Any Advice to a 21-year-old "john"?

[Guest college kid]

I am a 21-year-old openly gay male in college. I came out when I was 15. I've been with three escorts.Soloflex KC, Roy or Ray (?) from the Gaiety, and Damian Grey.And I'm looking into booking some time with Pierre from montreal. My question to anyone: Is my indulgence in escorts a healty thing for me

to be engaging in, particularly for someone my age? My first sexual experience happened when I was 18. And the last three have all been with escorts. In total have had 4 sexual experiences. I don't think I have a problem. Altough I seem to be relying on escorts to get me off. Could you supply with some clarity?

Any insights and advice you be helpful.

 

college kid

[Guest MrB]

I was about the same when I hired for the first time, though I was not openly gay at the time. I'm guessing from the escorts you mentioned, at least yours were good experiences.

I would not worry about a thing, providing you have the means to support the lifestyle to which you have so quickly become accustomed.

You're so young, you should do whatever makes you happy.

BTW, sex for free can be fun, too. It is VERY different, give it a try... then you can still decide against it.

[Traveller]

4 sexual experiences and you're 21? Hello. Immediately begin picking up tricks on the subway, in public restrooms (scout out the ones in all parks in your city), in malls, in the college library, at the gym - in fact join 4 or 5 private gyms (if you're hiring escorts you can certainly afford that) and hang out in the steam rooms and saunas. Certainly hit at least 2 or 3 bars every night, and make sure that you have all the phone sex lines in you metropolitan area memorized. When you're not out cruising for tricks, stay glued to your computer in all relevant chat rooms. As for the escorts, in my opinion, you can never hire too many escorts. Inconceivable.

 

Later.

 

PS. Remember practice makes perfect.

[Guest allansmith63]

...Traveller, you're either frothing at the mouth, or drooling...

 

Loved your answer to him, as my Jewish grandmother used to say... oy vay and we should all have such problems??

 

A. (thanks for the chuckle) :-)

[Guest derekcoltn]

"John":

 

If you end up taking the advice of the last poster, you may find yourself spiralling into a miserable cycle of serious sex-addiction! I myself am an escort, and I have hired escorts before, too...as early as age 20! My advice? Don't waste your youth and goodlooks on pleasure with a price tag! I totally agree with the first poster: Try the real thing! You just might like it, and it will be a lot more personally flattering to have someone who is lustful for you because of you and not for your money.

 

Now, that is not to say that hiring an escort cannot be a great way to add spice, variety and intrigue to your sexual experiences! Hell, no, dude...I still like to go through the ritual and gameplay that negotiating with someone in my trade can provide, but only once in a very long while, and never as a substitute for intimacy. Learning how to develop and invest in a genuine fully-rounded relationship is one of the most rewarding and necessary parts of growing up. Years ago, gay people did not have much of a chance to do this. You should reap the benefits we have worked so hard to achieve. Now go out there and git yourself some free cock!

 

Derek Colton (San Francisco)

http://www.geocities.com/cutesfboys/derek.html

[Guest wes]

Dont, make it a habit. Birthday and Christmas would be a treat and special. Otherwise have fun with other horney guys. Was Damien Grey as goodlooking as his pics, was he fun?

[HooBoy]

>"John":

>

>I myself

>am an escort, and I

>have hired escorts before, too...as

>early as age 20!

>My advice? Don't waste

>your youth and goodlooks on

>pleasure with a price tag!

 

>Now go

>out there and git yourself

>some free cock!

 

Wow! Great advice from the gorgeous Derek Colton! I started hiring escorts when I was 25 but only when I had a fight with my lover and I would check into the fanciest hotel in town and call an agency. Because I was young and in good shape, the escort always was pleased and we had a great time and would even just "hang out" later and make movies together.

 

But, the true fact is there is nothing as wonderful as love and a relationship with someone you feel comfortable with. And you're not going to find that in an escort, I think, unless you become one yourself - and I may be wrong on this.

 

However, I will echo Derek - go get some free cock unless you're grossly fat, then spend the money on the gym and watch what you eat. In 6 months you'll have 'em crawling all over you.

 

Best wishes,

 

HooBoy

Email: HooBoy@male4malescorts.com

[Guest Nice Guy]

Ok, I'll have a shot at this.

Hoo, you were 25, I was 30... we both know what the other looks like. So the boys we hired got an added bonus.

The point of paying is true. However, that works both ways. I want hassle free good dick and use and out the door. Simple and easy. Don't forget WE pay the fee, and we pretty much control the situation. For me, like Hoo, I had a hot lover, god he was gorious, but I would get horney for something a little different. I had no time to stand around at the bars. SO, hire it was. And it has served me well for alot of years.

I understand Derek's point. You should get out and try a little on your own.. It does get just a little to easy. And gee, you might just meet the guy of your dreams. Anyway, Have fun, play safe.

NG

[Guest albinorat]

>But, the true fact is there

>is nothing as wonderful as

>love and a relationship with

>someone you feel comfortable with.

> And you're not going

>to find that in an

>escort, I think, unless you

>become one yourself - and

>I may be wrong on

>this.

>

>However, I will echo Derek -

>go get some free cock

>unless you're grossly fat, then

>spend the money on the

>gym and watch what you

>eat. In 6 months

>you'll have 'em crawling all

>over you.

>

Hoo boy I am shocked and horrified. I am going to start sending you abusive e-mails under a thousand different names!!! A *fattist* comment? Below you, dude!

 

As a life long fatty (and believe me when it comes to starving and using gyms -- not for cruising -- I am a world expert) 'taint neccessarily so. Moreover the young fellow who started the thread may not only be less attractive than the stats obsessed *gay community standard* but may have a small dick, a limited sexual rep, and problems marrying sex with intimacy.

 

I started hiring at 16. I was in New York for the summer, working and hanging out everywhere. I got laid for free a fair amount but usually not by people I was attracted to. 53rd and 3rd, various dark streets in mid-town and the piers beckoned soon enough. So I paid now and again. I had great experiences from the kind of guy you didn't meet in that pre-stonewall era in bars (or even after stonewall). Oddly enough it was the *trade* who provided affection and some caring about whether I had a good time, and most of them were not gay --or so they said. The *tricks* in bars wanted one thing only, after that they'd leave you lonely. And since I was no beauty (though that was the summer of the Stillman all protean diet and mucho water -- I never did so much peeing in my life and NEVER on anyone else!)I was usually a wallflower picked up in desperation. Not every hustler was prince charming but many were far more considerate than people met in bars or at parties and some were a lot of fun as people.

 

In my early 20's and forever after I paid when I could. I had a brief bloom (more sensible diet, working out) and knew the joy of (mostly) spontaneous sex. But some of us just don't compete well or for very long in the bar scene. Now, I have friends homlier than I who settled into rewarding monogomus relationships early. And others even homlier who refused to pay but spent (and spend) a lot of time on their knees in dark places. But I missed out on the first, and while I won't say I've never had recourse to the second it filled me after a while with disgust. Self disgust, and loathing for the shitty opportunists who wanted my mouth but not me as a person and who were too stupid to realize one day they'd be kneeling just as I was -- if they lived that long.

 

To the young fellow my advice starts with *why?* If you're a good looking young guy, reasonably well equipped, you have an issue with your sexuality which maybe you should face. It's one thing to hire now and again for fun or variety but I think it's better to look for spontaneous contact and explore intimacy. I'm all for escorts, but they will not provide the caring and ease you deserve as a person and might attract (and give) at your age and for some years there after. Someone else wondered why you'd had so few experiences -- that suggests to me you might be troubled as a gay person. Some counseling might be in order (unless you're just experimenting and may end up *the other way*).

 

You may also have an issue with reconciling intimacy with being gay. Many of us do, especially those of us from an older generation who likely internalized the homophobia of the 50's and 60's (I'd seen lots of cocks and guilt, but never encountered an openly gay and happy person until that summer when I was 16). But your generation seems to be more at ease with that and maybe you need to question why you are distancing yourself from the sort of openness and vulnerability that can only happen between two people who are trying to care for one another and create a relationship.

 

As I think others have said, while the occasional fling is fine, you can get trapped into a pattern of paying for it. That can mean sex addiction; it can also mean you are unable to be free and vulnerable with an other -- so you are (unconsciously) always shielding yourself by being in total control (as the one with the money finally is, no matter what the fantasy).

 

Of no value I'm sure, the above, but hoo-boy I am placing you on my evil list. Interdicting fat people indeed!!!!!!!

 

Al

[HooBoy]

>Of no value I'm sure, the

>above, but hoo-boy I am

>placing you on my evil

>list. Interdicting fat people indeed!!!!!!!

>Al

 

My dear Al,

 

I was not critising overweight people, I was only echoing the value that is placed on looks in the Gay world. My dearest friend probably weighs 200 pounds, but I have more fun with him than anyone because I like his brains.

 

But my advice for a 21 year old twink is that if he's a bit overweight, it might do him good to work out and watch what he eats, while first and foremost is building the inside. However, people in general are letting themselves go with respect to what they consume and it is unheathly.

 

So put me on you hate list. Mail me you hate letters. Use aliases like most cowards do. But I go on record right now that I am not Fataphobic, so you'll just be shoving negative energy on me.

 

HooBoy

Email: HooBoy@male4malescorts.com

[Guest Tampa Yankee]

college kid

 

Advice from one who missed the boat at your age...

 

Take advantage of your youth and your peers youth, have fun, lots of it, and for special occasions satisify your curiosity, fetish or whatever, with an escort. Else, the day will come, looking back from much futher down the road, you will wonder what you missed, or worse, know what you missed. Don't let life get by you!!

[Will]

You bring out the Daddy in all of us, and here's my contribution.

 

If you were my son, and were straight, and had asked me whether I thought it was a good idea for you to hire a call girl to learn first-hand about sex, I think I'd have said something like this:

 

Sexual love-making is an art. And its greatest pleasures come from skill, experience, and a genuine sense of affectionate (and fantasy-filled) fun. So for the first steps a young man takes, I think he is wise to seek the help of someone who is older and more experienced. If he can find the help for free, fine; if he has to pay for it, fine. The point is (a) that the teacher is good, (b) that the lessons are well-taught, and © that the "pupil" has a wonderful time learning them.

 

So, if you were my son, and gay, and asked me about hiring escorts to teach you the ropes, I'd have said, "Sure." And I would have helped you find the right escort and then I'd have given you the money to pay him.

 

HOWEVER:

 

You can tell the worth of a teacher in one simple way: Does he want his pupil to keep coming back for more? Or is he content ONLY when the pupil needs him no longer?

 

Therefore, the next thing I would tell my son is, yes, an older and wiser woman or man can and should teach you what you need to know about sex. But a couple of lessons ought to be all it takes. After that, you should go out and find someone with whom you are socially, spiritually, and intellectually compatible, someone with whom you can share your experiences of life. You'll want to make a relationship that encompasses sex, but is not defined by it. A relationship with an escort is defined (or confined) by your ability to pay for his sexual attentions.

 

The saint-of-this-thread, Derek Colton, says it best. He is an absolute expert in ways that most of the others who've posted here are not. Read carefully, with your heart, what he says, and then chew on it, savor it, make it your own.

 

Finally, any time you like, you can always come back here to check in. You'll find a whole lot of Daddies and Uncles waiting with open arms.

 

More life to you!

[Guest albinorat]

>>Of no value I'm sure, the

>>above, but hoo-boy I am

>>placing you on my evil

>>list. Interdicting fat people indeed!!!!!!!

>>Al

>

>My dear Al,

>

>I was not critising overweight people,

>I was only echoing the

>value that is placed on

>looks in the Gay world.

> My dearest friend probably

>weighs 200 pounds<

 

200 pounds! Those were the days!

 

 

>>

>So put me on you hate

>list. Mail me

>you hate letters. Use aliases

>like most cowards do.

>But I go on record

>right now that I am

>not Fataphobic, so you'll just

>be shoving negative energy on

>me. >

 

Now, bold type hoo-man, I was joking. I'm happy to post hate mail under this name, close to my own and in public. However, given that most *clients* are not beauties (despite those who claim to be in reviews)perhaps one should avoid put downs based on looks. Also it would be nice to see people here avoid the values of commercialized gay sex (and I don't mean for sale -- I mean the gyms, bars, resorts and other establishments that endorse and profit from empty sex based solely on type. And drive people to run from the natural aging process until they crash right smack into it -- usually leaving them curiously bereft and unprepared to LIVE -- in some cases as young as -- 35.)

 

If the young fellow who started this thread (asuming he's for real) has a self image problem I hope he gets help for it. Ultimately that's more important for some kind of OK life than how you look. Even the beauties for sale on this site will age --and will face the thinning hair, the sagging gut, the increasing butt, the crumpling face that goes with it.

 

If your only value in your own eyes is how you look reflected in the narcissitic mirror of *gay life* (where there will always be a plentiful supply of 25 year old beauties -- natural, unnatural and steroidized -- and they are held up as the ideal)you are going to be a very unhappy 50 year old, with no way to feel good about yourself.

 

He did not post about his looks. If he is over-weight, now is a good time to work at that -- at 21 you have a better chance of losing it and reversing your metabolism than later. But if that's the case with him, he should lose the weight for health reasons not to be more attractive in the twilight gay world. For no matter what, if you think you are unattractive then you will always have a problem and be over-sensitive-- no one is attractive to everybody ever, everyone ages. It would be a shame to see a young person neglecting the chance of love or at least spontaneous relations based on mutual caring because he felt insecure to the point of paralysis based on either his looks ot sexual equipment.

 

That is my concern -- I still wonder if he has a problem being gay. He says he is out, but being out means congregating with other openly gay people and not only for sex (though there's no reason he couldn't find partners among peers -- God knows, I did and tended to break mirrors and cameras just by looking into them.)

 

However I would caution him aginst careless public sex. When I was young and 200 pounds was an attainable goal or even not yet attained, there was a lot of activity in NY -- every other subway stop had a *tea room*, there were the trucks, my God, were there! -- and the area around Times Square was 24 hour opportunity, much selling, much cruising (and sometimes confusing as to who was doing what) but without the drug abuse, excess alcaholism, drug selling that was epidemic when Giuliani closed it all down in the early 90's. Unless I'm wearing my rhine stone dark glasses there wasn't even much mugging back then -- some -- but not as vicious or so organized. There WERE cops, some wanted head (I had some fair Irish hunks in uniform --Mon dieu! -- one even let me handcuff him in his squad car and moaned and shook! I was maybe 17 then and for a while wanted to go to the Police Academy just to have more opportunities -- but I was informed it wasn't all giving blow jobs to Irish hunks in handcuffs, one had to arrest people and do paper work too!).

 

Nowadays, in New York there is a lot less street action, and what there is is more dangerous. I'm not aware of any tea rooms. Too many of the places where there is street cruising and public sex overlap with drug selling which can bring violence and the police. And of course there are a multitude of STDs. They were less virulent back when and there was no AIDS.

 

Around the country, while I'm told of mall bathrooms here, and truck stops, there, and cruising strips around the cornor, I am also told that there are muggers, gay bashers and vice cops targeting those areas and unless one can take care of oneself or run real fast there are risks (in a car of having the car impounded along with one's ass for the night).

 

I bet the young fellow has groups at school which will provide him not only with friends of the same age but advice about where to go for safe encounters. And meanwhile if he's got the funds he should pay in good health and have fun -- but maybe think a little about why and how often.

 

Al

[Guest allansmith63]

Will, you may call Derek the saint-of-this-thread, but I will call you the sage-of-this-thread. Where were your incredible words of wisdom when I was trying out my wings? I sadly needed the advice you provide here for "John". (Like it, NG?) With advice like this, my life would be on a different path.

 

A.

[Will]

Dear Allan, your kind words touch me deeply. I don't feel in the least bit lacking in my sense of humor, but some things just aren't laughable. In fact, I confess that from time to time on this site the lemming-like plunge into irony so characteristic of gay men running from the pain of their lives makes me both depressed and irritable. It is therefore a little miraculous, certainly graceful, when someone like our college student writes with candor, openness, and trust. I think he deserves to be answered with candor, openness, and trustworthiness. I was just following Derek Colton's lead, but also TY's and some others.

 

Just this evening, not a half-hour ago, I attended a lecture by Kevin Jennings, the National Chairman of GLSEN (Gay & Lesbian Students Educational Network), who told us that a gay teenager in this country tries to commit suicide every 35 minutes. Every 5-1/2 hours, one of them succeeds. Today, October 4, 2000, at least ten gay teenagers in this country have attempted suicide since I got home from work and, what is worse, one of them has gone through with it. To me, that's not funny and it's not the stuff of irony and it's not a fact that makes me want to wise-crack at a 21-year-old who asks older gay men for help. It's not funny because I know what it feels like. I was one of those statistics, too. Fortunately I was in the one in 35 minutes group rather than the one in 5-1/2 hours group. Fortunately for our young man, he's been out, is hiring escorts, and doesn't sound like a candidate for offing himself.

 

As for those of us who are further along, I try to remind myself that no road is without its unexpected vistas, its places to stop and rest, its intersections with other roads. We may have made all the wrong choices once -- I know that I did -- and that set us out in a way that maybe we'd change. But we don't have to stay on that road. Right around the corner is a choice.

 

More life to you, too!

[Guest CTMUSH]

Will, I don't know, I've never met you, and unfortunately I probably never will, but with all sincerety thank you for your wise words. I wish I had had a friend with such remarkable insight. We are all very lucky, because we have you here!!!

[Will]

Thank you, Mush. Over the months since I've been visiting this site, I've begun to think of it as a "place" where I meet my friends. I have gay friends where I live; but without exception they are either paired off or still doing the bars and clubs. In any case, there's a lot of affection but not much closeness between them and me. I don't know why that is; it just is. So for this kind of talk I really don't have any minds occupying visible bodies in the same space as mine. That's why I've also begun to think often, every day, in fact, about a lot of the men who post here regularly. And I, at least, would be happy to attend a HooBoy convention -- a HooBoy's HooBodies Hoedown? -- so that we could actually meet face to face. Even if that isn't possible, your words will keep me warm as I go through this cool and rainy autumn day. And I'll be thinking of you with affection.

[Guest Tampa Yankee]

> And I, at

>least, would be happy to

>attend a HooBoy convention --

>a HooBoy's HooBodies Hoedown? --

>so that we could actually

>meet face to face.

 

Let him go forth to set the time and place...

[Guest MrB]

LAST EDITED ON Oct-05-00 AT 02:12PM (EST)[p]Agreed. Now wouldn't that be special? Let's make it a fund raiser for the site as well, what do you think, Hoo?