How do you approach the Trans community without offending them

[Lchnsf]

I am a gay man attracted to gay men with all the right parts. Even among the gay community I definitely have a type. Now that the Trans community is mixing in I find I am getting approached often. When I have turned them down I have been accused of being racist and closed minded. My interest involves men with all the working parts. I have found Trans men rather aggressive in approaching me and they don’t take no for an answer. I wish to remain sensitive and my trans friends haven’t been helpful in how to respond. No should mean no.

[+ Charlie]

It is never easy to turn down a sexual come-on from anyone if you don't want to offend or hurt them. The worst thing is to tell them, "You're not my type," because that makes them the problem. It is better to be honest and just say, "I'm sorry. I like you, but I am not sexually attracted to you, and I can't help that. I hope we can simply be friends, " which takes the onus off them. If they continue to press, it's time to say, "You seem to have a problem accepting who I am. Let's talk about why that is," which shifts the focus to their behavior.

Edited September 11, 2020 by Charlie

[+ 7829V]

I am a gay man attracted to gay men with all the right parts. Even among the gay community I definitely have a type. Now that the Trans community is mixing in I find I am getting approached often. When I have turned them down I have been accused of being racist and closed minded. My interest involves men with all the working parts. I have found Trans men rather aggressive in approaching me and they don’t take no for an answer. I wish to remain sensitive and my trans friends haven’t been helpful in how to respond. No should mean no.

I think this has more to do with them refusing to accept a "NOT INTERESTED" for an answer than with being trans.

[Guest]

I'd say be honest with them. But I wish I had your problem I love trans men but all the ones I approach turn me down.

[+ BenjaminNicholas]

In society, it's becoming increasingly more difficult to turn people down in a way that doesn't seemingly shatter their entire existence.

 

Bottom line, a 'thanks, but not my type' or 'not interested, thanks' should work.

 

If someone pushes past that and tries to make it an issue (as many now do), block them (if on an app) or just walk away. You do yourself no favors being wrangled into someone projecting their own insecurities in a feeble attempt to feel stronger or make a statement.

[Todd Jenkins]

I am a gay man attracted to gay men with all the right parts. Even among the gay community I definitely have a type. Now that the Trans community is mixing in I find I am getting approached often. When I have turned them down I have been accused of being racist and closed minded. My interest involves men with all the working parts. I have found Trans men rather aggressive in approaching me and they don’t take no for an answer. I wish to remain sensitive and my trans friends haven’t been helpful in how to respond. No should mean no.

 

I am not usually attracted to black guys and when I am approached by a black guy on Grindr / Scruff and I tell them this, I am a RACIST! Whatever you wanna say, I don't care. Being offended is on the person being offended, not me. We have become a nation of pussies, not able to understand that the world is not fair and we simply need to move on. Not EVERYTHING is racist or offensive just because it makes you feel that way.

[urbanfetish]

I usually say something along the lines of "Sorry but I don't think we are a good match." It doesn't directly put the perceived blame on them. I'm not into Trans guys in a similar (yet opposite?) way that I'm not into cross dressers/drag queens/transsexuals. I don't find women attractive so why would I want a guy in women's clothes or a Trans man with a pussy? I support them for who they are, who they've become and all that, but I'm not sexually interested in them.

[thedanNYC]

I am not usually attracted to black guys and when I am approached by a black guy on Grindr / Scruff and I tell them this, I am a RACIST! Whatever you wanna say, I don't care. Being offended is on the person being offended, not me. We have become a nation of pussies, not able to understand that the world is not fair and we simply need to move on. Not EVERYTHING is racist or offensive just because it makes you feel that way.

 

I don't want to start a whole different controversy here, but you really can't see why people would react poorly to this? You're literally saying that no aspect of their existence is worth you taking a look at simply because of the color of their skin. I wouldn't tell people that and expect them to respond with an "oh, okay". A simple "I'm not interested" would be a more courteous thing to say. Expecting courteousness doesn't make people pussies, it makes them civilized.

 

The trans issue is different because OP is basically saying that he likes men with penises, which is completely natural when it comes to being attracted to the male form as it is traditionally understood. Just to say it, I would always make that point that directly and clearly; I wouldn't dance around it by saying you want men with "all the working parts" because trans men are not defective. If you've been saying things along those lines, then that might be what is getting you in trouble.

 

Your sexual preference shouldn't offend a trans man without a penis if he's secure in his manhood, much like a man with a small penis shouldn't get offended if you only like horse-hung men. But, again, to be civilized, I think the people who are telling you to not give a specific reason for turning down a trans man are right. A simple "I'm not interested" would work. You don't owe anyone an explanation about why you're not interested, and I would say as much to avoid getting into arguments that won't be productive.

[Todd Jenkins]

I don't want to start a whole different controversy here, but you really can't see why people would react poorly to this? You're literally saying that no aspect of their existence is worth you taking a look at simply because of the color of their skin. I wouldn't tell people that and expect them to respond with an "oh, okay". A simple "I'm not interested" would be a more courteous thing to say. Expecting courteousness doesn't make people pussies, it makes them civilized.

 

The trans issue is different because OP is basically saying that he likes men with penises, which is completely natural when it comes to being attracted to the male form as it is traditionally understood. Just to say it, I would always make that point that directly and clearly; I wouldn't dance around it by saying you want men with "all the working parts" because trans men are not defective. If you've been saying things along those lines, then that might be what is getting you in trouble.

 

Your sexual preference shouldn't offend a trans man without a penis if he's secure in his manhood, much like a man with a small penis shouldn't get offended if you only like horse-hung men. But, again, to be civilized, I think the people who are telling you to not give a specific reason for turning down a trans man are right. A simple "I'm not interested" would work. You don't owe anyone an explanation about why you're not interested, and I would say as much to avoid getting into arguments that won't be productive.

 

And THIS is why everything is 'racist' – yes, it is literally because of their color. I am not into black guys. I have white guys who tell me 'not in white guys' and I say, OK. I message italian guys – I LOOOVE Italian guys – and some of them say 'not into white guys' and I say OK.

 

It's just not RACIST to not be into an ethnicity. It's a preference. Are we sexist because we don't like women? NOPE! Just stupid bullshit

[thedanNYC]

And THIS is why everything is 'racist' – yes, it is literally because of their color. I am not into black guys. I have white guys who tell me 'not in white guys' and I say, OK. I message italian guys – I LOOOVE Italian guys – and some of them say 'not into white guys' and I say OK.

 

It's just not RACIST to not be into an ethnicity. It's a preference. Are we sexist because we don't like women? NOPE! Just stupid bullshit

 

I did not express an opinion about whether your behavior is racist. I said it is discourteous. And I also said that a simple "I'm not interested" would be a more civilized answer to give someone, particularly when you're clearly fully aware of how your normal answer is going to be perceived and the reaction it will cause. Bu if you prefer to go around telling people that you're not interested in them because of the color of their skin, and then blabber on about how that's not racist and make analogies to other types of behavior to defend your preferred answer, then more power to you.

[Todd Jenkins]

I did not express an opinion about whether your behavior is racist. I said it is discourteous. And I also said that a simple "I'm not interested" would be a more civilized answer to give someone, particularly when you're clearly fully aware of how your normal answer is going to be perceived and the reaction it will cause. Bu if you prefer to go around telling people that you're not interested in them because of the color of their skin, and then blabber on about how that's not racist and make analogies to other types of behavior to defend your preferred answer, then more power to you.

 

So, is it racist when black people tell me – not into white guys ?

Is it racist when ANY OTHER color says to me: not into white guys? Or is it just when a white person says it?

[thedanNYC]

So, is it racist when black people tell me – not into white guys ?

Is it racist when ANY OTHER color says to me: not into white guys? Or is it just when a white person says it?

 

Again, I did not express an opinion about whether your behavior is racist. And I don't want to get into an online debate about that topic. "I'm not interested."

[Todd Jenkins]

Again, I did not express an opinion about whether your behavior is racist. And I don't want to get into an online debate about that topic. "I'm not interested."

meh – everyone is just butt hurt over everything. stupid.

[Kevin Slater]

"Thanks, not a match."

 

If they want to get offended that you've somehow invalidated their gender identity, that's on them. There are myriad other qualities that could explain your lack of interest, which you smartly didn't elaborate.

 

Kevin Slater

[+ IronMaus]

There is something about you that gay trans men like, and you specifically aren't into trans men. That's a tricky situation! A more general rejection is the polite way out. Preferences of race and genitalia are old-fashioned and unavoidably problematic.

 

Telling someone that genitals or skin color is the reason you don't find them attractive is the same thing as telling them its the reason they are unattractive. Trying to convince them its just YOUR preference still makes you look 1 of 2 ways: either you are obviously prejudiced and are willing to admit it to everyone but yourself, or you just don't know how to talk to people of different skin colors or genitals.

 

Referring to men you like as having the "working" or "right" parts implies that trans men have neither the right or working parts - or that they aren't men at all. I know what you meant when I read it, but its not something you should say to them or in a public forum. They are a gay man with a vagina. You are a gay men with a penis. You are no more manly than them because your were born with a penis and raised as a boy. We are men because we say we are and like to be thought of as men.

 

Language changes fast sometimes. But that's how language works. You either change with it or become a troll. Just because people don't think what they say is offensive doesn't make what they say any better. It makes you look like the oldest person at the family reunion who says things nobody else there would and you either call them out on it or let it slide or take their drink from them.

 

Just because something you say can seem and sound and feel prejudiced doesn't mean it is. But when people who suffer from the prejudice of others encounter the same language they've heard from their oppressors coming from someone within their community, should they really take it any other way?

[+ Lucky]

I simply don't have the experience with trans people that I would like to have. Years ago I met a guy at the baths and he was an excellent fuck, just superb. My focus was entirely on that. Then I picked him up at his home a few nights later for a dinner date. Well, he was not masculine. He wore a mink coat and carried something just short of a purse. To my shame, now, I drove around trying to find a restaurant where no one would know me and I wouldn't run into anyone I knew. We had a dinner and I took him home, but I didn't go in. I was not prepared for his femininity. Today I would have realized that I liked this guy, had connected well with him, and anyone who cared that I was with a feminine man wasn't worth the worry. Retrospect and all.

Lady boys, as they are called, in Thailand were so pushy with tourists I just avoided them. They were all business.

But I still mindfucked the other day when I approached a female clerk at a clothing store and realized it was a man. The voice was the male indication that caused me to pick up other clues. It was a quick interaction, but now I would like to know someone who has that approach to life.

[+ pitman]

There is always going to be a group of people who are oblivious to how their words are likely to be perceived by others, no matter what their intent was; people who then become defensive and/or belligerent when this is pointed out to them.

 

I'm not interested.

[+ poolboy48220]

There is something about you that gay trans men like, and you specifically aren't into trans men. That's a tricky situation! A more general rejection is the polite way out. Preferences of race and genitalia are old-fashioned and unavoidably problematic.

 

Telling someone that genitals or skin color is the reason you don't find them attractive is the same thing as telling them its the reason they are unattractive. Trying to convince them its just YOUR preference still makes you look 1 of 2 ways: either you are obviously prejudiced and are willing to admit it to everyone but yourself, or you just don't know how to talk to people of different skin colors or genitals.

 

Referring to men you like as having the "working" or "right" parts implies that trans men have neither the right or working parts - or that they aren't men at all. I know what you meant when I read it, but its not something you should say to them or in a public forum. They are a gay man with a vagina. You are a gay men with a penis. You are no more manly than them because your were born with a penis and raised as a boy. We are men because we say we are and like to be thought of as men.

 

Language changes fast sometimes. But that's how language works. You either change with it or become a troll. Just because people don't think what they say is offensive doesn't make what they say any better. It makes you look like the oldest person at the family reunion who says things nobody else there would and you either call them out on it or let it slide or take their drink from them.

 

Just because something you say can seem and sound and feel prejudiced doesn't mean it is. But when people who suffer from the prejudice of others encounter the same language they've heard from their oppressors coming from someone within their community, should they really take it any other way?

I can't let this one go with just an "applause" icon. This is an amazing post and I will probably plagiarize what you've said in the near future.

[Guy Fawkes]

I'm a top (or was one.) I have yet to find a person that does't have what I'm interested in.

 

Nipples I've been told come on all the standard models and respond (or don't respond) the same way.

 

It's all just skin. I like skin. I like licking, sucking, and rubbing skin.

 

I like short, I like muscular, I like scruffy.

 

width=320pxhttps://external-content.duckduckgo.com/iu/?u=https%3A%2F%2Fisportsfab.com%2Fwp-content%2Fuploads%2F2019%2F06%2Fajay1.0.jpg&f=1&nofb=1[/img]

 

I am a gay man attracted to gay men with all the right parts. Even among the gay community I definitely have a type. Now that the Trans community is mixing in I find I am getting approached often. When I have turned them down I have been accused of being racist and closed minded. My interest involves men with all the working parts. I have found Trans men rather aggressive in approaching me and they don’t take no for an answer. I wish to remain sensitive and my trans friends haven’t been helpful in how to respond. No should mean no.

[jeezifonly]

I don’t think it’s constructive overall to equate the preferences one has for a romantic or sexual partner with the way we categorize unacceptable racist/phobic speech and behavior that destroys the fabric of society in every other context.

It’s personal. In the most non-public kind of way Personal. Calling out romantic rejection as racism can only confuse the importance of the real work at hand. We must focus on promotion of equality everywhere. But not in matters of the heart (or other sympathetic organs) The right to love and be loved comes with the right to break hearts and to have yours broken. Responsible application of the rights of love includes not being a dick about it, regardless of whether you have one, want one, want a certain one or none at all.

 

Back in the day of meeting face to face, it was perhaps easier to engage and use conversation to steer a pursuer towards friendship or a friendly no thanks. The swiping action to “dismiss” a suitor has maybe made some people feel more casual about letting the suitor FEEL the swipe of rejection.

[+ harey]

Here is a tiny dancing penis. Enjoy.

[Guest]

I am a gay man attracted to gay men with all the right parts. Even among the gay community I definitely have a type. Now that the Trans community is mixing in I find I am getting approached often. When I have turned them down I have been accused of being racist and closed minded. My interest involves men with all the working parts....

 

For God's sake send them my way. I'd just let them know that there a lot of gay men like me who don't bottom and would be in heaven to have a trans man as a boyfriend. Seriously, ask them if they'd consider dating a wonderful physician in his late 50s. As long as they don't have too many tattoos. Total fantasy for me to have a trans man in my life.

[Guest]

I'd take this man, tattoos and all!

[Guest]

[Guest]