; we just got to know one another over time. One of the reasons I became a repeat client of his was his openness to "being real" with me, a quality I haven't found in most escorts I've hired.

[Guest]

Actually, I've found that most escorts are willing to at least give you their first name after you're naked and in the sack with them. For the most part they want to know that you're a serious client and not some stalker before giving you their real name. Especially when you're a repeat client, most will at least tell you their real first name, and most their full names. I can only think of one escort whom I've hired more than once that didn't reveal at least his first name to me. Although there isn't a large number of escorts I've hired more than twice, I can't imagine hiring someone more than twice who wouldn't tell me his name. For me, it's a matter of respect that you at least show a little trust to a loyal client who obviously respects you enough to hire you repeatedly, and who obviously isn't a stalker.

The other fact of the matter is that most escorts are willing to travel for a price, especially with someone they've been together for an hourly meeting before. In this case, the client obviously has to know the escort's full legal name in order to buy his plane ticket. Since the escort is obviously willing to give his full name to some people, I would feel a little miffed with an escort who wouldn't tell me his name on a repeat meeting. After all, most people like to mention their partner's name at some point during a hot & heavy session, and I for one feel silly moaning a name I know is fake--especially with a repeat hire in which the experience is more personal.

That being said, I wouldn't generally ask an escort's real name before at least having met him. There has to be some bond of trust first. When the trust kicks in is up to the escort.

[Guest blankman]

Thanks to you three for your interesting responses. I hope others will continue to talk about this if they have an opinion.

 

I for one don't really expect an escort to reveal his full name to me, just as perhaps I might not want to to him at first. When I made the original post I took that for granted and was surprised that anyone else didn't. But I do see your point of view.

 

The reason for the name-secrecy is clearly self-protection, but one can be trying to protect oneself on several levels. Aside from just avoiding stalkers, there is the issue of keeping one's professional life and personal life compartmentalized.

 

For escorts for whom the job involves putting on a different, or special, or even false persona, then the name difference can help with that. This can continue even if the escort becomes well-known (just as lots of actors have stage-names). Likewise for clients if the meetings with the escort are clandestine in any way, then the name change on the client's part is understandable.

 

I was actually more curious about the other questions. The answer I'm hearing is not very specific but seems to boil down to "apply your common sense and don't be too intrusive, especially at first." It's clear that there can't be any hard and fast rules about such things, but finding out more about how both escorts and clients feel about openness may make it clearer what the best way is to treat others respectfully.

[Guest shadow]

I still call escorts by their stage names even when they tell me their real names out of habit. To me, the stage name is like the short name of a person's real name. For example: Bill instead of William, Tony instead of Anthony, Dick instead of Richard. Its almost like a pet name to me, or even a nickname. Thats just me.

[Bilbo]

Adriano and I have exchanged a few emails, including one in which he told me his real name, and one where I asked if I could still call him Adriano because it's more romantic.

 

And how many clients are actually named John? and do those who are use the name when making an appointment?

 

http://rainbowprod.com/bilbo

[Losgatan]

My first name is John and I always use it when making an appointment. In fact, I always reveal my full name and telephone number. I think it helps establish trust with the escort.

[Guest JustANametoPlay]

A customer can ask anything he wants, and the escort can decline to answer. It's up to the customer to then decide if the info is something he needs or doesn't. Kind of like the debate about what you should and shouldn't know about a politician. Many said the press had no right to ask GW about his alleged drug use. I completely disagree, and think he had the right to do what he did and say "None of your buisness" On the other hand, for me that is a question I feel I have the right to know about.

[Bilbo]

I am sure that your honesty shows in your voice, but there are escorts, myself used to occaisionally be one of them, who will actually trust you less rather than more if you tell them that your name is John.

[MiamiLooker]

I usually don't want to know too much personal info. I certainly don't want to know that he has a boyfriend; or, that he only charges guys over thirty but is actively looking for cute young things. This just kills the fantasy for me....

[Guest ChicagoCorey]

I actually just read the article that you mentioned. It's called "Escort Etiquette" and it's under the "Features" section here. Everyone (escorts and clients) should read it -- tons of valid points.

 

As for your questions specifically, I can only answer how I (as an escort) would feel if you asked me (and I've never claimed my opinion was right or "proper etiquette":

 

 

>-- Which days are you most busy?

To me, this means you're looking to book me on a day that I usually don't have appointments. This means more business fun for me. I love questions like this.

 

>-- How long have you been an escort?

Not a problem for me at all.

 

>-- Do you have other clients today?

If I did, this might make me feel uncomfortable: Client A asking about any other clients makes me feel uncomfortable as its more important for me to keep up the confidentiality guard for my clients than it is myself, and I'd worry that this line of questioning might lead to more questions about Client B -- especially asking me questions to compare the two. I also understand that a client might want to be the only one that day, though, so if the appointment has not yet been booked, I always answer this question truthfully.

 

>-- Do you escort full-time?

I answer this one honestly as well. (I typically have a full-time job.) However, I'd avoid asking much deeper. If they say "no" but don't tell you what else they do, they probably don't want to get into it.

 

>-- What do you think of your job? / How's business? / Do you like the agency you work for?

This one can also be a little awkward (I've actually been asked this one too) because, even though it's a good job, it's still work, and I wouldn't anyone to take my negative feelings about it out of context. I'm sure it would be easy for a client to take an escort's thoughts about the profession and apply them to himself. In other words, I don't like to answer this one -- not because I find it impolite (it's actually quite kind) or intrusive but because it was just make me squirm (and not in the good way).

 

Hope this helps.

 

--Corey

 

chicagocorey@yahoo.com

pictures/rates available by request

[Bilbo]

"How long have you been an escort?" depends on the tone of voice. It can either feel like someone trying to benefit from someone's greater experience than someone who just got into the business, or it can feel like someone is being ageist and is just not honest enough to come right out with it - a bad combination.

[Justice]

LAST EDITED ON Apr-24-01 AT 11:03PM (EST)[p]>"How long have you been an

>escort?"

 

The funny thing is this VERY question was asked of Todd Sharpe, Rod Hagen, Rick Munroe, and Derek Ross during the chats that each of them hosted. They were very candid in their answers. This is something that I would never consider asking an escort in person, but for some reason people had no qualms asking it ... it probably had something to do with the comfortable anonymity of the web. (Speaking of the comfortable anonymity of the web .. it didn't make the transcript -- thank God-- but I actually had the nerve to ask Todd what was the kinkiest thing he ever did as an escort. <blush> He had an answer <blush, blush> which I'll never reveal .. but in retrospect that's probably the one question that one should NEVER ask. }>)

[Guest ChicagoCorey]

...or if the client does ask, he should probably be prepared to look at the escort in a different light if they give an honest answer.

 

--Corey (whose kinkiest pleasures have been non-professional)

 

chicagocorey@yahoo.com

pics/rates available by request

[Guest trekker]

Lots of good comments here. I'll stick in mine.

 

I'm not an escort, but I think that the only kind of question you shouldn't ask an escort is one that gets into his private or personal life, at least not until you get to know him pretty well and get signals from him that it's OK. That means questions like the first group: personal preference in men, boyfriend, real name, other info that would reveal identity, and so on.

 

But I think that all of the questions in the second group are or can be fair game, except probably the part about his opinion of the agency, and any other questions of a similar nature. (Don't put him on the spot by asking his opinion of his employer.) Those are all really questions about the service he provides. They are correspond to things that would be appropriate on a resume or in a hiring interview for a job of some other type and mostly speak to the experience and philosophy that the escort brings to the job. How long has he been escorting, is it full time, how tired or "spent" is he from seeing other clients the same day, what is his view of his job, and so on. Of course the answers may or may not be entirely accurate. Escorts give out their stats, but that is not the only thing that belongs on an escort's resume.

 

Of course, it also depends on *how* the questions are asked, as Bilbo points out, and at what stage. Asking something in a "hiring interview" is one thing, and asking it as pillow talk may be another. So some questions may go from being no-no's to being OK, or others may go from being important to 'who cares'.

 

Unlike Unicorn, I don't care if the escort doesn't give me his real first name, and I wouldn't ask what it is, because I don't see why I need to know. The escort is selling fantasy, and part of that fantasy is the name he has chosen for what he does. For example, look at many screen names or email ids for escorts and non-escorts alike. They create an image, and the escort does with his stage name too. And as someone else pointed out, sometimes a different personality goes with that stage name. If I have just been blown away by fucking or getting fucked by "Brett", why would I care if his name is really Franklin? And, like shadow, even if I knew or happened to find out that his real name is Franklin, I would still continue to call him Brett. Because that's the fantasy that I hired. (I'm assuming that the relationship is still a professional one and has not crossed over into being a personal friendship.)

 

Well I've rambled on but I guess it comes down to this. Don't pry into personal things. Let him tell you if he wants. And it's the same in the other direction. He wouldn't (or shouldn't) ask you things like that, but you might want to volunteer them and that's OK. But anything that has to do with his service and how well he can provide it is OK. And don't be intrusive.

[Matt_Vancouver]

Never ever ask for my secret identity, where would Spider Man be if everyone knew he was really the geeky Peter Parker? huh... huh...?

Likewise I could not be Matt from Vancouver, if you knew my secret identity.

Matt(my cape and tights are in the laundry)(likes the way the tights feel: O

http://go.to/mattsplace

matt_escort@yahoo.com

[Guest allansmith63]

...'tis a terrible burden one has to bear if one's first name is John and one is a client...

 

...so, some prefer to use their second names...

 

Allan

[Rick Munroe]

Very well put, trekker; especially when you say "Don't pry into personal things." I am asked personal questions almost daily and have no problem answering most of them. I hate the "So, is Rick Munroe your real name?" question when it has been followed by, "I notice that the name on your mailbox is ________; is that your real name??" I've also had clients start looking through my mail, if I've left it out on a table. I've had clients walk right over to my computer if it's on, and read what's on the screen. I've had clients literally walk past me when I open the door, and go directly into my living room (having never been here before) and start rifling through whatever I happen to have left out. I had one client come out of my bathroom, holding a prescription bottle (Claritin!) & asking what it was for. It had been in a closed medicine cabinet!

 

Sometimes I feel like the attitude is that I am "owned" for the hour or two, and that anything I own is then theirs, too. Granted, this doesn't happen regularly, and in the 2 years I have been an escort, I have learned to do a quick last-minute check of my apartment to make sure there is nothing left out that I don't want read, or examined, or questioned. Kind of like new parents making sure to child-proof, we need to client-proof!

 

Don't get me wrong...I do NOT view all clients this way and the ones who do it are definitely in the minority. I also realize that the ones who get nosey might just be doing it out of nervousness. I never get angry or say anything (should I?) but it is annoying. I would never snoop in anyone's home or hotel room...whether they are a client, an escort, or a friend (although I do admit to rummaging through my parent's night tables as a child...especially Mommy's Playgirl collection...which was, for some reason, kept in Daddy's night table...).

 

I like to think I'm a friendly/easygoing person and have no problem opening up to a stranger & revealing personal information...but I really think that has to be my decision.

 

One other thing: I hate when clients tell me other escorts' real names, or offer other gossip or personal information they have been told. I don't need to know such things, and it only makes me wonder what I have said that is being repeated to people I've never met.

[Guest steveNY]

Let me start by saying that whatever Rick Munroe says goes for me too, because I think he is usually the definitive word on most topics he choses to address.

 

In addition, I would like to say that there really isn't any etiquette when it comes to what questions to ask an escort. The only thing you should gauge it by is asking YOURSELF how you feel about the questions you are asking. You have to feel out the situation on an individual basis to decide if you are being too personal or asking something inappropriate. If it's something you are legitimately interested in knowing, what's the harm in asking? After all, you're paying for time with this person, so if you want to know something about them, ask. If what you want to know makes the escort uncomfortable, I'm sure he will let you know, hopefully with tact and patience. I cannot speak for independent escorts, but I know that when we interview guys for our agency, hiring them is based as much on how they are talking to us about themselves and their potential for client relations as it is on how they look and other physical attributes. We do this because I always keep in mind what I would personally want if I was a client, and an interesting person with good communication skills is high on my list.

 

Stephen

Maximum Escorts NYC

[Bilbo]

A. That kind of snooping comes close to gagging me. But I must admit I do like to read the titles in any bookcases I walk by.

 

B. Would anyone like to comment on when to ask questions? I remember a time when I got talking to a twosome of new clients and one of them and me got to talking so long that the other one went into the bedroom, stripped and came back and threw himself across our laps. And a new friend of mine just told me a somewhat similar story. I told him that business style questions asked in person should only be done at intermission, or after the show, not before as it leads to overintellectualization and lack of romance. Comments?

 

http://rainbowprod.com/bilbo

[Guest trekker]

That kind of behavior is just incredible! It probably isn't connected with escorts. Those people must do that with everybody. In principle they should have something said to them, but I'm not sure that in an escorting situation the escort should do it. You were probably wise to hold your tongue.

[Guest trekker]

>Likewise I could not be Matt

>from Vancouver, if you knew

>my secret identity.

 

That's not just a joke.

That's sort of what I meant when I said that the escort creates an image and the client is buying that fantasy. If the client thought of you as Aloysius Brandmacher (sorry to reveal your real name, Matt) instead of Matt in Vancouver it just wouldn't be the same, after all the hype you have created in these pages for M in V...

 

>Matt(my cape and tights are in

>the laundry)(likes the way the

>tights feel: O

 

I'd like to feel your tights, too... :9 }>

[Guest trekker]

>A. That kind of snooping comes

>close to gagging me. But

>I must admit I do

>like to read the titles

>in any bookcases I walk

>by.

 

Yeah, me too (both the gagging and the books). But, after all, the books are on display. That's different from going through someone's mail or medicine cabinet.

 

>B. Would anyone like to comment

>on when to ask questions?

>...

>story. I told him that

>business style questions asked in

>person should only be done

>at intermission, or after the

>show, not before as it

>leads to overintellectualization and lack

>of romance. Comments?

 

I agree. In my post above I referred to this saying it depends when the questions are asked and mentioned specifically a "hiring interview" (discussing a possible hire with an escort) and pillow talk (intermission or after). But I do think the difference between those situations can make some questions either more appropriate or less appropriate.

[Justice]

LAST EDITED ON Apr-26-01 AT 07:42AM (EST)[p]LAST EDITED ON Apr-26-01 AT 00:02 AM (EST)

 

>That kind of behavior is just

>incredible! It probably isn't

>connected with escorts. Those

>people must do that with

>everybody.

 

I agree. It's a lack of manners on their part.

 

In principle they

>should have something said to

>them, but I'm not sure

>that in an escorting situation

>the escort should do it.

> You were probably wise

>to hold your tongue.

 

My mom would say that good manners means that you hold you tongue not matter what the situation. That's probably true -- especially in an escorting situation. :-( That being said however, I would probably think long and hard about doing another incall with the worst offenders. I would have also thrown the asshole -- who went into my medicine cabinet and then asked questions -- out of my apartment. That kind of behavior is unforgivable!! x(