OK, I guess I'm amazed

[Boston Guy]

As someone who has been hanging around here since the very beginning (although with a long enough absence from posting that I had to re-create my username), I thought I'd gotten past the point of being surprised by much.

 

I don't tend to pay too much attention to the reviews; the main reason I visit this site is for the Message Center, which contains much more value for me. I enjoy the give and take and often learn something new. But I usually glance at the reviews if only to see if anyone I know was reviewed and today's review of Brogan really did surprise me. The review was good, as might be expected, and it sounds like both guys had a good time. That wasn't what surprised me.

 

Instead, I was somewhat amazed at the amount of time and communication spent in preparation for this meeting. I should mention that I travel very frequently (I suspect at least as much as Traveller) and find escorts to be an enjoyable diversion from 'yet another hotel room.' And I guess I've gotten so used to hiring escorts that I sort of have it down to a science.

 

I can usually decide who I want to hire in just a few minutes. I contact them, usually via email but sometimes with a call or a page, and we chat or speak for perhaps two minutes. That's it. Either we get together or not. And it's been ages since I've had a bad experience with an escort and, trust me, I'm picky.

 

I won't pay more than $200 per hour to anyone, no matter how self-publicized or promoted they are. I don't usually hire guys for more than a couple of hours at a time, since I've found that to be the optimum time for me, but occasionally I'll decide on an overnight. In those cases, $1,000 is the limit in larger cities and $800 or $600 in smaller ones, depending on the market. Guys who charge more than that can have the pleasure of other men's company.

 

I don't haggle. If a guy quotes a rate higher than my limit, I simply tell him "sorry, I don't pay more than $200 per hour; that's my policy and I never make exceptions." And you might be amazed at how many guys (including escorts who are reviewed here by guys who state they paid much higher rates) simply say "OK, $200 is fine and let's get together." Finally, I don't hire through agencies and I seldom tip, figuring that someone who is earning $200 per hour is being paid well enough. (I actually think tipping at this level is sometimes a sign of insecurity on the part of the client.)

 

And this process must work well enough, since I can't remember the last time I called or emailed an escort I had seen before who didn't immediately say "let's get together again."

 

All of which is to set the scene for what amazed me in this review. The client emailed the escort and evidently got back a response. They then had 'conversations'(evidently multiple ones) back and forth that 'were intriguing and included substance.' He then called the escort and spoke to him on the phone for an hour. Based on this, the client made arrangements to fly to LA to book the escort and stated that the 'weeks in between were filled with anxiety as well as numerous conversations with' the escort.

 

At this point I began trying to add up how much time the escort had spent responding to and talking to this client prior to meeting him. Granted they were setting up an overnight at $1,200, but it sounds like the escort had invested hours of time and effort just communicating with this client before they met.

 

When I call an escort, I try to be mindful of the fact that time is money, both his and mine. If I have questions, I ask them up front and decide if I want to proceed or not. If the escort has questions for me, I answer them quickly and honestly. The idea of taking up an hour of an escort's time on the phone before even deciding to hire him would never occur to me. And while Brogan seems to have the patience of Job, I found myself wondering if the process described in this review is common or an exception.

 

So I'm hoping that perhaps we can get two types of responses here: the process as it seems from the eyes of the clients, and how they like it to go. And the same thing from the point of view of the escorts.

 

PS: The other thing I found somewhat surprising was the idea of making a weekend trip to someplace for the express purpose of hiring an escort. But perhaps if one lives in middle America, it's the only way.

[Guest HQ]

See my comments below, some parts zapped to save bandwidth

> But I usually

>glance at the reviews if

>only to see if anyone

>I know was reviewed and

>today's review of Brogan really

>did surprise me. The

>review was good, as might

>be expected, and it sounds

>like both guys had a

>good time. That wasn't

>what surprised me.

>

>Instead, I was somewhat amazed at

>the amount of time and

>communication spent in preparation for

>this meeting.

I also felt that if the review was legit the preparation was extraordinary.

 

> I should

>mention that I travel very

>frequently (I suspect at least

>as much as Traveller) and

>find escorts to be an

>enjoyable diversion from 'yet another

>hotel room.' And I

>guess I've gotten so used

>to hiring escorts that I

>sort of have it down

>to a science.

>

>I can usually decide who I

>want to hire in just

>a few minutes. I

>contact them, usually via email

>but sometimes with a call

>or a page, and we

>chat or speak for perhaps

>two minutes. That's it.

> Either we get together

>or not. And it's

>been ages since I've had

>a bad experience with an

>escort and, trust me, I'm

>picky.

Likewise, as a client I tend to be able to select an escort after a brief phone conversation and seeing a recent photo. In the "old" days prior to this great thing we call the Internet the photo was rare to none. And I've had far more good times than bad.

>

>I won't pay more than $200

>per hour to anyone, no

>matter how self-publicized or promoted

>they are. I don't

>usually hire guys for more

>than a couple of hours

>at a time, since I've

>found that to be the

>optimum time for me, but

>occasionally I'll decide on an

>overnight. In those cases,

>$1,000 is the limit in

>larger cities and $800 or

>$600 in smaller ones, depending

>on the market. Guys

>who charge more than that

>can have the pleasure of

>other men's company.

>

>I don't haggle. If a

>guy quotes a rate higher

>than my limit, I simply

>tell him "sorry, I don't

>pay more than $200 per

>hour; that's my policy and

>I never make exceptions."

>And you might be amazed

>at how many guys (including

>escorts who are reviewed here

>by guys who state they

>paid much higher rates) simply

>say "OK, $200 is fine

>and let's get together."

>Finally, I don't hire through

>agencies and I seldom tip,

>figuring that someone who is

>earning $200 per hour is

>being paid well enough.

>(I actually think tipping at

>this level is sometimes a

>sign of insecurity on the

>part of the client.)

Wow Boston Guy the above reads as if it were something I would write. I agree 100%!

 

>All of which is to set

>the scene for what amazed

>me in this review.

>The client emailed the escort

>and evidently got back a

>response. They then had

>'conversations'(evidently multiple ones) back and

>forth that 'were intriguing and

>included substance.' He then

>called the escort and spoke

>to him on the phone

>for an hour. Based

>on this, the client made

>arrangements to fly to LA

>to book the escort and

>stated that the 'weeks in

>between were filled with anxiety

>as well as numerous conversations

>with' the escort.

Whenever I read about how anxious a client is I wonder why they are hiring an escort in the first place. It's a mutually beneficial relationship that lasts about 2 hours in most cases. Why bother if you are going to be all stressed out? After all isn't the whole point to get rid of the stress

 

> The other thing I

>found somewhat surprising was the

>idea of making a weekend

>trip to someplace for the

>express purpose of hiring an

>escort. But perhaps if

>one lives in middle America,

>it's the only way.

While I live in a major city I found it very excessive that one would go to all the trouble and expense to spend an overnight visit with an escort. Not only did this man pay the escort 1200. He also had many other expenses including airfare and hotel. I am guessing though I feel it safe to say he spent about 2,500. in all for this weekend. I live near Los Angeles it isn't that great. I have read the reviews on the escort and they seem decent. Yet, I could not justify spending this amount of money under these circumstances. There are many small towns that are within reasonable driving distances to larger ones where fun escorts can be hired.

 

In fact I will add here that in smaller towns the esocrts tend not to be as jaded and my experiences with them are typically more fun. They seem to be more "real" and less fantasy type of guys.

[+ deej]

Your complete intolerance and lack of respect for any reality but your own is what amazes me.

[vers7]

My “reality” (i.e., upper price and escort expectations) is similar to yours, Boston Guy. Although, I doubt that I travel as much as you do, I am busy and I appreciate an escort who is as professional and as expedient as I am. I suspect that the different “reality” being referred to by deej, might be in the client’s expectations of sex and of the escort. I try to make my reviews and experiential descriptions succinct and to the point and fairly analytical with regards to the sex. Other reviewers invest much more time in describing the emotional experience as if it were a romantic date. My personality trait is such that I can objectively delineate between sex and romance. (Not necessarily a good thing.) I suspect that other people are not that way. (Not necessarily a bad thing.) If I were an escort, I suspect that I would strongly prefer the former type of client. But maybe I’m wrong.

[Boston Guy]

LAST EDITED ON Apr-15-01 AT 04:15PM (EST)[p]Actually, I didn't mean to imply that my method of interacting with escorts is superior to anyone else's -- and certainly not to that used by the reviewer I quoted. I apologize to you or to him if I gave that impression.

 

I was very surprised at the process he used and more surprised that a known escort would take that much time interacting with a prospective client, especially before they had even decided to get together. This is very different from my experience and I tried to explain how I go about hiring an escort so the difference would be clear.

 

Like all of us, I guess, I'm very busy. I don't have extra hours to spend communicating with escorts in advance of getting together and I try to be efficient about communicating with them as much to save myself time as to save the escort time.

 

However, this review made it very clear that at least some guys approach the process very differently. That doesn't mean that one process or the other is better, just that they are different. And I began wondering if the method I used, which I always kind of assumed was pretty much how other guys go about it, was not typical.

 

That's why I posted my question -- to see what other guys did and felt from a client perspective and to see what the experience of the escorts was. I could actually envision an escort preferring the longer process at times when he had time to spare and the shorter process when he was busy. But that's just a guess and I'd love to know how the various escorts here feel about it.

 

Again, I intended no disrespect and if I implied it, I am sorry.

[Guest BeercanThick]

I agree Deej, however, maybe not as strongly.

I can totally understand the process of numerous phone calls and e-mails prior to hiring an escort.

Not everyone is able to afford to plunk out a couple thousand, hell a couple hundred at a whim, and if I'm going to do so, I want to make sure I get my money's worth.

Beyond the financial aspect, comes the comfortability (is that a word?) factor. Everyone is different and some people mesh, some don't. Why would I want to spend major bank on a guy who I can't stand? I won't enjoy our time together nearly as much. Anything that can be fleshed out beforehand to prevent this is well worth it, IMHO.

Also, in regards to being nervous to hiring an escort, hell isn't that natural? Its called insecurity and everybody suffers from it to some degree.

I am in my mid twenties and consider myself attractive and have turned a few heads in my day, that doesn't mean that I am totally secure in who I am and what I do.

Sex is the most intimate thing people can share. You expose your body and your soul. I can't imagine not having some sense of insecurity when it comes to this.

Well I've rambled on long enough! Happy Easter!

[Guest allansmith63]

LAST EDITED ON Apr-15-01 AT 04:31PM (EST)[p]Here's my 1/2 cents worth.

 

When I made the decision to treat myself to an escort for my 42nd birthday, it was for one main reason - because I "accessed" sex only in the city (a long way away) I was involved in quick, furtive, anonymous sex, and I wanted, desparately needed, something different. (It would be nice to know the guy's name that I'm having sex with.) I didn't ever see myself being able to have a normal gay life. (oxymoron, eh?)

 

It seems to me there's two reasons to hire an escort - as mentioned here - but I'll rephrase it. The first way is transaction-oriented. Ok, here's the buck, let's fuck. Over and done.

 

The second way - to make the experience for both yourself and the escort an experience that has elements of caring, of respect, of fantasy, and yes, of emotional attachement, as well. It may be short-lived - a few hours - or overnight, whatever. But that first time of fantasy with Matt_Vancouver changed my life.

 

I explained to him when I first talked to him that I was very insecure, uncertain, uncomfortable and married. His response was - well, let's talk and see what happens. He and I emailed fairly frequently for the month before our first time together, getting to know each other. I appreciated the time and care he put into getting to know me. Yes, it's a huge amount to expect from a professional, but he did it for me, and I'm sure I'm not the only one. (IMHO, his status as a highly regarded escort is due to his own efforts at making everyone feel like they are all that matter to him.)

 

After that first overnight, we continued to talk and email and see each other as often as possible - he has held my hand through many of my personal crises, offered many a wise word - I called him many times in tears, and he was there for me. He made me see that I had value as a person. That I was desirable.

 

Did I expect too much of him - absolutely, I can't deny that. But he was willing to provide what I needed. Today, Matt is a great personal friend of mine and always has time for me. He occasionally kicks my ass for my stupidity (hey, I'm just learning) and I get to kick his for his occasional lapses into my realm of "dumbness".

 

The (very) long and short of it is this: If I had treated hiring Matt like a simple transaction, then I have missed out on so much of what he had to offer to me, and would, in fact continue missing out his friendship and all it means to me.

 

I'm sure many of us have stories like mine, with other escorts. I just wanted to post min here as a opposite viewpoint to what I read as a very cold, impersonal way of getting "your rocks off". (sorry, but that's how I see it.)

 

Hope the Easter bunny was good to all of you, with tons of chocolate - remember it's aphrodisiac qualities.

 

Allan

[Guest allansmith63]

Sorry, BostonGuy - I was working on my response when you posted your note to Deej - I was blunt in my assessment of your practice of hiring escorts - I apologize. (Matt would have, and probably will, kick my ass for that part of my response.

 

Allan :-)

[Boston Guy]

Hey, no need to apologize. :-)

 

It already seems clear that there are some pretty different reasons why we collectively hire escorts and perhaps each of us has different reasons at different times, reflecting the various places we are in our lives as time goes by.

 

Perhaps the best way to hire an escort is the way that works best for us at the time we want to hire someone. And I have to say, having hired lots of escorts now, that I'm really sort of surprised that more of my single friends don't hire them.

 

Thanks for sharing your experience with us. It reflects well on both you and Matt. You're lucky to have found a friend who has been willing to be both supportive and honest.

[HooBoy]

First, welcome back Boston Guy! You have been missed.

 

I, too, don’t like spending any more than a few minutes going through the engagement process either. Either it’s gonna work or it’s not.

 

A strange thing happened to me a couple of times recently, though. Different cities, different escorts – both hired for a couple of hours, both ended up staying all night without me asking them to. When I asked them what I owed them, both gave me an overnight rate.

 

I guess I have SUCKER written all over my face. I do not haggle, but I would think if an guy is enjoying my company enough to voluntarily stay overnight, he wouldn’t stick me for an overnight fee.

 

HooBoy

Email: HooBoy@male4malescorts.com

[Guest pickwick]

I agree with both the author and HQ. I really don't understand why anyone would hire an escort if the process is filled with anxiety. REDUCING stress is what hiring a hooker is about. I suppose I could make exactly the same comment about golf, of course.

 

I'm not someone who relies on escorts to supply his emotional needs. I guess the escort referenced in this thread should be commended if he is able and willing to do that for clients. But his client should be aware that there are very few escorts who can or want to do that, and if the client expects that he is either going to be dealing with very few escorts or he is going to get many disappointments.

[Guest allansmith63]

...in response, as I've spent more and more time on here, I realize just how unusual it is to be given that much time and attention.

 

...Matt's the only escort I've ever hired.

 

...how fortuitous to have "hit" the best escort with throwing only one dart.

 

Allan

[Justice]

LAST EDITED ON Apr-15-01 AT 09:27PM (EST)[p]LAST EDITED ON Apr-15-01 AT 07:16 PM (EST)

 

>I really

>don't understand why anyone would

>hire an escort if the

>process is filled with anxiety.

> REDUCING stress is what

>hiring a hooker is about.

 

I kind of sort of agree with you. However, I'm new at hiring escorts and my very first time -- which was only a couple of very short months ago -- was filled with a lot of anxious moments -- i.e., Would I get arrested? Would I like the guy? (He worked for an agency and we had no contact until we met.) What happened if there was a "chemistry" problem? Would I enjoy myself? and so on and so forth. I'm happy to report that everything worked out for the best and a good time was eventually had by all. I'm still seeing escorts and I'm still getting butterflies in my stomach -- even if I've seen the guy before. It's getting easier, but I still have a long way to go. (The good news is that I'm having a lot of fun and that I've had the pleasure of getting together with some of the nicest guys I've ever met.) But I can truly understand and relate to feeling anxious.

[johnnysneakers]

I suspect there are many very frequent clients and well travelled men in our midst. I too fall into both camps and frequently hire when on the road. Regretfully there are too many cities in the US/Canada/Europe where this is not an option.

 

I totally agree with Boston that one should negotiate professionally and quickly. That includes asking the right questions at the right time, including the "WHAT IF" question! I have saved myself a lot with that one, and most taxi drivers are richer for it.

 

I hire escorts for sex and fantasy fulfillment, not emotional attachment. Sorry guys, but that is what I am looking for. When we are done, I am usually only too pleased to see the guy go. If I am really horny, I call another.

 

I was very glad to read of Boston's policy on remuneration. I like it and will put it in practice. I find a lot of guys are getting carried away with high rates, and frankly I do not understand why some clients pay such high fees. I am strickly an hour or event man, and I have seldom paid more than an hourly rate, even if the escort stays longer. Tipping? How very American of you! (Sorry, I am not).:o

 

What bothers me more than anything are the manipulative escorts who try to extort additional funds out of you when you are most vulnerable, and down on your knees. "Give me an extra $75 and you can do that, etc." This happened to me in NYC 3 weeks ago with a guy named Tony who advertises in NEXT---see my review. I say expose these guys and this practice. This is outright extortion and every escort who attempts this should be reported in reviews or his mother should be called!!!!

[Guest JustANametoPlay]

>I guess I have SUCKER written

>all over my face.

 

I am assuming you don't mean sucker in the good way? :-)

 

>I do not haggle, but

>I would think if an

>guy is enjoying my company

>enough to voluntarily stay overnight,

>he wouldn’t stick me for

>an overnight fee

 

Avoiding the stick me comment all together, I am just shocked that you have to pay for sex!

 

OK, having gotten the sarcasam portion of my post out of the way, let me tell you a bit about me.

 

I agree that hiring an escort is about having fun, and it shouldn't be stressfull. However it isn't so much the actual consumation that isn't stressfull, it is the setting up portion and expectations, and whatever personal baggage we bring to it.

 

When I say baggage I can only speak from my own experience. In some ways I am VERY insecure. Part of that comes from the fact that although I am 36, I am only out for the past 4 years. I have never been with a man, I have never dated a man, still. A large part of my insecurity comes from the fact that I have been very heavy all my life. I am 5'10 and weigh 240 pounds (and am proud to say that until about a year ago I weighed 330# so I am proud of that but the fact is that I am still heavy).

 

I also think that my catholic guilt plays a part in this as well. When I first came out I went to a few strip joints and was very nervous. This was in large part to my feeling that old catholic guilt. As time has progressed, I have gotten over it (well for the most part).

 

Now I know that when you are paying an escort you shouldn't worry about your performance. A good escort isn't going to say "MY GOD YOU ARE SOOO BAD IN BED." Intelectually I can understand and agree with what has been said, but that doesn't stop the actual FEELING.

 

Emotions are something that you can't always control, they just are. For instance, at my job I often have to do meetings where I present new ideas, or solve problems etc. I have done this for several years, and I can say that 99% of the time I do a dam good job of it. Even though I KNOW I am good at it, each and every time I have to do it I get nervous before I start. Once I start I am fine. I don't get as nervous as I used to (I only have the urge to vomit for 30 seconds and not 20 minutes), but I still get nervous.

 

We all react differently in situations is my point! I want to hire an escort in the near fture, but I can tell you that I am nervous about it. That just is how it is!

[adriano46]

Guys,

 

I read through the comments here fascinated (and with the "Been there, seen it, done it..." syndrome).

 

However I would like to add that I find myself agreeing with Boston on some things (and a bit envious that he can stick to his base price... something I should have learned to do months ago), and also fiknding a lot in common with Allen...

 

Having gone through quite a few escorts both in Europe and North America, I have - on occasion - flown in for the date, after very careful consideration and attention to my financial abilities. Yes, there are the added costs of an hotel room, dinner, theatre or other activity, plus the overnight fee which can range up to $1,000, but which I prefer stay more around the $800 bracket.

 

In such cases, my willingness to go through with the date is based on the strong rapport I have established (often after a number of e-mails and even a phone conversation or two). For instance, if the guy is a real Muscle Mary or Nellie (read... one with very effeminate characteristics), the date is definately OFF for me. Similarly, if the person acts immaturely or childlishly in public (or in private for that matter). So... I usually limit my search to those who advertize their age above 29 (hoping it means 35 plus years).

 

And yes, all this is to create a romantic (albeit somewhat false) fantasy. But then again, what are we paying for?

 

I have been lucky in finding a few men (escorts) who CAN fulfill all of this an more, making time with them enjoyable in every sense (hello: Brad [Toronto], Joey Ciccone, Andreas Mikaels, and Lukas [D.C.], Thom and Phillip [seattle], the wonderful Mr. Hagen and Glenn, both of L.A., Michael Vincenzo [Orlando], and of course the guys in Europe...

 

It helps to shop around and find what is most compatible with your dream.

[Guest albinorat]

Actually, I thought Deej was over reacting and rather nasty and it was kind of you Boston Guy to go out of your way to apologize (twice!). Maybe there's a lesson in there I could learn.

 

Boston Guy you brought up a lot of issues that are addressed here, though usually as asides, from how much back and forth to the high cost of "your average escort" to tipping. I thought your responses were dead on.

 

Of course that's not to deny "different strokes", it isn't to suggest that the experience has to be cold, it's not a put down of escorts (or of clients) who behave differently. It's only to recognize that if an escort is a professional he's seeing a lot of clients, pretty much knows the score and an e-mail and phone call are usually enough to settle questions. An "escort hirer" should learn his own sexuality and ascertain what he needs from a given escort immediately, and my impression is most escorts appreciate that.

 

("I look this way but want kissing and affection anyway, I don't want vanilla, I especially want x sex act, I really want this fantasy and for you to seem into it, I care that you ejaculate, or I don't care about that" and so on). One detailed email tells an escort it'll be OK or it won't and one response should be enough for the client. I think a phone call is a good idea for both escort and client, but one should do it.

 

Frankly, I think even the "newbies" should think about these things and learn if he expects to hire more than once in a great while. I totally support Boston guy about price, about not haggling (though of course not everybody will come down in price if you tell them they're too costly for you. I don't approach people who have a quoted price that's too high for me). I agree about agencies (though I understand why some are useful under some conditions) and I agree about not tipping (with the exception of an agency guy who really was great, or the regular escort who goes beyond the call of duty in seeing one has a great time).

 

One thing I notice and don't especially respond to here from both clients and escorts is sentimentality. I have had the occasional (and let me emphasize occasional) experience with an escort who was really "healing" in a certain way. But to look for that as a regular occurance is neither realistic nor practical. Nothing Boston Guy suggested would prevent a "special" interaction with someone. But it implies understanding on the part of both escort and client that this is a business, it's about pleasure and it's limited in time and committment.

 

I don't mean to be unpleasant but someone who has hired only one escort and says he met Jesus makes me feel a little odd. That was amazing luck if true. But frankly it won't happen probably ever again, and certainly is not typical. Most escorts don't want that burdon and I'm not sure that's what they are there for.

Usually transformative emotional and/or spiritual experiences are not for hire and someone looking to pay for them is probably going to end up broke and bitter.

 

If you have just come out from an entirely different life, then there are groups in most places of men in the same situation, usually middle aged, and that seems to me where you can find practical information as well as reassurance and comfort, as well as the occasional good friend -- not with an escort (however well meaning) and not at the library (and again Deej I am not putting down escorts, they can be wonderful, or people who have a way of making friends of them. I've been doing it a long time, I've done it in a lot of places and I'm trying to be realistic about it as Boston Guy was).

 

And while the great experience of healing is touching to read about and I assume true, it's place is not in a thread about the practicalities of hiring, and the minimizing of unneccessary complications.

 

Al

[Boston Guy]

Yes, that makes a great deal of sense. In some ways, practice does make perfect.

 

But I strongly urge you to take the next steps in your coming-out process right away: after four years, you're more than ready! :-)

 

Lots of guys out there prefer to date guys who are heavier than the norm. And as far as escorts go, certainly there are many fine escorts who would be happy to meet up with you. Don't waste more time trying to decide how to come to grips with the idea of having sex. As Nancy says, "Just do it."

 

You'll be nervous your first time, for sure. But that's ok -- we all were. After a while, the nervousness goes away and one day you realize that you really like sex and you look forward to each experience instead being anxious about it.

 

Good luck! And let us know how you are doing.

[Guest EvilSwine]

Lord Almighty...I'm glad Matt's still on the top of my list if he's a life-changing experience...I get the feeling I'm a lot like AllanSmith- except I'm not married, just terribly insecure.

[Guest EvilSwine]

Catholic guilt..ahahahaha! Try Lutheran guilt. All the guilt without the pleasure.

[Guest EvilSwine]

I think that what needs to be understood here is that a lot of us were brought up to be "good" boys. Good manners, let mom pick out the school clothes, don't talk back, study, don't get dirty....blah blah blah. "Good" boys don't do things like hire escorts, masturbate, or engage in gay sex. Sure, I'm sure we're so fucked up we could need years of intensive therapy, but..dammit...that's just the way we are. And on top of that add religious upbringing, being screwed up by adolescent confusion and all that other shit. Is it just me or are there others fucked up like me?

[Guest pickwick]

It's just you. Everyone else is normal.

[Guest albinorat]

>

>

>I agree that hiring an escort

>is about having fun, and

>it shouldn't be stressfull.

>However it isn't so much

>the actual consumation that isn't

>stressfull, it is the setting

>up portion and expectations, and

>whatever personal baggage we bring

>to it.

>

I have never

>been with a man, I

>have never dated a man,

>still. A large part

>of my insecurity comes from

>the fact that I have

>been very heavy all my

>life.

>

>I also think that my catholic

>guilt >

 

I am a major fatty, and have been my entire life give or take 50 pounds, I'm a Catholic (one is one for life, believe in it or not) and I am 50 not 36. I wish I were 36 again, fat or not, so to begin with you have an advantage you don't realize. That's young in our society and many escorts would rather be with someone younger, heavy or not.

 

Secondly, you need to realize that probably 95% of ALL men who hire escorts are not "attractive" in the conventional bar scene way. Some have assets physically (more have assets financially) or are old but actually good looking but any escort you see will have seen guys fatter, much, much older and (I suspect) uglier than you -- fat is not the same thing as ugly.

 

Many of the escorts I've seen are sensitive to shy or inexperienced clients and very helpful with them. Not only able to lead them to enjoy the experience but good for their self esteem as well. Having someone good looking stroke you and talk to you affectionately goes beyond the clinically sexual and is a good reason to see an escort. Many of us who are gay but not "attractive" are cut off from the kind of holding, hugging and stroking that all humans need. And a situation that simply involves that and nothing intensely sexual would be a good place to start (you could read the reviews for the friendlier massage givers for example).

 

Fat people hate their bodies and always imagine they look unspeakable. To have someone see your body, and not only survive the glance, but accept it, enjoy touching it and not see it as a barrier to some kind of physical exchange really is therapy. I strongly suggest if you can afford it you start soon.

 

There is no escort out there, even among the younger ones, who hasn't encountered horrible, demanding, demeaning, nasty people. You write like a nice, thoughtful guy and that alone will get you an escort's gratitude.

 

>Emotions are something that you can't

>always control, they just are.>

 

True, and sex can evoke stronger emotions than we expect. But one value in dealing with an escort is a "boundary". The situation is defined, nothing but your ability to pay that fee that once is on the line. The escort has every reason to want you to like him and have a good time, and you will have every reason to want to have a nice experience.

 

Not everyone separates feelings from sex easily, though men generally can do it, and the right escort might be just the bridge you need to greater self acceptance. With that you can open yourself to intimacy -- even if it's mostly in friendships.

Your life will be richer for that. To the search engine!

 

Al

[Guest Geewhiz]

>I think that what needs to

>be understood here is that

>a lot of us were

>brought up to be "good"

>boys. Good manners, let mom

>pick out the school clothes,

>don't talk back, study, don't

>get dirty....blah blah blah. "Good"

>boys don't do things like

>hire escorts, masturbate, or engage

>in gay sex. Sure, I'm

>sure we're so fucked up

>we could need years of

>intensive therapy, but..dammit...that's just the

>way we are. And on

>top of that add religious

>upbringing, being screwed up by

>adolescent confusion and all that

>other shit. Is it just

>me or are there others

>fucked up like me?

 

I don't think you're fucked up, mildly misguided maybe ;-) Once we realize we can actually live by our own rules and still be awesome and decent people everything becomes an adventure. Which is as it should be.

[Guest allansmith63]

LAST EDITED ON Apr-16-01 AT 00:15AM (EST)[p]Obviously a hot topic - when I started this, it was right under Al's posting, which this post is in reference to.

 

>I don't mean to be unpleasant but someone

who has hired only one escort and says he

met Jesus makes me feel a little odd. That

was amazing luck if true. But frankly it won't

happen probably ever again, and certainly

is not typical. Most escorts don't want that

burdon and I'm not sure that's what they are

there for. Usually transformative emotional

and/or spiritual experiences are not for hire

and someone looking to pay for them is probably

going to end up broke and bitter.>

>

Perchance I may have been rather zealous in my prose, however, you're right - it was amazing luck. I guess the end result was simply the byproduct of the chemistry between two men who respected and cared for each other right from the start. I certainly didn't hire with the expectation of the any transformative emotional or spiritual experiences. And probably wouldn't have ever hired if that was my expectation. I don't know where you would find that small group of men you're suggesting in a small town like mine - sorry, but there's not too many too interested in much beyond their next conquest, or worse yet, talking about all their conquests when they were younger. I don't get off on pissing contests like that.

 

 

>And while the great experience of healing is

touching to read about and I assume true, it's

place is not in a thread about the practicalities

of hiring, and the minimizing of unneccessary

complications.

 

I don't think that you really have a right to tell me what I can or should add to a thread - you may not agree with me, fine, but that's what this forum is about. I felt I wanted to share an experience I have had - opposite to what Boston Guy was saying - (I happen to agree with his logic fully) - but that's not how it worked for me. Two sides (or more) of a discussion are what make us into complex, thinking humans, rather than flat, unidimensional shells taking up space on the planet. (Jeez, it's getting late with that sort of verbiage. Sorry.)

 

Allan