Virus Strains Relationships

[+ Lucky]

The Washington Post today takes a look at how the corona virus is affecting relationships. Families and friends are struggling to cope and don't always recognize another's desire to insist on social distancing and wearing of masks. I have found that wiith the shelter in place now five months old, there is less to talk about with friends and family because not much is happening. What are your experiences?

https://www.washingtonpost.com/health/stress-from-the-pandemic-can-destroy-relationships-with-friends--even-families/2020/08/07/d95216f4-d665-11ea-aff6-220dd3a14741_story.html?hpid=hp_hp-banner-main_coronafriends-930am%3Ahomepage%2Fstory-ans

[MidwestCoastal]

Hard to find the words about my emotional state over the last 5 months. I'm very lucky in the practical regard, but definitely suffering from some flavor of depression.

 

I still have my great paying job where I can almost work from anywhere, a little bit of job security for the next 6 to 18 months, savings in the banks, family that I can quarantine with, and I'm in generally good health. The flip side is that my social and dating life have totally disappeared. I was living in Philly and wasn't hugely connected to 'the scene' but I had a small group of straight and gay friends that I saw on a semi-regular basis, mostly couples to have dinner with, movies, day trips to NYC, game nights... more homebodies than 'bar/club friends'. I had just started dating again and found a couple guys that I thought 'could go somewhere'.....then... BOOM.... Corona-virus hits. After spending a month in my apartment relatively alone, I decamped to live with my 75 year old Mom in the rural south. She's in good health, we're super tight, but we were both getting very lonely so we decided to become roomies for both our mental and physical health.`

 

My in-person social group has dissolved. Almost all my city friends headed for the suburbs or even rural enclaves. Some, with SF and NYC emptying out and rents dropping, pursued their dream to try living in 'the big city'. A few even headed to foreign destinations for a year. We have tried to keep up with video chatting, texts, and the like, but to your point, there isn't much to talk about other than what you're binge watching, how work life has changed, and sharing experiences about what life is like when you do choose to 'venture out' of your home bunker. One of the guys I was dating went back to his ex-boyfriend, another headed to Canada, and the last wasn't interested in a long distance relationship (I wasn't really either) so we're now just online gaming buddies.

 

I'm 47 years old, single, and I am feeling totally disconnected from the world. The 'being single' is what is really hitting me hard. I feel like my dating life is over. I'm trying to think about this chapter in my life as a chance to reinvent myself and challenge myself to really understand 'what will make me happy' or more likely, figure out 'what really doesn't make me happy'. I'm just not there yet....

 

On a more positive note, the quarantine helped me discover I like being 'mostly vegan', I have figured out how to be healthier and more active after two surgeries last year and this year made working out almost impossible - but I've lost almost 20 pounds since quarantining, and I am saving a ton of money, but damn, I miss my friends, I miss sex, and I'm tired of wearing comfy, casual clothes all the time! But I also fully acknowledge, my so-called problems others would likely trade me for in a microsecond.

 

We're not alone! Thanks for the thread and letting me share.

[+ Lucky]

@MidwestCoastal Thanks for sharing. I hope that things look up for you.

[alrajee]

@MidwestCoastal pretty much summed up how life nowadays is like for me.

 

I haven't seen any of my friends, save for two that I had beers with on separate occasions last July, since the pandemic reared its ugly head. While I'm confident that most of them will survive in the wake of Covid-19, there's one friendship that I'm not sure will still be there in 2021. And it's a tough one: I made a conscious decision that I would cultivate that friendship this year, but because of SAH orders, we have not been able to hang out at all. The travel ban is also taking its toll on me: spring and late summer are the usual times when I'd visit friends abroad.

 

On the dating front, I just came out of a two-year, mostly long-distance, relationship last year. This year was supposed to be my comeback year—I focused on improving my outlook, being more outgoing, working out a lot, so that when I come back to the pool, I'm at my best both physically and emotionally. I have been on zero dates and have not had sex for the same length of time.

 

I'm fine with not being in a relationship but not seeing my friends has been brutal.

 

I'm here, dazed and a little bit depressed, wondering how I'm going to deal with the new normal. But on the flip side, I'm in the best shape of my life (abs!) and I have saved a good amount of my salary from not going out. (Fortunately, I don't really buy a lot of things so I have never succumbed to retail therapy.)

[+ RJD]

As someone who lives alone and is from a tight knit Italian family who would get together often for meals and visits, I’m having difficulty dealing with this as well. I saw them last month for the first time since February and at that, it was outdoors. I haven’t seen friends in person since before this all started either. Taking advantage of the limited businesses that are open is frustrating and difficult due to the restrictions imposed on them and because people are on edge and appear to be too confrontational with others. It’s really house arrest with no end in sight.

 

I understand the need to continue this course but you can’t discount the mental and emotional toll it’s taking on everyone.

[Mjonis]

Going next week to the doctor to get some meds. I can't take it any more.

[+ Charlie]

I have no close family members, and as I have grown old, there aren't many people with whom I socially interact in person even in normal times. Much of my social life in recent years takes place on the tennis court, and luckily I have not had to stop playing there, so I can get regular physical and social exercise simultaneously. What I do miss is the anonymous social interaction of public spaces, like restaurants.

 

On the other hand, I find myself interacting through emails and phone calls much more frequently now with old friends around the US and Europe whom I rarely see in person any longer. I am one of those people who doesn't use social media (other than this site) and usually can go for days without using my phone, but now we are all stuck at home most of the time, so we have time to chat on the phone or exchange long emails. For the past 20 weeks I have written a "weekly update" of my mundane thoughts and activities to a dozen old friends, several of whom I haven't seen in years, and they often respond in kind. It's remarkable how many people say they enjoy hearing the details about my experiences at the supermarket or the dentist in the Age of CoViD that we are all trying to navigate.

[+ Lucky]

Going next week to the doctor to get some meds. I can't take it any more.

Good luck, @Mjonis

[Blade9]

My life has changed very little. I’ve worked from home for decades. I can’t see my family as much as I used to but we stay in touch. I see/communicate with my friends all over the country almost as much as before, if not more. I don’t travel as much as I did {either for work or personal pleasure} and I’m okay with that. It was getting old. This entire episode has been more of an annoyance than anything. I know of no one whose physical health has been disaffected by this, but I know a great many people whose financial health has been devastated. I continue with the trainer at the gym five days per week, and found a super cute, crazy fit, super smart, massively hung, horny, 25 year old on Grindr that I see quite often. You make of the situation what you want and need it to be.

[+ WilliamM]

 

 

 

You make of the situation what you want and need it to be.

 

Members with school age kids here may not be able to completely agree, or also members who can't work on line.

[+ Lucky]

Members with school age kids here may not be able to completely agree, or also members who can't work on line.

Or members who are avoiding gyms and sex.

[+ WilliamM]

My life has changed very little. I’ve worked from home for decades. I can’t see my family as much as I used to but we stay in touch. I see/communicate with my friends all over the country almost as much as before, if not more. I don’t travel as much as I did {either for work or personal pleasure} and I’m okay with that. It was getting old. This entire episode has been more of an annoyance than anything. I know of no one whose physical health has been disaffected by this, but I know a great many people whose financial health has been devastated. I continue with the trainer at the gym five days per week, and found a super cute, crazy fit, super smart, massively hung, horny, 25 year old on Grindr that I see quite often. You make of the situation what you want and need it to be.

 

Where do you life?

 

In heaven

[+ sam.fitzpatrick]

On Thursday, March 12, I left the office and arrived home. I was scheduled to take the next day off. But after a call at 9:00 that morning letting me know that our team was going to begin work from for the next week to 'test our abilities to all work remotely', I was opening my laptop and working from home to address some of the emerging concerns. Before the next week was over, our entire company was moving to work from home.

 

After about four weeks of the work from home requirement and working every day including weekends between March 9 and Easter, I realized that my frustration levels were rising. While I could get the job done, it was not as efficient and in many situations as effective as I was when the entire team was working form the office. We were all addressing various COVID issues needed for work in addition to many of our regular job functions, working extra hours, and would easily go a week without talking to my boss or any peers in my department whereas I was talking to most of them daily prior to us all being in quarantine. All communication was being completed via instant message or email, staff meetings were canceled and things were being deferred.

 

By mid-April, what we initially thought might be 30 days of working from home was clearly going to extend at least through September. So in early May I informed my boss that I would be retiring and my last day to work would be August 7. I was planning to work another two or three years before then.

 

I'm now on day four as a retiree and adjusting to a life without a daily schedule.

[+ Lucky]

On Thursday, March 12, I left the office and arrived home. I was scheduled to take the next day off. But after a call at 9:00 that morning letting me know that our team was going to begin work from for the next week to 'test our abilities to all work remotely', I was opening my laptop and working from home to address some of the emerging concerns. Before the next week was over, our entire company was moving to work from home.

 

After about four weeks of the work from home requirement and working every day including weekends between March 9 and Easter, I realized that my frustration levels were rising. While I could get the job done, it was not as efficient and in many situations as effective as I was when the entire team was working form the office. We were all addressing various COVID issues needed for work in addition to many of our regular job functions, working extra hours, and would easily go a week without talking to my boss or any peers in my department whereas I was talking to most of them daily prior to us all being in quarantine. All communication was being completed via instant message or email, staff meetings were canceled and things were being deferred.

 

By mid-April, what we initially thought might be 30 days of working from home was clearly going to extend at least through September. So in early May I informed my boss that I would be retiring and my last day to work would be August 7. I was planning to work another two or three years before then.

 

I'm now on day four as a retiree and adjusting to a life without a daily schedule.

Congratulations on your retirement!

[Rudynate]

My husband and I have grown much closer. We have always enjoyed being around each other, but now its different - a deep comfort and intimacy that wasn't there before. We stay in touch with friends by phone. I have been staying in closer touch with family members than I have before. We exchange long emails and texts. We have an older friend who is in his mid-80s and I'm also his attorney-in-fact. We talk on the phone all the time but I wanted see for myself how he was holding up. We fixed lunch and took it over to his place last week and sat in his back yard, maintaining social distance. It was a very enjoyable afternoon. My business keeps me very busy and I'm prepping for a bodybuilding show in October. My husband paints and is keeping busy with that. He also has a business that he can work at as much or as little as he wants. He works enough to maintain a decent cashflow. We get bored and frustrated and I occasionally get overwhelmed with a feeling that I just can't take much more of it, but it passes. We have been giving ourselves regular mid-week getaways - we spend a couple nights at a nice resort in Sonoma every few weeks. It's a good time to be doing it - that rates are very reasonable. This should be the height of the tourist season in the wine country and there are very few tourists.

 

I allow social media to take up more of my time than I should. I have a lot of bodybuilding buddies that I like to keep up with on IG.

 

We're lucky we have a pretty large house to rattle around in and things are generally pretty comfortable. Now and again, we remind ourselves that we exist in pretty pleasant bubble.

[+ Charlie]

On Thursday, March 12, I left the office and arrived home. I was scheduled to take the next day off. But after a call at 9:00 that morning letting me know that our team was going to begin work from for the next week to 'test our abilities to all work remotely', I was opening my laptop and working from home to address some of the emerging concerns. Before the next week was over, our entire company was moving to work from home.

 

After about four weeks of the work from home requirement and working every day including weekends between March 9 and Easter, I realized that my frustration levels were rising. While I could get the job done, it was not as efficient and in many situations as effective as I was when the entire team was working form the office. We were all addressing various COVID issues needed for work in addition to many of our regular job functions, working extra hours, and would easily go a week without talking to my boss or any peers in my department whereas I was talking to most of them daily prior to us all being in quarantine. All communication was being completed via instant message or email, staff meetings were canceled and things were being deferred.

 

By mid-April, what we initially thought might be 30 days of working from home was clearly going to extend at least through September. So in early May I informed my boss that I would be retiring and my last day to work would be August 7. I was planning to work another two or three years before then.

 

I'm now on day four as a retiree and adjusting to a life without a daily schedule.

Welcome to the retiree caucus at Daddy's!

[+ sam.fitzpatrick]

Welcome to the retiree caucus at Daddy's!

Thanks Charlie. It is wonderful having so many quality mentors in the caucus!

[Mjonis]

Good luck, @Mjonis

 

Well got a script for Zoloft. We’ll see how it goes. Won’t know for 2-4 weeks. Hopefully I can avoid the side effects but I seem to attract the adverse reactions with most drugs. I think as long as I don’t get heart palpitations or nauseous I can deal with the rest

 

husband’s sex drive is already low (gone from once a week to almost every two weeks this last year) while mine has remained the same so I guess if it decreases my sex drive we’ll be on the same page so to speak

[Luv2play]

Since the lockdown in mid-March the only major change in my life has been the new way of communicating and having meetings in the several groups I am involved with as a volunteer. Each of these groups are community organizations and I have executive functions in all of them, which keeps me almost as busy as before the lockdown. I now am familiar with Zoom meetings, but more recently we have been able to meet outdoors mostly but also indoors in spaces where we can physically distance (these latter meetings don’t involve more than 8 or so individuals). And so on the mental side I am keeping active and involved.

On the physical side it was barren for the first two and a half months until May. At that point I decided i needed to get in touch with a trusted escort and had him visit me for the weekend. Making that human contact on an intimate level restored my sense of balance. Since then I have only been doing overnights mostly of two days but spaced at least 3 weeks apart. So far this has been a successful strategy. It helps that infection levels have been on a steady decline in Canada over the last 3 months and things generally are opening up.

What is unknown is how the fall will roll out. Kids are going back to school and colleges and the colder weather means more people will need to be indoors. And the regular flu season will start up again. At this point I just don’t want to think about it too much and just enjoy the great weather we are currently having.

[marylander1940]

A Georgian court prohibits a woman from watching soap operas all day

 

I would have suggested buying another TV instead of suing his own ex wife. Unfortunately they'll be stuck at home together till the pandemic is over and they could sell the house.

[+ Lucky]

The SF Chronicle tells a tale of senior loneliness. It's subscription based, so here are some highlights:

 

The concern is that the measures put in place to protect the generations of adults age 60 and over may be killing some of them, or profoundly disrupting their quality of life.

 

Even as much of San Francisco and the rest of the Bay Area starts to reopen, many seniors still feel trapped and unable to go back to anything like normal life. It may be a year or longer before vaccines are widespread and the pandemic is truly over, which means it’s critical for older adults’ mental and physical health that more efforts be made to help them connect with the world outside their homes, advocates say...

A UCSF study released last week reported older adults suffering from loneliness, depression and anxiety related to the pandemic. Only about a quarter of study participants used video technology to socialize, and less than half socialized on the internet...

A comparison is made between seniors in facilities and those still at home...

Older adults who live in the community often are alone, and in some ways it can be more challenging to find opportunities for them to socialize than it is for those in skilled nursing facilities. Many seniors say all of their previous options for being around others are now gone, whether it’s exercise classes and gardening clubs or gossiping with their hair stylist once a week.

https://www.sfchronicle.com/bayarea/article/Bay-Area-seniors-struggle-with-isolation-15673820.php

[+ Charlie]

The SF Chronicle tells a tale of senior loneliness. It's subscription based, so here are some highlights:

 

The concern is that the measures put in place to protect the generations of adults age 60 and over may be killing some of them, or profoundly disrupting their quality of life.

 

Even as much of San Francisco and the rest of the Bay Area starts to reopen, many seniors still feel trapped and unable to go back to anything like normal life. It may be a year or longer before vaccines are widespread and the pandemic is truly over, which means it’s critical for older adults’ mental and physical health that more efforts be made to help them connect with the world outside their homes, advocates say...

A UCSF study released last week reported older adults suffering from loneliness, depression and anxiety related to the pandemic. Only about a quarter of study participants used video technology to socialize, and less than half socialized on the internet...

A comparison is made between seniors in facilities and those still at home...

Older adults who live in the community often are alone, and in some ways it can be more challenging to find opportunities for them to socialize than it is for those in skilled nursing facilities. Many seniors say all of their previous options for being around others are now gone, whether it’s exercise classes and gardening clubs or gossiping with their hair stylist once a week.

https://www.sfchronicle.com/bayarea/article/Bay-Area-seniors-struggle-with-isolation-15673820.php

When my mother was 89 and going blind, she came to live with my partner and me in a city in which she had no experience nor connections other than us. She joined a church, but she was too old to make new friends there, and I tried taking her to a senior center regularly, but it was too divorced from her daily experience isolated with us. She was safe and comfortable with us, but after a few years, she told us that she wanted to move into an assisted living facility for seniors, so she would have peers to interact with whenever she wished. She moved into one that was connected to the church, and the change in her was noticeable immediately. She had other old people to socialize with all the time, and communal activities which she enjoyed. Her mental and physical health improved for the next few years, until she had to move into the nursing area at 98; that's when the real decline began.