Too much information, Dad

[KrisParr]

My parents recently celebrated their 52nd wedding anniversary so I called them to chat. After talking with Mom, Dad and I somehow got on the subject of sex. Both parents are in their early 70s, and are in great shape - they run, swim, bike. Dad was a coach his whole career and both put me to shame with their disgustingly healthy habits.

 

He and I had perhaps a little too much liquor as the conversation took an interesting dive. He asked me how my sex life was which evoked gales of laughter. So I retorted with the same question. He said, “your mother and I still screw like newlyweds a couple times a week.” Ok, Pop, too much information. But I’ve always known them to fuck like rabbits, so it was no surprise. And then he added, “thank God for modern medicine.” Yeah, no shit.

 

So my brain took a left turn and I asked him how many times he and Mom did the nasty in 52 years. He said at least six thousand or more. OMG. That’s a lot of screwing. His final shot was, “hey, smart-ass, go figure how much sperm that was and let me know. Take care!” and hung up. Challenge accepted.

 

Assuming Dad manufactured at least one teaspoon per boink, through simple math, six thousand teaspoons equals close to eight gallons (768 teaspoons per gallon) over the years. So I sent him a text: “Holy shit, Dad, that’s 8 gallons. Give Mom a break!” His response? “One less teaspoon, son, and you wouldn’t be here. Fuck off. Love, Dad”

[+ azdr0710]

I wanna party with your parents. They sound totally cool! (or is it just Dad that's that way??!!)

[KrisParr]

I wanna party with your parents. They sound totally cool! (or is it just Dad that's that way??!!)

 

Oh, hell no. Give my mom a couple of glasses of wine and she’ll sing and dance your ass off. Dad was a coach/teacher and Mom was a school administrator and lead cheerleading and drama. My two older brothers were major letterman jocks. I grew up in an amazing family. When I came out, it was like “I” was the last to know. No tears, no drama, just hugs and high 5’s. My mom did say that the guys I date had to be cute. And I’ve worked very hard to comply. It’s been a non-issue for so long, I am truly blessed.

[+ Pensant]

I wanna party with your parents. They sound totally cool! (or is it just Dad that's that way??!!)

Count me in!

[+ poolboy48220]

My mother, normally pretty prim, told my youngest sister after we'd all moved out of the house that "your father and I still enjoy each other". I think this was after the sister had dropped in to pick up her mail and heard the parents in the bedroom.

 

My dad told me I was born about 9 months after they'd moved into the house we grew up in, then paused and said "Exactly nine months, actually. I was surprised, I thought I'd be too tired from moving in".

[samhexum]

My mother, normally pretty prim, told my youngest sister after we'd all moved out of the house that "your father and I still enjoy each other".

 

My parents had an unhappy marriage (my sister & I used to wonder why they didn't divorce). They just didn't like each other. Eventually he moved to Florida (while I was in college) and she stayed in NY. At some point after he moved he told me he and my mother hadn't had sex for two years before he'd moved. I was shocked that it had been that recently. I'd have guessed it was a lot longer than that... and I now sleep in that bedroom, so it's not one that sees a lot of action. ??

 

My dad told me I was born about 9 months after they'd moved into the house we grew up in, then paused and said "Exactly nine months, actually. I was surprised, I thought I'd be too tired from moving in".

 

I don't know if this is true or not, but on DESIGNING WOMEN Charlene once said "Lisa Marie was born 9 months to the day from the day Elvis & Priscilla got married... that's why they called him The King."

Edited December 20, 2020 by samhexum

[+ sam.fitzpatrick]

Sometime after her 98th birthday, my grandmother didn't always have enough things to keep her mind busy, so one day, she sat down with one of my sisters to plan her memorial service. Besides a prayer, three hymns, and comments from the pastor, each of her adult decedents was to speak at the service; the great-grandchildren did not need to speak. One sister was to talk about her career in education, my mother was to discuss her youth, my uncle her faith and how she met her husband through church, and my other sister was to talk about her as a parent, grandparent, and great-grandmother.

 

And what was the assigned topic for me? Grandma thought it would be important for me to discuss the active and vibrant sex life my grandparents shared with each other well into their 70s (just before my grandfathers passing.) Needless to say, we wanted to keep the service under an hour and some of the content was edited out.

[Guest]

My parents recently celebrated their 52nd wedding anniversary so I called them to chat. After talking with Mom, Dad and I somehow got on the subject of sex. Both parents are in their early 70s, and are in great shape - they run, swim, bike. Dad was a coach his whole career and both put me to shame with their disgustingly healthy habits.

 

He and I had perhaps a little too much liquor as the conversation took an interesting dive. He asked me how my sex life was which evoked gales of laughter. So I retorted with the same question. He said, “your mother and I still screw like newlyweds a couple times a week.” Ok, Pop, too much information. But I’ve always known them to fuck like rabbits, so it was no surprise. And then he added, “thank God for modern medicine.” Yeah, no shit.

 

So my brain took a left turn and I asked him how many times he and Mom did the nasty in 52 years. He said at least six thousand or more. OMG. That’s a lot of screwing. His final shot was, “hey, smart-ass, go figure how much sperm that was and let me know. Take care!” and hung up. Challenge accepted.

 

Assuming Dad manufactured at least one teaspoon per boink, through simple math, six thousand teaspoons equals close to eight gallons (768 teaspoons per gallon) over the years. So I sent him a text: “Holy shit, Dad, that’s 8 gallons. Give Mom a break!” His response? “One less teaspoon, son, and you wouldn’t be here. Fuck off. Love, Dad”

I like your dad!

[nate_sf]

One day when I was about 12 or so my dad and I were driving around. I'd been studying geography in school, and asked him, "Have you ever been to La Paz (Mexico)?" He said yes, then paused and continued, "and in fact, in a way so have you." Agh! Not what a 12 year old wants to hear! Needless to say, I learned I was the product of a romantic weekend getaway to La Paz.

 

Not too many years ago, my mother apologized to me for having me circumcised. She said she did not know any better, it's just what everyone did back then. I told her I didn't mind.