Loving an Escort

[Guest AtlGAyDad]

Guys, I tend to avoid escort contact because I fell in love with a hustler who took advantage of both my emotions and my checkbook.

 

I am prepared to pay for the sex, but don't want to revisit the mental and fiscal pain of a one-way relationship. Buying sex and expecting love are not the same, although that is what I have mistakenly sought in the past. Do others have insight?

[Guest NYCNY]

I too have had the delusion that there was more underpinning a relationship with an escort than a business relationship. Sadly, after over-investing emotionally and financially I've reluctantly had to admit that the bottom line IS the bottom line. The escorts who really possess integrity will not allow delusional relationships to foment in the mind of the client.

[Guest AtlGAyDad]

I'm not sure that "escort" and"integrity" belong in the same sentence. Some sound very high minded, but at their best, they are stil whores. Am I wrong?

Larry

[MiamiLooker]

Pick up a mirror and face your problems....

[+ Lucky]

I sure wonder what you are doing on this board. At first, you are so ashamed that you pissed on yourself that you rushed to make it your first post, then you castigate escorts about integrity. I seriously doubt that you came here looking for insight.

[Justice]

Why are you on this Board? Escorts are real people, with real feelings, real needs and real desires. They decide to become escorts for a variety of very complex reasons. Some are deeply troubled and need to get out of the business. The same thing can be said of some of their clients. Since you have such a low opinion of them, why do you continue to hire them.

[Guest Nice Guy]

Justice has a very good point. I have seen, been with, fallen in love with, befriended, loved, hated and any and all of the above. Escorts come in all shapes and sizes. THey are good, bad and indifferent.

I know many who I wouldn't turn my back on. I know many I would trust with my life.

Any "relationship" you enter into with an Escort who is a regular has several ways of developing. I know several, who I love and adore and I maintain great friendships with. That usually precludes the ending of the professional relationship. I know gents who are simply down right sweethearts who I adore being with and have a special repore with and we still have a professional relationship. It all depends on the Escort and the chemestry between the two of you. After all, they are just "folk", doing a job, some better than others, but they hurt, cry, laugh and care. You have to decide just how much of that you really want and how badly you want to "know" the real guy. SOmetimes, it is not what you expect and the act can't run forever. But I don't think I would have traded any experience or any encounter. It is all about living and life.

On a final note, like Justice said, some should get out, some are really messed up. SOme are just trying to get by. But there are those that I would have been poorer for not haviing known.

NG

[Guest Tampa Yankee]

Nice Guy,

 

I think you said it all...

[adriano46]

While I can understand the anger and frustration after being in such a situation, I would not condemn all escorts as being the same, as many of us know!

 

You may like to surf back a few months (November?) to a similar thread - in fact this topic comes up again and again as it appears to be a kind of occupational hazard among some clients who are a bit blind or bedazzled by the experience, and forget some of the limits.

 

That said, if the experience has been so lousy (as it apparently has been) be VERY wary about jumping back in again. It takes strength to see when one is being taken for a ride by an escort (and a good dose of self-esteem); and more strength of character and will to break the relationship before your bank account starts running dry.

[Guest Joey Ciccone]

LAST EDITED ON Jan-10-01 AT 04:19AM (EST)[p]>>I'm not sure that "escort" and"integrity" belong in the same sentence<<

 

Actually, if we look at the origins of the word 'escort', we'll find that it comes via French from the Italian 'scorta' or, guide, scorta being the past participle of 'scorgere' or, to show, which in turn comes from the Latin 'corrigere' or, put right, which is the source of the english 'correct'. The word 'integrity' on the other hand (and indeed the word 'entire',) is from the Latin 'integer', meaning whole, complete, and is formed from the base prefix 'intag', which produced the Latin 'tangere' or, touch, which is the source for English 'intact'.

To summarize, if we trace 'correct', we find the same Latin root that gave us 'escort', and if we trace 'intact', we find the same Latin root that gave us 'integrity', illustrating the fact that the words escort and integrity aren't as polarized in the same sentence as one might think. Although I can't honestly admit to having actually used those two words in a sentence (prior to this thread), I'm sure I've used the parallel words 'correct' (traceable to escort) and 'intact' (traceable to integrity) in at least the same paragraph.

As an additional point of interest, Websters' defines 'escort' as an individual who accompanies another so as to provide protection or guidance or out of respect, courtesy, etc.. "Accompanies another out of respect, courtesy, etc...". Now if that's not proof of integrity, well then you sir, should bone up on your vocabulary skills.

 

>but at their best, they are still whores. Am I wrong?<<

 

Surprisingly, you're right. Etymologically speaking, a whore is a 'lover', and what could be better than that?

Let's look at the word 'whore', which goes back to the Indo-European base 'qar-', which also gave Latin 'carus' or, dear. Carus in turn gave Old Irish 'caraim', which means love, and gives us both the English caress and charity.

So what's your beef with whores?

 

Joey Ciccone, Whore

http://www.manicpress.com/joey

 

incidentally, you can't buy love, but if you're hot to drop some cash, I've got a bridge in Brooklynn for sale

[Guest NYCNY]

Maybe, in retrospect, I could have found a better way to express myself than by saying "escorts who have integrity." I certainly didn't want to create a semantical whirlwind. My intention was to convey that I have had very good experiences with escorts who, in a rational and kind way, have helped me to keep an inappropriate emotional attachment to them at bay.

[Guest Nice Guy]

Jose.... i hope your joking or you are in great need of "A Life".

Look THAT ONE up!

[Bilbo]

Usually agree with you, NG, but this time I think you're up the wrong tree without a paddle. Or whatever. I, for one, was thoroughly and very postively impressed with Mr. Ciconne's post. We need more of that kind of thing around here, IMHO.

[Guest Joey Ciccone]

>>Maybe, in retrospect, I could have found a better way to express myself than by saying "escorts who have integrity." I certainly didn't want to create a semantical whirlwind.<<

 

NYCNY, you didn't create the whirlwind. It was AltGAyDads' insensitive reply to yours I was responding to (id number 2 on this thread). In actuality, I felt your prior comments regarding escorts with integrity not allowing delusions to foment in the minds of clients were thoughtful, grounded, and right on the money.

I apologize for your confusion.

 

joey ciccone

[Guest Joey Ciccone]

NiceGuy, I'm unclear. Which is it you're hoping for: that I was joking, or that I am in great need of "A life"?

If it's the latter, then thank you for wishing that I am in great need of a life, whatever the hell that means.

If it's the former you hope for, then you're in luck, for my initial post was in fact founded in humour, which is the way I saw fit to rebutt the opinion (not yours) that escorts have no integrity and are nothing but whores, which was not founded in humour, but rather, written in contempt and out of disillusionment by it's author. As an escort, I found myself mildly offended by being considered to be, at my best, nothing more than a whore (by it's contemporary definition). I answered insult with humour. Granted, overly verbose, psuedo educational, and more than a bit cynical humour, but at least I didn't tell the guy to get a life.

So if I may not defend myself and my colleagues' profession from the slings of the foolish (I mean really, hoping for true love to rear it's head when we all know love has no hourly rates), then how will the escort ever elevate his status from that of the common whore?

 

Yours,

 

Joey Ciccone

 

ps - am I supposed to be looking up "THAT" or "ONE"?

[Guest dandday]

LAST EDITED ON Jan-11-01 AT 12:14PM (EST)[p]IMHO there are Escorts and there are hustlers. The names say it all. Integrity MUST be one of the top qualifications for one to be considered an escort. Hustlers are just that, no matter how they advertise or name themself, they are only in it for the money and to get everything they can get out of someone. Therefore THEY ARE THE WHORES and there, you will not find a grain of integrity in this person. Some men LOVE this type of bad boys and runs straight to them, then complains to high heaven when they get taken advantage of. These persons feel they are not good enough to be loved by anyone. I suspect that is the case with this original poster.

 

I am a 46 year old businessman in a LTR with a 36 year old former escort now also my business partner. I find to my dismay that in our business dealings, his integrity outshines mine. I'm somewhat ruthless, in it for the money and winning; he's more laied back, takes in the other persons wants and needs and wants to see how we can best provide a plan to benifit everyone. (Our business is non-sexual) Does this make me a business whore?

[Guest Akamai]

I was very interested in this thread and the varied replies.

 

I am a 48 year old computer executive who, over 25 years ago, worked his way through college as an escort. Some of my clients treated me like a piece of meat but the majority reciprocated my affection and in a few cases became lifelong friends and confidants.

 

Now, spending a lot of my time traveling and working, I hire escorts. I suppose wealth can bring out the worst in people, be they the client or the escort. However I treat my escorts as friends and lovers. With a couple of exceptions, they have reciprocated and become important in my life.

 

To give you some examples. One escort from New Orleans rang me just to have kind listener, when his boyfriend was killed in a car crash. Another found out I was in New York on my birthday, took me out to dinner and bought me a present. And last year when I was suddenly hospitalized one flew across country just to see me and make certain I was well.

 

As one writer said, escorts do have feelings and frailties, but as with friends if you choose them carefully, treat them respectfully and understand them, there can be a real relationship. I have, luckily, not fallen in love with them but I do love them.

[adriano46]

Joey,

 

Wonderful! I'm going to look forward to our date even more now perché non sei soltanto bello, ma anche intelligente, colto, proprio un mito! Nice work.

[Guest Joey Ciccone]

Ringrazia milione adriano! Non parlo italiano e neppure che non conosco che che cosa il hell io ora sto dicendo, ma so avete buono gusto. Il mito di parole ed il colto e perso su me. Sono che colza il linguaggio? Incolpano del traduttore che dico!

Li vedro alla fine del mese.

 

joey

http://www.manicpress.com/joey

[adriano46]

Hey Joey,

 

Had a laugh over that - stick with Latin; I'll help you with the Italian. Definately need to get decent pasta into your palate... then help your tongue roll over the words properly.

 

Looking forward to later this month - I'll send you an e-mail over the weekend. Cia a presto carino!

 

a.

[Guest HungRedneck]

I know this may all sound like semantics but isnt it more about euphamisms? Why cant we all call a spade a spade? "Escort" is the commonly accepted euphamism for 'prostitute'. If we are unwilling to accept the fact that the business we are all engaged in is prostitution (on BOTH sides), then we all need some cold water in the face. If you check the dictionary you will find that 'prostitute' is a synonym for 'whore' (definition= one who has sex for money). Yes I am a prostitute and have no problem with the label 'whore'...If I DID have a problem with it, I wouldnt be doing it, period. The one label I WONT wear is 'hustler' because a hustler is one who 'hustles'...in other words tries to take advantage of others for personal gain. As a whore, I make an agreement for a certain amount of time and a certain amount of money...and I expect no more..so I do NOT consider myself a hustler.

 

For those of you who hire us (for which I am very grateful), trying to 'gussy us up' as 'escorts' is very nice...but it might be wise to keep an element of reality in the picture. You are dealing with and sleeping with whores. Why try to pretend otherwise? Would you really be hiring us if we just 'escorted' you for an evening? (Dinner and a movie for $200/hr?) Just keep in mind that what you call us doesnt make us any less human and we come in all varieties: good guys and bad ones.

 

http://www.HungRedneck.com

[MiamiLooker]

>but it might be

>wise to keep an element

>of reality in the picture.

 

If you insist on bringing reality into the picture, then half the threads wouldn't exist.

[Guest jeejer]

LAST EDITED ON Jan-12-01 AT 11:29PM (EST)[p]HungRedNeck, I like you take on this by insisting that an element of reality be kept in the deal. For me the fantasy of having an "escort" who also is my "lover" does need to be balanced by the fact that it is all being done for money. As you said that we need to realize that you are human, it is important for escorts to also realize that the client they are with is a person.

 

I have often found that the hardest part of paying for sex has been having a balance between fantasy and reality. To much fantasy and it is easy to "fall in love," to much reality causes cynicism to set in and it is hard to see that you are both human. For me a balance of the two allows me to love my escort friend, but not "fall in love" with him.

[Guest Joey Ciccone]

We still haven't heard from any "hookers" on this issue.

[Guest NWDixieboy]

From my personal experience I have found that good experiences with escorts and erotic masseurs can many times become therapeutic relationships, much like working with a therapist. You get out of the relationship of course what you bring to the table. Often in my life my main connection for physical and emotional intimacy have been with sex workers. This of course has stirred up all sorts of inner garbage and stuff that I would have projected onto a partner had I had one. I had to work through my stuff and have learned much about myself and how my soul works in such situations. If one is not willing to do this, frequently one keeps repeating patterns over and over. One of my patterns was loving people who were unavailable. I have since learned to love myself and get from my encounter from sex workers what I need without projecting so much of my own stuff onto them. A really good sex worker will come to the table without bringing his own shit with him. Of course that is the ideal which is seldom realized, but nevertheless if is stuff comes up for him, it is his business ( literally) to process. To say that sex with sex workers is " just sex" is not entirely realistic. Actually I think that society would be better off to use more sex workers instead of playing the games they normally do when horney. People tend to be their best when they are seeking to pleasure and be nice to others. I personally prefer the way sex workers treat me to the way regular sex partners with their often selfish motives treat me during sex. I also think it would be good for more people to do sex work for a period of their life as it could be an excellent form of personal therapy and training for society. It can be an excellent teacher for making you look objectively at others instead of only through what you personally like and dislike. Enough philosophising for the morning.