saying hello when you see an escort out socially

[Ichabod]

This has happened to me a few times. Twice, in gay bookstores, I ran into providers I had hired, and it was fine. Those were spaces where it seemed normal to have a brief and friendly conversation. I don't even remember whether I initiated the conversations or they did.

[Fcfs]

I am out for a drink with my partner and I see across the bar a young actor I meet regularly having a drink with a friend. Eye contact, grin, join us, ended up having a nice evening all four of us. We all knew, said nothing. Very civilised. 😆

Edited September 5, 2021 by Fcfs

[Guest]

On 6/11/2021 at 7:34 PM, asdsrfr said:

The other night I saw college aged escort out studying alone in a coffee shop. I was walking by and went into say a brief hello. I think it made him uncomfortable since he messaged me later asking my to keep our encounters private(I just said hello-how was school, etc--nothing about our encounters). He felt self conscious that the whole coffee shop had seen us talking briefly and he studies there often. This is someone who is a great guy but also not shy about posting provocative pics on his instagram and only fans. I apologized and said I would not greet him again out in the community.

I realize all individuals are different but I know other escorts that would be unhappy if I ran into them in a bar and didn't say hello (and maybe buy them a drink).

Is there an unwritten etiquette that should be followed? 

I have to say that as a client I felt a little put off that an escort would be horrified that an older guy said a brief hello in a coffee shop but I understand escorts are also dealing with their own issues.

I agree that in the coffee shop, especially if it were frequented  by other college students, one couldn't entirely assume he didn't know anyone there, but it is a gray area. It's not quite as obvious as an escort who's obviously with someone, for sure. I can't say I might not have made the same mistake. Of course, if he has provocative pictures on Instagram and OnlyFans, it's not going to be long before lots of people put 2 and 2 together, though they may not directly ask him about this. So not a big faux pas, in my view. Live and learn. 

[jeezifonly]

I did once see a provider I knew at a craft store, geeking out in the yarn aisle with his mom. I don’t think he even saw me, but it does explain the argyle jockstrap.

[Talented]

When I was an escort, if I were alone, I would have no problem if someone who hired me wanted to say hi. With someone else it might be a different story. I remember I was on a date with a guy and didn’t disclose my profession. Saw a guy who had hired me and he came up to me and we spoke briefly. When the guy I was dating asked me who that was, I lied and said he was my neighbor. Don’t remember if it seemed like he believed me or not. I remember a bunch of married “straight” men who hired me specifically instructed me that if I ever see them with their wives and/or kids to pretend like we don’t know one another. 

[+ BritSD]

I saw a guy I hired once. I hid around corner until he passed with his partner. Awkward AF for me

 

[+ KensingtonHomo]

In general, I would not approach someone I hired. Perhaps if we were both alone. 
 

There are a couple of guys here in Brooklyn who I have the potential to run into. One of them is a local artist and we have tons of Insta followers in common. I’d let him make the first move. 
 

Another has literally DM’d me on Insta has asked if me and my husband would be at a show he was going to and encouraged us to say “hi” if we run Into him. He’s totally open about his work. And we’re close in age so it wouldn’t seem odd if we were talking. 

[monstam]

On 10/5/2021 at 11:12 PM, KensingtonHomo said:

He’s totally open about his work

This story is so totally Brooklyn, I love it.

There is a vibrant community of sex workers in Brooklyn, who are definitely of a particular flavor but don't get posted as much about here, for whatever reason. One guy I hired in Manhattan turned out to be friends with several mutual old friends who lived in Brooklyn—once we made the connection being at the same party, we chatted about it and he told me he was cool with us "hanging socially." I was pretty flattered and thought it seemed like not the typical experience with 'the biz,' an we ended out being sort of going out friends occasionally, and a number of his friends were SWs and masseurs. We did end up sleeping together a couple of times during that period, which was a great confidence booster.

Once I was on the gay beach in Brooklyn with some friends and a masseur I've gone to many times, who is smoking hot and hung as fuck, arrived with his boyfriend and another friend. All three were muscled and hairy and stripped to tiny speedos, so of course half the beach had their eyes glued. I notice the masseur sees me out of the corner of his eye. My friends are like, ooh who are these fine-ass trade, I say nothing.

Of course my friends are like, let's go down to the water and check out these hot boys on the way...I'm sweating as we pass them, masseur guy looks right at me and we both just smile and I'm like "gurgleblagh Heyyyy, how are you?" and I almost blurt out his masseur name, which I know is not his real name, but i also don't know his real name and am clearly panicking.

Good, good to see you! he says, so sweet, and i'm like yeahyoutoo okaybaiii run away run away, and my friends are all looking at me like, okay what the fuck?

We walk down to the water and my friends are like "gurl okay what the fuck? who is that how do you know him, damn?!" and in a reflexive way I concocted some story on the spot, like I had met him at an underwear party and somehow managed to sucked his dick (a lie should contain a grain of truth, I guess?) but I had totally forgotten his name and was therefore embarrassed. The thing is I could have said anything plausible and more simple, like he was a friend's roomate or literally anything normal, but I for some reason I had to invent some slutty party where I boast about servicing hairy Middle eastern trade. He continued to grin at me from afar occasionally, but we didn't actually chat or socialize, which was better for my nerves in that context. 

[Jamie21]

I was on a beach in Mykonos. I’d gone there for a week’s break with a friend (who actually is a former client lol). Anyway we were walking along the beach to find some available sun beds in the gay section of the beach. I had tiny pink Aussiebums on at that point.

We find some nice beds in a convenient location to watch and be seen lol. So I lay back and check my phone for messages (I really shouldn’t take it to the beach but am sort of addicted…). There’s a WhatsApp message from a client. I’m guessing he wants to book…so I open it and it says “did I just see you walk past on Elia beach?”.  It’s from a guy I visited as an outcall about a year previously. He must have recognised me. Fortunately I remembered him (as it was an unusual visit to his house, I don’t do many outcalls). I replied “yes it’s me!, come over and say hello”. Apparently he’s with his partner just a few beds away from us. I’m open about what I do and the guy I was with knows obviously given he used to hire me but I wasn’t sure if my clients partner knew he’d hired me. He replies suggesting we meet at the waters edge as he’s going in the sea so I removed the Aussiebums (it’s naked optional) and went down to say hello. Turns out his partner does know so on the way back up after swimming I say hi to his partner too. It was a lovely encounter and I’m glad my client felt comfortable to say hello to me.

Amazing that you can be hundreds of miles away from your work area and come across clients randomly, although I guess as it’s a gay beach on Mykonos that does narrow down the odds lol. 

[Rod Hagen]

8 hours ago, Jamie21 said:

Amazing that you can be hundreds of miles away from your work area and come across clients randomly, although I guess as it’s a gay beach on Mykonos that does narrow down the odds lol. 

Fun story, even without the hoped-for foursome in a semi-private nearby cove :-)

Edited October 27, 2021 by Rod Hagen

[Jamie21]

2 hours ago, Rod Hagen said:

Fun story, even without the hoped-for foursome in a semi-private nearby cove 🙂

Ha ha yes, wishful thinking. There was quite a lot of activity in the cliffs above the beach. I may have participated in some of that 😉

[+ Tygerscent]

This is a really great topic… My point of you and practices have changed over the course of 20 some years. Most of my Clients are straight identifying with families and careers that might be impacted if we were to meet in public and openly acknowledge some relationship together.  Due to my career in the adult industry, my involvement in politics, the public and community for fundraising events etc., it’s easy to find me on the Internet and people do recognize me in random places like cafés, restaurants, airports, theaters etc. This can take place even in different countries.

i’ve been open about who I am to my Family and Friends but, also understand that who I am may also impact their lives on various levels. So, I respond accordingly to what is appropriate for us~ 

 When I see somebody that I know or recognize, I may not be by myself.  I may be with another client that precise time who would not be comfortable with me acknowledging this other Client I’m randomly seeing in public while with him/her. 
 Hire situation’s are not always clear cut or predictable. There have been instances where a couple is married or have been partnered for 20 some odd years. Without disclosing to each other, each has hired me privately on different occasions and perhaps numerous times ongoing. It is absolutely inappropriate for me to “out” them but, that is precisely what can happen if I acknowledge either one of them in public. My public that could be walking around in some city or at a party or a restaurant or a theater… Instead, I will take some personal moment later to send that person a text and say how happy I was to see them but explain that I was maybe with somebody else and unable to chat with them at that time. I think that there are communities where concerns like that may not be a greater concern. Some social circles, couples and cultures are a bit more open about things but, I have to be careful because I’m still obligated to protect the people who don’t have that aspect of being out about everything in their personal life .

 My particular style is to establish what degree of privacy and anonymity any given Client requires~
 There are Clients I have spent holidays with, attended family weddings and reunions with… I’ve gone with them to high school reunions and more… Eating dinner with their families and friends… Picnics and parties and stuff. Sometimes everybody knows who I am and what I’m doing there and other times I am simply a friend, acquaintance, travel companion~ 
Add times I’m with people who are trying to get thru medical school, applying for jobs, waiting for their spouses, (male or female). Those people can be Clients or Service Providers~ 

 It is not my place to decide what degree of anonymity‘s is right for my Clients or other Service Providers. It is my obligation and honor to respect whatever that is.

[HotWhiteThirties]

29 minutes ago, Tygerscent said:

This is a really great topic… My point of you and practices have changed over the course of 20 some years. Most of my Clients are straight identifying with families and careers that might be impacted if we were to meet in public and openly acknowledge some relationship together.  Due to my career in the adult industry, my involvement in politics, the public and community for fundraising events etc., it’s easy to find me on the Internet and people do recognize me in random places like cafés, restaurants, airports, theaters etc. This can take place even in different countries.

i’ve been open about who I am to my Family and Friends but, also understand that who I am may also impact their lives on various levels. So, I respond accordingly to what is appropriate for us~ 

 When I see somebody that I know or recognize, I may not be by myself.  I may be with another client that precise time who would not be comfortable with me acknowledging this other Client I’m randomly seeing in public while with him/her. 
 Hire situation’s are not always clear cut or predictable. There have been instances where a couple is married or have been partnered for 20 some odd years. Without disclosing to each other, each has hired me privately on different occasions and perhaps numerous times ongoing. It is absolutely inappropriate for me to “out” them but, that is precisely what can happen if I acknowledge either one of them in public. My public that could be walking around in some city or at a party or a restaurant or a theater… Instead, I will take some personal moment later to send that person a text and say how happy I was to see them but explain that I was maybe with somebody else and unable to chat with them at that time. I think that there are communities where concerns like that may not be a greater concern. Some social circles, couples and cultures are a bit more open about things but, I have to be careful because I’m still obligated to protect the people who don’t have that aspect of being out about everything in their personal life .

 My particular style is to establish what degree of privacy and anonymity any given Client requires~
 There are Clients I have spent holidays with, attended family weddings and reunions with… I’ve gone with them to high school reunions and more… Eating dinner with their families and friends… Picnics and parties and stuff. Sometimes everybody knows who I am and what I’m doing there and other times I am simply a friend, acquaintance, travel companion~ 
Add times I’m with people who are trying to get thru medical school, applying for jobs, waiting for their spouses, (male or female). Those people can be Clients or Service Providers~ 

 It is not my place to decide what degree of anonymity‘s is right for my Clients or other Service Providers. It is my obligation and honor to respect whatever that is.

Exactly. So well said. Thank you, sir. 

[+ Tygerscent]

On 10/27/2021 at 9:26 AM, Rod Hagen said:

Fun story, even without the hoped-for foursome in a semi-private nearby cove 🙂

And I’ve had random people ask me for autographs in the airport and in Chicago, for whatever reason, I seem to of had a Following there for a number of years and on numerous occasions people would see me on the street and then turn around and follow me. One time I was on the phone talking to my brother and I noted that this guy was walking behind me who had just passed me. I turned around and looked at him and I waved and kept walking and continue talking to my brother. We came to a stoplight and he was still behind me. I cross the street in a different direction and he hesitated  when I turned around to look again, he waved at me… So, I walked back to him and I said “do I know you~? Can I help you with something~?” He asked me if I was Tyger the Porn Star. Acknowledge that I was and then he asked me if I would sign his shirt. So, I did that.
  Another time I was with a client in Las Vegas and we were at a mystery murder dinner show. During the show you’re allowed to communicate together on Facebook exchange clues and all of that. It was super fun and we were enjoying the murder mystery theater as well as some delicious food. At some point, people in the show singled out a number of people in the audience, one of them was me. I think the idea is to create a little suspicion and suspense to those who are having dinner there by making it uncertain who is actually a guest and who is actually part of the theater. At one point, they’re asking me increasingly personal questions and I’m trying to answer politely when suddenly, my client tugs on my shirts and points to the monitors around the room. There’s pictures of me dressed in leather half naked up there on 8’ monitors. The people in the theater are asking me if I’m a porn star. They were able to see that because I had connected with the mystery theater on Facebook to look for clues.  I was so embarrassed. My Client was really good about it and was laughing. I suppose it could’ve gone a different way but, we were both fortunate and lucky. I think initially a lot of people in the audience thought that I was a plant and part of the theater performance but, people started looking me up on the internet of their own accord and realized I really was a porn star and you should’ve seen the face of change~ 😳😬🙊🤷‍♂️😛🥰❤️ 
It was kind of a glorious moment. I will never forget it.

 At the end of the mystery theater program, they awarded me with Small trophy for best supporting actor/actress in a non-supporting role~ 🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🥰❤️

[Islesguy]

On 11/3/2021 at 12:49 AM, Tygerscent said:

And I’ve had random people ask me for autographs in the airport and in Chicago, for whatever reason, I seem to of had a Following there for a number of years and on numerous occasions people would see me on the street and then turn around and follow me. One time I was on the phone talking to my brother and I noted that this guy was walking behind me who had just passed me. I turned around and looked at him and I waved and kept walking and continue talking to my brother. We came to a stoplight and he was still behind me. I cross the street in a different direction and he hesitated  when I turned around to look again, he waved at me… So, I walked back to him and I said “do I know you~? Can I help you with something~?” He asked me if I was Tyger the Porn Star. Acknowledge that I was and then he asked me if I would sign his shirt. So, I did that.
  Another time I was with a client in Las Vegas and we were at a mystery murder dinner show. During the show you’re allowed to communicate together on Facebook exchange clues and all of that. It was super fun and we were enjoying the murder mystery theater as well as some delicious food. At some point, people in the show singled out a number of people in the audience, one of them was me. I think the idea is to create a little suspicion and suspense to those who are having dinner there by making it uncertain who is actually a guest and who is actually part of the theater. At one point, they’re asking me increasingly personal questions and I’m trying to answer politely when suddenly, my client tugs on my shirts and points to the monitors around the room. There’s pictures of me dressed in leather half naked up there on 8’ monitors. The people in the theater are asking me if I’m a porn star. They were able to see that because I had connected with the mystery theater on Facebook to look for clues.  I was so embarrassed. My Client was really good about it and was laughing. I suppose it could’ve gone a different way but, we were both fortunate and lucky. I think initially a lot of people in the audience thought that I was a plant and part of the theater performance but, people started looking me up on the internet of their own accord and realized I really was a porn star and you should’ve seen the face of change~ 😳😬🙊🤷‍♂️😛🥰❤️ 
It was kind of a glorious moment. I will never forget it.

 At the end of the mystery theater program, they awarded me with Small trophy for best supporting actor/actress in a non-supporting role~ 🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🥰❤️

I had something similar happen to me when I hired a well known porn star. On a couple of occasions when we were walking around outside, he got recognized and while no one came up to him, they did shout out to him. They didn't seem to care I was on his arm.

I got recognized one time. In college, I performed in a children's play. A couple days after the show opened, I was in a store and an elementary school-aged girl came up to me to ask if I was in the show she just saw. I told her I was and she seemed so excited to meet me. I will probably never have that experience again, but it sure felt great.

[marylander1940]

On 6/11/2021 at 1:34 PM, asdsrfr said:

The other night I saw college aged escort out studying alone in a coffee shop. I was walking by and went into say a brief hello. I think it made him uncomfortable since he messaged me later asking my to keep our encounters private(I just said hello-how was school, etc--nothing about our encounters). He felt self conscious that the whole coffee shop had seen us talking briefly and he studies there often. This is someone who is a great guy but also not shy about posting provocative pics on his instagram and only fans. I apologized and said I would not greet him again out in the community.

I realize all individuals are different but I know other escorts that would be unhappy if I ran into them in a bar and didn't say hello (and maybe buy them a drink).

Is there an unwritten etiquette that should be followed? 

I have to say that as a client I felt a little put off that an escort would be horrified that an older guy said a brief hello in a coffee shop but I understand escorts are also dealing with their own issues.

He seemed embarrassed by something as innocent as saying hi... 

Does he show his face in his ad?

If I was you I would move on and hire someone else who's not ashamed of an older neighbor, acquaintance, etc. saying "hi" to him in public.  

[marylander1940]

On 6/11/2021 at 1:51 PM, nycman said:

I wouldn’t approach an escort in public and I wouldn’t be pleased if they approached me.

You never know who else is around and what the other person is dealing with in that moment.

A smile and a nod is more than enough "public" recognition.

I don’t get upset if they don’t even acknowledge me that much. They may see it as inviting closer contact which may be unwanted at that moment. Don’t take it personally. It’s a business relationship. Nothing more.

Also, don’t forget that in general these are young men with little social experience. Sometimes they get caught flat footed and haven’t planned on how to deal with this unexpected situation ahead of time. Thus panic sets in and they may be unable to socially adapt as quickly as you or me.

it's more than just a business relationship...

The OP certainly felt like a pariah because of how the escort reacted. 

I understand escorts not saying "hi" first if they see a client with others and leaving it to him to do it or not. The escort even took time to text the client and ask him NOT to engage in public because he doesn't want to be seen talking to him in public and that sounds like too much attitude. 

obviously in the south or other areas where clients are more likely to be closeted other rules might apply. 

[marylander1940]

On 6/18/2021 at 7:45 AM, SCMass said:

I hired in a city while visiting friends (I was in a hotel solo, had a free night and an excellent time). Very shortly thereafter he was a "suggested friend" on a social media site with about 12 mutual friends from that city. Turns out the provider had gone to college with a lot of my friends.  Didn't friend and had time to figure out what to do if we crossed paths socially (which hasn't happened yet).

Lifetime and Hallmark could make a movie based on your real life plot. Thank you for sharing it! 

[+ Tygerscent]

19 hours ago, Islesguy said:

I had something similar happen to me when I hired a well known porn star. On a couple of occasions when we were walking around outside, he got recognized and while no one came up to him, they did shout out to him. They didn't seem to care I was on his arm.

I got recognized one time. In college, I performed in a children's play. A couple days after the show opened, I was in a store and an elementary school-aged girl came up to me to ask if I was in the show she just saw. I told her I was and she seemed so excited to meet me. I will probably never have that experience again, but it sure felt great.

These moments have their place and meaning for us but ultimately: 

Edited November 15, 2021 by Tygerscent

[Islesguy]

1 hour ago, Tygerscent said:

These moments have their place and meaning for us but ultimately: 

Your graphic makes an excellent point. If everyone could do that, there would be a lot less people mental health issues. Unfortunately, things don't always work that way, but the sentiment is a valid one.

[+ Tygerscent]

5 hours ago, Islesguy said:

Your graphic makes an excellent point. If everyone could do that, there would be a lot less people mental health issues. Unfortunately, things don't always work that way, but the sentiment is a valid one.

I think the graphic does have a positive point but, I think it is out of context  here in this thread~ I was in error to post it here and at this time~ I put my apology forward where appropriate and whomever might be offended or confused by the graphic~ 

I don’t know if there would be less mental health issues~ Mental health issues go beyond feeling a need to gain affirmation from others to be happy~ I’m not sure that constitutes an issue in mental health ~ 

 Your response is compelling and I am inspired to think about it~ 

 Thank you for inspiring me Islesguy~!

Edited November 15, 2021 by Tygerscent

[JSchorr]

This has only happened to me a couple of times but when it did, I just ignored the escort, looked away or maybe had a weak smile on my face as he walked by.  Later I texted and acknowledged the encounter and said that I hoped they were well, etc. but didn't want to embarrass them.  They seemed to appreciate it.

[+ DynamicUno]

Several years ago I an escort I had hired previously with an acquantance at dinner party at a mutual friend's house.  They were together as a date.  It was clear he recognized me when he came in, and maybe seemed a bit concerned how I'd act.  I made it a point to say hello to my acquaintance and let him introduce his companion, made some "nice to meet you, have I seen you around before" noises, and then promptly excused myself to refresh my drink and left them alone.  He seemed much more at ease and I made sure to pick a seat apart from them when it was time to eat.  He sent me a text a little after the party thanking me for being discreet.

Edited August 26, 2022 by DynamicUno

[Rudynate]

On 11/2/2021 at 8:42 PM, Tygerscent said:

This is a really great topic… My point of you and practices have changed over the course of 20 some years. Most of my Clients are straight identifying with families and careers that might be impacted if we were to meet in public and openly acknowledge some relationship together.  Due to my career in the adult industry, my involvement in politics, the public and community for fundraising events etc., it’s easy to find me on the Internet and people do recognize me in random places like cafés, restaurants, airports, theaters etc. This can take place even in different countries.

i’ve been open about who I am to my Family and Friends but, also understand that who I am may also impact their lives on various levels. So, I respond accordingly to what is appropriate for us~ 

 When I see somebody that I know or recognize, I may not be by myself.  I may be with another client that precise time who would not be comfortable with me acknowledging this other Client I’m randomly seeing in public while with him/her. 
 Hire situation’s are not always clear cut or predictable. There have been instances where a couple is married or have been partnered for 20 some odd years. Without disclosing to each other, each has hired me privately on different occasions and perhaps numerous times ongoing. It is absolutely inappropriate for me to “out” them but, that is precisely what can happen if I acknowledge either one of them in public. My public that could be walking around in some city or at a party or a restaurant or a theater… Instead, I will take some personal moment later to send that person a text and say how happy I was to see them but explain that I was maybe with somebody else and unable to chat with them at that time. I think that there are communities where concerns like that may not be a greater concern. Some social circles, couples and cultures are a bit more open about things but, I have to be careful because I’m still obligated to protect the people who don’t have that aspect of being out about everything in their personal life .

 My particular style is to establish what degree of privacy and anonymity any given Client requires~
 There are Clients I have spent holidays with, attended family weddings and reunions with… I’ve gone with them to high school reunions and more… Eating dinner with their families and friends… Picnics and parties and stuff. Sometimes everybody knows who I am and what I’m doing there and other times I am simply a friend, acquaintance, travel companion~ 
Add times I’m with people who are trying to get thru medical school, applying for jobs, waiting for their spouses, (male or female). Those people can be Clients or Service Providers~ 

 It is not my place to decide what degree of anonymity‘s is right for my Clients or other Service Providers. It is my obligation and honor to respect whatever that is.

Tyger and I have spent time together.  He told me that he saw me walking in the Castro with my husband  - I didn't even know it - he was very discreet and stayed completely away.

[CJK]

I have been on both sides of this, with good and bad outcomes. As adults, we should be able to read the room and do what is right for the particular situation, keeping in mind to always err on the side of not embarrassing anyone.

In the late eighties I had a friend who filmed and sold gay wrestling videos. He invited me to watch filming one night. One of the performers did not show. Long story short, I wound up in a singlet and ultimately pounding the guy who lost, all recorded. This was before porn was all over the internet. I wound up doing a second video a month or so later and a staged erotic fight in a bar which was also recorded. Fast forward a year. My friend had a web site where the videos could be purchased, previewed or PPV'ed. I was recognized twice in public.

The first time was on a crowded night at the Heretic. The kid who recognized me was in college. He put his hand on me and said the name of the video. It surprised me and I had a quick negative reaction. He apologized and said he watched my scene over and over. Flattered, I wound up bringing him home with me that night. His saying something when he saw me alone and shirtless in an Atlanta cruise bar was appropriate. (At the time, the Heretic had two nights a week where men would openly have sex in the back of the bar. Hundreds of men would pack the place.)

The second time I was in Harris Teeter with me toddler niece. She was in my shopping cart. Some guy walked up telling me he recognized me and asking very explicit questions about the video. Very inappropriate to discuss this in front of my niece.

A few years ago I was in Montreal for work. My first night there I toured strip bars and wound up getting very up close and personal with a dancer in the back room at Taboo. (I think that was the name - a dive bar across the street from a subway station.) The next night I went to the casino with a coworker and some customers. Of course, the dancer was there with some friends. We actually sat at the same table game for awhile but recognition would have been inappropriate. Later when I went to the men's room he was at the sink. We were the only two in the men's room so it was appropriate to acknowledge each other. He thanked me for not saying anything in front of his friends and I thanked him for the same. 

Seriously, common sense should guide anyone who finds himself in this predicament.