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Overweight Clients


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Guest jc92103

I'm sure the subject has been debated here in the past, but I'm new to this forum. I would like to know how escorts feel about overweight clients. I have called a few guys and each asked me what I looked like and how much I weigh. This seems strange to me and makes me feel a little self conscience. Any thoughts would be appreciated. I am 6' 4", 310 pounds.

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Guest Tampa Yankee

LAST EDITED ON Dec-12-00 AT 00:57AM (EST)[p]First thought: I want you on my side, in a fight!!

 

Seriously , when I started engaging escorts I was seriously overweight, much less so now but not out of the woods yet... I have almost never had the question about my weight asked -- but I always volunteered it early on wishing to avoid any misunderstandings or unpleasant surprises. On one or two occasions I have been asked about my 'stats'. One one I just passed over the guy figuring that if I had to pass some beauty threshold then I should be the one charging (still my attitude). The other occasion I answered candidly and the response was "OK - no problem".

 

I have never been turned down because of weight -- truly one of the most amazing revelations of my escort related experience. If I had known this as a younger man I would be sitting in the poor house today but with a big smile....

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Guest JustANametoPlay

Escorts are human, and just like any other person they have their limitations. If an escort knows he can not perform with an overwieght client for whatever reason, I would rather he ask me and then say "sorry" then for him to show up and not be at his best.

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I too am very overweight...about 340 lbs and only 5'8". I always mention that I am overweight in my first contact with an escort and No One has ever turned me down. Because of my bulk, I know that certain activities are not really possible for me so I am up front about that as well. But I have been able to have fantastic times and get to meet some of the finest men in the business. I think sometimes we overweight men are so self conscious of our size that we make it more important than it needs to be. Despite being large, I think that I am a truly nice and interesting guy (I know this sounds conceited but I am trying to make a point). The truly great escorts are able to see beyond just physcial size and get to know the individual behind all that fat as well. I have had repeated visits and great continuous emails with just those kind of people. Don't let size get in the way.

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Guest albinorat

At 6'4'' you don't sound so over weight to me. I am a Fatty. I am not as lucky as the others in this thread. On AOL I have been asked for my stats. I usually tell them I look like Jabba the Hut. My attitude is if you're escorting and charging upwards of 200 and you expect most (any?) of your customers to look like the 'roid robots that run and ruin Chelsea NYC you're too dumb to be fun sex. (Even if once in a while an escort hires another escort!).

 

I do tell escorts I contact I am fat. I have been turned down by some (on this site as well as on AOL). AND I HAVE BEEN MOCKED! So of course I have Butter Chunk bitterness and rage. On the other hand I have had great experiences with guys from this site (NEVER from AOL).

 

But my attitude is that an escort has the right to expect me to be totally clean, respectful of him as a person, into what I say I'm into (no more and nothing dangerous) able to pay and willing to show them I have the cash when we decide to proceed and willing to stop and pay after roughly an hour if that's what we've agreed. That's it.

 

If they don't like me or the way I look, the door's right there and they go out it within five minutes. And believe it or not life goes on, and next day or week a really goodlooking guy will be found by me to come over, deliver a terrific time and sometimes charge less! So stiffen your -- resolve -- and have at it.

 

Al

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Guest ProfTBear

All right Al!! You have to be one of the sanest and best adjusted of us all! You are so right!!! I have placed you at the top of my list of people to listen to and respect. :)

 

I haven't been with as many escorts as most on here, cannot afford it. hehe But have never been asked about my stats by any. And if I was I would simply say, "Sorry, I am looking for a professional and you do not fit the bill." and go on and find that sweet young guy who understands clients and is involved in apprciating other people as total beings. (Like Bryan above, hhmmm I need to get to Texas!)

 

Thanks again Al for the wonderful insight and the terrific comments!

 

btw, I am overweight too - about average for most Americans I guess (190 @ 5'7") with too much of it located in the middle. : )

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Guest Jayinla

Well, as an escort, i never turn down someone who is overweight. I am a clean, safe and a sane person. I expect the same from the client. The most importan thing for me, is that we BOTH, have a great time together. If you are clean, and a nice person, we will have a fun. However, i know of some guys who will only see a TOM CRUISE type. Don't ask, i don't understand this "philosophy". If they are in the customer service industry, they should cater to their customers. Maybe they have a sign that says WE RESERVE THE RIGHT TO REFUSE SERVICE TO ANYONE" on their walls.

Seriously, dont' be so concernced with your weight. Just be willing to have a good time, be respectful and clean, and of course, expect the same.

Jay.

http://www.angelfire.com/ca6/Escortjay

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Guest ChubbyTopGuy

I am also an Overweight man, who uses escorts from time, to time. I am, (with no luck thus far) currenty seeking one in NYC for Saturday 12/30/00 for a 2-3 hour appt.Starting about 1 - 1:30 p.m. This would be an "in-call", as it is only a day trip to NYC, I will not be staying in the city overnite. So, does anyone have any suggestions for me to try, and see? And, one who willtreat me as a person (weight, and all) and not as a $ sign?

 

For the record -I am 43, 5-10, 300pds, brn/brn, goatee.

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Guest jc92103

I can't begin to tell you how much I appreciate everyone's comments. I have been bothered by this issue for such a long time. Yes, I have hired escorts and have had some wonderful times. However, when I see some of the incredible looking guys on this site, my fear of rejection kicks in. Thanks again for the support. I will continue browsing and working on my courage.

Any young guys in San Diego????!!! Reading this post.

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Guest Jayinla

hey bud. i am reading this.. i am not living in san diego.. but in los angeles, i however drive through san diego sometimes... on my way to arizona. as matter of fact i wil be driving through on xmas day.. on my way back to la.. if you want to unwrap my present.. hehehe...

http://www.angelfire.com/ca6/Escortjay

happy holidays.

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I'm a relatively big guy (6ft, 240lbs) and have not had a problem, though I always give my stats up front so that is the escort has any issues, I can give them an out early on.

 

Bryan - You've gotta make a trip out to California some time. This big guy is dying to see you after looking at your website!

 

Bobby

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I can attest to Jay's great attitude. He was the first male escort I ever saw. And we had a lot of fun. I can't wait to get back down to LA.

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Guest Daddy-In-Training

Oh my word! <LOL> Just got off the phone with Matt in Vancover and saw this message just as soon as I logged on the Message Center.

 

While talking to to Matt, I mentioned my 300 pounds and he said: "Oh, a Big boy!" my reply was "and not a bit ashamed about it!"

 

Which sums up my attitude...I make sure they know...because if they can't get past the surface...They sure the heck ain't going to be much fun.

 

Hummmmm....BTW...Matt sounds like he's going to be LOTS of fun!

 

Like the 300 pound canary says: "Here, Kitty, Kitty!" }>

 

--Daddy

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This board is going to make me late to the office this morning, but I can't resist replying with a great, big, holiday-sized THANK YOU for this thread and for all the responses to it. The other day over lunch with a beautiful 29-year-old woman who is a new colleague, I happened to mention my nutritionist. "You go to a nutritionist?," she asked. "Do you have diabetes?" No, I replied, I go to a nutritionist because I am sick of being so damned fat. "FAT?! You aren't fat in the least." I could see that she was suprised by my answer and thus honest in her response.

 

I rethought that particular episode of physical shame and decided that she is probably right. For a middle-aged man who has never been particularly athletic and who is a professional and therefore sedentary in his work, I am not fat. Yes, I am overweight. Yes, I will continue to go to the nutritionist. And, yes, I am alarmed that I have gained about thirty pounds in the last fifteen years, despite the fact that I am quite certain that I eat less than I used to, have virtually omitted fat from my diet, and all the rest.

 

What is so great about this thread are the following gifts:

 

1. The notes from the escorts. I am glad that they chime in on this particular thing because it is a great, big, huge, horrible issue for a lot of us.

 

2. The comments from people like Al, who is one of my favorite friends on this board anyway. I cannot believe that he looks like Jabba the Hut, however, because he's too smart, too funny, and too sweet -- none of which Jabba the Hut is.

 

3. The incredible sense of freedom that comes from being able to talk about as shame-filled a subject as fatness on a site dedicated to the toned and handsome.

 

Bliss.

 

Thank you, each and every one.

 

Now, I really must get dressed and get my fat ass to the office.

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Guest Tampa Yankee

LAST EDITED ON Dec-15-00 AT 12:13PM (EST)[p]This post is off-point so I'll try to be brief..

 

>...have virtually omitted fat from my

>diet, and all the rest.

>

 

Statistics show more people are eating less fat and gaining more weight than ever before. Fat per se, in moderation, is not bad, rather it is the kind of fat. On the other hand too little fat may be very bad.

 

I dont think much of most nutritionists and less of doctors on dieting issues (this may seem an extreme position but comes from four decades of frustration and lousy advice IMHO). First, doctors are largely ignorant of the issue (a few have admitted to me) and nutritonist seem for the most part dead set on getting us to follow some ideal theoretical model rather than treating us as indiviuals with dfferent metabolisms, brain chemistry variations (serotonin uptake), habits and lifestyles. And they tend to overlook demonstrated successes that fly in the face of their world view. And if we heed their advice and fail to thrive on it, with the expected weight loss,... well then we are just failures without will power -- THAT'S BULL SHIT!! IMHO File this under 'just venting'.

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Guest albinorat

Thank you Will, and all others. I agree this has been a good thread.

 

As gay men of a certain age (I assume) there is much self loathing we have internalized. That starts with being gay to begin with (and I suspect most of us knew we were gay to begin with), then extends to body image issues -- everything from cock size to oral and anal techniques to how fit and young we look.

 

Finally as we age we confront the worst aspect of the very culture that should be supporting us (because we support it) and I mean the *Gay commercial* culture.

 

Somehow it's horrible (not lucky) to be over 40 and in good health and it's preposterous, unmentionable not to fit the body and 'tude stereotype of the moment.

 

That these young gay men cannot understand they will reach our age with luck, and, given the statistics in America, a goodly percentage of them will reach our body mass, doesn't occur to them. And their blissful temporary ignorance is supported by tons of advertising and so on.

 

"Love enters through the eye" is a quote from Dante. And none of us here are indifferent to good looking young men in great shape. Nor can any of us help what we've eroticized; those tastes, vanilla to severely kinky, probably began to form in utero. I don't blame a good looking young man for not wanting to leap into the sack with me spontaneously.

 

But all the same I won't abandon my sense of what I've achieved in my life, those things I've done and am proud of, my sense of the suffering of others (which only comes with age), my worship of the beauty of living in this most imperfect world (and that too comes with age and knowing so many who have not lived to have that moment of the one magical sunset out of thousands, the sound of the waves and the rain on the roof that one chilly night, to hear that quick modulation for the first time in a piece you've heard a thousand times, to meet that wonderful person by accident on a street corner and feel truly affirmed as a human)and I will not feel imperfect because a child or a fool or a jerk finds MY LOOKS insufficient (but still might charge me for a little pleasure).

 

And I absolutely will not live permanetly in the agony of adolescence: "Do I belong? Will they like me? Can I fit in?"

 

Been there, done that, and know what? I don't give a fuck.

 

Sorry to lecture but for once let's affirm ourselves and not be targets.

 

Al

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Al--

You have summarized the true essence to this thread and I thank you for putting it so clearly. As one who has lived 53 years overweight and ashamed and self-conscious, I have only begun recently to see things clearly. This is how I am physically and I am not about to change. If someone cannot accept that, then it is their problem and not mine. I will move on. There are a lot of fine people who are able and willing to look deeper and find the true me. Ironically, it has been escorts that have enabled me to reach this conclusion. So....escorts, thanks for being the understanding bunch you are. You beautiful guys have made it possible for old fuckers like me to appreciate themselves and have the nerve to call on you for companionship and support. The great escorts give more than mere physical pleasure, they help us emotionally too. Kisses

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Guest crazytaxi

As an overweight client, I usually get adequate treatment from most escorts. I have been rejected once, the escort (I won't mention which Chicago escort) was a real jerk. However, only one escort, Billyboy, has made me feel like I'm a real person. He doesn't seem to care about my weight, he genuinely seems to appreciate my company. I've never had that happen with any other escort. That's why I continue to see him. The other escorts can go to hell with their attitudes.

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Right on, Al!!! I can't imagine it better said.

 

I'm sure all of us who don't fit the physical mold set by our youth-and-buffness-and-beauty culture have had our moments of rejection and self-doubt. Let them be transitory: I'm sure all of us who've reached a certain age (I'm 54) have developed a sense of self worth minimally linked to our looks. After all, youth and beauty are all the young often have to offer. We have the longer-lasting riches of our life experiences, and I'll venture that as gay men our life experiences are far richer than most!

 

Also, whether among escorts or non-escorts, there are men out there, in the U.S. and elsewhere, who actually find larger guys attractive! Really! It takes all types. For example, being "trilingual" I periodically get into a major Brazilian gay chat site (strictly to practice my Portuguese, of course!) and I'm constantly amazed at the number of younger, slim guys looking for someone fat and/or older! Not all of them, of course, but more than enough to restore my faith in humanity and make me long to retire South of the Equator in a couple of years, a prospect that's even more appealing after the outcome of the election! :-)

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Guest Tampa Yankee

LAST EDITED ON Dec-17-00 AT 00:19AM (EST)[p]Al,

 

You have slain the biggest dragon that each of us faces in life... you have confronted yourself and you won!! I wish I could say the same. You are to be envied for sure, and there is MUCH wisdom in your posts.

 

Self-loathing is the most devastating confrontation one can suffer. My loathing of my body predates my serious awareness of sexual orientation or sexuality for that matter. I’ve never had self-esteem problems with intellectual capacity or later on with professional achievement. But it all loses something if you are ashamed of the package in which it is wrapped -- a life long curse, except for a few brief intervals, with which I learned to live. However forget about personal relationships for the most part... I couldn’t get past my hang-ups, much less anyone elses. For the time being I have banished the dragon, but I know he is lurking in the shadows waiting to return. Should that occur I’d like to think that I have reached your level of understanding of and comfort with self -- but I doubt it. Nevertheless, you will stay with me as an example.

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Al, I'd like to join NASA and TY in their thanks. I've often heard it said that gay kids think they're the only ones. I don't remember that I thought that. But as an adult I've often thought that I'm the only man who has the same dialogues with his body that some of my women friends seem to have. Miraculously, it is here on this site devoted to the industry of selling the illusions of love that I discover that I am not alone after all. In my experience, this is a subject that gay friends -- even close, mature gay friends -- rarely talk about among themselves.

 

For years I have tried to figure out when it was that I began to experience the physical self-loathing that the three of you describe. I think it must have started in my twenties and then got really underway when I moved to NYC and found myself in a sea of male pulchritude that I (erroneously) assumed I couldn't swim in. Like you, years before I had begun to compensate for the black hole of shame that the contempt of others had created by concentrating on developing those things that gained me respect. Chief among those was my intellect. But even then I didn't or couldn't acknowledge that I was somehow "special" in that regard. I was in my forties before I figured out that everybody had been telling me the truth all along, that I really am smart -- big-time smart. That realization, coupled with the not inconsiderable charm that comes to people-loving men who are reared in the South to be gentlemen of the old school, has taken me a long, long way. Today I enjoy (and seriously appreciate) considerable professional stature and reputation; and the profession itself has given me a richer and more interesting life than I could have imagined as a youth.

 

For all that, I still sleep alone except in cold weather, when the dogs suddenly want to cuddle all night. And the reason for that is the self-destruct trigger of my body itself. This is not something I chose; it is something that has taken me a long time to master; but it is something I continue to work on. That's why I go to a nutritionist. She doesn't try to make me lose weight, and she is not an enemy of any food except animal fat. She even says that sugar gets a bum rap. She, and my therapist, and my psychiatrist, and my friends, and my 12-Step Program, and, yes, my religious faith all keep the wolf of shame and self-disgust away from the door.

 

Until fairly recently I didn't know that I can have sex with wonderful men if I want to go to the effort to contact them and pay them. The ones I've chosen have not seemed in the least bit repulsed by me -- as, come to that, no one other than I myself seems to be -- and I have at last begun to have a happy time in the sack. But until this thread got started, I didn't know that there was something else missing as well. That is the discovery that I am not alone with this awful problem, which is a kind of soul-cancer that makes me feel embarrassed just to acknowledge. So my gratitude to all of you grows by leaps and bounds, as does my general sense of well-being.

 

Thank you again and again, Al, NASA, and TY.

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Guest albinorat

Thank you guys but don't give me too much credit. It's a daily battle and I slip backwards a lot. My position is a lot of intellection -- I am not how I look, what I weigh, my age or how big my cock is but I am (thank goodness) and I am worth knowing and *seeing* for what else is there.

 

That is easier to say or write on a forum like this than to feel consistently and spontaneously all the time.

 

But I do find that it hurts less if even a part of you can understand your worth is separate from the most glaring clichés of an objectifying, looks and age obsessed culture (not only among gay men, but at it's worst there). Moreover it's an idiot culture as just watch what moves the most product and is most often found in the movies and so on.

 

Curiously the most successful *fat doctor* I ever had insisted we patients love ourselves, the look of our bodies, and agree that we didn't NEED to diet. Part of his therapy was a twice a week swim -- and skimpy bathing wear was decreed. He'd have us look at ourselves and each other and understand that we were all humans, and nice people and fun and interesting. And those swims were hilarious fun.

 

After a while we didn't want to eat quite so much, realized we could manage to live and binge say once a week rather twice a day, could enjoy weighing loss if it came but realize that none of us would ever be 21 again, or beauties or be able to live our lives over without the horrible mistakes no matter how much weight we lost. And we didn't have to hate ourselves or blame ourselves if we simply felt like indulging ourselves for a few days. And after all, thin people keel over all the time. We didn't need to diet even to live so much longer than our jogging vegetarian neighbors.

 

When we began losing weight, it was for ourselves as individuals, to feel better, because of course we had more energy, didn't feel hungry all the time, endured less stress on our joints and so on. It was not for the mom or dad who could never accept a fat child, it was not for the spouse or lover who felt embarrassed by how we looked, it was not for the phantom beauty waiting in the mist if only we could lose that last twenty pounds and promise to keep it off for ever.

 

It was great; I moved on; the weight came back but I will say many of the issues did not come back as strongly. And I suppose having lived through the worst of AIDS, watching so many of the young and beautiful and gifted die horribly (in those days especially) and Will wrote very eloquently about that, I learned to pity all people, not just me, and to understand that nobody, and I mean nobody, escapes suffering or grief.

 

So I got off my fat ass and decided to try and never make myself feel bad again! There!

 

Al

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RE: Overweight Escorts

 

LAST EDITED ON Dec-17-00 AT 06:58PM (EST)[p]I weighed 100 pounds in first grade. I ran into a fellow student who had remembered that when I was in junior high. I had forgotten. I also embarassed myself in junior high by illustrating a class presentation about sedementary rock, or some such thing, by showing home movies that made me look like a blimp about to take off over the Grand Canyon. I did lose some weight for a while, but I absolutely never had abs, did I? Not a six pack anyway. Yet, I managed, between 1973 and this February, off and on for a total of about 16 years on, to make most of my living as an escort. (I also found out for myself, when I moved down here to Houston, when I was about 30, that it was alright not to be embarassed about my deep voice. Did that listening to drawling, deep voiced sexy cowboys. Now, when I dress right, I are one. Also, my voice helped me to win my present lover.) And the only time that I was ever flown out of town, which was only to Dallas, the client, who was getting so drunk that I later had trouble getting him back to the hotel even though another drunk standing behind us had sprayed us with vomit, suddenly looked at me, hours after a wonderful sexual experience, and started complaining about how fat I was. So, guys, I guess my question is, while it is wonderful and as it should be to accept ourselves (I am now a very proud Daddy Bear Type) and complain about how we were hoodwinked by the gay advertising establishment to focus on one bodystyle much like women had to look for years at an absolutely unattainable Barbie silhouette, are y'all ready now to hire overweiht escorts, too?

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Guest albinorat

RE: Overweight Escorts

 

> are

>y'all ready now to hire

>overweiht escorts, too?

 

Sorry not to agree with you Bilbo. That's a facile put down of what we're talking about in this thread.

 

There are a lot of escorts I would not hire because they are not my *fantasy type* and since money, not emotion is involved, for a temporary situation, that is not *real life*.

 

Few (none?) of these escorts use their real names. Few (none?) are completely honest about their real ages. Most (all?) role play to one degree or another -- this one is super hung and very butch and has a body and costume and 'tude to match, that one is rail thin, hairless (or do I mean carefully waxed and shaved?) just slightly femme, a *boy* with a wardrobe, hair do and 'tude to match. It's a game.

 

What we've been talking about here, the internalization of the loathing and disgust of a larger society is indeed real life and no game.

 

Escort *super butch* can stash his stash under the matress and lift those hairy legs straight up to the ceiling crying like a pup while "femme little boy" rams him for hours.

 

Those of us who have been lashed with the contempt of inferiors because of how we look our whole lives are not role playing for an hour or even an overnight or weekend. We are not making or losing an *appointment* based on the body we've designed and the role we're comfortable advertising. We are living with that loathing hour after hour and even dreaming about it.

 

I've been turned down by escorts either because of my size or because of my scene. I am sometimes disappointed because I feel attracted to them. But I never feel rejected. There will always be guys more or less my type who'll come over.

 

What we want to role play, with whom and pay for, is an issue very different from our sense of our self worth and value and wholeness as people. Hiring is a matter of inclination and income. The other is how we must live and what we see when we look in the mirror, if we can bear to.

 

Now having been a total bore on this subject let me touch a sore point. Is it possible that you became an escort because of the void being so overweight in this society created in you? Was it a test of your worth against the odds? Did you have trouble for a long time establishing true intimacy with anyone? I've gathered you're an expect at fetish sex. Is it possible that that is a way of acting out (or was) an internal inferiority? That you needed to don a mask (perhaps literally), dominate and humiliate others because you had been boxed into a stereotype by your size? When you wielded your whip were you punishing the law givers who find big people disgusting, mock them, refuse to hire them for real world jobs, sneer at them?

 

I wonder at the ease with which I took to hiring when I was a teenager with no money. I was doing the same thing on the other side, finding release (often in safe fantasy) from the fat *I* who could not stand himself. To hire was to side step an inner vacancy which made me feel unworthy of someone's love or even friendship and robbed me of the courage to even try to build those kinds of relationships.

 

Enough of me.

 

Al

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