No More Rubdowns

[rustyrex]

Today I was turned down by a massage therapist that I had frequented on occasion...permanently.  No real explanation why, just that he was semi-retired and that he no longer wished to see me again.  To give you a little background, I have been his client for about 4 years on and off, always with something extra special at the end.  He has always been paid and I have always respected him, his practice and his home.  I'm totally baffled by this because I feel like we had a rapport with each other and I felt that we connected because we did chat at the end each session and we even know the same people.  I attempted to ask why, but he has blocked me. 

I know there are other therapist out there, and believe me I intend to replace him, I just wonder.....have any of you had the same experience?

[mkm556]

Maybe he had developed feelings for you and realized they would never be reciprocated so it was best to stop seeing you

[jeezifonly]

I have. It’s almost like a trusted doctor or dentist that retires, leaving you feeling vulnerable because of the personal nature of your sessions.

The business he runs cannot post a “closed” sign on a door, so all the clients who approach him will likely be be told individually, making the news seem more personal than he intended.
 

There’s a dozen different reasons he may be turning even long-time clients away. A good find for massage is rare, so your frustration is just. Try a local spa if needing immediate bodywork, and keep your eye on new ads that might catch your eye…

[Sixpack]

9 hours ago, rustyrex said:

Today I was turned down by a massage therapist that I had frequented on occasion...permanently.  No real explanation why, just that he was semi-retired and that he no longer wished to see me again.  To give you a little background, I have been his client for about 4 years on and off, always with something extra special at the end.  He has always been paid and I have always respected him, his practice and his home.  I'm totally baffled by this because I feel like we had a rapport with each other and I felt that we connected because we did chat at the end each session and we even know the same people.  I attempted to ask why, but he has blocked me. 

I know there are other therapist out there, and believe me I intend to replace him, I just wonder.....have any of you had the same experience?

 

 

you are taking this personally.  For him it is a business.  Yes it sucks for you but get over it bro

[PaulM]

It has happened to most of us.....I know it's hard not to take personally given the very nature of the "work".  I agree with @sixpact....to him this is "just business" and sometimes it's hard to remember that especially if we have a connection with the therapist.  My experience is that the best way to get over it is to jump back on a different horse.  Something similar happened to me just a few weeks ago and it stung for a few days, but you do move on and get over it.  There could be lots of contributing factors that went into  his decision.....new relationship, wanting to make a change in his life, he was getting too attached or thought you were, another job, etc......the fact is most times we will never know.  

[+ FrankR]

12 hours ago, rustyrex said:

Today I was turned down by a massage therapist that I had frequented on occasion...permanently.  No real explanation why, just that he was semi-retired and that he no longer wished to see me again.  To give you a little background, I have been his client for about 4 years on and off, always with something extra special at the end.  He has always been paid and I have always respected him, his practice and his home.  I'm totally baffled by this because I feel like we had a rapport with each other and I felt that we connected because we did chat at the end each session and we even know the same people.  I attempted to ask why, but he has blocked me. 

I know there are other therapist out there, and believe me I intend to replace him, I just wonder.....have any of you had the same experience?

It is really tough when this happens - as time goes by, the line between “professional” and “friend” tends to blur. No one’s fault - it is just the way things are. The world turns and people move on to new careers and interests.

If you could keep him around as a friend - would you? If no - wish him the best and move on. If yes - wish him the best but ask him to let you know how things go.  If he is open to the idea, go the friends route. “If you are in my neighborhood, let me know and we can meet for lunch”… 

[niceandthick]

10 hours ago, rustyrex said:

Today I was turned down by a massage therapist that I had frequented on occasion...permanently.  No real explanation why, just that he was semi-retired and that he no longer wished to see me again.  To give you a little background, I have been his client for about 4 years on and off, always with something extra special at the end.  He has always been paid and I have always respected him, his practice and his home.  I'm totally baffled by this because I feel like we had a rapport with each other and I felt that we connected because we did chat at the end each session and we even know the same people.  I attempted to ask why, but he has blocked me. 

I know there are other therapist out there, and believe me I intend to replace him, I just wonder.....have any of you had the same experience?

I had a Masseur that I was seeing regularly for years. He was a straight guy that would tease me each time showing/doing a little more each session...but we both ultimately knew it wasn't going to go "all the way there". He was catering to bi/gay cliientel and making money off of his good looks. I tipped him well and we had a good rapport. Sometimes he would even give me little gifts at the end of the session (he was also a nutritionist). We would sometime just chat via text and email.

Then one day he just ghosted his massage clients (I talked to a couple others). He has/had a constant social media presence so I know that he was still around and doing business. It seems that he just shut down the "sensual" part of his "business empire". He then resurfaced and had opened his own Crossfit/Personal training type gym. Seems that massage was just a stepping stone to greater things (much like a stripper working her way through medical school). He's moved on. I had to get over it. You do too.

[Lchnsf]

I’m a trainer not a massage therapist but in any case I develop a good relationship with my clients and even consider them friends. But like most businesses there comes a time I have to move in from my clients and the same in reverse, my clients move on from me. It’s seems like it should be easy but ultimately this is a business relationship. 
 

As I approach an age where I am thinking of retiring I am going to have to face tough decisions in letting clients go, or rather reducing my schedule so I can enjoy more time for myself. 
 

it’s not always a personal decision when a therapist moves on, maybe he developed a relationship or he shifted away from the business model. 
 

[Scott Dixon]

I've had similar things occur with massage therapists and with a couple of fitness trainers.  Very simple and clear answers when I asked "why?"  Reasons have ranged from new relationship to tired of the business to focusing on a certain niche of clientele.  I'm a freelance writer-editor and I've done the same thing with some of my clients.  Businesses change course.  

[Lohengrin1979]

If the reverse were true and you were moving on to another masseur, would you provide an explanation to your current one? Have you never hired another masseur while continuing to see this one? Despite the sensual nature of these transactions they are business and neither party owes the other anything except money paid for services rendered. 

As others have said, it sounds like this struck a personal note with you and exploring that a bit further might provide you with some insight. I’ve had masseurs move on for many reasons. Sometimes they tell me, sometimes they disappear. Either way, I wish them well and move on to the next provider, most likely muttering at the inconvenience of searching for another provider I gel with.

[+ ButchAtl]

I had one favorite provider several years ago who told me after about three years of very nice visits, that he was getting married soon (yes, a guy) and he was willing to keep seeing me, but the extra activity we enjoyed would no longer be appropriate,  he felt.   I couldn't argue with that.   But, I felt I couldn't torture myself seeing him just for the massage.