Clients, Escorts, and the Tax Man

[Guest Tampa Yankee]

LAST EDITED ON Mar-16-01 AT 08:20AM (EST)[p]Ok, guys... there must be a clever tax attorney out there who can create an unshakable case for clients deducting escort expenses.

 

A cursory review of my tax situation shows that Uncle Sam expects from me a reasonable weekend (in $). Closer inspection of the tax rules indicates that I can reduce the engagement to an hourly -- whew!! (It pays to dig into the rules.) Even so, I expect that Uncle Sam does not bottom :-(

 

 

I see two tacks here: medical deductions and business expense deductions.

 

As for medical -- well, I have noticed that my sinuses cleared up as my engagements picked up (get note from Otolarynologist). I also noticed significant improvement in my mental health state as well (find Shrink, see Harvard Med School for prestiguous credentials). :-) Finally, I have lost noticeable weight, mostly in the posterior where I wallet is carried (my regular Internist should do here).

 

Unfortunately, the amount must exceed 7.5% of the AGI, but considering my expenditures for the last quarter of 2000, that is no issue. ;-)

 

Business expense deduction is obvious on only one case... threeways. The problem as I see it -- one of the escorts has to pay to qualify as my customer, then I may deduct the other as an entertainment expense. Aye, there is the rub -- ‘one of the escorts has to pay‘ :-(

 

Clever, supportable rationales are sought...

[Traveller]

Well, there are a few escorts out there where I deducted the expense as a charitable contribution. Usually, however, I either deduct the costs as research and experimentation expenditures or amortize them as certain other intangibles. One time, though, I did manage to deduct the payment as a tertiary injectant expense.

 

Later.

[Guest pickwick]

In legal terms, putting false deductions on your tax return is a lot more serious than soliciting a prostitute, so I wouldn't recommend it. You might want to look at the language on the return just above the line where you sign it before you do something like that.

[Traveller]

Pickwick, Your friends must have a riot with you on April 1st.

 

Later.

[Guest EWC]

Hi TY,

 

Might I suggest that you are missing out of a whole raft of technical arguments along the lines of business expenses such as maintenance, repairs, employee benefits (I might point out that the Dutch Government recently paid for prostitutes to service a disabled person who was able to convince them that lack of sex was psychologically harming him.) Something like that in the business's cafeteria plan might work.

 

If you are going to put the escort on the regular payroll you might want to consider whether he constitutes an employee or consultant. Inasmuch as they set their own hours, don't get much supervision and pretty much deliver a completed job, I would go with the consultants argument, but then you have to be careful that if you go over the $600 per year limit you have to 1099 them. Getting receipts is often difficult, but that can be gotten around by a contemporaneous notation of the expenditure. (If you cum on the notation it would probably limit the close examination by the auditor:-)

 

Finally, (and I think that OSHA should really get behind this one) would be the approach that in order to lighten the sexual tension due, to close proximity of workers in the work place you have instituted this program to reduce the sexual harrassment in the workplace, and it's just another part of the cafeteria plans like medical deductions, disability insurance and child care.

 

Yours for better tax accounting, EWC

[Guest pickwick]

LAST EDITED ON Mar-16-01 AT 02:26PM (EST)[p]>Pickwick, Your friends must have a

>riot with you on April

>1st.

>

>Later.

 

I've dealt with IRS a lot. If they have sense of humor, I haven't noticed. I can't tell you how many times a friend came up to me at this time of year and said "My accountant told me I can save a bundle this year if I just do this." "This" is always some incredibly bogus deduction or sham transaction that IRS wouldn't pass in a million years. I always tell them, I'll email you a URL, check it out before you sign the return: http://www.lvarea.com/data/usp_info.htm

[Guest EvilSwine]

Pickwick-

 

Umm.....I think you're taking them too literally.

[Traveller]

Now EvilSwine, don't spoil this. I haven't laughed so hard in awhile. Well, it's the weekend men, and time to start some serious partying. Trying AZ tonight. It's supposed to be pretty good.

 

Later.

[Guest Tampa Yankee]

You guys lived up to my better expectations for this thread -- pickwick included...

 

Traveller, I suspected you’d be the first to rise to the bait -- you did not disappoint, as usual. Thanks for the great chuckles and especially for the new angle “tertiary injectant expense payments“ -- worthy of a billable hour if anything is. (Funny, I thought those were deposits and not payments ;-) )

 

OK, what is AZ??

 

pickwick, you’re precious (every act needs a straight man) and, it would seem, a survivor of skirmishes with the IRS -- no I don’t think they have a sense of humor either. But that was before the Kinder and Gentler IRS wasn’t it?? :-)

 

EWC, you are a riot... great contribution... especially

 

<Getting receipts is often difficult, but that can be gotten around by a contemporaneous notation of the expenditure. (If you cum on the notation it would probably limit the close examination by the auditor)>

 

I’m still ROTFLMAO over this one!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :-)

 

Evil, Thanks for looking after your fellow man...

 

Any other takers... these guys are tough to follow, but it’s only the first act...

[Traveller]

I know you must think it's a recreational, but AZ is a new pan-asian restaurant in Chelsea. Now which altered state we enter into it is another question.

 

Later.

 

PS. Every once in awhile the LLM from NYU comes in handy. Fun thread.

[NY Observer]

This thread comes at a very appropriate time as I'm scrounging up enough singles to go back to the Gaiety. Perhaps Denise can come up with some nice looking receipts and I've seen some of the creativity of the dancers with their business cards, maybe they can give out receipts while performing for all my tip money, it has to be worth some sort of fine-print or slick deduction. Between the entrance fee, the tips and the video games, the IRS will certainly take pity on me, although they'd probably question my story.

 

Maybe I can use this as a legit business expense, the cost of publishing a review is asstronomical. The wining and dining that go with my "job" could drive a guy to the poor house.

 

I guess I could stand downstairs and beg for tip money, but some of those singles look pretty used, I do have standards, ya know.

[Guest N]

Try "Stress Reduction"

 

N

[Guest EvilSwine]

Sorry...I wonder how long we could have kept him on the line if I'd not ruined it... ;( I think I really need to start saving up more pennies. I need a visit to Matt in Vancouver's log ride to get rid of all the sexual tension that's built up over all these years, causing me to chide the humorless and pick on people who "invest" in stuff like Yahoo and Amazon stock. But don't get me started on that. Hmm..if I run internet porn sites, could I deduct escorts as "research"? I'll do anything if it's deductible. My accountant tells me I need to spend more money. Thoughts, Pickwick?

[Guest EvilSwine]

HEY...."stress reduction"...yeah....if a good wank relieves stress, imagine the reduction you'd get from a jolly rogering from a professional!! Now would that be included in the 7.5% of income attributable to medical expenses?