Can Escorts Be Good Therapists?

[+ Hoover42]

Confession time...I'm a 44yo guy living near Washington DC, and I'm a virgin (no sex with others). My problem is that I have major performance anxiety plus a phobia about being touched or seen naked. I've been to therapists off-and-on for the last 20 years but the best they've been able to do is keep me fairly well-adjusted otherwise; the other problem is still there. I've actually started thinking that perhaps an escort might be able to help me. I'd be interested in hearing some feedback from you guys about this. Do you think this is a good idea, or would I be setting myself up for more problems? Thanks.

[Bilbo]

I remember years ago reading an interview with a model in a gay magazine who was a Sex Therapist. He said that there was a real need for them and, unfortunately, a real shortage of them. They weren't exactly the same as an escort. If I remember correctly, they went about their helping you retrain yourself very, very slowly compared to most escorts. I believe that he mentioned one visit where he and the client, fully clothed, would just sit holding hands and talking about the feelings that that brought on. And then another one where the therapist and the client were both nude but not touching each other and would taking turns looking into a mirror and being very honest about what they thought of their own bodies. I went so far as to find a place in California where they trained these people, but they seemed a little vague about the requirements for entering the program, except for the part where you needed a letter or two from psychiatric counsellors you would be working with after you got your credentials. I didn't know any counsellors, or at least didn't know I knew any, and the fees for the course were more than I could afford at the time so I didn't pursue it. Anyone, particularly I suppose from California, know anything more about this program and whether it's still going on? I hope so.

Anyway, I think that, yes, an escort could help you but you would have to be very careful to get the right one.

[Guest red]

Depending upon he particular escort, and your own reasonable expectations, I think a skilled escort might be able to help you---at least as much as the therapists you have already paid. If I were in your position, I would look for a somewhat older (not "old") guy, who has a reputation for being friendly and understanding, as well as a sexual pro. Reed Parker and Jake Walker in San Francisco were particularly good with me when I first started m4m sex. They proceeded at exactly the right pace for me, intutitively (or experientially) understood my needs and limitations, and were great, non-judgmental "teachers." Why not give someone like Reed or Jake a try. You have nothing to lose but a bit of cash.

[Guest MrB]

Or, start with a sensual massage. It seems to me that's a smaller step for you to take...

[Guest Aaron Lawrence]

Escorts can be good sexual partners who are capable of helping a person explore their sexuality and be comfortable with themselves. At the same time, it is important to understand there is no code of ethics that all escorts subscribe to, and there are just as many rotton apples as there are good escorts out there. Escorts also have no professional training in the field of sexual counseling/therapy. If you hire an escort, you may find someone you find highly attractive, but they may be totally unable to assist you with your skill.

 

That being said, you may still find a good one. So as long as you're willing to accept the downsides of being with an escort who may not meet your needs, it certainly doesn't hurt to hire one.

 

What I think may be a better idea for you would be hiring a surrogate partner. In slang terms, that's a sexual surrogate. They are trained sexual partners who work in a threeway relationship with a sex therapist. You'd see the sex therapist once a week to set concrete goals, and the surrogate would help you meet them.

 

If you'd like a bit more information on surrogate partners, you can check out the International Professional Surrogates Association website at http://hometown.aol.com/ipsa1/home.html

 

Oh, as a bit of a side advantage, you'll find that surrogate partners tend to cost less than escorts do.

 

--Aaron

[Will]

Escorts/Therapists

 

This is exactly the kind of question that brings out the very best in the M4M guys. I myself have been the beneficiary of advice along these lines, and am profoundly grateful for it. Therefore, I'm glad to be able to second what Bilbo and the others have said here, and to encourage you to do this. If you feel that you need some extra encouragement, I'd be glad to correspond with you by private e-mail.

 

The world-wide web allows isolated (whether geographically or emotionally) gay men to learn so much that they wouldn't have an opportunity to know otherwise. The biggest boost to my own education as a gay man has come via Male4malescorts. The most important thing I have learned is that "escorting" is not the same as "whoring." The Straight (male/female) model just doesn't work. So you've come to the right place.

 

Finally, I want to tell you, strangers though we are, that I deeply, deeply identify with your situation. I can offer you the assurance from my own experience and hope, however, that pursuing this idea of finding the right escort can bring you a sense of personal power, even entitlement, that no male virgin who has reached the age of 44 can possibly experience in himself now.

 

Know that there is a kindred spirit -- probably dozens of them, maybe even scores -- following this on M4M. Good luck and Godspeed.

[Bilbo]

RE: Escorts/Therapists

 

Just in case there is any question, the sexual surrogate program that Aaron talked about is the one that I was trying to describe.

[Traveller]

RE: Escorts/Therapists

 

Six shots of Cuervo Gold, and E, a couple of lines to take the edge off, a viagra (for the performance anxiety, which I don't understand, but should do the job), then call an escort whose pic rocks your boat. If it turns out he doesn't click with you, keep repeating the process until you're successful.

 

Later.

[Matt_Vancouver]

I think you have nothing to lose by attempting an encounter with an escort, but look for someone that has a lot of great reviews, email them, correspond for a while, be specific in your needs, and in your reservations. There are a lot of great escorts out there, that are willing to take the time and who are compasionate, but there are also a lot of assholes: )

I know I've said myself in the past, this is my calling, I considered going into a psychology program in the past, thinking that was what I wanted to do with my life, well I think I'm fufilling my destiny in this line of work.

Personally I've encountered people with similar problems to yours, as well as other issues revolving around their sexuality and guilt after years of 'brainwashing' by society, or religious institutions.

The right guy will be compasionate, will help you in any way he can, and may be able to recommend the appropriate outside help you might need.

But remember, we are not, for the most part, professionally trained in post secondary institution programs, but schooled through our own experiences, and sometimes that can help in more ways than a professional therapist.

good luck and I hope you can work through this.

Matt

http://go.to/mattsplace

matt_escort@yahoo.com

[Guest Tampa Yankee]

RE: Escorts/Therapists

 

Traveller,

 

This is the second post of yours in recent times where you have referred to 'E'. Please clue me in -- what the hell is 'E'.

 

Signed: Clueless in Cambridge

[Traveller]

Dear Clueless in Camb.,

E = chips or vitamins or tickets or, more commonly, the cover story of Time mag a few weeks ago, ecstasy. Not to be confused with dip, which = cheryl or shine or more commonly, coke. Not to be confused with K, which = breakfast cereal or, more commonly, special K. Not to be confused with tina, which = stem ware or crystal or, more commonly, crystal meth. Chips go well with a little dip. And dip, breakfast cereal and shrooms = trail mix. There will be a quiz this afternoon.

 

Later.

 

PS. Nancy said just say no. I say never say enough.

[+ Hoover42]

Thanks for the encouragement, and for the link to the IPSA web site. That looks promising. Did you notice what the recommended plan is? A two-week, 3-hours-a-day, "intensive" for $5500. Even if I decided to spend the money, I'm not sure I'm ready for that much sex!

[+ Hoover42]

RE: Escorts/Therapists

 

Thanks...I'm checking out that IPSA program that Aaron mentioned. It looks interesting.

[+ Hoover42]

RE: Escorts/Therapists

 

Thanks...I'm checking out that IPSA program that Aaron mentioned. It looks interesting.

[+ Hoover42]

RE: Escorts/Therapists

 

Thanks for the kind words. I would like to talk a little more about this via email if you're interested (hoover42@yahoo.com).

[+ Hoover42]

Thanks to everyone who posted. I apologize for not responding to each of you individually but I appreciate the support and advice. It looks there is a consensus forming that seeing an escort would be a good idea as long as I'm careful about who I pick. My biggest concern at this point is not really that I'll pick someone inappropriate but that I'll simply chicken-out at the last minute.

[Guest red]

Why don't you tell us where you live, or identify the cities to which you will be travelling, so we can help you find the right guy for your "maiden voyage?" If you ever get anywhere near Vancouver BC, Matt has the perfect combination of attitude and skills for a guy just learning the ropes.

[Guest Tampa Yankee]

RE: Clueless...

 

Traveller,

 

Once again I am in your debt.

 

I knew the answer would be obvious once it was pointed out to me -- good thing I wear embarrassment well, you know-- sheltered life and all that :-(. I'm still learning to look both ways crossing the street, but getting out is exciting! :-)

 

From your extensive knowledge of party foods and stemware, it's obvious (even to me) your quite a party guy :-) and that you party long and hard (no pun...) :7 since you also plan for breakfast.

 

Thanks again...

 

Clueless...

[Guest Spirit NYC]

You should check out the various programs and intensives offered by The Body Electric School. They are a great organization, loaded with integrity; and their programs are very reasonably priced. See http://www.bodyelectric.org. Good luck!

[Guest Spirit NYC]

See my message below regarding Body Electric.

[Bilbo]

One possible problem with Matt doing this - He's gorgeous. As I think Aaron at least semi-pointed out (Sorry if I'm misquoting you without rereading it.), you maybe need to start out with someone less intimidating. And some people find that beauty can be intimidating, no matter what the mind inside it is like. So perhaps an older, though not necessarily old, escort, since he would remind you more of yourself, might be good for the first visit or two. In which case, if you're a Texan, because of your unique circumstances, you might be able to talk me out of retirement. I turn 50 next January and am a bit of a bear.

[Guest Aaron Lawrence]

I think the recommended plan is suited only for certain people with certain types of issues. For example,if a person if living out in the middle of rural nowhere or something. They're not going to find someone there, so they may want to travel to the big city to have their problem addressed. It's just one option. I think most people do weekely, biweekly, or every other weekly sessions.

 

--Aaron

[+ Hoover42]

OK, thanks. I live just north of Washington DC in Rockville, MD ( any escorts in Rockville? ) so either DC or Baltimore would probably be good. I don't travel very much (though I did just spend a week in Orlando, FL).