How to confront your masseur?

[kev.mac2]

How wold you confront your masseur about checking his phone while warming up the oil in the microwave? Or finishing 15 minutes early?

Every few weeks after seeing my masseur, I get the need to see him again, not because of the massage because it’s kind of mediocre, he doesn’t even massage the hands and feet, but because I enjoy the sensual he does. I’ve been seeing him for 4 years and haven’t asked him to really change anything during the session. Obviously I need him to change things if he’s not giving the full time and complete massage. Every time I leave, I regret paying for the massage because if the things I mentioned.

How do I ask him to not look at his phone during the session and go the full hour?

[+ MysticMenace]

Is he the only masseur you get your "sensual" enjoyment from? Regardless, I would suggest just being upfront with him before the start of your next session. Tell him what you liked and did not like. Not saying anything the past 4 years really just reinforced the bad behaviors or the behaviors that were not aligned to your expectations. If he acknowledges them and makes those changes (or demonstrates improvement) during the session, perhaps give him a chance. If he does not or still gives a mediocre massage, then should probably just move on and try to get a different one that can offer both good massage with the sensual touches. Depending on where you live, there should be someone that is or could be better than the one you are seeing now.

[NJ_hiker]

How wold you confront your masseur about checking his phone while warming up the oil in the microwave? Or finishing 15 minutes early?

Every few weeks after seeing my masseur, I get the need to see him again, not because of the massage because it’s kind of mediocre, he doesn’t even massage the hands and feet, but because I enjoy the sensual he does. I’ve been seeing him for 4 years and haven’t asked him to really change anything during the session. Obviously I need him to change things if he’s not giving the full time and complete massage. Every time I leave, I regret paying for the massage because if the things I mentioned.

How do I ask him to not look at his phone during the session and go the full hour?

Wow! I'm sorry to point out that you have been enabling his bad behavior. This guy is taking advantage of your timidness - I want to whip your ass into growing a backbone to stand up to this asshole. Without inviting to a therapy session on Dealing with Masseurs 101, you have two options - man up and text him before your next session on your expectations - don't worry about how he feels as long as your message is diplomatic. If the subsequent session is no different, dump him and move on. Alternatively, find another masseur who is professional, gives you the full 60 min and panders to your idiosyncratic sensual cravings. This forum affords you the benefits of selecting a massuer who is tried and tested, so go through the information on here and take some risk.

[Nvr2thick4me]

How wold you confront your masseur about checking his phone while warming up the oil in the microwave? Or finishing 15 minutes early?

Every few weeks after seeing my masseur, I get the need to see him again, not because of the massage because it’s kind of mediocre, he doesn’t even massage the hands and feet, but because I enjoy the sensual he does. I’ve been seeing him for 4 years and haven’t asked him to really change anything during the session. Obviously I need him to change things if he’s not giving the full time and complete massage. Every time I leave, I regret paying for the massage because if the things I mentioned.

How do I ask him to not look at his phone during the session and go the full hour?

“Confront” is an unfortunate choice of words. I had a similar experience and I let my long term masseur (via text) that I would like him to be on time and stop canceling or rearranging appointments. I didn’t give him any type of ultimatum - just stated my needs. It worked out well ??

[+ sync]

I agree with @Nvr2thick4me, it's not what you say but how you say it. Speaking for myself, I would say let him know that you have been a satisfied customer of his for four years, but there are a couple of things that you need to discuss... Also, if he has reviews, you might want to look through them to see if any of his other customers have had the same issue(s).

[cany10011]

OPTION 1: I would just not give him repeat business. Have him wonder why and if he texts you for an appointment, just tell him what things you like changed. I‘m sure there are other masseurs where you are???

 

OPTION 2: Or, if you have no other choices, just text him and say how much you enjoy his massages esp when working on your “name area here” and ask him if he can give it more attention for the full hour session. When he comes, play some music noting that you selected something 60 minutes long and will enjoy it for the FULL HOUR LONG SESSION. Hopefully he will get the clue. Otherwise, find someone else.

[+ 7829V]

You confront him the “capitalistic way” .... with your wallet. You stop hiring him ??‍♂️

[CatDaddy]

Don't schedule him for a long while. He'll likely miss the money and text you. Make him earn your business via open and straight forward communication.

I have a regular, too. I get it, regulars are nice and usually provide nice extras. But, I still occassionally tap my toe in the water - I don't want to miss a good one!

[Guest]

Fo grins and giggles, could you let us know who this provider is?

 

Or DM me?

[Lohengrin1979]

I just had a “come to Jesus” moment with one of the masseurs I hire regularly. I understand that things come up but he was constantly rescheduling due to the demands of his other career. I finally had to put my foot down and remind him that my time is also valuable and I schedule my own work around appointments I commit to.

 

It went well and he’s been toeing the line thus far. If your regular masseur values your business, he will shape up. If not, there are others who will.

[+ db66]

I vote in favor of being direct but businesslike as many have suggested. Tell him what you want done differently. If he agrees, great, keep hiring him. If not, either suck it up as is or move on. He’s never going to be able to read your mind, and “dropping hints” by not hiring him for awhile or taking other passive approaches won’t make him suddenly see the light. This is a business relationship. If he was running a restaurant and your hamburger wasn’t cooked enough, would you send it back, or would you stop showing up for several months in hopes that he would miss you and asks why you haven’t been around when you showed up again? It isn’t much different ... other than the happy ending, of course.

Edited October 21, 2020 by db66

[+ MysticMenace]

I vote in favor of being direct but businesslike as many have suggested. Tell him what you want done differently. If he agrees, great, keep hiring him. If not, either suck it up as is or move on. He’s never going to be able to read your mind, and “dropping hints” by not hiring him for awhile or taking other passive approaches won’t make him suddenly see the light. This is a business relationship. If he was running a restaurant and your hamburger wasn’t cooked enough, would you send it back, or would you stop showing up for several months in hopes that he would miss you and asks why you haven’t been around when you showed up again? It isn’t much different ... other than the happy ending, of course.

 

A good belch at the end of a great hamburger lunch is a happy ending to me. Lol.

[+ WestGuy]

I would almost give him a pass if he checks his phone while warming up the massage oil, but once he starts the massage the phone should be off limits. You didn’t identify that as an issue so maybe that’s not worth mentioning. Consistently shorting you on time is different and I would definitely raise that with him. But is it really the case that in a four year relationship he has never once gone the full hour? Or just that he does it frequently enough that it’s annoying? That should be a relatively easy issue to address and correct.

[+ 7829V]

Your business is not to educate masseurs or tell them how they should conduct their practice.

 

If you don’t like how the masseur behaves, just move on to the next one.

??‍♂️

[dfwmassagelover]

I would find another masseur.

[kev.mac2]

Fo grins and giggles, could you let us know who this provider is?

 

Or DM me?

He’s not anyone’s type on here

 

Also, for the record he gives a discount so I see him for cheap, his rates aren’t expensive to begin with.

[+ 7829V]

He’s not anyone’s type on here

 

Also, for the record he gives a discount so I see him for cheap, his rates aren’t expensive to begin with.

Might be a case of you get what you pay for... ?‍♂️

[cany10011]

He’s not anyone’s type on here

 

Also, for the record he gives a discount so I see him for cheap, his rates aren’t expensive to begin with.

If his rates are lower than usual, perhaps increase his fee and ask for the full hour? Does he have an ad? Maybe he feels that he is working too cheaply and has other clients that pay his full rate.

[jeezifonly]

Four years?

Time for you to open up the relationship, and get yourself a piece (of hands) on the side. If your body needs a full hour of real massage therapy every once in while, (I know mine does) save your breath on confrontation, and use it to call someone specifically for that. Then go back to Mr Distracted-Great-Extras next time. Sounds like he’s got habits built into his work routine, and you cannot count on your being able to change them. Just be discreet if the three of you turn up at the same garden party...

[+ sniper]

It's worth noting that a standard "therapy hour" is actually 50 minutes. So if he's saying hour or saying 60 minutes is relevant to how much/whether one is being shorted.

[sstmassage]

Let him know your expectations and reasons for the massage.

[+ EVdude]

It's worth noting that a standard "therapy hour" is actually 50 minutes. So if he's saying hour or saying 60 minutes is relevant to how much/whether one is being shorted.

Indeed and the standard non-therapy ending is 10 minutes! I always appreciate the spa or masseur that sets a clock to the agreed upon time once you’re on the table.

[Monarchy79]

Warning:

I have an opinion that’s probably going to be disliked..... ?

 

1.) I personally see nothing wrong with the masseur checking his phone, as he’s warming up the oil. As I would consider that to be the preparatory stage, and during that time the massage hasn’t actually started, what’s the big deal? For all we know, he could be putting his phone on airplane mode, or turning it off while warning the oil, so you both won’t be disturbed once the massage actually starts.

 

2.) The OP clearly stated that he doesn’t patronize this masseur for the massage at all, as his patronage is basically for the sensual aspects, and literally called the masseurs’ massage skills “mediocre”.

 

3.) You also said that you’re getting a discount for an already well-priced massage.

 

With all of that said.... my question to you, is why would you want an additional 10-15 minutes of “mediocre”, massage time? And why feel bad for paying the low rate that’s further discounted?

 

Sounds to me like everything equals out.

1.) You get a discount rate

2.) He gets your patronage

3.) You get your rocks off

4.) He gets to skimp on skills (and a few minutes of massage time)

 

Everybody wins

[+ sniper]

Yeah there's a certain amount of "you get what you pay for" going on with the lower cost guys.

[kev.mac2]

@Monarchy79

1. He warms up his oil a couple of times during the session which gives his the opportunity to look at his phone. I know this as his back is facing me and I raise my head to see what he’s doing.

I agree with your points. But why do I want that extra time at the end? Because that’s what I’m scheduling for, a 60 min session. I know it’s a mediocre massage but massage none the less.

 

I know the session length can be changed by just telling him to not skimp on time. Showering at the end of the appointment shouldn’t be included in the session time.