What Could I Have Done Differently?

[+ MysticMenace]

I am not the best communicator, and I always think there are things I can do better in my interactions with people, including providers. Now, as you could read from my posts and retorts, I could be cheeky, sarcastic, and dirty-minded, and I own all of it. What I still have not managed to do consistently is effectively managing emotions when I feel some kind of way based on how I interpret written communication. This will be a learning moment for me, so I will be sharing an exchange I had with a provider I was supposed to meet tonight that I ended up canceling - open to suggestions on how I could have handled my emotion and the situation better:

 

background:

• met with the provider last year, had a great time, gave him great review, and we texted occasionally even when he was not in the area
  
• provider is versatile, indicates into role-play based on the RM profile but we never discussed role-play in our session or any other time
  
• after we did the deed, he mentioned he was glad that I wasn't a bitchy bottom and mentioned some of the things he did not like of bottoms in general
  
• provider texted me last week indicating that he'd be in the area for a couple of weeks and asked if I wanted to meet up. I said yes, and flirty and dirty conversations between us ensued leading to this weekend, texts have always been fun and flirtatious until today (but nothing aggressive as one might think in a master-dom scenario)...
  

conversation - today (appointment scheduled for 9:00 PM for 2 hours); previous text alluded to someone pounding my cute hole and the other saying that his hole is all his...then this:

• me [1:00 PM]: Just in case you feel inspired or horny...some positions to inspire us - side by side, turtle
  
• (did not realize he was on the plane when I sent the text, so was singing on Smule in the meantime for a few hours)
  
• provider [4:00 PM]: I can't see them on the plane but I don't do these sorts of things. If I fuck you, I'm in charge and your job as the bottom is to shut the fuck up and take it. A bottom should never stop the top for any reason unless you experience pain. But if he stops me for some bs like to change positions or to check if he is clean, I'm done fucking him and I'm not happy about his need to control the situation. Those dudes are tops and need to be fucking me. Bottoms must top in order to learn how to be a good bottom. The opposite is also true.
  
• (was taken aback at first read, and re-read the text a few more times just to check if there would be other ways to interpret the text. he mentioned some of the things he texted in our first session but I thought he was mad at me. not sure of how he felt when he texted it to me, I went with a response assuming that maybe he wanted to take the flirtatious texting a level up and take it more aggressively...)
  
• me [4:15 PM]: Yes sir
  
• provider [4:16 PM]: Lol I was half asleep when I wrote that on the plane
  
• (so at this point, my assumption that it probably was a role-play text was wrong, but now I was just in my feels that maybe he meant the text for me. now I was no longer in the mood to meet up or actually to do anything sexually with anyone tonight, but was not sure if I wanted to actually cancel or reschedule)
  
• me [4:20 PM]: I wasn't sure if it's like a master dom type of roleplay response or something. Well am open to top someone too ?. Anyway, see you later,
  
• (this is when I actually started drafting this post, but could not think straight so was watching some YouTube clips of the FabFive Queer Eye interviews)
  
• (for the next 2 hours thought about pushing through with the appointment thinking that I was just being overly sensitive and was overthinking the situation, but because I was no longer feeling it, I decided to Venmo him for his rate for 1 hour)
  
• me [6:30 PM]: Hey man, glad you arrived safely to DC. Maybe I just am over sensitive or reading too much into things, but I might just take a raincheck for tonight. I was trying to be flirty, albeit horribly executed, when I sent the text about positions I haven't tried, but I was honestly taken aback with not necessarily the response (since you have mentioned some of that to me last time), but how the reply came across to me. Tried to make light of it in my last response, but am just not in the right headspace now to continue. I did send something to your Venmo for the trouble. Have a good night, and take care, bud!
  
• (ordered myself a bang-bang shrimp, mahi-mahi with rice and coleslaw from BoneFish Grill for delivery)
  
• provider [7:10 PM]: Oh damn. I'm sorry. I certainly didn't mean to offend you. Like I said I wrote it when I was asleep so I don't really know what it said but I'll reread it now. I'm disappointed because I was looking forward to spending some time with you this evening. And I really hate that I can't see you as a result of something I said in a text
  
• provider [7:12 PM]: Again I'm sorry. I really do want to see you.
  
• provider [7:15 PM]: I'm not taking your money without providing you with a good dicking down
  
• provider [7:15 PM]: I am off to DC now. I hope you will reconsider
  
• me [7:18 PM]: No worries. You're here in DC for a while so I'm sure we shall meet up at some point. I want both of us to have a great time when we meet, so we shall do that when both timing and mood are right. Have fun in the city, and will reconnect. ?
  
• provider [7:35 PM]: Just reread my text and it comes across like I'm mad at you but I'm not. The message wasn't even in reference to you. It was just a rambling while I slept on the plane. It was truthful, but it doesn't even apply to you at all. You're not one of the bitchy bottoms I speak of in my message. Sorry you took that personally and became uncomfortable. I don't know what else to say.
  
• me [7:37 PM]: Babe, no worries. I knew that's how you felt and you explained the context, so I'm good. Don't worry about me, have fun out there tonight, and we will catch up some other time. My hole still yearns for some dicking down from you, so we shall catch up later. ???
  
• (continued writing this post until my food delivery arrived at 7:58 PM, then continued to finish the rest of the stuff here)
  

I know it's a lot, and really quite one-sided since I am only sharing the convo and where my head is at in this. But based on the above, what could I have done differently in my interaction with the provider? Okay, let me go eat my dinner now.

[HotWhiteThirties]

I think you shut him down too soon, honestly, but I get it that you weren’t feeling it anymore. Bottoming - for most - requires desire and he did sorta screw that up. (I grant you his response does come off odd and jerkish.) Text can be a real bitch sometimes. I had a provider who is a member of this forum and who many folks like - totally go nuts on me and cancel last minute after I asked his opinion on a few things (in an effort to respect him). He totally misinterpreted. He was not nearly as gracious as this guy was and wouldn’t accept any explanation. In this instance, this guy is extraordinarily gracious when weighed against my experiences that have any resemblance. In fact, I’d like to meet him. He made an error and owns it, that’s more than many can claim to do.

[HotWhiteThirties]

Realized, I didn’t answer your question. The only thing I can think to have done differently is not to have initially acted like it was all ok and then confess it wasn’t. I have been there though...you try to pass it off and then you get in your head. Otherwise, you were respectful and kind in your responses and that is likely why this provider feels badly about what he said.

[+ MysticMenace]

Thanks, @HotWhiteThirties. Yea, I would plan to meet with him at some point when he's still here, but just feel like I wouldn't enjoy the experience if I pushed through it tonight. Would you have gone ahead with the 9p appointment? I figured I needed to give him more time so he could accept new appointments to fill the 10p slot, since I only paid for an hour.

[HotWhiteThirties]

Thanks, @HotWhiteThirties. Yea, I would plan to meet with him at some point when he's still here, but just feel like I wouldn't enjoy the experience if I pushed through it tonight. Would you have gone ahead with the 9p appointment? I figured I needed to give him more time so he could accept new appointments to fill the 10p slot, since I only paid for an hour.

I don’t know. Maybe. In those situations, the emotional and mental part of it can really invade and ruin the experience. You did more than most clients by paying for an hour and allowing him to move on. Very classy and considerate. I do think you’ll regret not meeting him again at some point based on what you’ve said. He seems very nice and wants to make amends, and I sense you do as well.

 

You seem like a considerate person who should be appreciated. I anticipate you have earned his respect in the process based on how he is appealing for another chance. I believe in second chances personally because I have been afforded them myself.

[Guest]

Tough situation. I think you were pretty reasonable. If it doesn't feel right, it doesn't feel right. But if you make a booking, the provider expects to be paid.

 

I can tell you that personally, I don't do any serious sexting with clients. Beyond mildly flirty pleasantries like "can't wait to see you again and have some more fun together", I keep our sexy times within the confines of the booked hours. Would that approach have helped you? In the end it's for you to decide. If sexting is an important part of your experience with this provider, then maybe sexting getting weird and ruining the mood is an occupational hazard.

Edited January 24, 2021 by DanteV

[+ purplekow]

To my mind, you should have kept the appointment. You may not have been in the right frame of mind when you cancelled but instead of cancelling, you could have merely said, I am looking forward to a great time together just as we had the last time. I would have focused on the previous encounter and made sure that I put in an effort to have a great time knowing he was capable of giving that to me.

A warm hag a deep kiss and his hard dick pushing against you through his jeans should be enough to clear you mind and fill your ass.

[+ MysticMenace]

Thanks for the advice and suggestions, guys! Appreciate it.

[BaronArtz]

I think you are taking up a lot of his time in preparation of what is only a 2-hour appointment ...

[+ Lucky]

I think that you were over-sensitive. But, if the mood had passed, then cancel. I just wonder why you expect him to spend so much time in texting you. Make the appointment and then keep it. You would have avoided all of this drama.

[MikeBiDude]

...all of this drama.

Key to this thread!

[Michael PhD]

Y

I am not the best communicator, and I always think there are things I can do better in my interactions with people, including providers. Now, as you could read from my posts and retorts, I could be cheeky, sarcastic, and dirty-minded, and I own all of it. What I still have not managed to do consistently is effectively managing emotions when I feel some kind of way based on how I interpret written communication. This will be a learning moment for me, so I will be sharing an exchange I had with a provider I was supposed to meet tonight that I ended up canceling - open to suggestions on how I could have handled my emotion and the situation better:

 

background:

• met with the provider last year, had a great time, gave him great review, and we texted occasionally even when he was not in the area
  
• provider is versatile, indicates into role-play based on the RM profile but we never discussed role-play in our session or any other time
  
• after we did the deed, he mentioned he was glad that I wasn't a bitchy bottom and mentioned some of the things he did not like of bottoms in general
  
• provider texted me last week indicating that he'd be in the area for a couple of weeks and asked if I wanted to meet up. I said yes, and flirty and dirty conversations between us ensued leading to this weekend, texts have always been fun and flirtatious until today (but nothing aggressive as one might think in a master-dom scenario)...
  

conversation - today (appointment scheduled for 9:00 PM for 2 hours); previous text alluded to someone pounding my cute hole and the other saying that his hole is all his...then this:

• me [1:00 PM]: Just in case you feel inspired or horny...some positions to inspire us - side by side, turtle
  
• (did not realize he was on the plane when I sent the text, so was singing on Smule in the meantime for a few hours)
  
• provider [4:00 PM]: I can't see them on the plane but I don't do these sorts of things. If I fuck you, I'm in charge and your job as the bottom is to shut the fuck up and take it. A bottom should never stop the top for any reason unless you experience pain. But if he stops me for some bs like to change positions or to check if he is clean, I'm done fucking him and I'm not happy about his need to control the situation. Those dudes are tops and need to be fucking me. Bottoms must top in order to learn how to be a good bottom. The opposite is also true.
  
• (was taken aback at first read, and re-read the text a few more times just to check if there would be other ways to interpret the text. he mentioned some of the things he texted in our first session but I thought he was mad at me. not sure of how he felt when he texted it to me, I went with a response assuming that maybe he wanted to take the flirtatious texting a level up and take it more aggressively...)
  
• me [4:15 PM]: Yes sir
  
• provider [4:16 PM]: Lol I was half asleep when I wrote that on the plane
  
• (so at this point, my assumption that it probably was a role-play text was wrong, but now I was just in my feels that maybe he meant the text for me. now I was no longer in the mood to meet up or actually to do anything sexually with anyone tonight, but was not sure if I wanted to actually cancel or reschedule)
  
• me [4:20 PM]: I wasn't sure if it's like a master dom type of roleplay response or something. Well am open to top someone too ?. Anyway, see you later,
  
• (this is when I actually started drafting this post, but could not think straight so was watching some YouTube clips of the FabFive Queer Eye interviews)
  
• (for the next 2 hours thought about pushing through with the appointment thinking that I was just being overly sensitive and was overthinking the situation, but because I was no longer feeling it, I decided to Venmo him for his rate for 1 hour)
  
• me [6:30 PM]: Hey man, glad you arrived safely to DC. Maybe I just am over sensitive or reading too much into things, but I might just take a raincheck for tonight. I was trying to be flirty, albeit horribly executed, when I sent the text about positions I haven't tried, but I was honestly taken aback with not necessarily the response (since you have mentioned some of that to me last time), but how the reply came across to me. Tried to make light of it in my last response, but am just not in the right headspace now to continue. I did send something to your Venmo for the trouble. Have a good night, and take care, bud!
  
• (ordered myself a bang-bang shrimp, mahi-mahi with rice and coleslaw from BoneFish Grill for delivery)
  
• provider [7:10 PM]: Oh damn. I'm sorry. I certainly didn't mean to offend you. Like I said I wrote it when I was asleep so I don't really know what it said but I'll reread it now. I'm disappointed because I was looking forward to spending some time with you this evening. And I really hate that I can't see you as a result of something I said in a text
  
• provider [7:12 PM]: Again I'm sorry. I really do want to see you.
  
• provider [7:15 PM]: I'm not taking your money without providing you with a good dicking down
  
• provider [7:15 PM]: I am off to DC now. I hope you will reconsider
  
• me [7:18 PM]: No worries. You're here in DC for a while so I'm sure we shall meet up at some point. I want both of us to have a great time when we meet, so we shall do that when both timing and mood are right. Have fun in the city, and will reconnect. ?
  
• provider [7:35 PM]: Just reread my text and it comes across like I'm mad at you but I'm not. The message wasn't even in reference to you. It was just a rambling while I slept on the plane. It was truthful, but it doesn't even apply to you at all. You're not one of the bitchy bottoms I speak of in my message. Sorry you took that personally and became uncomfortable. I don't know what else to say.
  
• me [7:37 PM]: Babe, no worries. I knew that's how you felt and you explained the context, so I'm good. Don't worry about me, have fun out there tonight, and we will catch up some other time. My hole still yearns for some dicking down from you, so we shall catch up later. ???
  
• (continued writing this post until my food delivery arrived at 7:58 PM, then continued to finish the rest of the stuff here)
  

I know it's a lot, and really quite one-sided since I am only sharing the convo and where my head is at in this. But based on the above, what could I have done differently in my interaction with the provider? Okay, let me go eat my dinner now.

 

You text occasionally when he’s not in the area?

 

Clearly, this has crossed over to more than just a provider and client relationship. And based on his response, I would presume that he is willing to engage because he’s a nice guy and also this is a business for him.

 

His response to you was inappropriate but he more than made up for it in his attempts to right the wrong.

 

Your reaction and the feelings you caught thereafter warrant self reflection in my opinion. If you don’t want more than a business transaction, set up a time, be clear on what you want and meet.

 

If you want friendly exchanges “off the clock”, give your “friend” the benefit of the doubt. He did fly there not only to see you but also to make money. Consider that.

[CuriousByNature]

I think you are taking up a lot of his time in preparation of what is only a 2-hour appointment ...

I'm not able to agree with this. The OP was first contacted by the provider to see if he would be interested in meeting again. Then, on the day of travel the OP sent a short text to see if the provider was open to trying something new - I can't imagine that would constitute time wasting. The following texts back and forth seems to have come as a result of a potential misunderstanding, and the provider and OP clearly wanted the air to be cleared and to move forward, which is difficult to do via text. This was all resolved within a few texts - nothing dramatic, just two considerate fellows ensuring that each other was fine and that they could meet another evening instead. And the OP wanted to compensate the provider, which indicates to me that the OP values the provider's time. This all could have ended so much worse had there not been such open and honest communication. They both strike me as considerate and empathetic people.

[marylander1940]

Key to this thread!

 

and unnecessary avalanche of texting and too much communication.

 

@JoeMendoza KISS (keep it simple stupid) you bottom, he (provider) top.

 

side by side, turtle

 

Do you realize the two of you must be very flexible for side by side, turtle or submissive doggy is easier

 

• provider [4:00 PM]: "I can't see them on the plane but I don't do these sorts of things. If I fuck you, I'm in charge and your job as the bottom is to shut the fuck up and take it. A bottom should never stop the top for any reason unless you experience pain. But if he stops me for some bs like to change positions or to check if he is clean, I'm done fucking him and I'm not happy about his need to control the situation. Those dudes are tops and need to be fucking me. Bottoms must top in order to learn how to be a good bottom. The opposite is also true."
  

I understand the top is directing and in charge but c'mon! Besides he texted all of that! He should have replied.

 

"Yes, let's play by ear", "I'll keep that in mind", "no agenda, I don't like to do lists, we'll have a good time", etc. but not that way! It sounded like a hostage negotiation!

 

"I'm done fucking" was too bossy, besides what he does with others may not apply to you or that particular encounter

Edited January 25, 2021 by marylander1940

[jtwalker]

I would not have met him either. I think you handled it well. The few times I've decided to meet someone after the mood was shot (for whatever reason) it has never ended well. I don't buy his, "I was on the plane and tired" excuse. I feel like it showed an angry side of him that is honestly a little worrisome. I also don't think he deserved the pay after that statement... unless he was traveling a long-distance just for you?

 

The provider willingly participated in the sexy banter as well, so I don't see where you crossed the line. If he thought you were overdoing it, he could've communicated as such.

 

If you were going to change anything, I'd say you should give yourself permission to avoid what you don't like. If a booking were made and you said something to spook the provider, he would cancel too. You should not feel bad about that at all.

[jtwalker]

I would not have met him either. I think you handled it well. The few times I've decided to meet someone after the mood was shot (for whatever reason) it has never ended well. I don't buy his, "I was on the plane and tired" excuse. I feel like it showed an angry side of him that is honestly a little worrisome. I also don't think he deserved the pay after that statement... unless he was traveling a long-distance just for you?

 

The provider willingly participated in the sexy banter as well, so I don't see where you crossed the line. If he thought you were overdoing it, he could've communicated as such.

 

If you were going to change anything, I'd say you should give yourself permission to avoid what you don't like. If a booking were made and you said something to spook the provider, he would cancel too. You should not feel bad about that at all.

[jawjateck]

Texting.......<sigh>.......is for hashing out details and confirmations, anything else can easily go off the rails, especially with someone that you lack sufficient face-time to know them and their personality. With guys I know well, I can read the text, and I can "read" the unwritten intent too.

[LookingAround]

Ambien drama. Write it off to ambien and meet with him. Much ado about nothing.

[BluDay]

You seem to know him well enough to be able to tell if he's being truthful with you - in my read he is. He made a text like you were role playing, and he realized and apologized. See him. He responded like he might have to a different client (with different requests). You have a good thing going. Keep it up.

[+ IronMaus]

A regular client can cancel on me without consequence if they have something come up and are willing to reschedule - you offering a little compensation for cancelling, regardless of your reasoning, would mean a lot to me. You did what you could and he's the one that ruined the moment...

Do you really think he was asleep sending that long text with no mistakes? At best, he thought he was replying to someone else - that would have been a reasonable excuse. His text was awful and uncalled for and simply not nice. His apology helped until "It was truthful, but it doesn't even apply to you at all."

If he really feels the way his text made it sound, he sounds like an asshole with psychological issues I don't want to waste money on.

[BaronArtz]

Key to this thread!

 

I mean ... this is just about fucking. It is not a date.

 

Too much drama.

[HotWhiteThirties]

I mean ... this is just about fucking. It is not a date.

 

Too much drama.

 

To you, perhaps, and presumably to quite a few other folks. I definitely get what you’re saying. Not everyone comes to this for the same reasons or expectations. In general, yes, it’s about sex for most (but even that’s not absolute). I don’t get the sense that’s all it was about for the OP, and that’s ok if it isn’t. Maybe he wanted a “date.” Maybe he just wanted to feel respected? How dramatic. ? Just like there are providers and clients who are focused only on the gratification of the moment and that’s all, there are others who enjoy connecting in ways that transcend the physical and play a part in their enjoyment. It’s easy and perhaps justifiable to dismiss it or simplify as unnecessary drama if it really is “just sex,” but human interaction is rarely so simple.

Edited January 27, 2021 by HotWhiteThirties

[marylander1940]

I mean ... this is just about fucking. It is not a date.

 

Too much drama.

 

is also about hiring someone for sex, and we all think twice before spending our hard earned money. That's why @JoeMendoza became doubtful about meeting the provider again even if he had a previous encounter with him.

[Becket]

Dam, if it ever gets this complicated for me I'm gonna retire from the hobby. Hang in there, buddy. Emotions can get dragged out and stepped on on both sides.

[Monarchy79]

Too much texting and too much overanalyzing. Just have fun, keep it light, and enjoy the experience.

 

☺️