Curious about Being a bottom

[Guest JustANametoPlay]

OK, I have some questions about being a bottom. Since there are many cool guys on here, I am hoping you will indulge me and share with me any insights you may have.

 

Lets say you have a friend that has never had anal sex. Therefore, he doesn't know if he is a top or a bottom. Lets say this friend, oh we'll call him Luther, is at the point in his life where he is about to take the plunge into the sexual playground. Luther has pleasured himself throughout the years, but just very basic J/O stuff, watching vids etc.

 

Luther has in the past week started to explore himself more deeply(no pun intended). At first just a finger in the shower. Then an, uhm, appliance that was about a half inch round, and several inches long.

 

The few times Luther has done this, he has always felt like a strong need to defecate while the appliance was in. Also, it only goes in about 4 inches before he can't get it in any farther. It feels like it is hitting somehing solid at that point. Luther doesn't want to even try to get it in farther as he isn't sure if it is in as far at can go, like it feels, or if there is like a barrier of some kind he has to get it through.

 

Now Luther has seen videos where the bottoms take much more than 4 inches inside, and he doubts that when having anal sex the bottom has the feeling that he needs to defacate.

 

So, Luther is wondering if the above is normal. Should he be able to take more than 4 inches? Should he feel like he has to go the bathroom? Is he hitting a wall, so to speak?

 

Thanks guys!

[Losgatan]

LAST EDITED ON Apr-20-01 AT 05:37PM (EST)[p]I don't know whether you've read any of Aaron Lawrence's "Advice" columns, but they frequently cover the subject you are interested in.

 

For starters, try the following link. You'll find answers to many of the specific questions you've raised.

 

http://www.aaronlawrence.com/newfiles/advice/advice99-3.htm

[Guest Esc_Tracker]

I am more of a top than a bottom, but I think I am now sufficiently experienced at both ends to offer a few observations that are not totally off the wall. The first thing to make clear is that we are all built differently albeit clustered around a few recognizable types or themes.

 

Being a top is the harder of the two as it requires the ability to maintain an erection in circumstances that are much tighter than those most heterosexual men normally encounter. Many gays (I can't tell you what proportion) simply cannot do it unless high on viagra or something similar.

 

Whether one *enjoys* being a bottom is a different issue. It depends largely on the position and sensitivity of the prostate gland, which varries from person to person. Anyone *can* bottom. The inhibitions are more psychological than physical. But this does not mean that everyone will enjoy the experience.

 

Some people like myself have relatively insensitive prostates. I don't care how long or how hard or how deep anyone bangs me, no one is going to bring me to orgasm that way unless they are grinding my cock into the mattress. Nonetheless, I can share vicariously in my partner's sexual exitement, so I like getting fucked *if* my partner is really into it. it just that I'll have to jack off afterwards.

 

Not everyone is like me, of course, but I am only presenting this as an example of the diversity of possible individual responses to "the act".

 

By and large, if you expect or are planning on getting fucked, it's a good idea to clean the anal passage beforehand for the reasons your friend has described. Normally just taking a dump will do the trick, but if your stools are soft (and they often are for those who bottom regularly) you might have to resort to a *mild* enema. I will spare you details. If you must know, ask a pharmacist how to administer one, though I believe Aaron discussed the procedure in a recent collumn.

 

Finally the reason your friend is probably having difficulties penetrating beyond four inches is that the intestines consist in essence of a series of linked four to six inch tubes separated by individual sphincters. The last and outermost sphincter is the anus. By alternatively relaxing and flexing, these sphincters push fecal material from one tube to the next during the digestion process until the digested food is finally excreted.

 

The problem Luther is encountering is that his instrument is bumbing against a closed sphincter. Unless that sphincter opens up, any serious pressure against it is bound to be painful. In fact the initial pain bottoms sometimes experience is the result of the anus being "forced" open as opposed to "pushed" open. The same thing applies for each sphincter in turn, though one would either have to be extraordinarily well endowed or have a parter with amazing bowel control to actually open as many as three sphincters with one thrust.

 

If your friend wants to be penetrated deeper than four inches (and he may not have to as the prostate of some bottoms can be rubbed against within the first few inches of penetration), he has to lubricate more and apply easy but steady pressure until the blocking sphincter opens. If he applies too much pressure too quickly without lubrication he risks bruising the sphincter or even tearing the intestinal wall (not normally recommended as it usually leads to hospitalisation and embarrassing explanations about what exactly you were trying to do with that coke bottle)).

 

I hope this helps. I also hope other more knowledgeable readers will add to this or correct me.

 

Esc-Tracker

[Guest blankman]

I think the previous responses were entirely correct. Let me just add two things that may be useful.

 

First, it's not a very good idea to probe the anus with a completely rigid object, at least not until you have a better sense of what you can take. I don't know what kind of "appliance" your friend was using. Small dildos and even vegetables like cucumbers or zucchini are better than anything like a bottle, or, God forbid, anything that might break when inside of you. Since there is for some people a curvature as you go up a little ways, it may be easier also to have something that is slightly flexible and can curve a little. A guy's dick, no matter how hard, can still bend some!

 

Second, a very experienced top once recommended to me 'bearing down' as a method for opening up a little bit. In other words, if you feel like you are going to shit -- and there's no shit in there -- then just go with it and see what it feels like to push as hard as you can. You may find that, presto, when you relax you are a lot more open.

 

Aficionados of fisting know that the sphincters, with the exception of the anus, are not under direct conscious control. Some people learn to relax them through deep breathing, and the psychological aspect is really very key: the only way to relax is to relax -- not that that helps if you can't relax!

 

If all else fails, poppers work wonders. But they're bad for you (but so much fun...) so, like smoking, I guess I should say, "don't start or you'll have to quit later."

 

Good luck to "Luther"

[Guest EvilSwine]

Just an aside regarding emptying your bowels and ways to do it. Umm..I ate a large bowl of Mueslix and the following evening I had an ass-blast of incredible proportions. This may be helpful for those who like to prepare well in advance or are suffering from severe constipation.

[Guest JustANametoPlay]

Thanks to all of you for your info! Since you have been so kind, I feel I must confess a SHOCKING secret. Now BRACE yourselves..there is no Luther...he is me, I am him, me be he. I know I know, you had NO idea ;-)

 

Just a couple of things. the appliance referd to was a real thin dildo.

 

And secondly, I had NO idea there was more than one sphincter. now when I am called a sphincter I will have to ask..outer, middle, or inner :-)

 

Thanks again you all!

[Guest allansmith63]

...egads...too much information, evilswine....

[Guest JustANametoPlay]

Ass Blast?? Hmm isn't that Suzzane Somers new exercise product "30 days to a better ass...try my new Ass Blaster"

[Guest tristan]

Dr. Stephen Goldstone, author of "The Ins and Outs of Gay Sex"

does not recommend the use of enemas as preparation for anal sex. Apparently, the use of enemas can make you more susceptible to HIV. For more detail, see his book, or go the Web site http://www.gayhealth.com. Dr. Goldstone also holds chat sessions in which he is very direct in answering questions on gay sex.

[Guest DickHo]

>Dr. Stephen Goldstone, author of "The

>Ins and Outs of Gay

>Sex"

>does not recommend the use of

>enemas as preparation for anal

>sex.

 

He recommends wet cotton swabs and ear syringes...mmm, I don't know what size dick he's sitting on!

[Guest EvilSwine]

Umm..from what you're saying it sounds like a sphincter about the size of one of those forms you used to squeeze your Playdoh through in the Fun Factory.