I need some advice,altho deep inside I DO know the answer....

[Guest pex4me]

Exremetly curious if this has happened to anyone cleint or escort.

Been seeing this escort for about a year and have really got

attached to this man. Been giving him little gifts and now i

think he expects them from me(maybe,maybe not). My friends

think that I am a total nut case. They do not understand why

I would pay for someone. They think I am attractive and find

someone who will appreciate me.

But i really do care for this man. I know he has no feelings

for me whatsoever(except maybe for the money/gifts I give him).

Hell the sex is not even that great.(except for the last time...

but that was probably due to viagra anyway-for him). I just

really enjoy his company.

I try and stay away from him but just can't cut it. I know I have

rambled on irratically,but was looking for some insight.

Anyway else ever go through this sort of thing?? Does it ever

happen to escorts,too? Once in a message he said,"I love you...

sort of..." Talked about mixed messages.

-Confused,perflexed and stupid some up how I feel. Any help

would be gratfully appreciated.

[Guest Billyboy]

Many people pay for escorts whether or not they need to. I think you should try broadening your horizons though and not get so attached to one guy if it hurts you. If you don't feel comfortable giving gifts, then stop. If he's a good escort, he will be honest with you and not lead you on for the sake of keeping a client.

 

If you think he's leading you on, move on. If your friends cannot be supportive of the life you choose, then don't tell them. Maybe you should have an honest discussion with him? If he avoids the discussion, move on! Find out where he stands and let him know how you feel. I think honesty is best.

 

You don't want to wander down a road that is only one way, then you will have a hell of a time getting back. So find out where you stand right now. But don't feel bad because you CHOOSE to hire escorts. No one has to hire escorts, they choose to. But as Shakespere (sp?) said, "...This above all, To thine own self be true. And it must follow, as the night the day, Thou canst not then be false to any man..."

 

Good luck and the best in all your endeavors, Peace to all,

Billyboy

http://www.boynxtdr.com

Billy@boynxtdr.com

[+ Lucky]

Well, I have been in those shoes myself! When you say the escort has absolutely no feelings for you, my advice is to walk away from the situation and don't look back. I don't generally expect the escort to have real feelings for me,although it's not impossible. If your feelings are not reciprocated, you are just setting yourself up for exploitation.

[Guest albinorat]

I wonder how often you have hired escorts. I think everyone when they start can be vulnerable. But I think most of us (many of us? some of us?) catch on quick. This is about money, limited time spent and usually some fantasies (kissing to kink). An escort can deliver those things and be wonderful about it. But a pro is NEVER doing it spontaneously out of attraction to or affection for the client (though of course there can be degrees of attraction and affection in the context of the deal).

 

Now because what is involved evokes and even depends on very private, sub-conscious things -- the way we view ourselves, even primal urges that go beyond conscious control -- strong emotions can be evoked. But again while they can be genuine (on both sides) and comforting, they are with someone who is FOR HIRE.

 

We are called on to juggle, even to play with fire. For by opening ourselves to someone in this way, we may suddenly find outselves too attracted, too interested, and working out issues of self worth and even identity that are painful. I think maybe this is what makes hiring such a turn on to some people. And I think the best escorts understand that too and like walking the tight rope.

 

But it can be more dangerous than any *scene* someone gets into. You can always change the sheets and hide the whips but emotions are a lot harder to clean and forget.

 

I wonder about this escort. Most good ones I would think, would discourage you from getting too involved with them. Certainly someone who is playing a game with you ("I love you sort of" or whatever he said) is being nasty. It's well to remember that many people who escort (and many who hire) have been abused in some way and are acting out their own severe conflicts about intimacy. Your best bet is just to stop with this fellow. If you have the means give yourself a couple of whirls with others. As to your friends, if their concern is that you not be taken and hurt by someone that's good. If they're judgemental because you hire find a few people who understand.

 

Albo

[Will]

Albo, those are wise, gentle, and grace-filled words. Thank you for them, and for the compassion they express. They are also true. And part of their truth is to remind us that escorts themselves are using the exchange with clients for their own purposes, and that those go far beyond the commercial. It is very, very difficult for me to believe that the intelligent, well-educated, talented escorts I have met are engaged in sex-work purely for the money. I just don't believe it; the work is too difficult and far too risky for the amount of money it brings in. I know escorts who could easily be earning enough money in legitimate professions to hire any escort they want. Thus, you are also right that both the escort and the client are walking a tightrope. The best encounters happen when both of them enjoy the frisson of danger as well as the exhilaration of keeping their balance. Please keep posting! Warmest wishes to you, Will

[Guest LATINLUVR]

hey you are not alone..i have been down that road also..let me tell you your probably heading for a dead end..i too fell for an escort..he was the one who brought up the subject of us having a relationship..after the third time we were together no money even changed hands..but i ended up paying anyway..not for sex but for everything else..i really wanted to believe that he was honest about his feelings..but knew down deep i was only fooling myself..boy it hurt..took along time to get over it..save yourself the pain and anguish..although i believe escorts may truley feel something for a client..i dont think it has the basis for a long term committed relationship..wishing you all the best..my thoughts are with you..let me know how you are doing

[Guest pex4me]

Had my reservations about posting this thread,but now i am glad I did. You men are terrific. I expected to be torn a part literally,but you gave me great insight. Since reading all your

comments I am trying to break away from this guy. It's not easy.

I try and be cold to him and he wonders what's up. I can't

believe he is THAT dumb. He knows exactly how I feel,and i guess

that is what pisses me off the most, and that I am angry at my

self.(Gee is there a support group for people like me?lol).

But i have will power and that will keep me strong. Please root

for me,and thanks again for ALL your support.

[NASAguy]

I too have been down this road. Almost 2 years ago I fell deeply in love with the first escort I ever visited. By my 3 trip up to visit him, I was staying in his apartment with him for 5-6 days at a time. No payments for rent or sex. But big payments for everything else (up to the $1000's each visit). He told me I was his best friend and that he loved me. He opened up to me (I am about twice his age) about his problems with his childhood, etc. and I felt that I was becoming a true father substitute. I was totally head over heels in love. We even took a magnificent vacation together for over 12 days to the mediterranean. But deep down I was always concern that the money I was spending was what was what mattered most. On my second visit I had found out that he was hooked on drugs. I continued to try to help him out of this problem. Sometimes it seemed like I was doing good at others I know he was using me to get money for drugs and it angered me but I couldn't seem to say no to anything he asked for. Finally, things hit home when he charged almost $4,000 to one of my credit cards (he had gotten the number off of a receipt for a present I had bought him). I got really pissed. He of course was super appologetic. We have had our ups and downs since but I haven't seen him since May. We still talk and he still says nice things to me and wants to see me yet. Since then I have started to see other escorts who have opened my eyes. I now know that I can get great sex and "respect" and attention for a fraction of what I was paying my friend (actually much better sex and more attention to my needs than my friend ever provided) and my self esteem is improving.

However, I still am in love...all the lying and cheating, etc has not changed that fact. I think about my friend every day and love it when he calls. But I will not see him in person anymore until I am positive things have changed, especially with the drugs. And I will never let myself get that close to an escort again. The pain of breaking up is too intense (and I still have not completely done that,,,we may get together again..who knows?)

I know everyone tells me to just walk away as fast as possible but my heart still can't. Hope others will learn from this.

[Will]

These posts move me very much, and I admire the men who write them. I have been in the same place, more (I'm embarrassed to say) than once. In my case, I went to escorts to avoid this kind of thing, because at least I knew from the outset that it was a business deal. However, I think I'm still hustle-able and I have to say that it makes me feel better about myself to know that I am not alone. Perhaps this isn't the place to go into this stuff (I can hear a big, Al-Gore-style *sigh* from Traveler even as I write), but I can say that, yes, there IS a place for people who get hooked on love. It's called Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous. And it is absolutely terrific for many reasons, not least because it is gay-friendly. Meanwhile, I have found that in the long run it is easiest just to terminate all forms of contact -- phone calls, e-mails, etc. At first, the other party may be hurt or angry. But that's his problem. My problem is to look after myself, because it is very hard to internalize the magic words: "Fixing you will not fix me."

[Guest pex4me]

Could things get any worse?? I took everyones advice(thank you

to all) and got rid of the trash! Blocked him from email,IM and

took his webpage down(that I designed and he underappreciated).

Tired of feeding his ego. Will feed my own now. This all happened only after I heard from his former cleints that he

has talked about me behind my back. Should have known better,

becuase he talked(laughed) about them to me.I have altho learned

something from this experience. No matter how goodlooking the

package is,if it's empty inside,there is no heart,no decency,

no intigrity,no soul.

[Guest Nice Guy]

Wow, talk about some eye opening or better yet, facing cold hard facts.

Al, you started it... I guess it was a good thing...So here we go. Yes, another, "I too have been there"

I tend to fall in lust... recover and move on. However, I have experienced both good results and bad. I have seen escorts who sincerely like me and visa versa. So much so that the business relationship had to end and a friendship began. AND it didn't cost a dime. Which seems refreshing, considering some of the other threads. BUT I too have experienced the "no charge" deal which costs an arm and a leg when all is said and done.

I would hope that we all can see clearly, at least most of the time, the truly wonderful guys out there who don't want to screw you. They are out there and I have actually meet a few. My point is, that not all escorts fall into "generalities", there are exceptions to the rule. And it IS nice to find one now and then.

[Will]

I agree with you that there are some nice guys out there. But I think it would be unwise to count on it, in the sense of equating "he's nice to me" with "he loves me." Pex has made some giant strides in the last few days towards claiming his own life, and I congratulate him for it. I hope he'll find friends and, perhaps, someone who will love him gratuitously, not just "at no extra cost." I've about decided that the only sane way to approach the whole escort thing is as pure recreation, no different from treating yourself to something else expensive but non-nutritive, like pigging out on ice cream with chocolate sauce. A hot-fudge sundae might not qualify as dessert at even a moderately serious dinner party, but now and then it sure is a wicked between-meals snack!

[Matt_Vancouver]

Will I couldn't agree with you more!

That said, sometimes the emotional attachment can happen from the other side as well, I know it's happened to me, and it's not something I bargained for when I started escorting.

It can seriously complicate things on both ends.

I too can say I've made some really great friends and sex buddies via escorting, so it's not always a bad thing to attach emotion, but it's so much easier if it's treated as exactly that, a TREAT.

tricks, here's your treat. (oh I is so witty)

Matt( wanna bob on my apple? )

http://go.to/mattsplace

matt_escort@yahoo.com

[Guest Jake]

Will, you continue to prove yourself one of the most sensible people posting here. Thanks for all the wisdom you've imparted over time. And with your wisdom there is a true sense of being one of us - never preaching, never holding yourself out as an expert with the final word. I stumble all over the place, but you always make me stand up straight (oops, well not really STRAIGHT - but I figure you know what I mean).

[Bilbo]

"don't want to screw you" ... Odd turn of phrase, that. But I know what you mean. I used to resemble that remark.

[Will]

Gee, how nice it is to read such kind words from two men whom I so much esteem -- particularly after having been beaten to a pulp during a meeting yesterday afternoon by someone who likes to call himself my "colleague." (Of course, I don't mean "beaten" literally, any more than Jake meant "straight" --God forbid -- literally.) It's especially reassuring when the affirmation comes from one of the Great Escorts as well as from one of the Jolliest Johns. Lotsa thanks, guys!

[Guest pex4me]

Thank you,thank you, thank you:to all of you for your wisdom

and kind hearts. It HAS been a tough week for me. Kicking this

habit must be just as tough as kicking herion(I would not know),

but having this escort in my life is an addiction. Not a good

one either.Have not had any communication with him for days

and am sure I won't until he needs something from me(NOT gonna

happen).Truly I am not over him(think about him) but I do

realize nothing would have come from it anyway. Not even a friendship for he has no idea how to treat people,clients included.

Thanks again and will let you know of my recovery...LOL..I know

I am on the right track and have given up totally on escorts.

This one gave me a bad taste of the profession so would rather

do without than to get mixed up in it again.(Gun shy).

As for my friends,they do understand why I used him,they just

hated the fact he was using me.

[Losgatan]

LAST EDITED ON Nov-01-00 AT 00:37AM (EST)[p]>I am on the right track

>and have given up totally

>on escorts.

>This one gave me a bad

>taste of the profession so

>would rather

>do without than to get mixed

>up in it again.(Gun shy).

>

 

Pex:

 

You're probably wise to take a breather from the escort scene considering all you've been through. But, please be reassured that there are some wonderful guys in the profession -- guys who are genuinely concerned about their clients' mental and physical well-being. Someday you owe it to yourself to spend some time with one of the men who consistently get rave reviews here. It can be an incredibly pleasureful and "healing" experience.

[Guest pex4me]

Thanks Logst. for your advice. Don't know if i ever willuse an

escort again. Mine got raves at this site,too. Can't trust

anyone at this point. Time is healing ,tho. Oh good God did I

just say that tired ass cliche'? LOL

[+ bigjoey]

LAST EDITED ON Nov-01-00 AT 10:09PM (EST)[p]LAST EDITED ON Nov-01-00 AT 10:08 PM (EST)

 

you are doing the right thing. personally, been there, done that. however, after a breather come back with a realistic attitude and meet some great guys and have good experiences. the reviews are a good place to begin. good luck.

 

a shropshire lad

by a. e. housman

when i was one-and-twenty

i heard a wise man say,

"give crowns and pounds and guineas

but not your heart away;

give pearls away and rubies

but keep your fancy free"

but i was one-and-twenty,

no use to talk to me.

 

when i was one-and-twenty

i heard him say again

"the heart out of the bosom

was never given in vain;

'tis paid with sighs a plenty

and sold for endless rue"

and i am two-and-twenty,

and oh, 'tis true, 'tis true.

[Guest BigPex]

Similar scenario happened to me with my first escort about eight years ago. He was a Colt model, and we lived about 500 miles apart. I would pay to see him on my business trips, and would bring gifts, etc. We did some camping and beach trips together. I was married and in a high profile job. The next thing I knew, he starts calling me at work and getting very intrusive into my professional and personal life. He wanted me to help him find a job and introduce him to some business associates, all things I refused. The final straw came when he sent a set of photos (non-sexual, but this guy was an incredibly hot bodybuilder)to me at work. And, my personal secretary opened them. His cover note ("Thought you might enjoy these") was sort of obscure. She put them in my "personal mail" folder and never mentioned them. At that point, I told him to stop calling me and sending things through the mail. It took weeks to get him to back off. What a nightmare! The moral: keep things on a strictly professional level!

[Guest Tampa Yankee]

pex4me

 

A bright flame irresistably draws us in the darkness of loneliness. The fault, if any, lies not in the fall but maybe in the failure to extract oneself from the situation once it is recognized for what it is... easy words to say, devoid of the emotional pain and anguish that accompanies the situation. Most words are easy to say -- therein may lie part of the problem in the beginning. It seems that you have found your road out of the wilderness even though your trip is not yet complete or free of the pain. Good luck on your travels...

 

This thread has focused on the 'escort' but escorts are just people too with the same flaws and frailties as the rest of us. The basic difference lies in their professional obligations not to let those flaws adversely impact the client. As Albo put it -- -- <Most good ones I would think, would discourage you from getting too involved with them.>

 

And as Will pointed out, some escorts have their own real needs that may not involve premeditated attempts to take advantage of someone. The underlying issue for this thread seems to be whether there is an economic interest of one party in the other; which, of course, is not limited just to relationships with escorts. But in the case of the escort it brings to the fore the question of the 'professional conduct' involved.

 

But the client has an obligation as well, not to make demands that go beyond the professional relationship. I'm sure there are examples where escort and client have developed a deeply emotional honest caring relationship that but they are probably few and far between. (Good friendships may be much more common but not the norm, I think). Falling for an escort -- bypassing the very real issues posed by potentially significant differences in age, background, life experience, and interests that collectively are nearly impossible to overcome in the long run -- the relationship for both must transcend the one initially founded on a business transaction, though not necessarily a cold one. If not, then an economic interest -- be it gifts, paying expenses or supporting habits -- continues to provide the foundation on which emotions may be draped; but this type of foundation does not stand the test of time. You can't buy true love, or even a facsimile of love for long.

 

Most of us know the rules of the road but occasionally we try to bend the rules or suspend them altogether because we are driven by needs and desires be they physical or emotional. So we stumble occasionally on this road of life - it is only natural, as it is to pick ourselves up and continue the journey. The fault, if any, lies in not in the fall but in failing to recover from the stumble -- be it escort or client.

[adriano46]

Tampa,

 

I was grappling with some of these issues for the last few weeks.

 

You and Will here have offered excellent advice, and an insight into the complexities of these relationships which should be read over and over.

 

I recently met not one, but a few excorts, each who was exceptional in his own way. But I think I have "fallen" for two of them in a bad way, and not at all for the sex (terrific as it was with each), but because they brought out in me emotions, feelings and sentiments which had lain hidden for too long. If they were playing a role (and they may have been, as I am not that gullible, I hope) they are true male courtesans in the best sense of the word, and have gifts which should be envied.

 

Just as I was about to plunge down the wrong path, I caught this thread, and thank you guys for the advice. Now... like so many... I have to apply it rigorously to keep out of trouble. So, I'll keep my wallet shut - aside from the normal fees - and not delude myself.

 

Funny, perhaps this behaviour is addictive or repetetive; I have been "burned" on a number of occasions by hustlers (trying to "reform"? them). One took me for a real ride with money, and then, one day when he needed cash quickly, and I asked him to wait 24 hours as I was busy... hung up on me and never called again (I should count that as a lucky break, I suppose). I have repeated the same nonesense with another guy - and we never even had sex: but he has cost me well over a few thousand $$$ in "upkeep" and I am finally weening myself from him, although the emotional toll is very heavy.

 

And just as I was weening myself from him, now I am torn between two others! Will it ever end? Thanks to the advice of some of you here, I think it will... thanks again guys.

[adriano46]

Funny, the very day after I sent this note, an escort I recently met - and liked and admired very much - wrote me an urgent e-mail asking for a "loan" to help out a family situation.

 

I was aware of the family issue as we had discussed it one evening while out for dinner, and it was/is complicated to say the least. While the amount requested was not a major dent in my savings, the urgency in the request sent off all kinds of alarm bells.

 

I went through about 90 minutes of internal angst:

"Should I trust this guy?"

"Is this a legitimate request?"

"Is this a set up?"

"Can I just ignore that I got the note and see what happens?"

 

If this particular escort had not been so honest (I hope) with me in exchanging e-mails for weeks before we met, and so enjoyable when together, my common sense would have reigned... but alas, I did lose some 2 hours of a business day running around taking $$ out of an account, then running off to a Western Union office and sending off the sum, then phoning - long distance - three times to get all the info in place to pick up the "gift".

 

Then... the suffering and doubts set in... not hearing a word from the guy (at least a somehwat effusive <thank you>??) until I bombarded him with 3 or 4 e-mails... Mixed emotions now. Did I do the right thing? Or did I walk into yet another maelstorm which I will regret?

 

My sixth sense on a person usually works 98% of the time (e.g. my initial impression of an individual is usually right on target). In this case, I had a positive impression, but now wonder... reading back over the exchange of e-mails, I see a few worrisome contradicitions in his words/statements, which I did not pick up on before.

 

I'm sorely tempted to pour this whole incident out to another escort who knows BOTH of us (from a very HOT 3-way), and who has been very nice since that encounter. But then wonder if I would be betraying a confidence? Or worse, overstepping some boundaries, noting many escorts have a great loyalty to each other, given the common problems they often face.

 

Anyway writing these meanderings here helps a bit... if only I could see in a crystal ball whether I've done the right or wrong thing? Part of the risk we clients all take in our own vulnerability.

[HooBoy]

Personally, I think you were a sucker.

 

On the other hand, if you could afford what you gave him and his sob story turned out to be true, you were a saint. If, in fact you were suckered but could afford it, so what? If I knew how much money I have give to pretty boys and gotten nothing in return I would probably be sick, however, con-men/boys make you feel good about being a fool parting with your money, so I still have no regrets about it.

 

Just make it a lesson learned. I ALWAYS try to stucture it where the money will not be spent on drugs.

 

If you sent money you could not afford to send, either way, you made a mistake.

 

And if anyone reading this thinks they can send me a story and get money from me, forget about it. My entire attitude has changed in the past couple of days and no one gets any help from me anymore. I even quit throwing fresh fruit I always kept in my car to throw to the homeless.

 

I wish you well.

 

HooBoy

Email: HooBoy@male4malescorts.com