saying hello when you see an escort out socially

[asdsrfr]

The other night I saw college aged escort out studying alone in a coffee shop. I was walking by and went into say a brief hello. I think it made him uncomfortable since he messaged me later asking my to keep our encounters private(I just said hello-how was school, etc--nothing about our encounters). He felt self conscious that the whole coffee shop had seen us talking briefly and he studies there often. This is someone who is a great guy but also not shy about posting provocative pics on his instagram and only fans. I apologized and said I would not greet him again out in the community.

I realize all individuals are different but I know other escorts that would be unhappy if I ran into them in a bar and didn't say hello (and maybe buy them a drink).

Is there an unwritten etiquette that should be followed? 

I have to say that as a client I felt a little put off that an escort would be horrified that an older guy said a brief hello in a coffee shop but I understand escorts are also dealing with their own issues.

[+ nycman]

I wouldn’t approach an escort in public and I wouldn’t be pleased if they approached me.

You never know who else is around and what the other person is dealing with in that moment.

A smile and a nod is more than enough "public" recognition.

I don’t get upset if they don’t even acknowledge me that much. They may see it as inviting closer contact which may be unwanted at that moment. Don’t take it personally. It’s a business relationship. Nothing more.

Also, don’t forget that in general these are young men with little social experience. Sometimes they get caught flat footed and haven’t planned on how to deal with this unexpected situation ahead of time. Thus panic sets in and they may be unable to socially adapt as quickly as you or me.

[+ poolboy48220]

Agree with @nycman.  I don't do anything more than make eye contact, and try to read their cues as to whether it's okay to greet them or go further.

[HotWhiteThirties]

I think it's best to use this rule:

If you've only met in private, only greet in private. If you've met in public, then greet in public.

I think you perhaps assumed his outlook on the greeting would mirror your own. I think it best to err in assuming he would want to keep what was private anonymous as well. I know I expect that from a provider. Unless you are told explicitly otherwise, to assume something to the contrary is in my view presumptive. To assuage your feelings that you should acknowledge him or anyone else in the future, you can instead walk by about your business and send a private text later. Perhaps then he might give permission to greet in public. I think this is an approach that respects his space and also your desire to say, "Hello."

Edited June 11, 2021 by HotWhiteThirties

[asdsrfr]

1 hour ago, nycman said:

I wouldn’t approach an escort in public and I wouldn’t be pleased if they approached me.

You never know who else is around and what the other person is dealing with in that moment.

A smile and a nod is more than enough "public" recognition.

I don’t get upset if they don’t even acknowledge me that much. They may see it as inviting closer contact which may be unwanted at that moment. Don’t take it personally. It’s a business relationship. Nothing more.

Also, don’t forget that in general these are young men with little social experience. Sometimes they get caught flat footed and haven’t planned on how to deal with this unexpected situation ahead of time. Thus panic sets in and they may be unable to socially adapt as quickly as you or me.

I agree that discretion works both ways. I would not be thrilled if I was out with a group of friends or work colleagues and a young man came up to say hello and then I had to answer the obvious questions of "who was that?" In this case the individual was sitting alone but I learned my lesson. From now on discretion both ways!

[down_to_business]

I would also not approach an escort I have met in a public situation.  I would probably do something like give him a brief nod or wink if we managed to make eye contact and leave it at that.

On a related note I recall how terribly uncomfortable I was when an escort from NYC I was with in another state ran into someone he knew socially while we were together and that person started a conversation with him.

[Jamie21]

I wouldn’t welcome being approached in public. Just a nod and eye contact is ok but if a client started a discussion with me I’d feel quite awkward and monosyllabic. I’d be anxious about where the conversation was going. Fortunately it’s never happened. 
I’m not embarrassed by what I do, I discuss my work with friends who are understanding but unfortunately not everyone is open minded and tolerant so I’m careful about who knows what I do. I think it’s important to keep client confidentiality so I’d never even acknowledge a client if I saw them in a non work context. I’ve even seen clients at sex parties I’ve attended and not given any indication to anyone that they were a client so I’d expect the same courtesy back. 
Discretion is the most important quality of a good escort and one that escorts appreciate from clients too.

 

[liubit]

Some time ago, while I was having lunch with friends at a restaurant, I spotted a young escort (19-20) with whom I had had a very hot session the day before. He was sitting a few tables away with an older couple, and they were finishing their meal. As they walked past my table on their way out he looked at me intensely and I saw in his beautiful eyes that he was terrified that I might make a move. Reading him, I refrained from even batting an eye. He later texted me to thank me: the older couple were his parents, who had no clue about his extra curricular activities. He said it would have been awkward for him to explain who “his old gentleman friend” was. I was happy I followed my instincts and his cue: we had many torrid sessions after this accidental encounter. 

[Guest Justin7402]

I've had a couple guys I've met with before approach me in a club, which I didn't mind, but at a dinner or out with friends would be a different situation

[+ Ace]

Jamie21 said it all in the last line of his post: 

Discretion is the most important quality of a good escort and one that escorts appreciate from clients too.

 

[CalTec]

On 6/12/2021 at 4:22 AM, liubit said:

Some time ago, while I was having lunch with friends at a restaurant, I spotted a young escort (19-20) with whom I had had a very hot session the day before. He was sitting a few tables away with an older couple, and they were finishing their meal. As they walked past my table on their way out he looked at me intensely and I saw in his beautiful eyes that he was terrified that I might make a move. Reading him, I refrained from even batting an eye. He later texted me to thank me: the older couple were his parents, who had no clue about his extra curricular activities. He said it would have been awkward for him to explain who “his old gentleman friend” was. I was happy I followed my instincts and his cue: we had many torrid sessions after this accidental encounter. 

This 100%.  We don't know who might be with the escort/client, who they may be waiting for or who is around that is unaware of that side of his life.  I once had an awkward encounter from one former client in a clothing store who saw me and started asking me if I lived in the area, what I'm doing, etc with no hello or normal type of greeting. He was with his grandkid.  It was awkward. 

[SCMass]

I hired in a city while visiting friends (I was in a hotel solo, had a free night and an excellent time). Very shortly thereafter he was a "suggested friend" on a social media site with about 12 mutual friends from that city. Turns out the provider had gone to college with a lot of my friends.  Didn't friend and had time to figure out what to do if we crossed paths socially (which hasn't happened yet).

[EastCoastGuy]

When I meet a new provider in my home location for the first time, I establish mutually agreeable ground rules regarding privacy, boundaries and communication before initiating any activity. In over thirty years this has never been a problem. If there were disagreement, I would end the session right there before starting anything, thank the provider for his time, pay for the full session as agreed upon, and look elsewhere in the future. 

[+ DrownedBoy]

By mutual agreement- ignore each other in public, if forced to talk, we don't know each other. 

[twb6yz]

I think you can take your cue from the escort on whether or not to say hello.

It's only happened to me once.  I was by myself at a craft show, he was manning a booth at the time with no one else around.  He smiled, waved, and said hello.  We talked for a bit.  It was fine, he could tell I was alone.  I think if either of use were with others he wouldn't have done that.

[pubic_assistance]

A smile and a nod is an adequate and appropriate response to bumping into a SW in public. Nothing more.

[sjmuktop]

To date, I've never seen any of the escorts I've hired while I've been out and about living my day to day life. So this is not a situation I have been in. 

However, several years ago, a guy who I used to sometimes have fun with at one of the gay cruising areas in my locality did say to me: "If you ever see me in public, don't you ever acknowledge me or approach me. Don't even look at me. Just act as though you haven't seen me." 

At the time, I interpreted his request as rude and I started to think of him as a bit of an insolent bastard. Looking back on it now, however, I totally understand. 

Edited August 1, 2021 by sjmuktop

[jeezifonly]

I keep it discreet and professional. 

 

Edited August 2, 2021 by jeezifonly

[HoleTrainer]

The general sentiments expressed here about discretion are all really good.  I’d always err on the side of pretending not to know a client if we ran into each other in public unless he indicated otherwise was ok.

That said, I’m ok with being approached by existing or potential clients in any type of gay environment.  I’m fully “out” to everyone about what I do for a living.  So gay bars, bathhouses, gay resorts, sex clubs, gay sex shops, etc etc, are all places I would be happy to meet an existing or potential client and wouldn’t feel awkward at all about any ensuing conversation.  I do think I would feel taken aback if I was approached by a client in a non-gay-specific public space like a random restaurant, a public sidewalk, etc, tho.

[Storm4U]

I was out on Melrose one day  with a friend of mine and a massage client of mine was there and walking my direction. We glanced at each other, but he didn’t cone up and say anything to me and I’m so glad he didn’t because I wouldn’t have wanted to explain who he was.

Edited August 14, 2021 by Storm4U

[Guest davebk]

Happened on a provider once in an airport - saw him coming through security.  Even though he was alone, I didn't presume he wanted to stop and chat or say hello.  So I kept walking and didn't say a word.  But I did walk down a few gates and shoot him a text message.  He said "well tell me what gate so I can come give you a hug and say hello...".  Was an effective way to provide discretion and let him make the choice.

[HotWhiteThirties]

8 hours ago, davebk said:

Happened on a provider once in an airport - saw him coming through security.  Even though he was alone, I didn't presume he wanted to stop and chat or say hello.  So I kept walking and didn't say a word.  But I did walk down a few gates and shoot him a text message.  He said "well tell me what gate so I can come give you a hug and say hello...".  Was an effective way to provide discretion and let him make the choice.

This is exactly how to handle it in my view! 

[Islesguy]

After seeing a provider a few weeks ago, I was waiting in the subway station to go home. I saw him come down the escalator a few minutes after I did. I didn't say anything and we were going in different directions.

 

[Walker1]

I like discretion as you never know who you are out with-work, family or just casual acquaintances. So I provide the same to any one I run into. Where I live now is on the boonies, so rarely if ever run into an escort/Masseur.

But I used to live in a big city before and occasionally ran into one. usually avoided eye contact unless alone and usually others avoided eye contact too. Only one experience was awkward. It was a massage, with a very hot bodybuilder of a massage. He absolutely did not know how to massage and did a rub and tug and was done about half way through. I explained I paid for 90 and not 60-he was very unhappy and proceeded to half heartedly do a massage barely touching. He was a big muscular stud, so didn't want to get into a fight. So just annoying and a waste of massage-even an escort does better massage. But I paid and left.

Three days later, i ran him in a bookshop of all places. An author was there to do a reading and we ended up sitting a few seats from each other. He smiled, I smiled and averted my eyes and after that no contact. But almost everyone's eyes were on him, extremely muscular, good looking dude wearing clothing that accentuated his physique. As soon as the reading was over, I bolted!!

 

But otherwise have never had any issues with meeting escorts/masseurs in public.

 

[mistrmikey]

At least 3 years after a (one-time) hire, I saw him at the airport waiting for a flight.  I recognized him (likely he wouldn't recognize me) ...but since it was a good session and we had some good after conversation,  I approached him.  Of course I waited a few minutes to make sure he was traveling alone.  I would NOT have approached him if he was with someone.  Introduced myself, said hello, shook hands, not awkward, pleasant 30 second convo, and I wished him a good trip.  Glad I said hello.