What would you have done?

[NYGuy]

Would like to see how you would have handled this. Had an overnight and “morning/lunch” appointment with a well known and well reviewed escort visiting Boston. Because of pet care and the fact that I lived in the burbs booked a hotel near the house and was picking up in the city and returning him after lunch on Sunday. As we got closer it he stated that he could go until 9 Sunday morning and when I inquired more he said he needed to be back in the city by 9. After back and forth trying to figure out what was going on I said the plans didn’t work for me anymore. When I mentioned we would need to leave the hotel at 8 and would need to head home to walk the dog etc by 7 he responded “it takes that long to walk a dog?” The whole time he was acting as if the plans hadn’t changed. When pushed he admitted he had a cancel later Sunday and moved his flight up a day. Bye the way the rate was the overnight rate plus a rate for the morning/lunch where he was giving me a deal. After I cancelled he came back that we could meet for just the overnight rate. He stated since he as been with a client the past few days he couldn’t let me know but we had texted a few times during those days confirming details.

Last he had taken. 50% deposit. Stupidly I said keep the deposit and apply to another visit. I really was not expecting album to refund. The more I reflect the more stupid I feel. I did not like the lack of honestly in the change in plans and expected to bluff a shorter visit for the same rate. If he has been honest I could totally understand the change and we could have worked something out (I would have done a multi hour visit in Boston Sat night instead).

So what do you guys think - again not only positive RM reviews, Daddy’s and good comments on here. So what do you think? I know now I should have pushed for my deposit back. I also did not think I would get it and if he did not refund, I would have been really pissed vs really annoyed.

[BabyBoomer]

 

Last he had taken. 50% deposit.

 

NO MONEY UPFRONT.

 

~Boomer~

[+ harey]

Sounds like you canceled everything, the entire meeting? I would not have planned an overnight unless I’d already met the escort, and I’ve never paid a large deposit. I agree though about letting him keep the money for a future visit just in case you meet later. Pushing him to repay could have been a headache and waste of time.

Better luck next time.

[cany10011]

I wouldn’t expect to see my $ deposit again. I would have tried to salvage it by asking for a multi-hour playtime on Saturday or have the overnight and just pay him for the overnight and not the full quoted amount (which includes lunch) and be done with it. It was very unfair for him to change the morning departure without asking you first since he knew already that he promised/quoted his rate including lunch with you.

 

With the ”hard feelings” i don’t think I would be in a mood to enjoy the date anyways though a good escort will know how to cheer you up and make amends. Though I wonder if he really is a “good” escort?

[+ Reisr30]

I agree doesn’t sound professional at all. He changed the agreed plans with you because someone else cancelled. His problems with other clients shouldn’t impact the arrangements he made with you. Bummer about losing half the deposit but I agree with you if I’m understanding correctly.

[rvwnsd]

Would like to see how you would have handled this...

I would have handled this differently.

 

...Had an overnight and “morning/lunch” appointment with a well known and well reviewed escort visiting Boston....

It sounds like this was going to be the first time you met this escort. I do not hire escorts I don't know for overnight appointments. Change of plans notwithstanding, it can be a recipe for disaster.

 

... Because of pet care and the fact that I lived in the burbs booked a hotel near the house and was picking up in the city and returning him after lunch on Sunday...

So far, almost so good. I would have hired a pet sitter to walk the dog and gone to his hotel/booked a hotel in the city. My dearly departed, beloved elderly cat needed meds every twelve hours. I hired someone to administer morning/evening meds when I took a day trip so as not to kill myself getting home by a specific time.

 

As we got closer it he stated that he could go until 9 Sunday morning...

How much closer are we talking about? A week before? Friday evening? Asking because the amount of advance notice he provided makes a difference about how I would feel about the change in plans.

 

...when I inquired more he said he needed to be back in the city by 9. After back and forth trying to figure out what was going on I said the plans didn’t work for me anymore. When I mentioned we would need to leave the hotel at 8 and would need to head home to walk the dog etc by 7 he responded “it takes that long to walk a dog?”....

Going back to the principle of hiring a pet sitter, leaving at 7 to walk a dog could be a moot point. It seems like that would have made the new plans work.

 

...The whole time he was acting as if the plans hadn’t changed...

Is the problem here really about him curtailing the appointment to include only the overnight or about the perception that he acted like plans hadn't changed?

 

...When pushed he admitted he had a cancel later Sunday and moved his flight up a day....

I would not have pushed for a reason.

 

...Bye the way the rate was the overnight rate plus a rate for the morning/lunch where he was giving me a deal....

I would have ditched the lunch date and booked a hotel closer to him or had the overnight at his hotel. I would have already planned to have hired a pet sitter, so the 7:00/8:00 would have been moot.

 

...After I cancelled...

I would not have cancelled.

 

...he came back that we could meet for just the overnight rate....

I think that is fair. I also would have suggested that when he said he had to be back to the hotel by 9 AM.

 

...He stated since he as been with a client the past few days he couldn’t let me know but we had texted a few times during those days confirming details....

Assuming you were not constantly texting him, that's a dick move on his part. While I agree it could have been difficult to communicate while with another client, he certainly must have had some "alone" time to communicate with you.

 

...Last he had taken. 50% deposit....

I would not have given him a 50% deposit. He didn't "take" it. He requested it and you gave it to him. Then again, I wouldn't have booked an overnight with him in the first place.

 

...Stupidly I said keep the deposit and apply to another visit. I really was not expecting album to refund...

Well, the nature of a deposit is it isn't returned when you cancel. That's the point of a deposit - it is a deterrent to cancelling and compensation for lost income from declining other appointments in case you do. You cancelled and he received his compensation. That'show it works.

 

...The more I reflect the more stupid I feel....

I don't think you should feel stupid. I do hope you have learned a lesson (see below).

 

...I did not like the lack of honestly in the change in plans and expected to bluff a shorter visit for the same rate.....

I would not have cancelled the entire visit. I would have kept the overnight and informed him that I would pay for the overnight only,

 

Unless I missed something, he did not expect to bluff a shorter visit for the same rate. He told you he had to be back in Boston at 9:00 AM and you cancelled the entire appointment, which consisted of an overnight portion and a morning portion. Based on what you wrote, you didn't give him an opportunity to charge for the overnight only.

 

... If he has been honest I could totally understand the change and we could have worked something out (I would have done a multi hour visit in Boston Sat night instead)...

I would have given himself a chance to explain what was going on before I cancelled both parts of the date. Something like, "Darn, that's unfortunate. Can you tell me what's going on?" rather than "That doesn't work so I am cancelling."

 

Additionally, I don't see him being dishonest. He said he had to cancel the second part of the date and you cancelled the entire thing before you gave him an opportunity to explain what was happening. Frankly, I don't see him having a chance to be honest or dishonest.

 

... So what do you guys think - again not only positive RM reviews, Daddy’s and good comments on here. ...

It think you each share some responsibility for the snafu that turned into 1) a cancellation and 2) a bitter taste left in your mouth.

 

... So what do you think? I know now I should have pushed for my deposit back. ...

I don't think you should get the deposit back.

 

... I also did not think I would get it ...

Agree. that's not how deposits work.

 

...and if he did not refund, I would have been really pissed vs really annoyed.

I'd be pissed at myself for not thinking about keeping the overnight.

 

So, to the lessons learned:

1. Don't book an overnight with someone you don't know
   
2. Don't pay a high deposit
   
3. Don't let emotion take over. Think of a way to salvage a situation.
   
4. Don't assume it is solely his responsibility to think your way out of a problem. You both can and should try to resolve problems like this.
   

[Luv2play]

I do a lot of overnights and have never made a deposit against the fee. I do send money for the travel when the escort is travelling to me. Th

[Luv2play]

This has worked out every time. I credit this to the fact the escort wants to earn the big fee an overnight entails. He would have to see 5 or 6 clients for 1 hours to make the same amount. One time the escort missed his train and texted me right away, I was free the next night so we rescheduled and everything worked out fine.

[MscleLovr]

I feel for you @NYGuy. I have to ask: are you new to hiring?

 

Don't book an overnight with someone you don't know

Don't pay a high deposit

Don't let emotion take over. Think of a way to salvage a situation.

Don't assume it is solely his responsibility to think your way out of a problem. You both can and should try to resolve problems like this.

 

@rvwnsd has given you a succinct summary. I’d just add that hiring a “well known and well reviewed escort” is no guarantee. I’ve known a few very highly rated guys prove to be flakes (not turning up, arriving very late, getting drunk etc). So it’s essential to have a shorter date with a guy before an overnight date with him.

[NYGuy]

A few things. I gave the deposit because I am 30 miles out of Boston and thought it was fair. Second, the communication of the change was Friday. We had booked a week earlier. Since I am not in the city hiring a dog walker the day before sounds great/ but actually checked and my regular service (company and not just a single person) had no one available. I was not going to let some unknown person have access to my house just to complete the appointment to accommodate him.

I did suggest a four hour Saturday night and he wanted the full fee- was not going to throw more money into it. Last, I would not have done anything similar on a first meeting but for the glowing reviews on Daddy’s and positive comments on here. He also historically did not come through Boston often. He did finally apologize when pushed saying that he should have let me know sooner, saying it was bad communications on his part and he had been with a client so hard to communicate effectively. (But we had been doing multiple short texts all along including pickup time, etc). From day one he knew about the dog issues, that I had to run home after dinner and before taking him back and telling me he had a dog too so he understood.

[NYGuy]

PS appreciate the feedback and I recognize my stupidity on the deposit.

[Guest NYCRich212]

Stupidity? Dude, don’t go there. It didn’t work out. Don’t fall into a pit of recrimination.

I guarantee your next planned event will go better. Start cranking up the fantasy machine!

[Luv2play]

Given that you did try a compromise by suggesting a four hour appointment instead of a full night and morning session including lunch, I think it was incumbent on the escort to try to arrive at a fee something less than the original amount agreed. Maybe the extra time in the morning was a complicating factor. You said that was a deal which I take it was not anywhere near what one would pay for a 4/5 hour session if taken by itself. A 4 hour session rather than an overnight of 8 hours would be more than half the fee for the ON but somewhat less than the ON fee. You had already paid half of the total fee, so agreeing to your proposal would have meant you would not be paying him anything more. I guess he thought since he already had his fee even if he didn”t show up for work, that was a god deal for him. It was not a good deal though if he wanted to have you hire him again.

[former lurker]

I would have revised the plan and gone with the overnight without the added morning/lunch stuff. As for hotel checkout, etc., I'd have checked out when it suited me and offered to call him an uber. It sounds like his plans/situation were disrupted and then he changed his itinerary and it led to reorienting your planned meeting. If the issue is that he fudged the reasons for the change, I'd tend not to dwell on that -- there are a lot of comments scattered about these boards from clients about escorts who text/read texts, take calls, leave phones on, etc, and how that disrupts their experience. We tend to want to be the sole focus of the escort during our time together. Anything that is external can disrupt that, and so I suspect a lot of good escorts try to keep from letting those external factors disrupt the sense of our being their sole focus.

 

Leaving him with the sizable deposit and no agreement about how to apply that to a future meeting is another matter, but as someone has said above, don't be too tough on yourself for acting on an instinct to settle things amicably and fairly. In the future, however, should you face a similar situation, I'd recommend an open discussion about what you and the escort would consider a fair resolution. The only part I'm not mentally processing is why you didn't opt to do the overnight without the added morning/lunch time if that was on the table.

[+ Lucky]

The escort was wrong to shorten your booking. He should not have moved his flight up. He owes you the entire deposit. You should name him so others know this before they make a booking with him. Does he really have great reviews here? How many?

[NYGuy]

A couple of things. He only admitted to the change after I pushed. He tried to bluff his way into saying no change, only when I quoted the exact language back and I pushed rid he admit to the situation. I certainly was not going to do a shortened overnight and spend more money - that would have just been more stupid. As to naming him he apologized and I will not. By the way not my first rodeo. The reason I agreed to the deposit was that in all fairness to him he had no hotel in Boston and if I had cancelled it would have left him in the lurch. Again highly reviewed on Daddy’s, dozens positive on RM.

[cany10011]

A couple of things. He only admitted to the change after I pushed. He tried to bluff his way into saying no change, only when I quoted the exact language back and I pushed rid he admit to the situation. I certainly was not going to do a shortened overnight and spend more money - that would have just been more stupid. As to naming him he apologized and I will not. By the way not my first rodeo. The reason I agreed to the deposit was that in all fairness to him he had no hotel in Boston and if I had cancelled it would have left him in the lurch. Again highly reviewed on Daddy’s, dozens positive on RM.

 

 

Sounds like his actions do not befit a well-reviewed provider.

[+ nycman]

What would I have done?

 

First, I would have slapped you across the face for paying upfront.

 

Nonetheless, I do think the escort was wrong to keep your deposit.

He was the one who change the deal. So, he should refund your deposit.

[Lazarus]

Next time...rent a room at a hotel that allows dogs & pay the extra fee for the dog. Most Marriott Residence Inn’s allow dogs.

[NYGuy]

The dog thing would not have worked. I have a rescue who is very protective of me and until she gets to know someone will bark loud- never would work. One reason for booking hotel is she is even worse with visitors to the house. Under normal circumstances she would calm down in an hour or so but with the almost elimination of visitors with Covid she is worse.

[+ JEC]

Don't obsess or beat yourself up. Reflect, learn and move on. Jump back in the pool wiser and better informed how to engage in the future. Oh, and you said "keep the deposit" - it's gone, chalk it up to experience.

Edited August 31, 2020 by JEC

[+ poolboy48220]

The dog thing would not have worked. I have a rescue who is very protective of me and until she gets to know someone will bark loud- never would work. One reason for booking hotel is she is even worse with visitors to the house. Under normal circumstances she would calm down in an hour or so but with the almost elimination of visitors with Covid she is worse.

Agreed. My dog (also a rescue) is rarely far from me; she's not clingy, but if I go upstairs, she'll go upstairs too, and she sleeps in my bed. When I've hosted escorts, I close the bedroom door, and she scratches at the door for a bit before going to chill on the guest room bed. I'll let her in once the main action is over if the guy's okay with it, and the three of us will rest on the bed until he leaves. I've never had her in a hotel, but I'm not much of a traveller.

[former lurker]

The dog thing would not have worked. I have a rescue who is very protective of me and until she gets to know someone will bark loud- never would work. One reason for booking hotel is she is even worse with visitors to the house. Under normal circumstances she would calm down in an hour or so but with the almost elimination of visitors with Covid she is worse.

 

You have me thinking of getting a rescue dog. My cousin has done so twice, and it's been a great experience for him and his dogs. Unfortunately, I now live in an apartment so I'm reluctant to have a dog because I don't have a yard for her/him.

[NYGuy]

I would still get a rescue. Mine was physically abused and half is expected weight. She is loving and fun. I will put up with the barking to have had the opportunity to save her from a sad and abusive environment.

[former lurker]

I would still get a rescue. Mine was physically abused and half is expected weight. She is loving and fun. I will put up with the barking to have had the opportunity to save her from a sad and abusive environment.

 

Thanks for the advice, and for your good deed in adopting your rescue dog. I have another cousin who has a dog that had been abused, neglected, malnourished and traumatized. It took him (the dog) quite a while to feel secure and loved, but he got there and from all appearance is doing quite well. Of course my cousin adores the dog. She lost her partner to cancer two years ago, and having the dog has been a tremendous source of comfort, companionship, and structure for her. I've been toying with the idea of getting a pet (a dog most likely) as I lost my mom two years ago and, especially in these times of social distancing/isolation, having a dog to care for and get companionship from is quite appealing. I just moved though and am still getting my bearings in the new place -- went from a house to an apartment -- so I'm going to take my time deciding about getting a pet.