Happy Birthday ...Mom

[+ purplekow]

My mother died about 17 years ago but had she lived, my family would be celebrating her 100th birthday today. During my childhood and through my early teen years, my mother's birthday and the coincident Fourth of July would be a major family occasion, outstripped only by Christmas and possibly Thanksgiving, My mother and father bought a house in the suburbs of NYC, actually in NYC, just in suburban NYC and July Fourth was the day that the house was at its most utile. My father was a man of the times which means I never saw him, wash a dish, clear a table, do laundry, or cook. Except for the Fourth of July. Of course cooking was grilling, as grilling was the only way a man could cook in the fifties and early sixties. So on Independence Day, my immediate family and all of my mother's siblings and their children and assorted others would arrive en mass for barbecue, outdoor fun and family celebration. We had an overground pool, round and about 8 feet in diameter and 4 feet tall. We had an above sized average back yard, well above average for NYC. The house had been built with the back facing abandoned railroad tracks. Across the tracks, identical houses were build facing in the other direction. The tracks were about 10 feet below the grade on which the houses were built and there was about 10 yards of property between the back borders of the houses. There houses were build in a row of 54 houses and basically the "gully" between separated out the neighborhood. When the railroad decided to sell the property, they offered the land to the home owners. In reality, there would not have been another buyer for the land which was surrounded by back yards, with no entry and which was 1/2 mile long and 10 yards wide. So most of the home owners on both side bought half the property, eventually filled it in and extended the back yard. So, my house had the expansive by NYC standards back yard and a pool and about 50 relatives and friends each fourth of July. The youngsters would get in the pool. The adult men would stand around and drink beer and talk and smoke cigarettes and tell bad jokes and the adult women would gather in the kitchen and laugh and exchange the family news of the day.

All the while my father would get the grill started and throw on some burgers franks, perhaps some Italian sausages and then ribs and corn. My mother of course, would have prepared other food and at least one pasta dish. Of course pasta was not called pasta back then, unless you were speaking Italian, Eventually, we would all stand outside and eat off of paper plates with the juice of the burgers sapping whatever small degree of integrity the dish had. And invariably, soon after most of us had finished eating, one of the men would splash one of the women with the water from the pool. There would be a screech and a retaliation. Soon, fifty people were running around with cups and pots full of pool water and the garden hose would be uncoiled as a major weapon. Again, like Old Faithful, one of the women or perhaps one of the smaller, younger men would be tossed in the pool. Others would follow either voluntarily or involuntarily until only one hold out was dry on the sidelines. Attempts would be made to cajole that person into surrendering voluntarily to the fate that was sure to befall them. There was the perfunctory refusal and then the mass attack of wet Italo Americans bearing down on the outlier and the eventual fall to the ground, the gathering of the limbs and torso and the triumphant splash. There was always laughter and howling and people out of breath. There were threats of revenge and covert alliances between relatives who under other circumstances barely spoke to one another. Every towel In the house would be used and as the sun headed down, most would get back into the house, shivering but mostly dry. Cake was served with coffee and then about eight hours after it began the family would begin to leave. This being an Italian family, everyone had to kiss everyone else. There was no hiding from the aunt who was a sloppy kisser, the uncle with the rough beard or the stray relative who liked garlic just a little too much.

Many of the people who attended those parties are now celebrating wherever it is that those who pass from this realm party. Each of those of us who remain here probably have some special memories of these parties.

In celebration of my mother's 100th birthday, I grilled some burgers in the back yard. I turned on the garden hose and sprayed myself. I have to say, that it was an accident that it happened but it did feel totally planned by someone somewhere not here. I enjoyed the sun. I took a dip in my bathtub. (I do not have a pool above ground or otherwise). If I had planned the celebration, /I would have bought a kiddie pool. I ran around the backyard with my dogs. All in all, I had a quarantine party that will be a memory. It will not be as sweet as those parties when I was young, but under the circumstances, I was glad I was able to get out and enjoy the day.

Edited July 4, 2020 by purplekow

[wsc]

My condolences on the long ago loss of your mother. I lost my mother 29 years ago; she left far too early. As I'm sure you know, although the pain of loss subsides, it lies always just below the surface, ready and able to still bring forth a tear or two if given the right prompting. I was touched by your reminisce and it coaxed out a tear for both your loss and for mine, but also a smile for an unexpected occasion to remember. Thank you and be well.

[Redwine56]

My mother died about 17 years ago but had she lived, my family would be celebrating her 100th birthday today. During my childhood and through my early teen years, my mother's birthday and the coincident Fourth of July would be a major family occasion, outstripped only by Christmas and possibly Thanksgiving, My mother and father bought a house in the suburbs of NYC, actually in NYC, just in suburban NYC and July Fourth was the day that the house was at its most utile. My father was a man of the times which means I never saw him, wash a dish, clear a table, do laundry, or cook. Except for the Fourth of July. Of course cooking was grilling, as grilling was the only way a man could cook in the fifties and early sixties. So on Independence Day, my immediate family and all of my mother's siblings and their children and assorted others would arrive en mass for barbecue, outdoor fun and family celebration. We had an overground pool, round and about 8 feet in diameter and 4 feet tall. We had an above sized average back yard, well above average for NYC. The house had been built with the back facing abandoned railroad tracks. Across the tracks, identical houses were build facing in the other direction. The tracks were about 10 feet below the grade on which the houses were built and there was about 10 yards of property between the back borders of the houses. There houses were build in a row of 54 houses and basically the "gully" between separated out the neighborhood. When the railroad decided to sell the property, they offered the land to the home owners. In reality, there would not have been another buyer for the land which was surrounded by back yards, with no entry and which was 1/2 mile long and 10 yards wide. So most of the home owners on both side bought half the property, eventually filled it in and extended the back yard. So, my house had the expansive by NYC standards back yard and a pool and about 50 relatives and friends each fourth of July. The youngsters would get in the pool. The adult men would stand around and drink beer and talk and smoke cigarettes and tell bad jokes and the adult women would gather in the kitchen and laugh and exchange the family news of the day.

All the while my father would get the grill started and throw on some burgers franks, perhaps some Italian sausages and then ribs and corn. My mother of course, would have prepared other food and at least one pasta dish. Of course pasta was not called pasta back then, unless you were speaking Italian, Eventually, we would all stand outside and eat off of paper plates with the juice of the burgers sapping whatever small degree of integrity the dish had. And invariably, soon after most of us had finished eating, one of the men would splash one of the women with the water from the pool. There would be a screech and a retaliation. Soon, fifty people were running around with cups and pots full of pool water and the garden hose would be uncoiled as a major weapon. Again, like Old Faithful, one of the women or perhaps one of the smaller, younger men would be tossed in the pool. Others would follow either voluntarily or involuntarily until only one hold out was dry on the sidelines. Attempts would be made to cajole that person into surrendering voluntarily to the fate that was sure to befall them. There was the perfunctory refusal and then the mass attack of wet Italo Americans bearing down on the outlier and the eventual fall to the ground, the gathering of the limbs and torso and the triumphant splash. There was always laughter and howling and people out of breath. There were threats of revenge and covert alliances between relatives who under other circumstances barely spoke to one another. Every towel In the house would be used and as the sun headed down, most would get back into the house, shivering but mostly dry. Cake was served with coffee and then about eight hours after it began the family would begin to leave. This being an Italian family, everyone had to kiss everyone else. There was no hiding from the aunt who was a sloppy kisser, the uncle with the rough beard or the stray relative who liked garlic just a little too much.

Many of the people who attended those parties are now celebrating wherever it is that those who pass from this realm party. Each of those of us who remain here probably have some special memories of these parties.

In celebration of my mother's 100th birthday, I grilled some burgers in the back yard. I turned on the garden hose and sprayed myself. I have to say, that it was an accident that it happened but it did feel totally planned by someone somewhere not here. I enjoyed the sun. I took a dip in my bathtub. (I do not have a pool above ground or otherwise). If I had planned the celebration, /I would have bought a kiddie pool. I ran around the backyard with my dogs. All in all, I had a quarantine party that will be a memory. It will not be as sweet as those parties when I was young, but under the circumstances, I was glad I was able to get out and enjoy the day.

What a remarkable tribute reminiscent of your special Mom on what would have been her 100th Burthday! I can relate to some of your family traditions although there was no pool to get that rowdy. I just lost my Mom during the midst of the pandemic in April. We were very close. It still pains me to know that I was forced to abandon Mom in her last weeks here on earth because of no visitation allowed. I will never forget this. Thank you for sharing your story with us purplekow.

[+ Reisr30]

What a remarkable tribute reminiscent of your special Mom on what would have been her 100th Burthday! I can relate to some of your family traditions although there was no pool to get that rowdy. I just lost my Mom during the midst of the pandemic in April. We were very close. It still pains me to know that I was forced to abandon Mom in her last weeks here on earth because of no visitation allowed. I will never forget this. Thank you for sharing your story with us purplekow.

Very sorry for your loss and for the fact you couldn’t visit her at the end through no fault of your own.

[Redwine56]

Very sorry for your loss and for the fact you couldn’t visit her at the end through no fault of your own.

Thanks so much Reiser30. That's exactly what my friends tell me knowing how dedicated I was to Mom.

[+ purplekow]

What a remarkable tribute reminiscent of your special Mom on what would have been her 100th Burthday! I can relate to some of your family traditions although there was no pool to get that rowdy. I just lost my Mom during the midst of the pandemic in April. We were very close. It still pains me to know that I was forced to abandon Mom in her last weeks here on earth because of no visitation allowed. I will never forget this. Thank you for sharing your story with us purplekow.

While you could not be there, I hope you know, and I speak from the experience of a person who was there for someone's Mom as she passed from CpVid, that there was someone there, feeding her, talking with her and making her passing just a bit easier. My first patient to pass from CoVid was a 85 year old woman and during her last three days, I went in a lunchtime to feed her and speak to her. Though she ate, she did not speak but I could sense that she heard me. I tried to be as comforting as I could be under the circumstances. I wasn't family, but I was there so she wasn't alone. I hope that your mother had a similar gentle passing.

[+ AntonGraza]

Thank you for sharing your special memories about your mom and family with us. My Polish family had a similar 4th of July gathering by a lake in Michigan where they all had summer cabins. In the auto industry, the first week of July was plant shut down so everyone headed north to their cabins, all part of the working man’s American dream. My Mom’s B-day is the 8th, so we always combined the two celebrations, such good memories.

Due to the economic crash in 1987 my generation had to leave MI to find work and never moved back.

One of these years I have to light a sparkler and see how many times I can run around the outside of the house before it goes out, a tradition with my sibs.

Wishing your Mom a happy Birthday; the ones we remember in our hearts are never really gone.

[+ Oliver]

... Of course cooking was grilling, as grilling was the only way a man could cook in the fifties and early sixties ...

My son-in-law contends that for men to cook there has to be an element of danger involved - thus, grilling. Thanks, PK, for the wonderful memory!

[+ Charlie]

I have had several centenarians in my family, including my mother, and the truth is that 100th birthday parties are often somewhat depressing affairs. It is better to have memories like yours of those earlier ones that were actually fun for all the participants.

[+ purplekow]

I have had several centenarians in my family, including my mother, and the truth is that 100th birthday parties are often somewhat depressing affairs. It is better to have memories like yours of those earlier ones that were actually fun for all the participants.

. As I worked in a PACE program which is an all inclusive health care for the elderly. I was part of several 100 b day parties. Even when the celebrant is aware, you are correct in that the party is melancholy at best.

[+ purplekow]

I have had several centenarians in my family, including my mother, and the truth is that 100th birthday parties are often somewhat depressing affairs. It is better to have memories like yours of those earlier ones that were actually fun for all the participants.

. As I worked in a PACE program which is an all inclusive health care for the elderly. I was part of several 100 b day parties. Even when the celebrant is aware, you are correct in that the party is melancholy at best.