We have a problem, men.

[xyz48B]

We have a problem, men. Particularly gay men...

 

In a post (cf. here) we have a poster who feels it's completely alright to fat shame. This kind of attitude has a name. It's called sizism. And the gay community is rampanent with it. Far too many in our community are caught up with a very narrow view of what constitutes beauty. That goes for body size as well as race.

 

And that brings me to the point that I want to make, by way of introduction here to the broader topic. Imagine, if you will, for a moment, the poster of the above post had made similiar comments about someone's race. That would be completely unacceptable. And rightly so. But as it is, the poster felt it completely acceptable to not only resort to fat shaming in an attempt to make himself look better, but he felt justified in doing so. The thing is, no matter the poster's faults, in our gay community (and I might say society at large) it's not considered unacceptable to fat shame. It might be considered ill tempered, rude, or impolite, but it's not unacceptable.

 

For the record, I'm quite happy personally with my body image. I don't need to justify my size to anyone. The fact that I recognize that my body is bigger than most is just a factor of my self-awareness. It's also a factor of knowing that many off-the-rack items don't fit me. That's part of being who I am. A similiar situation is faced by many non-white folks, particularly black. Think about how they go on and on about having trouble finding someone to cut their hair properly or haircare products, just by way of example. We live in a world that privileges white folks. We also live in a world that privileges folks who are a certain size. Seeing that for what it is doesn't mean you have body image problems. It means you’re aware.

 

So back to the problem, men...

 

What are we going to do about it? Are we happy leaving fat shaming as something ill tempered, rude, and impolite but still acceptable? Genuine question. There are those who will mention they don’t find it tasteful, but that’s where it ends. It’s still acceptable. No one is going to standup to grandma for a sizist comment the way they would a racist one.

 

The talk about the bear community is moot. That fetishizes fat the same way that BBC is fetishized. We would never say that BBC is somehow an example of how racism is overcome in the gay community. So don't say the bear community is an example of how fat shaming is overcome either.

 

So again I ask: are we okay accepting fat shaming in our community?

 

Some would complain that white guys don't want to hook up with people who aren't white. For various reasons, and at the end of the day, many of those reasons don't measure up. The simple fact is that people are racist, and in the gay community, we have a lot of racism too. The simple fact is also that people are sizist, and in the gay community, we have a lot of sizism too.

[jjkrkwood]

@xyz48B , the target of your post HAS made comments about RACE, amongst other things without consequence here. He has a long, long history of posting "his grievances" with respect to his occupation and his clients. As we are ALL guests here in Daddy's house, its not up to us to control any type of shaming, other than to post our dissatisfaction with it. Its up to the site owner and his moderators, and so far this behavior by the "target" appears acceptable to them. So if it truly bothers you, the only recourse is to not participate here, which seems unfair, but it IS what it is....

[+ BenjaminNicholas]

I understand the gist of what you're saying, but comparing race to being overweight is apples & oranges.

 

The gay community has ALWAYS been toughest on their own and inner-discrimination is no stranger to every minority group.

 

While we will realistically never get past judging one another for whatever odd hangup we have, we can always try to be more cognisant of what other people might be going through. It's pie-in-the-sky to think we're going to change human nature. We can really only change ourselves.

 

In the meantime, I suggest people build up a thick skin, a greater confidence and try to be the healthiest person they can be.

[xyz48B]

@xyz48B , the target of your post HAS made comments about RACE, amongst other things without consequence here. He has a long, long history of posting "his grievances" with respect to his occupation and his clients. As we are ALL guests here in Daddy's house, its not up to us to control any type of shaming, other than to post our dissatisfaction with it. Its up to the site owner and his moderators, and so far this behavior by the "target" appears acceptable to them. So if it truly bothers you, the only recourse is to not participate here, which seems unfair, but it IS what it is....

Twas a springboard for a larger conversation. I don’t expect anyone to change their behavior because I’m unhappy. But a conversation about the larger phenomenon is appropriate.

 

Apples and oranges. Okay. Like I said – similar. Apples and oranges are both fruits. Sizism and racism are both isms. Neither is a good thing.

 

Sizisim is acceptable? Racism isn’t? Is that the takeaway?

[xyz48B]

I understand the gist of what you're saying, but comparing race to being overweight is apples & oranges.

 

The gay community has ALWAYS been toughest on their own and inner-discrimination is no stranger to every minority group.

 

While we will realistically never get past judging one another for whatever odd hangup we have, we can always try to be more cognisant of what other people might be going through. It's pie-in-the-sky to think we're going to change human nature. We can really only change ourselves.

 

In the meantime, I suggest people build up a thick skin, a greater confidence and try to be the healthiest person they can be.

Human nature maybe not. But human behavior can be influenced. Just because it’s hard to change someone’s behavior doesn’t mean it’s not worth working on. That is, if it’s something that rises to the occasion of working on it. Maybe sizism is acceptable.

[dbar123]

Race, age, height, dick size are things that are out of one’s control but weight is something that is. I feel a bit grateful to people who fat shamed me to lose 80 pounds (especially my physician). He did me a huge favor. Not only do I feel infinitely better but it has made me a lot happier as a person. The added bonus of fitting into clothes doesn’t hurt.

 

For those of you who are a little overweight there has never been a better time to take the reins of your own fate and lose the extra pounds.

Edited December 10, 2020 by dbar123

[jjkrkwood]

If you read thru many posts on this board, you might see that many of its members deny racism, believe it doesnt exist, or for whatever reason deem it acceptable. So painting with your broad stroke about its members being OK with sizism and not with racism is just not valid.

 

The takeway is that life will never be the way we "ideally" picture it or want it to be, so we have to find a way to fit within the schism of what it actually is.

[Guest]

I'm going to disagree with people on the issue of weight being something that's within someone's control. It's true to a point, but genetics plays a large role (see what I did there) in a persons physical stature. As someone with extreme body dysmorphia I've never been happy with my body and always comparing myself to others in an unhealthy way. There are three main body types, Ectomorph, Mesomorph, and Endomorph. If you are an Endomorph you're always going to be 'thick' and you'll never look like the skinny twink you may want to be despite hours in the gym.

 

Maybe we should just just be kind and supportive of each other, especially now with COVID. I've seen a few porn stars and providers that have gained 20+ pounds.

[+ purplekow]

I am fat. I am fat and I am all that. I am fat, I am all that in and out of the sack. But this is an gay escort site so I will stick to in the sack, the bathroom. the kitchen, the parking lot, the beach, the airplane, the back seat of a car, the front seat of a car..well you get the idea. I do not have a traditionally beautiful body, but I have a great sense of sensuality and sexuality. I have a vivid imagination and I am not afraid to put that into action. I leave a partner with a smile on his face and a smile on my face. So if I, because of my size, am not number 1 on anyone's list to have sex with once, I am number one on many people's list to have sex with over and over again.

So sure, I face the occasional negative remarks and I have heard the one's whispered behind my back. There is a sting of course. But living well is the best revenge and having a vital and exhilarating sex life is part of living well. So, I am not going to ask for people to change though in general I would love for people to be kinder, more accepting and less judgmental and I am not going to change to meet some standard of beauty or for any reasons except my own.

So I am with Benjamin (who I would love to add to the list of men who want to have sex with me again) and I say, do not look for others to change. Rather, show them that they are wrong by the way you act, the way you respond and the way you live. Be kinder. Be more accepting. Be less judgmental. Be sexy as hell no matter your size may be and the world will beat a path to your bedroom door.

Edited December 10, 2020 by purplekow

[jjkrkwood]

I'm going to disagree with people on the issue of weight being something that's within someone's control. It's true to a point, but genetics plays a large role (see what I did there) in a persons physical stature. As someone with extreme body dysmorphia I've never been happy with my body and always comparing myself to others in an unhealthy way. There are three main body types, Ectomorph, Mesomorph, and Endomorph. If you are an Endomorph you're always going to be 'thick' and you'll never look like the skinny twink you may want to be despite hours in the gym.

 

Maybe we should just just be kind and supportive of each other, especially now with COVID. I've seen a few porn stars and providers that have gained 20+ pounds.

 

[+ purplekow]

Race, age, height, dick size are things that are out of one’s control but weight is something that is. I feel a bit grateful to people who fat shamed me to lose 80 pounds (especially my physician). He did me a huge favor. Not only do I feel infinitely better but it has made me a lot happier as a person. The added bonus of fitting into clothes doesn’t hurt.

 

For those of you who are a little overweight there has never been a better time to take the reins of your own fate and lose the extra pounds.

I am glad your are happy with your new physique. It is a shame you wasted time being unhappy with yourself. The choice to be happy was always yours, So now that you are happy, you are wise to continue that no matter what shape your stomach is in.

 

https://video.search.yahoo.com/yhs/search?fr=yhs-Lkry-SF01&hsimp=yhs-SF01&hspart=Lkry&p=you+tube+no+matter+what+shpe+your+body+is+in#id=1&vid=4583a5d5a829234ca3765125b341f294&action=click

Edited December 10, 2020 by purplekow

[jjkrkwood]

I've often heard that "a problem is a problem ONLY if you make it so".. If others are unhappy with something about YOU, that's THEIR issue, not yours... But people are judgemental, and can be cruel, so YES to @Benjamin_Nicholas that one should develop a thick skin, and HE can certainly advise you on products to keep it soft and supple... ?

[+ MysticMenace]

I've often heard that "a problem is a problem ONLY if you make it so".. If others are unhappy with something about YOU, that's THEIR issue, not yours... But people are judgemental, and can be cruel, so YES to @Benjamin_Nicholas that one should develop a thick skin, and HE can certainly advise you on products to keep it soft and supple... ?

 

I bet @Benjamin_Nicholas has some au naturale products for just that, akin to a moisturizer of sorts ?

[dbar123]

I am glad your are happy with your new physique. It is a shame you wasted time being unhappy with yourself. The choice to be happy was always yours, you are wise to continue that no matter what shape your body is in.

 

https://video.search.yahoo.com/yhs/search?fr=yhs-Lkry-SF01&hsimp=yhs-SF01&hspart=Lkry&p=you+tube+no+matter+what+shpe+your+body+is+in#id=1&vid=4583a5d5a829234ca3765125b341f294&action=click

 

Happiness is a vector process....I wasn’t unhappy when I was heavier but being lighter definitely improved my mental state of being.

 

To say that weight loss has a hereditary component is true but it should not be considered as a cop out to weight loss. It just means you need to be more persistent and methodical to overcome it if you want to achieve that goal, and you need to be willing to change your behaviors to make it work

[+ BenjaminNicholas]

I'm going to disagree with people on the issue of weight being something that's within someone's control. It's true to a point, but genetics plays a large role (see what I did there) in a persons physical stature. As someone with extreme body dysmorphia I've never been happy with my body and always comparing myself to others in an unhealthy way. There are three main body types, Ectomorph, Mesomorph, and Endomorph. If you are an Endomorph you're always going to be 'thick' and you'll never look like the skinny twink you may want to be despite hours in the gym.

 

Maybe we should just just be kind and supportive of each other, especially now with COVID. I've seen a few porn stars and providers that have gained 20+ pounds.

 

Genetic obesity is a very small percentage of people who are overweight.

 

Bottom line: Americans have an unhealthy relationship with food. Always have. And they don't exercise nearly enough.

 

Sadly, the way we do things is now creeping into countries that never had these issues before.

[+ Lucky]

First, @xyz48B I didn't see Jarrod so much as fat shaming you as getting back at you for your criticism of him. Face the fact that you are his harshest critic, one who keeps reading his posts despite your obvious disdain for him. Don't get me wrong, some of your criticisms are spot on and I have "liked" some of them. But you don't stop.

If he is fat shaming, you don't have to accept it. I disagree with @purplekow above when he says (to @dbar123 ) it's a shame you wasted time being unhappy with yourself. Excess fat can be a significant health problem, and with COVID, an indicator of more risk. You can want to, and actually, lose weight because it is good for you without it implying shame. I should know, I have lost 40 pounds and did not do it because of any shame. I simply wanted to be healthier.

@xyz48B if you are happy with your body, you can let @Jarrod_Uncut's words roll off of you and not feel shamed for a minute.

[xyz48B]

Race, age, height, dick size are things that are out of one’s control but weight is something that is. I feel a bit grateful to people who fat shamed me to lose 80 pounds (especially my physician). He did me a huge favor. Not only do I feel infinitely better but it has made me a lot happier as a person. The added bonus of fitting into clothes doesn’t hurt.

 

For those of you who are a little overweight there has never been a better time to take the reins of your own fate and lose the extra pounds.

The assumption that folks should want to change their weight is fallacious and sizist.

 

Newsflash: not all fat people are unhealthy.

[CuriousByNature]

Maybe this is going to open a can of worms, but here it goes anyway. People can have preferences without it being racist, sizist, ageist, etc. It comes down to how we treat one another. Maybe I am predominantly attracted to Asians? Maybe I do not find myself attracted to whites? That isn't racism unless I also treat one race differently than another, or think that one is better than the other. You can uphold equality without having to be attracted to everybody. As for shaming, nobody should shame anyone for their appearance. But shaming someone for their words and actions is another matter.

[+ Lucky]

Newsflash: not all fat people are unhealthy.

Of course, every individual has to speak for himself. Losing weight caused my cholesterol, blood pressure, heart rate and blood sugar to go down-significantly.

[Guy Fawkes]

The problem is that the person that was fat shamed didn't click the "Report" button.

 

Having lost over a hundred pounds over the last ten years and needing to lose another hundred pounds in the next ten years I find it fairly easy to ignore such taunts.

 

We have a problem, men. Particularly gay men...

[jjkrkwood]

Genetic obesity is a very small percentage of people who are overweight.

 

Bottom line: Americans have an unhealthy relationship with food. Always have. And they don't exercise nearly enough.

 

Sadly, the way we do things is now creeping into countries that never had these issues before.

 

AGREED, agreed, now let me get back to making my cherry cheescake .......? ?

[jjkrkwood]

Maybe this is going to open a can of worms, but here it goes anyway. People can have preferences without it being racist, sizist, ageist, etc. It comes down to how we treat one another. Maybe I am predominantly attracted to Asians? Maybe I do not find myself attracted to whites? That isn't racism unless I also treat one race differently than another, or think that one is better than the other. You can uphold equality without having to be attracted to everybody. As for shaming, nobody should shame anyone for their appearance. But shaming someone for their words and actions is another matter.

 

That can has been open a million times and beaten to death... preference vs racism in regard of sexual attraction, so let's let that one be and move along.

[Guy Fawkes]

Cheesecake... Plain w/o that gloppy cherry topping. One of the few deserts that I'm almost allowed to have.

 

AGREED, agreed, now let me get back to making my cherry cheescake .......? ?

[+ MysticMenace]

AGREED, agreed, now let me get back to making my cherry cheescake .......? ?

 

should I pm you my address for express delivery of said cheesecake?

[SirBillybob]

Every single material thing that we let or put into our bodies has the potential for landing somewhere on a continuum that ranges from benefit to harm in terms of physical wellness.

 

Complicating matters is that the effects of behaviour aimed at enhancing emotional wellness, itself on its own continuum, intersect on one or the other side of a theoretical neutral point on the physical one, and there are endless factors that influence that singly or cumulatively.

 

Think the colloquialism “guilty pleasure” as one small example of the general intrinsic paradox. Throwing shade intended to land outside of one’s perceived reference group and to mediate the soup of physical-mental biochemistry is just that. Doing it on a public domain forum is conveniently gluttonous.

 

Really, how much of an audience is needed to throw down a gauntlet?