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I am now at some Internet Cafe near Victoria Station (if you're familiar with city.)


I took the express train to Gatwick early this morning because I knew I could plug in my laptop at the Continental President's Club. (My sister gave me a lifetime membership there.)


With Continental (as opposed to most other airlines) you do not have to be flying or even flying their airline to use the club, which makes it invaluable for someone like me.


The only problem in London, is that the club is behind security - in other words, you have to have a ticket to somewhere to get TO the club and because I can't understand what anyone is saying here, I think they said the club was closed.


Anyway, the nice people at Continental arranged for me to use the facilities at the Gatwick Hilton. So I got all the stuff uploaded from the past two days - although not as easily or smoothly as I had hoped.


Bottom line, it took me all day, and then I found out I was being charged .15 per minute.


Because of the software I use, there is no way I can just hop on any computer and put the site up. It has to come off my laptop, which also affords you extra privacy.


I have no idea what is going to happen tomorrow. I am thinking of buying a refundable ticket just so I can get into the airport lounge, but it's a long train ride out there...Since my trip is so short, I may combine the next couple of days and get everything uploaded when I leave on Monday morning.


I just wanted to forewarn you and apologize to you for not having new material up every day, but at least I got over 20 new reviews or updates up today so I am on shedule anyway and the reviews aren't getting stacked up any more than before.


Only problem is that it took from 9am this morning and it's just now 5pm and it was a sunny day in London - I'm told.


Then there was all the email I had to get to. Many of you who made requests are definately going to have to wait till I get back to the USA.


To the people in London who wrote me welcoming - I thank you. You've got a wonderful city here - it's just that I have an American computer and it even though I found a converter for the electricity - I am having a problem finding phone lines that will work without costing me a fortune even if the plug is right.


For the computer saavy who are wondering why I'm having problems here, let me just use two words and you'll understand: Microsoft FrontPage.


That may even be three words! :-)


Please keep the reviews coming in. If you do not hear back from me right away, you know why.



Email: [email protected]

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I have always thought that you did such a great service by keeping this site in such great shape... but now you are going far above the call of duty!!! Take some time to enjoy your trip, for God's sake! Smell the roses, or the coffee, or the tea or whatever they have in England! Like the casinos in Las Vegas (our favorite places to pay Nevada state tax :) ), your queque will be be there 24/7 and certainly still there upon your return from England. Why don't you take a break, get your hotel, and hire one of those cute young London lads on that UK website that keeps popping up in the reviews? Nothing like cuddling up to a twinky young bottom boy to warm up a cold, misty British night. And you won't even have to understand what he's saying... the language there is universal!!! Happy Thanksgiving, friend!

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Hear, hear! I am difinitely in agreement. We all deserve our vacations, and we none of us get them unless we take them. You have enough stalwarts to laught someone off the pages if they were to complain about you taking the occaisional weekend off. It might make for quite a fun flame war.

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Guest Optimist

I have never, in 20 years of working in the professional business world, seen someone more dedicated to an effort he believes in than you, HooBoy. You astound us all with your class, humor, and caring attitude. But for heaven's sake, enjoy London!

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Guest albinorat

Well, Hoo, I hope you have a good time. London can be wonderful but I have rules for surviving there.


NEVER stay too far from Piccadilly and ALWAYS stay at a hotel, even a second level one is better than alternatives.


NEVER accept the apartment of a friend or of a friend of a friend. London is VAST and unless you know the city really well, you are going to be lost, walk miles and be continually disoriented. I have done that too often, trust me.


You will also freeze and find that there is no hot water in the flat. Electricity will be dicey. And if you plug in your PC it will blow circuits.


Yes, it's a wonderful public transit system, if you have a Masters in electrical engineering and could solve the Rubik's cube in thirty seconds. Absolutely every subway (or underground stop) looks the same outside the main ones and you will never know exactly where to go to get to where you're staying. Even if you have a reasonable idea, you will ALWAYS make a wrong turn and walk miles. Most of the streets look identical and numerical markings are few and far between.


Yes, Londoners of all races are bred to be polite to people who look lost, but I guarantee 83.5% of the time you will not understand ONE word they say to you.


Forget the busses. Though I have been lost on the bus in Paris, and once made a big booboo and took the bus in Tangiers, I have NEVER had quite as hair-raising an experience as I've had on busses in London.


NEVER trust a Bobbie (policeperson) they are the most unhelpful in the world and are frequently mounted on their mothers who may well piss at you while the Bobby gives you directions in an impenetrable argot without moving his/her lips.


Realize that London locks do not work ordinarily and the keys you are given will sense you are foreign and rebel in your hands. Last New Years night when it was impossibly hot and muggy and I had just flown in from Vienna (where it had been snowing) and taken the subway from Heathrow which was a two hour ride because the taxi cost I was told "90 Bob" and finally, luggage in hand had walked sixteen miles through deserted streets because I kept making turns into streets that looked just like *Katie's* (a friend of a former friend), I got to her place and the lock would not turn, no matter what I did. I implored the Virgin, saying I'd return to the Catholic Church if only I could get in. No dice. Finally after HOURS a party of Nigerians came walking down the street. "Never ever talk to any Nigerians," Katie had said, decamping with her girl friend that also happened to be her aunt and had black teeth. But I was desperate. They did not understand what I was asking, but finally got the lock to work, continued on their way, turning back often and pointing at me in hysterical laughter.


I have NEVER met a hot escort in London. It doesn't matter what they say, you won't understand them anyway, they won't understand you, and their feet and breath will cure you faster than Lourdes not matter what's wrong with you. They are not pricey, to be sure, but I'd trust a Madam in Munich or the gay ads in Zurich (red alert, red alert) before I trusted a London escort (I know there must be exceptions but they can be found only by radar I have no access too).


The only possible exception to the hotel rule is NEVER order room service anywhere and say a prayer before entering a restaurant. Hit a supermarket and stock up on ham, cheese, bread, butter, jams and ice cream


Good holliday, anyway,


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Guest Tampa Yankee

LAST EDITED ON Nov-25-00 AT 00:05AM (EST)[p]Hoo,


Mark Anthony had it right even if he fell a little short of the mark... Stop worrying about the site and us... those of us who are a pain in the ass will still be one when you get back. :-) The rest will be pretty much as they were too. Four days isn't an eternity, we'll just talk amongst ourselves...


You should be working your way through the local talent... on a field assignment, as it were. Life is short and your days in London even shorter. And if you wish to record a review on audio tape, so much the better. Worry later how to get it transcribed.


Now, assuming you are there ostensibly on 'other business' then one in the morning and one in the evening should be just about right... }>


If the good doctor will only appear and make it an order... ;-)

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HooBoy for president, I'm sure! And let's get rid of Florida in the effort.

Albo, very funny. And of course we do it all on purpose. We don't like Americans anyway :-)

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RE: London Part II


Well, I couldn't let the site go a day without uploading, so I caught the train to Gatwick this morning @ 8am, thinking I would be able to use the Hilton fascilities again.


Unfortunately, because it is Saturday, they were closed.


So, I bought what I hope is a refundable ticket and am now in the good old President's Club 4 hours later whilst (notice I'm even writing like they talk) today's reviews upload.


I'm really not an obsessive person, really and there is some "Queen" word that I'm not either.


I was going to try and catch a matinee this afternoon, but I don't think I'll get back from Gatwick in time and the weather here has supposedly turned ugly. I don't know.


I've been in the tube most of the day.


I'm not looking for accolades, I'm just trying to keep you apprised of the situation.



Email: [email protected]

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Guest fredlon

>Well, Hoo, I hope you have

>a good time. London can

>be wonderful but I have

>rules for surviving there.




>NEVER stay too far from Piccadilly

>and ALWAYS stay at a

>hotel, even a second level

>one is better than alternatives.



>NEVER accept the apartment of a

>friend or of a friend

>of a friend. London is

>VAST and unless you know

>the city really well, you

>are going to be lost,

>walk miles and be continually

>disoriented. I have done that

>too often, trust me.



>You will also freeze and find

>that there is no hot

>water in the flat. Electricity

>will be dicey. And if

>you plug in your PC

>it will blow circuits.






>Yes, it's a wonderful public transit

>system, if you have a

>Masters in electrical engineering and

>could solve the Rubik's cube

>in thirty seconds. Absolutely every

>subway (or underground stop) looks

>the same outside the main

>ones and you will never

>know exactly where to go

>to get to where you're

>staying. Even if you have

>a reasonable idea, you will

>ALWAYS make a wrong turn

>and walk miles. Most of

>the streets look identical and

>numerical markings are few and

>far between.



>Yes, Londoners of all races are

>bred to be polite to

>people who look lost, but

>I guarantee 83.5% of the

>time you will not understand

>ONE word they say to




>Forget the busses. Though I have

>been lost on the bus

>in Paris, and once made

>a big booboo and took

>the bus in Tangiers, I

>have NEVER had quite as

>hair-raising an experience as I've

>had on busses in London.



>NEVER trust a Bobbie (policeperson) they

>are the most unhelpful in

>the world and are frequently

>mounted on their mothers who

>may well piss at you

>while the Bobby gives you

>directions in an impenetrable argot

>without moving his/her lips.




>Realize that London locks do not

>work ordinarily and the keys

>you are given will sense

>you are foreign and rebel

>in your hands. Last New

>Years night when it was

>impossibly hot and muggy and

>I had just flown in

>from Vienna (where it had

>been snowing) and taken the

>subway from Heathrow which was

>a two hour ride because .



>the taxi cost I was

>told "90 Bob" and finally,

>luggage in hand had walked

>sixteen miles through deserted streets

>because I kept making turns

>into streets that looked just

>like *Katie's* (a friend of

>a former friend), I got

>to her place and the

>lock would not turn, no

>matter what I did. I

>implored the Virgin, saying I'd

>return to the Catholic Church

>if only I could get

>in. No dice. Finally after

>HOURS a party of Nigerians

>came walking down the street.

>"Never ever talk to any

>Nigerians," Katie had said, decamping

>with her girl friend that

>also happened to be her

>aunt and had black teeth.

>But I was desperate. They

>did not understand what I

>was asking, but finally got

>the lock to work, continued

>on their way, turning back

>often and pointing at me

>in hysterical laughter.


>I have NEVER met a hot

>escort in London. It doesn't

>matter what they say, you

>won't understand them anyway, they

>won't understand you, and their

>feet and breath will cure

>you faster than Lourdes not

>matter what's wrong with you.

>They are not pricey, to

>be sure, but I'd trust

>a Madam in Munich or

>the gay ads in Zurich

>(red alert, red alert) before

>I trusted a London escort

>(I know there must be

>exceptions but they can be

>found only by radar I

>have no access too).


>The only possible exception to the

>hotel rule is NEVER order

>room service anywhere and say

>a prayer before entering a

>restaurant. Hit a supermarket and

>stock up on ham, cheese,

>bread, butter, jams and ice









>Good holliday, anyway,




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RE: London Part II


HooHoney, if you think you're not a compulsive workaholic on our behalf, then you need to check out CODA (Co-Dependents Anonymous) or Al-Anon or some other 12-Step recovery program for People Who Please Too Much. Now for the emotional blackmail: if you REALLY want to keep us happy, stay away from Internet Cafes, even the fancy ones at Continental. Please take at least two days off to enjoy London. What's the point of being there if you spend eight hours in front of a computer?


We'll survive. But will you??????




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RE: London Part II


LAST EDITED ON Nov-25-00 AT 11:07AM (EST)[p]And as always, nobody's quite right until Will says so. I'm serious here, Will keeps writing things before we think of them. You have remarkable accuracy:-)

Hoo, we won't love you more because you're overapplying yourself... take some time off. And by the way, your attempt at proper English *SUCKS* :-) :-), just go back to American, we do understand it in the written form...

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Guest ProfTBear

RE: London Part II


Come on Hoo, have fun, you know we would! : ) So go have 'a jolly holiday, Mary' or is that with Mary. Whichever.


Now, find a twinkie chimney sweep and give him a sudsy shower for starters! Have fun.


Discharge your balls and recharge your personal batteries and lock the laptop up!

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Guest albinorat

>>Well, Hoo, I hope you have

>>a good time. London can

>>be wonderful but I have

>>rules for surviving there.



Rest of FRED'S bullshit clipped. Look, little Miss Anglophile, I hope some Bobby’s mother (the one he's riding) fucks you bloody.

What a fucking rude response from it appears, a moron. And what pomposity -- as it happens, my warning about London restaurants and British prepared food are borne out by everybody I know including people who live there and love it. It's not an "American" thing, I'm a wop, asshole but even if I don't adore a lot of American cooking, London is one big Salmonella Circus compared to any American city and many Asian ones too, and is the worst city in Europe for dining out at any price range, and I include EVERY small town in Germany.


Out where I was staying last year, a godforsaken Burg called Balham, the *tube* did indeed take two hours. Fuck your stupid arrogance for putting down someone else's experience; I hope you're made to eat out the Queen Mum of the dumbest collection of over privileged imbeciles in World History (The soi dissant Windsors, really the Saxe Cobergs). Not even her stuttering Husband, also a queen, wanted to fuck her (she was the first turkey baster mom, a fact well documented).


As for life in London in General, the collection of accents (not Queens English, not even yours, you putrid pustule on the labial folds of progress) make it very hard for everyone including others who are English born to understand a lot of people randomly encountered.


Over the years I have stayed in pricey and less pricey flats and there have ALWAYS been problems with the heat, electrical current. Maybe you don't bathe enough to know, and are sight deprived, in spirit if not in body?


Well, Mary, all I can say about you, is the fact that crab lice of your ilk are moving there is why so many of them want to move here!



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I usually like all of your comments in so far as they are funny, wise or sincere. I don't think all of this is, some of it is offensive. London has some of the world's finest dining, though admittedly it can be more expensive than even NYC. It also has a lot of really bad food, so please feel free to joke about that. It's just one of the traditions :-)


It's the comment about German food being better than English cuisine I find particularly offensive. It's also quite wrong. Food does not get much worse than some places in Germany--except maybe in the States, duh!


The comments about accents are laughable--what part of the word "English" is it you don't understand, and whose language is it anyway?

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Guest albinorat



>London has

>some of the world's finest

>dining, though admittedly it can

>be more expensive than even


>It's the comment about German food

>being better than English cuisine

>I find particularly offensive. It's

>also quite wrong. Food does

>not get much worse than

>some places in Germany--except maybe

>in the States, duh!


>The comments about accents are laughable--what

>part of the word "English"

>is it you don't understand,

>and whose language is it



Sorry, Mr. B. I let my irritation with the poster above get the better of me. However, while you are right, my comment about German food was off base, since it is among the worst in the world, I have to say I have very rarely indeed had a good meal in London that was not home cooked (often by me) no matter how much the tab.


And with respect, I can't agree about food in America. On the whole, you can usually get decent basic meals anywhere. That's not gourmet food and of course I'd stay away from *ethnic* type food unless you know you're in the right neighborhood. But in London, unless you like the English staples and are carrying a lot of Mylanta, I think a word to the wise is in order.


By the way, one surprising sense in which you are right is that with the Common Market, produce is much better in London than it is in New York (where you have to go hunting very early in the morning for the good stuff)and that may have improved restaurant meals in general, somewhat (and of course I assume at the priciest places you can eat well).


As for accents, I must say I am with HooBoy. It can be very hard to understand people in London. Some of that is due to the large number of immigrants; but frankly some time honored London accents when someone is speaking rapidly and one is lost are hard to adjust to.


But I apologize for any offence to you. I have had (as I mentioned) many great times in London -- they just did not involve food and sex in my particular experiences. And some of my best friends are English (wink, wink).



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Guest buttanovice

RE: London Part II


Hey HooBoy. . . just a suggestion. . . . for the last two years I have watched how expertly "UKMATT" has changed/redesigned his website. Seems to me he would be one of my first-calls. . . and I would even forget to bring along my laptop!!! Now go get your batteries recharged and then tell us how your 'puter's doing!

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RE: London Part II


Hooboy, MrB (and Al et. al...)


1) HOOBOY, if anyone deserves a vacation, without access to the internet, it is you. The comments by Will should be heeded; workaholism is never appreciated by anyone; people "use" you, then throw you to the wolves... so enjoy some free time.


2) Albi : I found your comments both funny and at times off, but in general, enjoy reading your views (and now you have unveiled some of the mystery - I figured you were a compaesano!! Our humour (note the English spelling) comes through no matter where we end up residing!!!


3) MrB, as always you are more perceptive than most here. Of course I am more partial to the Southern Mediterranean cooking, which is ALWAYS wonderful, flavourfull, fresh and good for you too. The jokes abouot English cooking are stale in that my last few visits to London have been full of culinary surprises, although, as you point out, the prices are also a surprise! As for German good, well, for my own palate it is a bit heavy at times and "boring" but then too, I am usually in bog cities with business friends and they seem to gravitate to the same types of eateries (to my dismay).


Being a dislocated New Yorker, I find NY has more variety, but... NEVER EVER eat Italian food in NY if you have had the authentic variety; it tastes too artificial (a personal but INFORMED judgement!).

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LAST EDITED ON Nov-26-00 AT 05:22AM (EST)[p]I like it much better when we're being nice to each other. And I still say if we've forgiven you for bastardising our language, you should at least try and understand the original version in all of its colourful variation when you're visiting... or hire an interpreter... or stay home. There!

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Guest Daddy-In-Training

RE: London Part II


LAST EDITED ON Nov-27-00 AT 03:48AM (EST)[p]Hoo,


I don't know what to do...They're bleeding going bongers...But I'm laughing too hard to start swatting them down. Normally, I'd say "Guys knock it off!"...but this time I'll simply say "TONE IT DOWN!". It's too damn hard to type when I'm rolling on the floor


-- Daddy

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RE: London Part II


Daddy! You're the best.


You know when you have memorable days that will last forever in the warm part of your heart. Well, last Summer, Daddy, a couple of the most beautiful boys in Las Vegas, BillyBoy from Chicago and myself were privileged to snag a private bungalow and swimming pool at the Mandalay Bay Hotel and what was HooBoy doing? I was on my computer working on this site while the boys and Daddy flirted with our waiters, took the inner tubes down the river, went surfing in the pool with the 3 foot waves and we ate and ate and ate. I think we drank, too, but I don't remember those occasions. :-)


Anyway, I'm back in the US, Back in the US, Back in the USSA.


I want you guys to know that I flew COACH! And I gotta tell ya, Continental does an outstanding job back in that part of plane on the Atlantic flights. I was very impressed, particularly because they managed to seat no one next to me, so I was able to actually sleep lying down on the way over. Coming back, I sat next to a lovely, refined lady. Fortunately, no one was between us and we were able to use the extra table to store all our Grand Marnier’s and she wasn’t able to see what I was doing on my computer.


I've been thoroughly amused by the "advice" my friends here have shared with me and the person who offered the liturgy on the UK’s downside was not really far from the truth. I thought it was hilarious.


However, I fell in love there and I'm thinking of moving to London. However, I'll just have to live near Gatwick so I can upload the site everyday in the lovely President's Club with free cocktails and peanuts and a very friendly staff.


But I have never eaten worst food in my life -- with the exception of the birthday party I went to which was cooked by an American and the food was wonderful.


However, I have a theory about food. If it tastes good, it's not good for you. It's no wonder the European boys are so beautiful - their food tastes like dirty feet!


Anyway, before I move to London, I do hope that Daddy will join me at the Mandalay Bay and we’ll of course be discreet this time. But I will still have my laptop.


Will – keep your words of wisdom coming, but I really do enjoy what I do and I hope that together we’re raising the bar and changing people’s lives for the better. Forget that I missed a good friend of mine who’s starring in one of London’s biggest shows. I didn’t realize he was there, much less the star, until my last night, of course.


Oh, he’s straight, but as someone I met at the birthday party I’ll remember forever said, if it’s a male you can get it to twitch.




Email: [email protected]

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