Might be time to stop...

[Todd Jenkins]

It may be time to stop the escort hobby..

 

Every time I finish with a visit or a weekend - like a trip I took with an escort this weekend – i feel empty. It just makes me feel like 'I am only good enough, worthy enough, because I am paying...not even worth affection without it being bought."

 

Just makes me feel EMPTY and it depresses me...

 

Anyone else?

[myophile]

It IS possible to find an escort you truly connect with, but don’t expect it to “just happen,” and don’t expect it to be any easier to maintain than a friendship, or a lasting love relationship, or even a solid professional relationship. Be prepared to sample a LOT of candidates (what fun, eh?) and try not to let your expectations get too far ahead of reality—enjoy these hot, beautiful guys for who and what they are, “in the moment”!

[xyz48B]

It may be time to stop the escort hobby..

 

Every time I finish with a visit or a weekend - like a trip I took with an escort this weekend – i feel empty. It just makes me feel like 'I am only good enough, worthy enough, because I am paying...not even worth affection without it being bought."

 

Just makes me feel EMPTY and it depresses me...

 

Anyone else?

I’m sorry you feel that way. I do echo what @myophile says, though. It might take some time, but once you find a good one, it’ll be good!

[marylander1940]

It may be time to stop the escort hobby..

 

Every time I finish with a visit or a weekend - like a trip I took with an escort this weekend – i feel empty. It just makes me feel like 'I am only good enough, worthy enough, because I am paying...not even worth affection without it being bought."

 

Just makes me feel EMPTY and it depresses me...

 

Anyone else?

 

If you hire for weekends you're what's called a big spender.

 

Have you thought about hiring twice a week for an hour instead just to keep yourself horny, active, smiling, etc. Maybe the contrast between having company for a weekend and going back home is bad for you.

 

yes, you and us are paying it's a service

[+ DrownedBoy]

Have you considered pursuing a relationship with someone in your own age group who's not necessarily attractive? You can use that for mental and emotional support, while still hiring on the side.

[scrtlovr]

It's all a state of mind and depends on your expectations. It is a lot to expect from something that starts as a transaction to change into something authentically romantic, passionate and/or emotional. It's basically changing the rules of engagement. Doesn't mean it can never happen but let's just say the odds are against it. Just an opinion.

[down_to_business]

It may be time to stop the escort hobby..

 

Every time I finish with a visit or a weekend - like a trip I took with an escort this weekend – i feel empty. It just makes me feel like 'I am only good enough, worthy enough, because I am paying...not even worth affection without it being bought."

 

Just makes me feel EMPTY and it depresses me...

 

Anyone else?

 

I often felt like that after hiring. It was a high followed by an even more intense low. This was the norm until I met the person who would become my first regular. I saw him for many years. Overnights, weekends, even longer. I would probably still be seeing him today if circumstances wouldn't have made that impossible. But the important thing in this, was that I finally met someone who didn't make me feel bad about myself afterwards, and that made all the difference.

After, I still saw escorts.. but less frequently. Again those bad feelings about myself afterwards returned. Just when I was about to give up, I met the escort that would become my second regular. We have progressed from an hour to overnight to full weekends. Once again I never feel bad about myself after seeing him.

 

Here are few important things to keep in mind though.

Do not allow seeing escorts to replace your real life experiences of making real friends and dating. To do so will definitely reinforce those negative feelings and self-worth doubts because you will not experience friendship and affection without paying for it. Unfortunately, it's way too easy to fall into this trap.

 

While escorts and clients can develop deep relationships of some sort, always remember that its almost always transactional based. You can be friendly, your companion may actually enjoy your company... but It's a job for your companion. When the $ stops so does the "friendship & affection".

*There are a VERY few exceptions to this (but it's so extremely rare) and should never be expected.

 

You don't pay people to be your real friends.

 

Most importantly, if the net effect on you is negative, definitely stop seeing escorts.

[+ keroscenefire]

I wonder if it be worth looking at therapy. I once lived in Washington DC and had a real hard time making friends and dating in that town. It felt a lot of people were more into networking than making friendships or relationships based on mutual interests. It was the loneliest time in my life and do believe I feel into somewhat of a depression.

 

Even once I left DC, I had a dark mood for a while, but going to therapy really helped. Cognitive behavioral therapy in particular. I had a good therapist that worked with me to understand negative thought patterns and develop more positive thinking. It helped me develop better relationships as well. With escorts, I know that it's obviously a transactional relationship but they can be healthy, positive ones.

 

Something to consider anyway.

[marylander1940]

Have you considered pursuing a relationship with someone in your own age group who's not necessarily attractive? You can use that for mental and emotional support, while still hiring on the side.

 

I'm sure he has but we also have young men hiring and contributing to this forum.

 

We also don't know @Todd Jenkins age.

[+ azdr0710]

Have fun with it and try not to take it too seriously. Make it a little fantasy thing, then move on to other errands, hobbies, pursuits. Whole weekends may be too long and involved. Limit it to three hours max???

[myophile]

For what it’s worth, I find it easier, and less emotionally risky, to treat every new escort experience as if it were a physical therapy appointment with a new PT, or a workout with a new trainer. Then it becomes an exercise of his pleasure-giving skills, and of my capacity to respond, and give pleasure back. I don’t pay my PT or my trainer to be my friends — but if they’re doing their job, and I’m doing mine, then there’s a chance that friendship can grow out of mutual respect, even if the relationship remains an essentially commercial one.

[Luv2play]

A lot of good advice here. In the last two years I have gravitated to overnights and weekends. My weeks tend to be chock-a-block full of activities and daytime and early evening business, all in the volunteer sector. I have been retired for eons but enjoy keeping involved with my community. But the weekends can be quiet. A date with an escort for an overnight or the entire weekend is something I always set up several weeks in advance, sometimes with repeats and sometimes with new ones to keep things interesting. It is something to look forward to, something to relish for the moment, and something to reflect on with a certain glow if all has gone well, which it usually does. Your lifestyle may be different so my experience may not apply in your case. However I can still remember the first weekend I did over thirty-five years ago. Looking back it was only so-so. But I learned from that experience. Up until then he had only been a one or two hour engagement and was a hot experience each time, probably a dozen such dates. The weekend didn’t translate into the same experience multiplied by 24. LOL

[Milo Farnsworth]

I feel that way sometimes. But, I'm learning to treat it exactly what it is. Nothing more, nothing less. I used to try and make it something it wasn't.

[Gymowner]

It may be time to stop the escort hobby..

 

Every time I finish with a visit or a weekend - like a trip I took with an escort this weekend – i feel empty. It just makes me feel like 'I am only good enough, worthy enough, because I am paying...not even worth affection without it being bought."

 

Just makes me feel EMPTY and it depresses me...

 

Anyone else?

your expectations are off base. so many on here want to find "love" and "affection" from a guy they are paying. THEN when their toenails dont curl up with ecstasy within the session and afterwards, the client complains they arent "fulfilled". its like trying to force a square peg into a round hole. doesnt fit. im scratching my head all the time wondering if gay men mature the way they fully need to in life. i mean.. there is nothing wrong with desiring love and affection but just consider the source. have a good time..even a great time.. absolutely. but when the door opens and the escort leaves the building, the clients "reality" of their life better come back to its focus very quickly.

 

it sounds like if you work on the other aspects of your life and get more gratification there, you will have a much better time with your escorts and coming back to reality afterwards.

[Lchnsf]

I have some great friends, younger and attractive but not gay. I have no interest in them sexually. That being said I am sure they would be a great companion on a trip that I would be taking anyway. I would likely ask they pay their flight but I would take care of meals and local accommodation. The companionship means so much more than the sex.

 

Whenever I have paid for sex, and I do fairly often. I get that empty feeling. I also dated an escort for a while and whenever we had sex it felt, well, so professional! He made me feel like a million bucks but after he left I was like, “ what just happened?”

 

Go for the companionship over sex!!!

[thickornotatall]

I research first...I take long trips to Europe and like to see the same person more than once. I email..then call...I've met some very nice men and can say I would see them again...Also I'm very specific about what I need...I always ask if that would interest that person..If not I'll move on...Usually a nice dinner...a walk...and then.....the dessert...

[+ Pensant]

Generally, I’m quite satisfied with my providers; but, that said, I’m generally pleased when they depart. I agree that two hour sessions are a great way to get to know someone. All of my weekends have been tons of fun, although I‘m not one who expects my companion to have non-stop sex.

[xyz48B]

I‘m not one who expects my companion to have non-stop sex.

I actually don’t want that. For me, the BFE is the crème de la crème. You get all the good stuff of a relationship in a weekend and he goes on his merry way afterwards.

[HoseMaster]

It may be time to stop the escort hobby..

 

Every time I finish with a visit or a weekend - like a trip I took with an escort this weekend – i feel empty. It just makes me feel like 'I am only good enough, worthy enough, because I am paying...not even worth affection without it being bought."

 

Just makes me feel EMPTY and it depresses me...

 

Anyone else?

 

I know the EXACT same feeling. I remember first stumbling across an escort over 15 years ago named “BC Josh” out of British Colombia with what I think was his own website. Gorgeous smooth, blonde, muscle guy with partial face pics with good reviews on here (I think), and driving a convertible car in some pics. I wanted to meet him, but couldn’t muster up the courage to pull the plug and go see him or bring him down. By the time I did muster the courage, his ad was gone, and phone disconnected. I was so bummed.

 

A year or two later, I tried my first hourly with a smooth muscular Mediterranean guy named Vince I think at his apartment off Artesia Blvd and the 405. I was hooked. Maybe it was like a drug in some form.

 

Over the months and years that followed, I would do more hourlies, progress to overnights, then weekends, and even a few vacations if the price was right. I’m sure I started to have feelings for a few of the regulars, as it only seems natural. Then your body starts confusing the sexual feelings and pleasure it receives with your brain trying to sort it out and telling you “this is not love...this guy would never be with you if money were not involved.” I even developed a few sleeping disorders because of the body and brain trying to balance these things out. Once I did, the sleeping disorder went away.

 

As I get older, my sexual desires have gone down. I still hire from time to time, but not as much as I once did. I have a narrow window of what I like sexually: naturally smooth, muscular, and younger than me. Sometimes people pass through town, and I might hire them for an hour to try them out. Sometimes I hire them for an overnight or weekend if I fly them them in. Most work out just fine, and sometimes I repeat if we click, and the price is right. If I do two nights (a weekend), we click, the price is $2,000 or below, I may have them out again. However, if the overnight is over $1,500, and no multi-night rate for a weekend, that will probably be the only time I see them. If we don’t click, if they’re on their phones a lot, disconnected from what they’re doing, only think about themselves, I also probably won’t repeat.

 

Over the last few years, I’ve felt the emptiness and depression you feel when some have left. I assume it’s the high of having them here, and then the emptiness when they go away. Some I feel, “I just spent THAT much for that time?” when they leave, so that can add to the depression. Like I said before, it probably adds to the feeling of not being able to get someone that looks like the way they do without money involvement. I’m sure I could find someone closer to my age being a fire captain and all, but when I’ve been on dating sites, nothing sexually appealing stands out, and I think that’s an important part of a relationship too.

 

I’ve been on a few vacations to Greece, England, Spain, Ibiza, etc with some close girlfriends. I pay their way—and we don’t have sex of course—but the companionship makes the trip that much better.

 

Anyways, I know your feelings. It’s gotten better over the years, but I’ve found different ways to cope with loneliness, emptiness, and the depression that’s sometimes felt. You’re not alone in your feelings.

[MidwestCoastal]

I have a regular weekend buddy who I see about one weekend per month. Not sure we will be able to continue this cadence in the new COVID world because he is in NYC and I have an apartment in Philly that I will be vacating in early September.

 

My 'relationship' with him is more akin to Friends w/ Benefits - we enjoy watching movies/binge series together, playing video games, ordering great food in, getting stoned together, and just really good sexual chemistry. He's not very affectionate, we don't cuddle.... we've both had some rough patches in life for the last 4 years we have been seeing each other and we are good listeners for one another.

 

I started seeing another guy who was more like a BFE....affection, cuddling, great sex.....who I started seeing more and more.... and suddenly it was.... buy me a new phone, buy me a new computer, buy me new clothes..... Long term BFE providers may expect something more akin to being 'kept situation' and sometimes as much as I do wish I could afford that, I can't. I had a serious crush on the guy and he just was fucking me and acting like my BF for the money.... and mentally, I just couldn't handle it. I would not entertain another 'weekender' at this point and will make any other provider 'all about the sex' and position it to them as such.

 

Per everyone else's thoughts - I share in the belief, you need to mentally frame any 'on-going relationship' with a provider with some boundaries in your own head ideally so that you won't end up down or depressed. For me, I get a little sad because what I want is more 'good sex' and the companionship. If I can't find the companionship from a lover/partner, then I will get that from friends and keep my 'chemistry FwB guy' for the sexual needs. I don't want to give up what great sex I am having!

 

I'm currently quarantining in the VERY rural south with family..... there are ZERO provider prospects here..... heading back to Philly in August and already have a 4 day/3 night weekend planned with the FwB guy!

 

Hang in there and feel free to reach out if you want to chat with someone about how you are feeling.

[Danny-Darko]

I know the EXACT same feeling. I remember first stumbling across an escort over 15 years ago named “BC Josh” out of British Colombia with what I think was his own website. Gorgeous smooth, blonde, muscle guy with partial face pics with good reviews on here (I think), and driving a convertible car in some pics. I wanted to meet him, but couldn’t muster up the courage to pull the plug and go see him or bring him down. By the time I did muster the courage, his ad was gone, and phone disconnected. I was so bummed.

 

A year or two later, I tried my first hourly with a smooth muscular Mediterranean guy named Vince I think at his apartment off Artesia Blvd and the 405. I was hooked. Maybe it was like a drug in some form.

 

Over the months and years that followed, I would do more hourlies, progress to overnights, then weekends, and even a few vacations if the price was right. I’m sure I started to have feelings for a few of the regulars, as it only seems natural. Then your body starts confusing the sexual feelings and pleasure it receives with your brain trying to sort it out and telling you “this is not love...this guy would never be with you if money were not involved.” I even developed a few sleeping disorders because of the body and brain trying to balance these things out. Once I did, the sleeping disorder went away.

 

As I get older, my sexual desires have gone down. I still hire from time to time, but not as much as I once did. I have a narrow window of what I like sexually: naturally smooth, muscular, and younger than me. Sometimes people pass through town, and I might hire them for an hour to try them out. Sometimes I hire them for an overnight or weekend if I fly them them in. Most work out just fine, and sometimes I repeat if we click, and the price is right. If I do two nights (a weekend), we click, the price is $2,000 or below, I may have them out again. However, if the overnight is over $1,500, and no multi-night rate for a weekend, that will probably be the only time I see them. If we don’t click, if they’re on their phones a lot, disconnected from what they’re doing, only think about themselves, I also probably won’t repeat.

 

Over the last few years, I’ve felt the emptiness and depression you feel when some have left. I assume it’s the high of having them here, and then the emptiness when they go away. Some I feel, “I just spent THAT much for that time?” when they leave, so that can add to the depression. Like I said before, it probably adds to the feeling of not being able to get someone that looks like the way they do without money involvement. I’m sure I could find someone closer to my age being a fire captain and all, but when I’ve been on dating sites, nothing sexually appealing stands out, and I think that’s an important part of a relationship too.

 

I’ve been on a few vacations to Greece, England, Spain, Ibiza, etc with some close girlfriends. I pay their way—and we don’t have sex of course—but the companionship makes the trip that much better.

 

Anyways, I know your feelings. It’s gotten better over the years, but I’ve found different ways to cope with loneliness, emptiness, and the depression that’s sometimes felt. You’re not alone in your feelings.

 

Interesting because I also hired BCJosh just right before he stopped escorting and was moving on career wise. Every now and then I come across somebody in some country using a signature ass pic of his he used to use in all is ads. He certainly would have become addictive and I was only and ATM to these hot Canadian guys. I chose not to hire him again though he did make it clear he would for awhile continue see a few select clients after he stopped advertising in the gay rags (Pre-Internet for many of us).

As I've gotten older my libido had gone down and my self esteem since I seem to only get the guys I like if they are willing to be paid. The ones that do like me are not my type at all and still only want sex from me and not a relationship. I don't hire often anymore and mostly when I travel.

[orville]

It may be time to stop the escort hobby.

You sound like you should make, at least, a pause. Or reduce all encounters exclusively to 1h.

Every time I finish with a visit or a weekend - like a trip I took with an escort this weekend – i feel empty.

Not surprising if oxytocin has been constantly pumped into your brain over the weekend. You're "coming down" from it.

It just makes me feel like 'I am only good enough, worthy enough, because I am paying...not even worth affection without it being bought."

Just makes me feel EMPTY and it depresses me...

See a specialist to discard any brain chemistry unbalance, and if not, seek a cognitive-behavioral approach. It works wonders!

Once you realize ALL RELATIONSHIPS imply some sort of transaction (with providers is just more explicit) you'll start feeling better.

Anyone else? We all have felt like this

Remember, money can't buy happiness. It's WITHIN YOU!

Even fame, good looks, and children are not a guarantee.

Shake off the drama, raise up your head, and move forward.

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Edited August 4, 2020 by orville

[Jakethetenth]

I know the feeling. I started hiring after a big break up. It was a nice little period of me "living it up". I even found a regular who was my age that I got along with and we should chat about random stuff with over text quite frequently. But once I was wrapping up my "healing" phase by coming to terms with the factors of my break up and letting go of the hurt I was feeling, then my interest took a nose dive. Like, it was literally one day I met up with my regular, then the next I had zero interest. It's been that way for many months now. I still look and contemplate, but I never actually pull the trigger or go for it anymore.

 

Now I just look at hiring as a special occasion, mainly if someone interesting is traveling to my city or if I am traveling some place else. I may hire when international travel starts, but that is about it. Overall, I'm happy with the break I took and I've been able to focus more on being comfortable with just me. This quarantine helped force that as well.

[+ Snbrd]

Have you considered pursuing a relationship with someone in your own age group who's not necessarily attractive? You can use that for mental and emotional support, while still hiring on the side.

Listen to DrownedBoy. I have been discreet since my long term partner began having health issues. I have a few FB's and FWB's including couples. None look like guys in videos or RM ads. Occasionally, I treat myself to a hire. I think a little balance will take away that high/low experience.

[cany10011]

I know the feeling. I started hiring after a big break up. It was a nice little period of me "living it up". I even found a regular who was my age that I got along with and we should chat about random stuff with over text quite frequently. But once I was wrapping up my "healing" phase by coming to terms with the factors of my break up and letting go of the hurt I was feeling, then my interest took a nose dive. Like, it was literally one day I met up with my regular, then the next I had zero interest. It's been that way for many months now. I still look and contemplate, but I never actually pull the trigger or go for it anymore.

 

Now I just look at hiring as a special occasion, mainly if someone interesting is traveling to my city or if I am traveling some place else. I may hire when international travel starts, but that is about it. Overall, I'm happy with the break I took and I've been able to focus more on being comfortable with just me. This quarantine helped force that as well.

 

 

I feel the same. I used to hire 2-3 times weekly. The quarantine has made me realize that as well as explore other creative venues to pass the time.