How soon do you reveal that you're a "provider"

[Jarrod_Uncut]

Recently had a falling out with someone "new" over the fact that he felt I should have told him sooner that I'm a professional. However, he kept saying that he doesn't have a problem with it. But then he would steady compare me being a professional to be akin to cheating.

The understanding I was trying to convey: we only met on 3 occasions: 2 of those were in social functions and only 1 was 1 on 1. Personally, I do not like to reveal what I do to guys before I get to really know them. But in certain situations, people inadvertently find out, as it was in this case. 

Part of that reason is because, I experience guys being inconsiderate and disrespectful and using my position as a sex worker to justify that. Just because it involves sex with others does not mean it's okay to be dismissive, not view seriously, or be trifling when it comes down to core sex boundaries. 

That being said: it's been rough lately in the "dating" world. I say that in quote because it's not really dating, but more of just meeting guys once or twice and then having it turn into a waste of time. I almost feel like I have to choose between quitting being a provider or giving up interactions with gay dudes outside of Rentmen, in order to find a happy medium. 

Edited November 7, 2021 by Jarrod_Uncut

[Storm4U]

I, personally made the decision not to date for as long as I have a massage business. With that being said, my personal recommendation for providers and masseurs who do date is to reveal what you do within your first 1 or 2 conversations (ideally the first one) when you’re discussing  what each of you does for a living. I recommend getting any potential dealbreakers out of the way as soon as possible. That way, no time is wasted.

Edited November 7, 2021 by Storm4U

[nefarious]

@Jarrod_Uncut As you know, there's both never a good time and always a good time. Some people will be okay with it, others won't, regardless of when it's revealed. I dated someone who was an escort and I was never truly comfortable with it, but I loved him and he genuinely loved me back. The simple answer is, it's always going to be an issue, all relationships have issues, no-one is perfect, it's just whether it's a deal breaker for that person.

[Redwine56]

6 hours ago, Jarrod_Uncut said:

Recently had a falling out with someone "new" over the fact that he felt I should have told him sooner that I'm a professional. However, he kept saying that he doesn't have a problem with it. But then he would steady compare me being a professional to be akin to cheating.

The understanding I was trying to convey: we only met on 3 occasions: 2 of those were in social functions and only 1 was 1 on 1. Personally, I do not like to reveal what I do to guys before I get to really know them. But in certain situations, people inadvertently find out, as it was in this case. 

Part of that reason is because, I experience guys being inconsiderate and disrespectful and using my position as a sex worker to justify that. Just because it involves sex with others does not mean it's okay to be dismissive, not view seriously, or be trifling when it comes down to core sex boundaries. 

That being said: it's been rough lately in the "dating" world. I say that in quote because it's not really dating, but more of just meeting guys once or twice and then having it turn into a waste of time. I almost feel like I have to choose between quitting being a provider or giving up interactions with gay dudes outside of Rentmen, in order to find a happy medium. 

Don't let it discourage you.  You have to pay your bills and that is your chosen profession.  If you cannot be accepted for who you are, then you have not met the right person.  Move on.  If you eventually met a guy that leads to a truly caring, loving relationship who has an issue with your profession, then that may be worth thinking about.  Otherwise, as long as you are comfortable with it, don't allow anyone to influence you.  

[Jarrod_Uncut]

6 hours ago, Storm4U said:

I, personally made the decision not to date for as long as I have a massage business. With that being said, my personal recommendation for providers and masseurs who do date is to reveal what you do within your first 1 or 2 conversations (ideally the first one) when you’re discussing  what each of you does for a living. I recommend getting any potential dealbreakers out of the way as soon as possible. That way, no time is wasted.

I can see that being a good decision. But the hard part is: many of my meets including this last one didn't start as dating. It started with a mutual attraction at a party (mainly from him), and then us finding time to hangout. All I wanted was to just connect and hangout (sex or no sex) on a non relationship basis initially. Some guys will push "opening up" to them, but it's not about being closed off, more about keeping my personal and biz "mode" separate.

Also, part of the reasoning for not telling this person was due to fact I met him thru a client who attended a party and invited me. The client has a partner. Part of the rule between me and the client was that I wasn't going to mention anything about the profession. I could have mentioned it to the other guy on our 1 on 1 meet, but I had already had something fall thru earlier that day, and wasn't in the mind frame to bring it up.

[Jarrod_Uncut]

On 11/7/2021 at 8:17 AM, Redwine56 said:

Don't let it discourage you.  You have to pay your bills and that is your chosen profession.  If you cannot be accepted for who you are, then you have not met the right person.  Move on.  If you eventually met a guy that leads to a truly caring, loving relationship who has an issue with your profession, then that may be worth thinking about.  Otherwise, as long as you are comfortable with it, don't allow anyone to influence you.  

Exactly. And that's what I explained to this guy. Just like he has to go to work, so do I. He claims to have seen me online "available" while we were having lunch, possibly on a4a or another site. Seemed like he went snooping around and came across. That's why I can agree with @Storm4U to just lay it out early. But I did tell someone couple months ago and he cancelled me out for it. 

I told a friend yesterday, all these guys on scruff and grindr are prostitutes technically. They're all on there very often meeting and hooking up after barely knowing the person. Often meeting multiple guys in a day or week. If anything more so than a sex worker because I may see less guys than they do. Hell, this guy initiated hooking up with me at a party and sucked me off in his friend's bedroom. That's what gets me about gay dudes. They're so fucking judgmental and critical, yet they're doing the same shit in their personal life. Soon as you add money to it, they want to get all up the ass about what's right and wrong. 

 

Edited November 8, 2021 by Jarrod_Uncut

[+ nycman]

2 hours ago, Jarrod_Uncut said:

Also, part of the reasoning for not telling this person was due to fact I met him thru a client who attended a party and invited me. The client has a partner. Part of the rule between me and the client was that I wasn't going to mention anything about the profession. I could have mentioned it to the other guy on our 1 on 1 meet, but I had already had something fall thru earlier that day, and wasn't in the mind frame to bring it up.

Oh, what a tangled web we weave,
when first we practise to deceive!
- Sir Walter Scott, Marmion

Not being as judgmental as that sounds. 
I understand life is complicated.
It is a lesson for all of us. 

[Jarrod_Uncut]

On 11/7/2021 at 11:32 AM, nycman said:

Oh, what a tangled web we weave,
when first we practise to deceive!
- Sir Walter Scott, Marmion

Not being as judgmental as that sounds. 
I understand life is complicated.
It is a lesson for all of us. 

Update: 

I recently revealed to another person yesterday about being a provider. I even sugar coated it to that I do “massages”. It did not go well. We’re still “good”, but idk how good. He was quite upset that I didn’t mention it sooner, but…we met on Grindr and he was gonna come over at 1 am. We only met a couple of times, and he flaked the 3rd time…then ended up in the hospital for a week. So, the opportunity to tell him simply did not present itself in an opportune fashion.

But I’m starting to resolve like I may just remove myself from the whole dating/Grindr/hookup scene all together. It doesn’t seem like there’s anything much to gain to try and be a provider and mingle in the dating scene. All it’s been is just 1 disappointment after the next. Meanwhile it’s not doing anything to elevate or bring opportunity to what I’m doing. It’s just pointless.

Majority of these guys anyway are in open relationships, or steady looking for the next best thing. Especially in the Midwest, there’s not enough opportunity and support for the biz to begin with. You see escorts in Denver, Kansas City, Nashville and Saint Louis, but in the Gay circles and groups.. it’s very DL and closed in. The “go go boys” and drag queens are about the only open display of “sex workers” you see in the Midwest, otherwise there’s not much acceptance from the average run of the mill gay dude. They say they’re okay with it, but they want to be okay with it on their terms: told right away, shared right away, etc. And with online, it’s hard to really be discreet much any more. Even I don’t tell them, they’re going to find a way to find out anyway. 
 

So yeah, I’m going to keep the guys around that I do have…but I’m out of the dating scene. Until I leave the biz, but I’m not rushing…I’m just going to focus on next leveling and elevating myself within the industry. Building expectation on dating right now is just a waste of time. 

[+ BenjaminNicholas]

It's shocking that so many would be uptight about getting paid for it when they keep whoring themselves out for free.

 

 

[jeezifonly]

Oh, Jarrod. Someday your prince will come. 
Maybe don’t wait until after he licks it off your tits to tell him about your work.
 

Be friends first. If he knows about your work and you enjoy hanging together, he’s either going to want to ask about more involvement or not. Don’t go to hookup apps, go to a place, not virtually but a place on a map. Where would your “boyfriend material” hang out? Start there.

You’ve chosen a line of work that takes a special partner to support. He’s out there - quit shopping online.

[Jarrod_Uncut]

1 hour ago, jeezifonly said:

Oh, Jarrod. Someday your prince will come. 
Maybe don’t wait until after he licks it off your tits to tell him about your work.
 

Be friends first. If he knows about your work and you enjoy hanging together, he’s either going to want to ask about more involvement or not. Don’t go to hookup apps, go to a place, not virtually but a place on a map. Where would your “boyfriend material” hang out? Start there.

You’ve chosen a line of work that takes a special partner to support. He’s out there - quit shopping online.

All in agreement here. Though, in the last few months I’ve not been shopping for a “Mr. Prince” because I’ve grown weary of all the frogs 🐸 and drama 🎭  

I have kinda stepped away from boyfriend searching and focused more on just having FWB, but everytime I meet these guys THEY want to initiate trying to date and be with me, and then get disappointed about my chosen line. And I keep telling them the same thing that, if we’re just casually hooking up, I don’t see any need to volunteer what I do to them. It’s like, do they volunteer when and who they are dating and hooking up with before me or (very often) while getting to know me? Fuck no. So why the fuck should I volunteer my personal business if they aren’t being 100% transparent either? (Not swearing at you, but to those guys) 
 

And the other thing: let’s talk about the guys out here in “open” relationships who don’t always reveal their status either upfront. Even if they conveniently place it in their profile, it’s not always noticeable or it may be omitted all together. I went in on 1 guy earlier today who was trying to date me: how dare he call me out for not being “honest” about my profession, when my client specifically pointed out that of the guys at the party was his “new boyfriend”. And he conveniently didn’t tell me that upfront. I told him, don’t hold me to standards you aren’t even practicing your damn self. And that he’s no better than a sex worker himself, sucking my dick moments after seeing me the 2nd time at a party.
 

Just like another guy last year who HIT ME UP, contacted ME on Grindr, and we proceeded to have mind blowing sex twice and spend the night together. But then, afterwards he started acting evasive. Keeping in contact, but not really available to meet again. I found out from my ex, that HIS ex is in a relationship with the guy. Then I see on Instagram the 2 are together. At no point was it ever mentioned.

I’m so over it though. I rather be out here doing videos and modeling than to contend with this shit. There’s not even minimum wage payment being given for working with these guys out here. 

Edited November 9, 2021 by Jarrod_Uncut

[jeezifonly]

1 hour ago, Jarrod_Uncut said:

[…]because I’ve grown weary of all the frogs 🐸 and drama 🎭 

[…….,………,…….]
I’m so over it though. I rather be out here doing videos and modeling than to contend with this shit. There’s not even minimum wage payment being given for working with these guys out here. 

[Monarchy79]

On 11/7/2021 at 3:03 AM, Jarrod_Uncut said:

Recently had a falling out with someone "new" over the fact that he felt I should have told him sooner that I'm a professional. However, he kept saying that he doesn't have a problem with it. But then he would steady compare me being a professional to be akin to cheating.

The understanding I was trying to convey: we only met on 3 occasions: 2 of those were in social functions and only 1 was 1 on 1. Personally, I do not like to reveal what I do to guys before I get to really know them. But in certain situations, people inadvertently find out, as it was in this case. 

Part of that reason is because, I experience guys being inconsiderate and disrespectful and using my position as a sex worker to justify that. Just because it involves sex with others does not mean it's okay to be dismissive, not view seriously, or be trifling when it comes down to core sex boundaries. 

That being said: it's been rough lately in the "dating" world. I say that in quote because it's not really dating, but more of just meeting guys once or twice and then having it turn into a waste of time. I almost feel like I have to choose between quitting being a provider or giving up interactions with gay dudes outside of Rentmen, in order to find a happy medium. 

You don’t owe anyone details about your profession, period. Regardless of the type of profession you’re in. 

Further, you had about 3 encounters with this guy. He’s reaching far with demanding what aspects of your life you need to disclose to him. Be very careful of people who inquire a lot of information about you. 

If you feel inclined to share “what you do”, for a living, sum it up to “independent sales consultancy”, and keep it moving. 
 

 

[Jamie21]

They should be delighted they’re getting a professional for free!  I was with a former bf one time, we had sex on Sunday morning and I jokingly said afterwards as we lay in bed that the session would have cost a client £x. 

He knew what my work was and we had an open relationship. In fact he was much more active with other guys than I was (most of my sex was work sex). However he got quite upset at my joke and for even considering that there could be any sort of transactional nature to our session.

Maybe it brought the work too close to the bedroom for him, I don’t know. I was clear with him about my work from the start and he said it was fine but I think for some people it’s very difficult indeed for them to understand how someone can have sex for money. It’s good to find out very early in a relationship if your partner is one of those people. 

[Monarchy79]

Guys in general are just idiots… The same guys who will shame a sex worker for running a professional/lucrative operation, will be in an open relationship, sitting on every random dick they can find…. For FREE… 

 

 

[Monarchy79]

One more note about revealing what you do for a living…and this goes for everyone in any profession:

When someone asks you the “what do you do”, questions in the initial phase of social interaction, examine WHY they are asking you these questions, and try to remember how judgmental, elitist, vapid and opportunistic people can be. 

When people starting asking such superficial questions, they are trying to build an image of you, to make a determination as if you’re “good enough” for them to socially interact with. A lot of people confuse professions, degrees, and other resume-building accomplishments, with CHARACTER. Don’t fall into that trap. 
 

 

 

[+ Tygerscent]

Yes… interesting topic~ 
 
 When does someone “out” their self~?🤔
 (…also for a different discussion some other time: being outed by someone else as a matter of character defamation and malicious intent/discrimination~).

  Even aside from dating, I’ve made it a policy when meeting new people or rekindling old friendships from the past to offer upfront a description of what I do for a living/profession/career…

I don’t wear a tee shirts advertising any of that or introduce all that before mentioning my name but, when it’s feeling like some body wants to go to a deeper or ongoing level of knowing me beyond “I saw that movie too”, etc, I offer that information up~
 it’s important information not only about me but, about the industry, both of which I represent~ 

 Before anyone invests more of themselves on any level than they personally want to, I want there to be the opportunity for either one of us to step away from the developing relationship~
 it’s not always the other person that chooses to step back, sometimes it’s been me~ 

 I generally only interact with my Clients~ That’s my choice… It’s a good fit for me~ My Clients are my friends and family~ 

 I’ve only tried dating a few times during my career… Twice was with Clients and once not a Client~
 All three seemed to have had the issue of “whose more important, them or my appointments with other Clients~?”. Time and who it’s dedicated to was of importance~ 

 I tend to develop long-term relationships with my Clients~ They are sincerely loving relationships… there is also a business component to it~
  I don’t see them outside of appointments because that can become confusing as to what our relationship is all about~ So, I find it important, healthy and fair to keep the boundaries clear~ 

 With both friendships and partner relationships, the common theme seems to be: “which do you value more: The relationship or Escorting?” 
 The answer is: I value and need them both~ 
 Part of that has to do with the following: 

 Im

going to be redundant here because it’s an important point: Escorting is who I’m am, much more so than what I do~ (Being an Escort/Male Geisha is “who” I am, not “what” I do).
  It’s who I am and because it’s who I am, that is my Identity~ That identity isn’t based solely on sexual intercourse with others… it’s much, much more~ I’m a medical advocate, tour guide, translator, personal advisor etc…

 The idea of someone asking me to choose between Escorting and “them” is going to always have the same answer~

 Imagine someone asking you to choose between them and your being gay or being whatever gender you identify with~
  For me, it’s not even a consideration to compromise who I am simply to satisfy the needs/casual liking of the other person who might like to be in a relationship with me to whatever degree.
 What is the quality of a relationship with somebody who likes/wants you for what/who they want you to be but, not who you are~? I can’t/won’t become someone other than who I am~  
 Like/love part (or all), of me but, as Popeye says: “I ams who I am and that’s all’s that I am”~
 
So, when I put that information out there, (allowing either one of us to step back from a developing relationship), I’m doing something out of respect for both of us. We can go deep, deep, deep or watch each other from a far… If the potential isn’t there at the moment,  we still have the opportunity to develop something later because boundaries and life change with time~ 

 We can invest the different aspects of ourselves in whatever type of relationship we develop in some way that is healthy… 

 Healthy Compatible relationships are good~ Unhealthy compatible relationships perhaps not so much~ 

 

Edited November 23, 2021 by Tygerscent

[+ Tygerscent]

On 11/19/2021 at 6:47 AM, Monarchy79 said:

One more note about revealing what you do for a living…and this goes for everyone in any profession:

When someone asks you the “what do you do”, questions in the initial phase of social interaction, examine WHY they are asking you these questions, and try to remember how judgmental, elitist, vapid and opportunistic people can be. 

When people starting asking such superficial questions, they are trying to build an image of you, to make a determination as if you’re “good enough” for them to socially interact with. A lot of people confuse professions, degrees, and other resume-building accomplishments, with CHARACTER. Don’t fall into that trap. 
 

 

 

There remains the potential discrimination of instant stigma when someone outs you like that rather than taking the time to know you~  

[+ Tygerscent]

On 11/8/2021 at 10:57 PM, jeezifonly said:

Oh, Jarrod. Someday your prince will come. 
Maybe don’t wait until after he licks it off your tits to tell him about your work.
 

Be friends first. If he knows about your work and you enjoy hanging together, he’s either going to want to ask about more involvement or not. Don’t go to hookup apps, go to a place, not virtually but a place on a map. Where would your “boyfriend material” hang out? Start there.

You’ve chosen a line of work that takes a special partner to support. He’s out there - quit shopping online.

Very true about this being one of the lines of work that takes a special person to be a partner long term, whether that be love relationship life partner or friendship partner~ 

[+ Tygerscent]

On 11/19/2021 at 6:42 AM, Monarchy79 said:

Guys in general are just idiots… The same guys who will shame a sex worker for running a professional/lucrative operation, will be in an open relationship, sitting on every random dick they can find…. For FREE… 

 

 

“Hi… I’d like you to meet my husbear~… Oh, do you know each other~?🤔”

[+ Tygerscent]

On 11/7/2021 at 9:32 AM, nycman said:

Oh, what a tangled web we weave,
when first we practise to deceive!
- Sir Walter Scott, Marmion

Not being as judgmental as that sounds. 
I understand life is complicated.
It is a lesson for all of us. 

It’s awkward when at a social event and there is a couple together, both who have hired you independent of their partner’s knowing~ Awkward, I tell you~ 

 Suddenly it’s a white elephant party, a “quietly walk away” situation. 

 People may interpret that as being dismissive or arrogant when you’re really just trying to protect your Client’s anonymity~ 
 It’s just rude to be the person that walks into a party and shouts across the room: “Hey ‘chubby-cock4beef cakes’~! I haven’t seen you on rentmen lately, how’s that cancer coming along~? …and your wife’s Alzheimer’s~?  Is your son still vacationing at Betty Ford’s or is he back on the streets again~? Still running for office~?”. 😳

Edited November 23, 2021 by Tygerscent

[Jamie21]

I met a client on a naked beach in Mykonos. He recognised me as I walked along the the edge of the water (not sure if it was my cock or my face he recognised first). He was with his husband (I was with a friend, a former client…). It was an awkward discussion at first because I didn’t like to say anything about how we knew each other as we talked. My client later messaged me to say his husband knew he’d hired me. I guess he’d sensed my reluctance to discuss much. 

[Rudynate]

On 11/7/2021 at 8:03 AM, Jarrod_Uncut said:

Exactly. And that's what I explained to this guy. Just like he has to go to work, so do I. He claims to have seen me online "available" while we were having lunch, possibly on a4a or another site. Seemed like he went snooping around and came across. That's why I can agree with @Storm4U to just lay it out early. But I did tell someone couple months ago and he cancelled me out for it. 

I told a friend yesterday, all these guys on scruff and grindr are prostitutes technically. They're all on there very often meeting and hooking up after barely knowing the person. Often meeting multiple guys in a day or week. If anything more so than a sex worker because I may see less guys than they do. Hell, this guy initiated hooking up with me at a party and sucked me off in his friend's bedroom. That's what gets me about gay dudes. They're so fucking judgmental and critical, yet they're doing the same shit in their personal life. Soon as you add money to it, they want to get all up the ass about what's right and wrong. 

 

They are not "technically" prostitutes.  You are "technically" a prostitute because you accept money for sex.  Guys who don't exchange money for sex are not "technically" prostitutes no matter how much sex they have.

[Rudynate]

On 11/16/2021 at 9:21 AM, Monarchy79 said:

 

If you feel inclined to share “what you do”, for a living, sum it up to “independent sales consultancy”, and keep it moving. 

 

A vague statement like that is a red flag that you are concealing something - you're either a dealer,   a sex worker or in multilevel marketing.
 

 

 

[+ 7829V]

10 hours ago, Tygerscent said:

Yes… interesting topic~ 
 
 When does someone “out” their self~?🤔
 (…also for a different discussion some other time: being outed by someone else as a matter of character defamation and malicious intent/discrimination~).

  Even aside from dating, I’ve made it a policy when meeting new people or rekindling old friendships from the past to offer upfront a description of what I do for a living/profession/career…

I don’t wear a tee shirts advertising any of that or introduce all that before mentioning my name but, when it’s feeling like some body wants to go to a deeper or ongoing level of knowing me beyond “I saw that movie too”, etc, I offer that information up~
 it’s important information not only about me but, about the industry, both of which I represent~ 

 Before anyone invests more of themselves on any level than they personally want to, I want there to be the opportunity for either one of us to step away from the developing relationship~
 it’s not always the other person that chooses to step back, sometimes it’s been me~ 

 I generally only interact with my Clients~ That’s my choice… It’s a good fit for me~ My Clients are my friends and family~ 

 I’ve only tried dating a few times during my career… Twice was with Clients and once not a Client~
 All three seemed to have had the issue of “whose more important, them or my appointments with other Clients~?”. Time and who it’s dedicated to was of importance~ 

 I tend to develop long-term relationships with my Clients~ They are sincerely loving relationships… there is also a business component to it~
  I don’t see them outside of appointments because that can become confusing as to what our relationship is all about~ So, I find it important, healthy and fair to keep the boundaries clear~ 

 With both friendships and partner relationships, the common theme seems to be: “which do you value more: The relationship or Escorting?” 
 The answer is: I value and need them both~ 
 Part of that has to do with the following: 

 Im

going to be redundant here because it’s an important point: Escorting is who I’m am, much more so than what I do~ (Being an Escort/Male Geisha is “who” I am, not “what” I do).
  It’s who I am and because it’s who I am, that is my Identity~ That identity isn’t based solely on sexual intercourse with others… it’s much, much more~ I’m a medical advocate, tour guide, translator, personal advisor etc…

 The idea of someone asking me to choose between Escorting and “them” is going to always have the same answer~

 Imagine someone asking you to choose between them and your being gay or being whatever gender you identify with~
  For me, it’s not even a consideration to compromise who I am simply to satisfy the needs/casual liking of the other person who might like to be in a relationship with me to whatever degree.
 What is the quality of a relationship with somebody who likes/wants you for what/who they want you to be but, not who you are~? I can’t/won’t become someone other than who I am~  
 Like/love part (or all), of me but, as Popeye says: “I ams who I am and that’s all’s that I am”~
 
So, when I put that information out there, (allowing either one of us to step back from a developing relationship), I’m doing something out of respect for both of us. We can go deep, deep, deep or watch each other from a far… If the potential isn’t there at the moment,  we still have the opportunity to develop something later because boundaries and life change with time~ 

 We can invest the different aspects of ourselves in whatever type of relationship we develop in some way that is healthy… 

 Healthy Compatible relationships are good~ Unhealthy compatible relationships perhaps not so much~ 

 

My only question is: if you have an appointment with a friend and a client wants to see you at the same time, do you cancel the appointment with your friend?